Sinful: A Dark Asylum Bully Romance (The Boys of Chapel Crest Book 5)

“Sin! Hey! Wait up!” Ashes jogged through the falling snow toward me, his breath coming out in white puffs.

I paused, turning to wait for him to catch up to me.

“What?” I muttered when he was at my side.

“Hey, man. You know how Church is—”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s fine,” I cut him off, my words soft. “I get it. I’m not such an idiot that I fail to remember how badly I fucked up. I know what I did. I know why I did it. I regret it, but regrets don’t fix problems, do they?”

“Maybe they could. You’re obviously trying.”

I scoffed. “Asher, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” I started walking again, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop.

“It’s not fine,” he said, his gaze raking over me, sadness in his eyes. “I’m not against you coming home.”

My throat tightened at his words.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but that doesn’t fix anything.”

“Church just needs time,” he continued. “I think in time he’ll come around.”

“What about you? Huh? What do you need? Because I know you, Asher. You’re not ready for me to come back, either. You can say you are all you want as a way to try to soothe the wounds I’ve been licking but cut the shit. Be honest with me.”

He sighed and was quiet for a few moments before speaking. “I’m scared. OK? You can be unpredictable. Given what happened, yeah, it’s hard to trust you. I mean, the what-ifs are there, man. They’re there. I won’t lie about them. Stitches tried to kill himself, and then that shit in the facility happened to him. I barely kept my shit together. Church was a mess. He fucking heeled for them, Sinclair. It had to be bad to get him to heel. You know that. Then her. All she went through just because you couldn’t just let love in. So yeah. I’m fucking terrified you’ll get pissed off and lose it again and make shit decisions. I don’t want to have these feelings, but fuck, man. I do. OK? I fucking do.”

I nodded, absorbing his words like a punch to the gut.

“I understand,” I whispered. “It’s why I vowed to stay away from her. I want to keep her safe. Call it my penance. I meant what I said about that. The only way I can prove it is to simply do it. I’ll do it over and over again if that’s what it takes. If I never get to come home, so be it, but at least I can say I tried.”

We stared at one another for a moment.

“I’m going to go home. I’m tired,” I finally said. “You have my number if you need me. I’ll come if you call.”

“Come back to the house. I made some food—”

“I appreciate it, but I’d rather be alone.”

“Sinclair, come on.”

“I’m not trying to get your pity. I really do want to be alone right now. You have enough to deal with having Asylum there. Worry about your plans and getting Church home. I’ll be around.” I didn’t wait for him to ask me again because I knew he would. Instead, I continued down the trail, letting the snow fall around me.

I leaned against the shower tiles, my eyes closed and the knife firmly in my hand. I didn’t press the blade in as hard as I could. I ran small, shallow cuts along my abdomen, relishing the burning ache it brought. The ache that dulled the other one in my heart.

I hated feeling so fucking pitiful, but that’s what I was.

Pitiful.

Watching Sirena with the guys tonight only made me realize how alone I was now. How sad I was. How pathetic.

The knife slipped from my hand, clattering at my feet. I was done. I was too tired to keep hurting myself, at least for the night. Tomorrow was a new day.

I finished my shower and got out. After dressing, I went and lay in bed and thumbed through the photos on my phone. All of us guys. There were random, stupid photos, like Stitches catching a fish. Then him chasing Ashes with it. Ashes setting a garbage can on fire in the men’s room. Church giving the camera the finger, a joint hanging from his lips.

I paused over a picture I’d taken when Sirena first arrived here.

It was a picture of the guys just standing around and talking. It was a casual photo I’d taken. At the time, I hadn’t noticed Sirena in the background, but there she was.

I zoomed in and screen-capped the photo.

She looked so innocent and pure. So scared.

I swallowed hard while staring at the image before I traced my fingers lightly over her face. While blurry, it was the only photo of her I had.

Closing my eyes, I envisioned the way her lips parted when she was on the verge of communicating. How big and colorful her eyes were. The way her long black hair whipped around her in the breeze. The way she chewed her bottom lip when she was thinking or nervous.

The way she smelled like something I could devour.

I stroked my cock beneath my blankets, yearning to hold her. Kiss her. Get her to forgive me.

What a homecoming it would be.

But one I knew I could never have.

It didn’t matter what anyone said. Church was always the one who finalized decisions. As much as I wanted her to tell me to come home, I knew he’d never allow it. I’d never be going back.

I forced the ugly thought out of my head and focused on the way she looked in my mind’s eye. In my mind, she reached for me. Caressed my face.

Her lips met mine.

I groaned as I continued to jerk it to the image of her in my head.

In my imagination, I pushed her gently onto her back before kissing my way down her body to her pussy where I licked and sucked, making her squirm beneath me.

“Fuck,” I hissed out as the image faded, and I came all over my abdomen. The jewelry from my Prince Albert piercing made me feel like the orgasm was even stronger. I hadn’t been laid in what felt like forever. This was as best as it got as of late, though.

Fucked up dirty thoughts of a girl I couldn’t have.

I disgusted myself.

Sighing, I got up and cleaned up the mess I made before getting back into bed. The room was dark, with the exception of the moonlight streaming in through the window. I lay in bed for what felt like hours before sleep finally took me.

I wasn’t asleep for long when the door opened, and Asylum entered the room.

Groaning, I cracked my eyelids open and peered blearily at him as he stripped out of his clothes, down to his boxers, before he grabbed his pajama bottoms from his dresser.

“You were gone a long time,” I commented gruffly.

He slid into his bed and turned to face me, the moonlight on his face. He looked exhausted.

