SWNOVELS SIN-BIN: Chapter 51
COLTON
Lying on my back on my bed, I stare at the ceiling. I don’t know how long I’ve been like this, because it feels like eternity. A very fucked-up and lonely eternity. Nothing makes sense without her. I’m the biggest idiot in the world for letting this happen, and I deserve her anger and her hatred. Accepting what I have done to us doesn’t make things easier.
The first time I tried calling her was when I got into my car after my plane landed in Michigan. I was so excited to see her and talk about our future. Immediately getting her voicemail felt worse than a cold shower. I tried sending her messages, but they didn’t go through. Her phone was turned off.
I called Clay on my way home, and he acted like a friend to both me and Ava. He didn’t pick sides, and he let me know what I did wrong. Sorry, man. When she called me on Thursday, I had no idea you hadn’t told her about the Thunders. I bet she was more than unhappy.
I didn’t think things could get any worse until I stepped inside my apartment. There was no trace of her. All her belongings had disappeared, and seeing that made my heart sink lower. The heaviness of not telling her about San Jose was preventing me from breathing freely.
When I knocked on the door of her family home, I felt like a little kid who’d done something bad and was going to have to face his parents. I honestly expected Dax to kick me out, but he let me in. He even invited me to the living room to have a talk. The disappointment I saw in his eyes was the worst. He had faith in me, and I failed him.
I explained what happened and told him I would do anything for his daughter. Dax didn’t say much, just let me talk and listened to me. The only thing he said was this: Ava has trust issues. You made her believe you didn’t care about her. Even if it’s not like that in reality, you left her when she was in a really vulnerable state. It will be hard to make her listen to you.
Her telling me to go away broke my heart in two. Her thinking I would abandon her for my career, her tears, and how miserable she looked added heaviness to my chest, and for a moment I thought I would suffocate. I was making sure I had everything to support her, to secure our future together, but she didn’t know that. She was sure I got scared and ran away like a coward, and from her point of view, it definitely looked like that.
My alarm goes off, and I slowly stand up from my bed. I can’t even imagine what today is going to be like. I honestly just want to see her. I need a chance to explain myself. I know we’ll be able to deal with everything, but only if she listens to me. I never plan to leave her. She’s way more important to me than she realizes. She’s my fucking life, and it’s time for her to know that. Keeping my feelings to myself damaged our relationship just as much as my silence about my trip to San Jose. I need to fix it.
It’s official. I’m a freaking stalker. I’ve been following her everywhere, trying to be as discreet as possible. Either I’m good at it, or she just doesn’t care, because she hasn’t acknowledged my presence even once. Relaxed and smiley. That’s how she is today, while I’m a total mess. I remind myself of a bomb, ready to blow up any moment, and it’s a fucking mood-killer. Yet I control myself, because she’ll never listen to me if I don’t.
Stepping out of the building, I look up at the sky and frown even more. It’s going to rain, and I’m not a fucking fan. The possibility of Ava getting in my car so we can talk is close to zero, and I definitely don’t want her to be caught in the rain.
Rushing down the stairs, I speed up and go after her. She’s strolling in the direction of her dorm, swaying her hips and humming something under her breath. Ava is in her element, and my heart swells with happiness just looking at her. It’s another reminder of what a strong girl she is. Confident and sassy, independent and always ready to stand up for herself. Since meeting her, I’ve been a one-woman man, and I’m sure I won’t love anyone else.
I line up with Ava, and she doesn’t even glance in my direction. I reach over and pull out her AirPod, halting her in her tracks. She turns to me, and her eyes scan my face. My girl is furious, but it makes her even more beautiful to me. Those puffy lips are smacked into a pout, and her gorgeous green eyes are narrowed. She cares enough to be angry with me, and that’s the only sign I need.
“Can we talk?”
“No.” She tries to snatch her AirPod back, but I hide it in my fist. You’re not getting rid of me so easily, girl. She rolls her eyes and says, “Whatever.”
She twirls around and resumes her walk, as if nothing happened. I clench my jaw, squeezing my fist harder around her earbud. I take off, catching up to her again.
“Ava, we need to talk.”
“Why?”
“Because we can’t throw away everything so easily. Let me explain myself.” This time, I get her undivided attention and also her fury. She stops and faces me, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I’m not the one who threw everything away. You not telling me about the Thunders is the best evidence of where you see me in your future. I don’t belong here.”
“I went to San Jose to sign my contract. It was about my career, about our future.”
“There is no ‘our future’, Colton. You’re leaving as soon as the school year is over. You’re going pro, while I—”
“Come with me,” I interrupt her, and her jaw drops. Her eyes go round as she gawks at me in bewilderment. “You can transfer to another college. Or just skip a year until our baby is old enough—”
“What makes you think I’m going to do that?”
I take a step closer, taking her chin between my fingers. “Because I know you.”
We stare at each other, keeping silent. My heart is going insane in my chest. All because of her. My words linger between us as I wait for her to say something.
