SWNOVELS Sinful: Chapter 15
I let Sin lead me away. I didn’t know what was happening or why, but I accepted that this might be my end.
Good.
I was tired.
He brought me deep into the woods. I struggled at times through the snow, but he pushed us onward until we’d reached a small cave. Quickly, he brought me inside and closed a door behind him.
I sucked in a sharp breath at the darkness we were in. He moved past me, and within moments, the cave was illuminated by a light from a lantern he’d lit. I watched him start a heater before he looked at me.
“Sit,” he commanded with a grunt.
Nervously, I stepped forward and went to the old couch he sat on, then settled beside him. The heater immediately thawed me while we remained in silence.
I was scared. My brain was having these angry moments that terrified me. All I knew was that I’d get too emotional and just. . . hell, I didn’t know. Leave my body? Go on autopilot? I’d always been that way, though. Zoning out. But this felt different. It felt like I was stepping back so that someone else could step forward. Over the years, I’d ignored it. Checked out. Assumed it was a mini vacation for my troubled mind. Now, it was becoming more pronounced and terrifying. I’d always had control of it. Now I felt like it had control of me.
“What happened back there?” Sin finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
I said nothing. I had no answer. Saying I didn’t know didn’t seem helpful, so I just stared into the heater, my hands twisted on my lap.
“You clearly speak, Siren. So speak. Talk to me.” He sounded almost desperate. He reached for me, but I jerked away from him.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said. “I want to help you.”
I glared at him, remembering the coffin and the pill. I shouldn’t be angry with him, but I couldn’t help myself. I cared about him just like the watchers did. I didn’t want harm to come to him, but in that moment, I didn’t want him touching me. I was still leery despite everything I knew. Despite what he’d done for me recently.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he stared back at me. “I’m an asshole for what I did, OK? We both know that. I’d-I’d like to move on from it. So talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”
I turned away from him, still silent.
He sighed but didn’t push the subject. Instead, he got up and went to a small carved-out room before returning with a bag of potato chips and two bottles of water. He opened the chips and offered me some.
I hesitated before dipping my hand into the bag and bringing out a handful. He seemed satisfied with that because he took his own handful out and munched along with me.
His phone buzzed several long moments into our silence, and he pulled it out and stared at the screen before sending a message and sighing.
“I’m sure you’re aware you’re in trouble,” he started.
I swallowed hard and tightly wrapped my arms around myself like they would protect me.
“That was Asylum. He’s coming.”
I shivered at his words. Asylum was coming. He’d know what to do. Hopefully, that didn’t include shoving me back into a coffin and throwing away the key. Even though I was getting better about all that had transpired between us. I was still a mess at times. The emotions were so conflicting.
“I’m sorry, it’s Asylum and not Church or the guys.’
I looked to him at that comment.
He raised his brows at me. “What? Do you want to see Asylum?”
I said nothing. All I knew was I didn’t want to see Sully or anyone related to their sick madness.
He narrowed his gray eyes this time. “Or is it someone else?”
I bit my bottom lip and glanced away from him. I knew he was talking about Mirage. I hadn’t seen him in what felt like forever. I tried to not think about it, but being successful in those endeavors clearly wasn’t my strong point. I felt guilt over the entire situation. The fact Church hadn’t tried to kill me over it had surprised me.
But I knew that didn’t mean shit in the long run. Just because Church loved me didn’t mean he wouldn’t put me to rest in a grave somewhere. He’d told me as much already.
And if Church knew about Bryce and his feelings. . .
Or mine.
I was a mess. An absolute disaster.
“Whatever. Not my business,” he muttered. Before he could elaborate further, the door slid open, and a snow-swept Asylum came in. Quickly, he shut the door and strode toward us. I got to my feet, my heart in my throat as he approached, his blue eyes focused on me.
“Firefly,” he murmured when he reached me. “Are you well?”
I twisted my fingers in front of me, my heart banging hard. I needed to get back to campus. This was wrong. It was dangerous. Church would lose it. Or Asylum would. Neither was something I wanted to be around for.
“You’re freezing,” he continued, reaching out and taking my hands in his. His touch was gentle and sweet, not anything like his personality.
He led me back to the couch and sat with me on it.
“Sinclair, get our guest a blanket,” Asylum said without looking away from me.
Sin retrieved a blanket from the chair and handed it to Asylum before going to the chair and sitting, his gray eyes on Asylum as he unfolded the blanket and draped it around my shoulders.
“This isn’t the most civilized place to be, but it’s the best we have,” Asylum said. “I can work on making it more accommodating for you.”
I wasn’t quite sure how he could accomplish that without adding real heat and electricity, but I wasn’t about to comment on it.
He let out a soft chuckle. “Trust me, my forever girl, I can make it better.”
I cast a look to Sin, who looked away from me quickly and focused on the heater.
“It is rather chilly in here. We do have another heater. Sinclair, get that going. She’s cold.”
I thought Sin might object to being told what to do, but he wordlessly rose to his feet and set to work starting another heater.
Asylum ran his hand up and down my back in an attempt to warm me a bit more.
“You’ve created quite the stir, firefly. Word of your wrongdoing spread like wildfire. I told Church and the guys I was going to find you. I need to message them and let them know you’re safe.”