“Those watchers are a lot of work. I wanted to stay back to see my forever girl, but Stitches must have kept her beneath him for the better part of two hours before they finally came back out,” his words were sour. “I had to listen to Church rant about you and pray Ashes didn’t burn the damn place down. That guy is a mess. He tries to hold it together for all of them. Poor bastard.”

“Yeah, Ashes is a good guy. He tries,” I muttered.

“He’s on your side. Mostly. I think maybe even Stitches is, although he didn’t come out and say it.” Asylum rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He was quiet for a long time before he spoke. “She came and sat next to me when Ashes was warming the food and the guys set the table.”

I watched him in the moonlight, taking in the way his Adam’s apple bobbed and the look of vulnerability on his face. I’d never seen it before, so it was surprising to me.

“She let me touch her,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “It was for only a moment, but she brushed her fingers along my palm. I felt her before she pulled her emotions away from me.”

“What did you feel?” I whispered back, my heart in my throat.

“She’s so full of love and light, but that darkness within her beckons me. I was already obsessed with her, but she’s changing. The darkness and the light will meet in a crash of violence. I can’t wait for it to happen so she can truly become whom she’s meant to be.”

I exhaled. “A monster like us?”

He looked over to me. “No. Not like us. She’s more than we could ever hope to be. She will always be kind, but she will be just. She will not tolerate being hurt. She will seek her revenge and be a force to be reckoned with. That is if I can teach her. Or. . .”

“Or what?”

He was quiet again before he cleared his throat. “Mirage can.”

I sat up on my elbow and gave him my full attention. “You hardly let Mirage out. Are you going to?”

He licked his lips and closed his eyes.

“Asylum? Are you letting him out?”

“He’s dangerous,” Asylum murmured. “More so than I.”

“You’re both dangerous,” I corrected.

“I think things through. Mirage is insane when it comes to her. I suppose I am too, only in a different way.” He was quiet for a moment before letting out a soft laugh. “Don’t fuck this up. I can’t have you fuck this up.”

I knew he was communicating with Mirage, so I said nothing, simply watching him.

“Tomorrow,” he said softly. “No. Train her. Fix this mess that’s been made. See to it, revenge is paid.”

Asylum’s eyes opened, and he looked at me again. “Sinclair, make sure everything runs smoothly. I will be leaving and giving Mirage the chance to make things better. It’s best I duck away into the shadows so he can come out. He’s a sweet boy, but he can be unpredictable when upset. So don’t let him get upset. He’s been doing a good job lately of managing his anger. He can be the hurricane to her sunshine.” He laughed softly. “I suppose we both are, in a sense.”

I said nothing. I knew Mirage to be kind most of the time, but I also knew he was part of Asylum, and there the crazy flourished

“You need a friend, Sinclair,” Asylum mused. “While I’m away. Mirage will be too obsessed working on finding who hurt her.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, rolling onto my back to stare at the ceiling. “I’m always fine.”

“We’re best friends, Sinclair.”

I looked over at him. “Are we?”

He chuckled. “Of course we are. Who else do you have?”

I grunted a response. I had no one but him. Lucky fucking me.

“So I promise to get you a friend as a thank you. Someone you have for when I’m away so you don’t miss me as much.”

“You’re delusional.”

“And you love me for it,” he commented, the smile in his voice. “You’ll have Mirage, but we aren’t the same, him and I. We are as different as we are the same.”

“You’re both confusing fucks.”

“We are, aren’t we? I suppose that’s why we work so well together.”

We were both quiet for a moment.

“How long will you be gone?” I asked.

“However long Church is gone,” he said. “I will return when he does. With him gone, it’ll give Mirage room to. . . wiggle.”

“How. . . convenient.” I grew quiet for a moment. “Asylum?”

“Yeah, bestie?”

“You’re not only fucking with us all, right? Like, you’re still not wanting to kill Sirena to keep her safe? Because that shit you did was fucked up—”

“I’m here to stay, regardless of any feelings anyone has on the subject. I’m a fucking terminal disease and won’t leave this world without her.”

“That doesn’t bring me much comfort,” I muttered.

“I want her, Sinclair. I will have her. Hurting her isn’t what I want. I didn’t even want it then. I simply wanted her safety, and death could render a soul untouchable, so it was the best option I had.” He paused. “I was young and stupid. I hadn’t learned to harness my gifts yet. I have my shit together now. We both do.” He tapped his head for emphasis. “She will always be safe with me. And with Mirage. He loves her like I do. His love is tender but fierce, like mine. Perhaps older than mine, but that doesn’t mean shit to me. All I know is that I’d bleed this world dry if it meant she smiled for me.” He sighed. “So she will always be safe with me.”

“And Mirage?”

“You know Mirage well enough to know he wants the best for her. She will be safe with him, provided he doesn’t let his rage out. Not that he would harm her with it. But others could be harmed. He’s fine until he loses it. Then, well, carnage. But you’ll be here, making sure he’s OK. If we play our cards right, Ashes and Stitches might let you come over and hang out with them. Or let you take Sirena. Never know.”

I scoffed at that despite the pounding of my heart at the prospect.

“Don’t be so sad. Take what you want. Life won’t be so bad. Kiss her. Touch her. Spread her legs wide and fuck her. You won’t know until you try. And until then, you’ll continue to cry.”

“You’re absurd,” I said, shaking my head.

“She chooses, Sinclair. Don’t forget it. Just make her see you are the way. The light she needs. You can do that, right?”

I said nothing, not knowing if I could do that. The way I currently felt, my answer was no, but there was a little part of me that was so desperate to prove myself to her that it was driving me insane.

“So, become insane,” Asylum said with a yawn. “Nothing wrong with being a little crazy, bestie. After all, that’s why we’re here.”

He had a point.