“You don’t,” she finally mutters and takes a step back, letting my hand fall from her face. “I knew you were going to leave, and I was happy for you and your future no matter what, because you’re talented and playing hockey is your life. I would have never thrown a fit just because you’re moving forward. I would have supported you through and through. That’s what people do, Colton, when they care about others. While you? You didn’t think about anyone except yourself. You didn’t even try to contact me after you knew—”
“That’s bullshit,” I snap, as lightning crosses the sky. “How do you know anything about how I reacted when Jordan told me about your pregnancy?”
“If you cared, you would have found a way to contact me. On your way to your father’s. On your way to the airport. On your way to your hotel.” She spits words like venom, a poison that I fully deserve. “Just to make sure I knew you weren’t running away, that you weren’t leaving me alone in this. I would have been angry with you for not telling me sooner, anyone would have, but I would have known you were going to come back and we would talk. You did nothing.”
“Some habits die hard, Ava. I’m used to keeping things to myself. Yes, I put off talking to you till the very last minute, but I wanted you to know. I went to your dorm, hoping to see you during your break—”
“Instead, you saw my roommate, found out about my pregnancy, and carried on with your plans as if nothing changed.” She drags her eyes down my form and then back to my face. “Screw you, Thompson.”
Ava storms off, and I try to calm my fired-up nerves.
“Everything changed.” I bellow, running after her and catching her elbow. I wheel her around and peer down to have a better look at her face. “Everything changed once I knew you might be pregnant. The only thought I had was that I needed to secure my future for us.”
“There is no us, Colton.” she says angrily, and the first raindrop falls on her face. “I don’t want to have anything in common with someone as selfish as you. I’ll figure it out on my own.”
“I am selfish,” I mumble in disbelief. “The second I heard about your pregnancy, my mind started producing possible solutions. I was going to San Jose to sign the contract, but I still wasn’t a hundred percent sure it would happen. Something could have gone wrong, and I would have needed to look for another option, including working for my dad.”
Ava’s brows pinch together. “Don’t tell me you even thought about working for your father.”
“I not only thought about it, I even asked him, in case something went wrong with hockey. I wanted to be sure I could support you. It’s the only thing that matters.”
The raindrops become heavier, more consistent. So many emotions change her beautiful face, and I can’t look away. Ava is stunning, even when she’s angry or confused, sad or happy. She’s the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
“You love hockey,” she whispers. The crease between her eyebrows deepens. “And you hate your father…”
“I don’t really hate him,” I tell her, reaching over to her face and wiping away the raindrops. “My talk with him was refreshing and kind of eye-opening. We’re good.”
Her eyes are tearful as she chews her bottom lip. I hurt her, and there is nothing I can do to change that. Yet I can do better, and she knows it. In these months I’ve spent with her, I have become a totally different person. For her and because of her. I’m not afraid to open up, to show my affection and finally confess my feelings. The L word doesn’t seem as useless as it did before. The old me would have laughed just thinking about it, but the new me is desperate for her love. It’s as if it’s the sole reason for my existence.
“I messed up, and I’m incredibly sorry for that. I shouldn’t have hidden my news from you. I shouldn’t have left you without saying anything. While making sure I’d have the means to financially support you, I almost ruined what we have.”
“Almost?” And just like that, I know it’s my Ava talking to me. My girl, my only source of happiness.
“Almost,” I state, inhaling deeply. “I love you, Ava. I love you more than fucking hockey, and for someone like me, that sounds like the ravings of a lunatic. If anything, I’m obsessed with you, because any time I get to taste you, I crave you even more. You are the only girl I want, the only one I will ever need. And I will do anything for you to give me another chance. Please, Ava.”
She lowers her eyes to the ground without saying a word. An empty and glassy stare is definitely not what I expected after telling her I love her. My visit to her hometown comes to mind, and her father’s image pops up in my head. Dax told me to be patient with her when I left their house on Saturday. He told me not to give up on her. To give her space and time to figure out what she wants. I only hope she wants the same thing as me. Us. Together. Always.
“Do you have practice today?” Ava asks, fixing her gaze on me.
“Yeah, in an hour. I-I will be free around seven.”
“Okay.” She takes a step back, and I instantly feel lonely. “See you at your place then.”
Ava wheels around and heads to her dorm. I continue to stare at her, squeezing her AirPod in my fist. The rain turns into a downpour, soaking my clothes and hair, but I feel hopeful, even if our talk didn’t go as planned.
When I open the door, I lock eyes with Ava. She stands in my doorway, pressing her backpack to her chest. Her eyes roam over my face and down my body, and I catch the quickest eye roll. Well, I’m not playing fair, wearing only sweatpants. My hair is still wet after a shower.
“Hey.” I step aside, letting her in. “I was afraid you changed your mind.”
“No, I just had some things I needed to do.” She shrugs, ambling inside. “Where can we talk?”
“In the living room.” Snatching her backpack, I hold her gaze. “This is too heavy for you.”
“Yes, sir,” she taunts me, closing the door behind her. “What did you do to Jordan? She told me she’s not allowed to talk to me.”