He removed his hand from my back and pulled his phone out. He sent a message to Church before a laugh left him, his phone buzzing with a call, Church’s name on the screen.
“She is safe. I have her,” he answered. He listened for a moment, nodding his head. I could hear Church’s voice but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Relief flooded through me. Knowing Church and the guys were aware of who had me put me at ease. While I knew Asylum had done many good things for me, and he made me feel. . . things, I was still apprehensive around him sometimes. I chalked it up to our past. The fear that one day he may snap again terrified me.
His gaze swiveled to me, and he crinkled his dark brows.
“Never,” he said, his voice a deep rumble. “Firefly.”
I blinked at him, and he disconnected the call. He reached for my face and cradled my cheeks, his blue eyes locked on mine.
“Fucking never. Do you understand me? Never, Sirena.”
The way he said my name made goosebumps rush along my skin.
“I swear it to you. I do not make promises I’m unable to keep. You are my entire fucking universe. Losing you would cause my stars to weep. Understand?”
His words made my heart pump harder.
In a flash, he hauled me onto his lap to straddle him, his hands firmly on my hips before they slowly moved up. He tangled his fingers in my hair and brought me nearer to him, his lips at my ear.
“You belong to me, my forever girl. I would die for you. What’s worse is I would live for you, even while hating everything about the life I’m in. You are that bright spot I focus on. And now. . .” He moved a hand slowly back to my waist and gripped hard. “You are the darkness I want to fucking get lost in. I’m going to prove to you how worthy we are. Do you want it?” He tightened his fingers in my hair, making it hurt.
I let out a soft gasp.
“Answer me.” He brushed his lips along my jaw until he was at my neck.
I gripped his shoulders tightly. He shifted ever so slightly beneath me, showing me how hard he was as his length pressed against my center.
A whimper slid past my lips.
“Take it,” he murmured. “It’s yours.”
I ground my teeth, forcing the lewd thoughts from my mind of how much I just wanted to try on my terms.
“You’re curious.” His lips swept to my ear. “Try me, firefly. First ride is free, baby. I don’t tell secrets.” He bit the tender flesh of my neck, making me bite back a soft groan.
Before I could answer him, though, Sin’s deep voice called out.
“Knock it off.” The sound of Sin’s heavy boots coming closer sounded out around us. One moment, I was on Asylum’s lap. The next, I was being torn off, with Sin’s firm, powerful grip around my biceps. I crashed against him as I tried to stay on my feet from his rough tug.
“She’s the watchers’ girl, not yours,” Sin snapped. “You know that. Church would fucking skin you alive and wear your ass like a hat if he saw you touching her like that.”
“I’d become an ass hat?” Asylum’s lips quirked up in a teasing smirk. “I bet I’d be stylish.”
Sin let out a disgruntled snarl before shoving me onto the chair away from Asylum. I went down quickly, the air whooshing from my lungs.
He was right.
I hated he was.
I was wrong. So damn wrong, but I couldn’t help the feelings I was developing.
I chanced a look to Asylum, who winked at me.
“I’ll let Sinclair have this one. We’re meeting with the watchers at seven. May as well get comfortable, my dear, as hard as that may be.”
I smoothed my skirt and paid attention to my hands on my lap.
Sin and Asylum spoke to one another, but I didn’t take in anything they were saying. Instead, I cast a brief peek at Asylum before letting my focus trail to Sin. He must have sensed me looking because he glanced at me for a moment, making my heart jump.
There was something in his gray eyes that made my breath catch.
I didn’t explore it, however. Sin had taught me a lesson.
Be careful who you developed feelings for because sometimes they could change your life. I was beginning to have a problem, though. I could feel the trouble brewing as that bit of darkness skirted the edges of my mind.
Asylum cocked his head to the left, a tiny smile on his full lips.
“Admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery. And sometimes recovery is simply taking what you want,” Asylum murmured.
Sin didn’t move. He simply stared back at me.
“Do you have a problem, firefly?”
I swallowed hard and slid my gaze from Sin back to Asylum, that darkness I was desperately trying to keep contained seeping out.
“I believe I might,” I said, licking my lips, a warm buzzing making my head feel funny.
Asylum grinned at me.
“Then come sit on my lap. Maybe we can fix a few of them.”
I blinked rapidly at him, the odd feeling and confusion replacing the void.
“Ah, too bad. Maybe next time,” Asylum said, still grinning at me.
And just like that, the buzzing in my head was gone, and I was myself once more.
I glanced back to Sin and couldn’t miss the look of concern on his face.
Quickly, I averted my eyes and went back to staring at my hands.
Truth be told, I was concerned too.
And grateful. Grateful he’d brought me here and away from the harm Chapel Crest held. I knew I would be punished for what had happened even though I was certain it hadn’t been me, at least conscious me, hurting that nun.
I clenched my teeth.
Fuck her. She deserved it.
I exhaled and caught Asylum’s eye again.
“She did, firefly. She did,” he murmured before looking back to Sin and speaking to him about a new door for their cave.
Whether she deserved it or not didn’t make it right, but then again, everything in my head was a mess.
Maybe this entire world needed to burn.
And, maybe Ashes would help me.
That thought brought me solace, so I focused on my watchers, eager to see them tonight while praying they had a solution to keep me out of the facility.
Because I wasn’t going to go back. Sully could bank on that.
Both me and the darkness inside my head knew that.