Sincerely

I undressed myself, changing into more comfortable clothing I could sleep in. I sat on the edge of the bed to pull my socks off and that was when I felt Deckard run a hand over my back. I paused, glancing back at him.

“Where did the scars come from?” he asked gently. I dropped the socks I had pulled off on the floor.

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell me, it’s none of my bus-” he started to apologize but I stopped him before he could finish.

I knew he was going to spot them or find out about them sooner or later.

“They’re from my ex,” I replied quietly.

I could feel Deckard tracing the scars under my shirt gently.

“Why?” he asked.

I paused for a second.

“He asked for sex and since I had no interest, I refused him. Eventually, he got fed up, and even though I tried to explain to him how I felt, he couldn’t understand or accept it or make a deal with me, so he took his anger out on me,” I replied.

“Did I remind you of him?” he asks removing his hands from me.

“Deckard, no. I was setting a boundary for myself but I was also making sure you didn’t feel like you were broken or weren’t enough because you’re different, I didn’t want you to feel like I did when I refused to have sex with him,” I explain turning around to look at him. “I promise, you’re not like him at all.”

I leaned my head against his trying to look into his eyes but they were down on the bedsheets. I reached back taking his hand, his eyes moved to them, and his skin retreated, turning white, yet again. I held on to his hand tightly and he leaned into me.

“I told you, because I trust you, not because you remind me of him,” I whisper.

He looks up at me then.

“Okay?” I whisper.

He bites his lip nervously.

“Can I kiss you now?” he asks quietly.

I take his face gently in my hands and lean in to kiss him. He returns the kiss deeply. I pull him closer and I end up lying down on the mattress, him leaning over me. I tangle my fingers in his hair. He pulled back this time to let me breathe, his face flushed red as I caught my breath.

“I’m glad you trust me,” he whispers close to my ear.

“You trusted me and told me the truth, why wouldn’t I trust you?” I continue.

“The world is a scary place, Lev. Especially, since I’ve seen humans kill their own kind and murder androids, all because of jealousy and because we’re different. I know you care about me, but I’m still worried you won’t think it’s worth it at some point,” he murmurs.

I look at him, directly into his eyes. I lean in and kiss him again.

I pause to catch my breath again, “It will always be worth it,” I whisper.

“I don’t want to lose you like I did, Carlos,” he whispers against my neck.

“I’m not going anywhere, and Huxley can’t hurt me, Greyson is holding him. We’re safe, okay?” I remind him, holding his face.

He wraps his arms around me and rests his head on my chest, I lay under him, gently playing with his hair.

“I like the sound of your heart,” he whispered. “Carlos used to listen to a sound about hearts, I don’t remember the name of it, I think it was from an old musical. It was something about hiding them. He said it reminded him of Huxley’s mother and their love. It was pretty. I wish I could listen to it.”

“It’s late now, maybe we can look for it tomorrow,” I murmur against his hair.

“We should rest,” I add.

“Okay,” he whispers settling more comfortably on my chest.

I relax into the pillows, I can feel his heart against my stomach.

His heartbeat slowed as he fell asleep or began to rest, I shut my eyes, listening to his breathing. If only everyone could see and feel that they were alive like this maybe they would believe it. It was cruel the way they were treated by us, like slaves, when they were just like us, alive, with emotions, some more than us humans. If they could understand how we felt, they were just as alive as any of us. Deckard loved me and Cleo loved Toby, they cared about us more than some of the people around us were supposed to, and that was sad.

I fell into the blackness of sleep and dreamland which, unlike the last time when I’d dreamt of Alcuin and him dying or bleeding out in my arms, I was on a boat sailing off the coast of where Josh’s lighthouse was with Deckard.

I was driving the boat and Deckard was standing behind me, hugging me around my midsection. Water was spraying up over the sides of the boat as we cruised around. I looked back at Deckard as I wasn’t worried about crashing into anything out here in the open water and he had a big smile on his face.

We were alive, and we were free. We pulled up to the shore and I parked the boat along the coastline and tied it up so it wouldn’t float off. It was no longer winter in this dreamland, the beach was sandy and the wildflowers were blooming. Toby appeared then, smiling and ran towards Deckard. He looked a little older, about half of our height so he might have been twelve or so. Deckard picked him up and swung him around without issues, returning his smile. Toby laughed.

“Josh, grandma and Maggie are waiting for you,” he commented before running back toward the lighthouse.

Who was Maggie?

I thought.

Deckard took my hand and we followed Toby back to the lighthouse. When we arrived at the front door, my mother was holding a baby, trying to get them to quiet down. Deckard smiled at her.

“Do you want me to try?” he asked.

“Maggie loves Deckard, she always falls asleep in his arms,” Toby comments.

“I know, I know,” my mother comments handing the baby over to him.

Deckard takes the baby and starts rocking her and soon she quiets down.

“I wish she would do that for me,” my mother half commented sarcastically.

I smile, “Maybe the next one will,” I whisper smiling.

“You’re planning for another already? This one’s not even a year old,” she comments.

“He looks good with a baby in his arms and if he can quiet most of them down, it will make it easier,” I state with a sly smile.

“Grandma, can I have a cookie?” Toby asks running up to her.

She smiles, “That I can do,” she comments.

I smile as he takes him away to the kitchen.

I approach Deckard then, with Maggie, our child, still in his arms. He looks at me, there is little pain, or worry hidden in his eyes anymore. He looks happy and comfortable.

I reach up and touch his cheek, I notice a gold band on my ring finger, and I notice a similar one on one of his hands. He smiles at me.

“It was worth it,” he murmurs looking from me down to Maggie.

I hoped one day this would be our reality, and that Deckard would say that and we would have all of this. I hoped Deckard had similar dreams to this, if androids could dream that was. Ones, where we led perfect, happy lives in with all our hopes and dreams, fulfilled and real.

For now, though, we had to make our reality a place where those things could be built. We had to change the world so we could have what we wanted. So, we could be free, happy and have a family, like we did in this dream.