“Didn’t she tell you months ago being my enemy would be very bad for your reputation?” I ask, and Ava nods slowly. “I proved her right. Rumors spread fast. The whole school will be staying away from her, especially guys. No one wants to have anything to do with someone as nosy as her.”
She smiles, her eyes sparkling. “Thanks.”
I put her backpack on the floor, and we go into the living room. Once we’re both seated on the couch, I turn to face her.
“Ava, I’m really sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have put off my talk with you about the Thunders. It was a mistake. But I thought I was doing the right thing, letting you shine—”
She cuts me off. “That’s not how relationships work, Colton. At least, not for me. If we’re together, we share the good and the bad. If you’re sad, I want to know why and help you deal with it. If you’re happy, I want to be happy with you, help you celebrate your achievements. We both had exciting news that day, and it would have been absolutely amazing to celebrate it together. I understand where you’re coming from, but you went about it all wrong.”
“I thought you would be upset, because signing the contract means I’ll be moving to San Jose. I didn’t want to spoil your moment.”
“You wouldn’t have spoiled anything. I knew it was going to happen. I didn’t have any doubt they were going to sign you.” She watches me. “You’re naturally good at hockey. It’s your passion, your driving force, and it’s your future. I would have only been happy for you, and it would have forced us to have the talk we had been putting off. We didn’t talk about our future, not once, and if you had told me about the Thunders, I would have asked you what it meant for you and me. We could have figured everything out.”
“I was so used to keeping things to myself, so when we didn’t have time to meet, I thought it wasn’t a big deal. I thought I could always tell you on my way to the airport, and that was exactly what I was going to do. But your roommate dropped a bomb on me, turning my mind into jelly. I only knew I needed to make sure you would have everything you need for you and our baby.”
“One time I let you fuck me bare, and I got pregnant in a fucking penalty box,” she drawls. And then she bursts out giggling. “We conceived our baby in the sin-bin. It will be quite a story for our family.”
I move closer, invading her personal space. I drape a hand around her waist and pull her onto my lap. “Quite a story, you said? Does that mean you want a family with me?”
“I do,” she says quietly, and I palm her cheek, bending her head down so we sit forehead to forehead. “But, Colt, I’m only eighteen. I don’t have a clear vision of my future, unlike you, and it’s my first year in college. What if it’s just… I’m your first love. What if—”
I press my finger to her mouth, silencing her at once. “There is no what-if. I love you, Ava. I love how strong and confident you are, because it motivates me to be the same way. I love how vulnerable you can be, because now I know sharing my worries and concerns doesn’t make me weak. It means I can be myself with you, the real me, flawed and closed off to most people. Just like you can be yourself with me. You let me see you, the real you. And I fucking fell in love with you, babe. With a feisty girl who didn’t hesitate to slap a total stranger for his disrespectful words. With a compassionate friend who would do anything for their closest people. With a stunning girl who looks incredible no matter what she’s wearing. With a naughty girl who is open to experimenting, who is ready to beg and dominate at the same time. With your beautiful soul, and your constant desire to challenge me, to push my limits. You’re the only girl in the world I will ever see. Always.”
“I love you too, Colton,” she murmurs, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
“Will you come to San Jose with me? I know it’s unexpected, but I will fucking die without you there.”
“Dad already sent me info on a few colleges in California. Seems like I can transfer there and continue studying once our baby is older.”
“First, I love your dad, for real. Second, you say all that, and my fucking dick springs into action,” I breathe, my cock twitching. “I’m screwed.”
“And I’m soaked,” she comments, and I instantly stand up from the couch, picking her up and hooking her legs behind my back. “What are we going to do?”
“Fuck. Talk. Make love. Talk. And then maybe fuck again.”
“I want to know everything about your conversation with your dad,” she demands, and I head to my bedroom. “And about the Thunders.”
“I’ll tell you everything later.” I close the door behind us and lower her onto my bed. I drop to my knees, crawl to her, and pull down her panties. Then I raise her skirt higher, spreading her legs wide for me.
“Wait, wait, wait, Colt.” She stops me, and I peer at her. “I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to fuck me based on how happy the news makes you.”
“Is there anything better than you loving me back? Better than you wanting to have a family with me?”
“Not better, but I think it will make you really happy.”
“What is it?” I haul her closer, nestling between her thighs.
“Did you see my backpack?” My fingers skim along her skin and slide lower and lower, to her pussy. “We will need to go back to the dorm tomorrow, for the rest of my stuff.”
“Are you moving in with me?”
“Yes.” She reaches across my chest and pinches my nipple between her fingers. “Show me how happy you are about it.”
“I’m going to make you scream and cream, worshiping every curve and line of your perfect body, just like you deserve.” I bend down and hide my face in her pussy. Giving her pleasure is the only thing on my mind.
If someone would have told me I’d meet the love of my life in my last year of college, I would have never believed them. First, I had never been in love. Second, relationships were the last thing I was ever interested in. Hockey was everything to me, and my only goal was to go pro. Funny how different my life became after I met my girl. How much my plans for my future evolved, because now it isn’t just about me. It’s about my family.