SWNOVELS SIN-BIN: Chapter 39
COLTON
Waking up, I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling with a smile on my face. I’ve been at Ava’s house for two days already, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I was so happy. Her invitation was the best Christmas present I have ever received. Though I have two dilemmas now. First, I need to buy gifts for her and her dad, and I need to do it without her knowing about it. The second is way more complicated. I want to go see my mom on Christmas, and I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to Ava about her.
I feel my blanket move and sit up straight, locking eyes with her cat. Snooping little monster—that’s what she called him yesterday, when he barged into her room at full speed while we were in the middle of something. Just kissing, but it felt like he was interrupting. When she’s with me, I don’t want anyone to interfere, and her reaction proved she feels exactly the same way. I hope it’s real and not just in my head.
“What are you doing here?” I lean forward and grab the cat, press him to my chest, and fall onto my back. I caress his fur, and the purring sounds don’t take long to surface. “I thought you were glued to her.”
The cat closes his eyes while my fingers run back and forth over his fur. It’s short and soft under my touch, and I smile thinking about the name she chose for him. Smokey. Because his fur is gray. As predictable as possible, but for some reason it suits him. Maybe because he’s like smoke, disappearing whenever he wants and showing up when he feels like it.
My phone rings, and I snatch it from the bedside table. Smokey walks away from me and jumps onto the floor. I look at the screen and roll my eyes. My best friend is an impatient fucker. I answer the call and press my phone to my ear.
“Yeah?”
“What do you mean ‘yeah’?” Clay demands as I toss aside the blanket and swing my legs over the edge of the bed.
“You want me to get pom-poms and chant your name?”
“Of course not. Just…try to be a little more enthusiastic, you know?” He huffs grumpily. “Going to see Ava and the Bensons without me is not okay—”
“They just invited me. I had no idea I would be here when I talked to you about my plans for winter break.” I tell him, standing up from the bed and moving to my clothes. “Besides, Drake invited you too, and I kinda need you here with me.”
“I’m intrigued.”
“I need to buy presents for Ava and her dad,” I say, putting on my sweatpants.
“Could you say that again?”
“Why?” I ask, grabbing a tee from the closet.
“Because I honestly think I’m losing my shit. My best friend wants to buy gifts for his girl and her dad. For his girl and her dad. Colt, are you shitting me?”
“No.” I pull on my T-shirt. “She’s not my girl. We’re just…seeing each other.”
“Seeing each other? Thompson, can you tell me the truth for once?”
“What do you want from me?”
“Tell me this: if you’re just seeing each other, what happens if some guy decides to hit on her? Ava is gorgeous. It’s easy to imagine.”
“I’d break his neck.”
“That’s what I thought,” Clay chuckles, and I hear a horn honking. “I’ll be there around noon. Hope Benson didn’t change his mind.”
“He didn’t,” I say and hang up. It’s time for me to go downstairs. I’ve been sleeping way too long.
I make a quick detour to the bathroom and wash my face. I thread my fingers through my hair. It’s longer than I’m used to, but it’s closer to how it was before. Before shit hit the fan and I became the loneliest of loners. It’s like life has come full circle, and I have returned to the point where my world turned upside down. Trying to understand what it means is like solving an ancient riddle. The fear of making the wrong decision, of giving myself a glimpse of hope and then being disappointed, is stronger than ever. Shattered dreams and plans are normal for me, so it’s always good to keep myself in check.
Taking a deep breath, I head downstairs, straight to the kitchen. I step inside and freeze—Dax is here, and he’s alone. Our eyes meet, and he gestures for me to come further. I flash him an awkward smile. Does this feel like a trap? No, but I’m nervous.
“Morning,” I mumble, edging closer and plopping myself onto a chair.
“Morning.” Dax grins and pushes a plate of pancakes in my direction. “Ava made them before she left.”
My hand hovers over the plate, and my eyebrows raise. Where did she go? I don’t remember her mentioning anything about plans this morning.
“Layla called her and asked to go shopping.” He answers my unasked question and stands up from the table. “Do you want coffee?”
“Yes, please.” I grab a pancake, take a little bite, and instantly break into a smile. It’s delicious.
“She’s a good cook,” Dax tells me, correctly interpreting my reaction. He pours coffee into a mug and places it in front of me. Then he leans against the kitchen counter. “I often felt guilty, since she always had to cook for herself, for me, and for us when I would come home late at night. She made it clear she was doing it because she liked it, and because she wanted to help me. At least with something.”
“Sounds like Ava to me,” I mutter with my mouth full. “She’s very selfless, and she’s always there for her friends and family.”
“And for you.” The pancake feels hard as I swallow. My throat contracts, and I cough. Dax slides onto the chair across from me. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s not that.” I take sips of my coffee to ease the lump in my throat. “I’m not used to people giving a damn about me.”
“Something tells me you’re not open with people either, that you mostly prefer they keep their distance.”
“I’ve been told I’m a closed-off, judgmental asshole.”
“Nah, you’re not. She wouldn’t like you if you were.” Dax lifts his mug and takes a sip. “Being open with only certain people isn’t a bad thing. From my experience, keeping your circle close is way better than letting in everyone. You’re saving yourself from disappointment.”
“Maybe.”
“It can also be very lonely. Without giving people a chance, you’ll never know if they were good for you or not.” He gives me a pointed stare, and uneasiness seeps into my veins. “Some people will try to break through your walls because they see something in you, like my daughter does. But most people? They will think that’s too much trouble.”
“It never was easy for me to open up to strangers. I didn’t become like that all of a sudden.” I look away and then bring my attention back to Ava’s dad. “I think you noticed that a year ago.”
Dax sighs, reclining in the chair. “I did. My first thought was that you were too wound up to talk to anyone, but the more I watched you from afar, the more you reminded me of a caged animal. One who used to live wild in nature and was suddenly trapped. You’re a loner, Colt, but it doesn’t mean you need to stay like that forever.”
“The old version of me wouldn’t believe what I’m about to say.” I shake my head, heaving a sigh. “I don’t want to be a loner anymore.”
“That’s nice to hear, because my daughter definitely wants you around.”
“I don’t plan to let her go,” I confess, and Dax’s eyes widen. “I-I didn’t mean—I won’t be trying to…I just want her to be with me.”
“Then be honest with her.” He folds his arms over his chest. “She said you’re not dating, that you’re just having fun. But, watching how affectionate you are with one another, I don’t think I agree with her. You talk a lot, but you’re comfortable with each other in silence too. What you have is deeper.”
“It is deeper, but I don’t think she’s ready to be open with me. Jefferson was at the party, and it didn’t go well, but she told me she didn’t want to talk about him yet when I asked.”
Dax purses his lips. “She didn’t tell me he was at the party.”
“She handled him pretty well herself. As usual. She pushed him so hard, he almost fell on his ass.”
Ava’s dad blinks, and then he bursts out laughing. I smile, realizing how much I enjoy spending time with him. It feels right, and so familiar. As if I have known him my whole life.
“That’s why I call her a tornado. Emotions brew inside her, pushing her to act faster than she thinks. She’ll destroy everything in her way and then calm down a second later, as soon as she lets out her anger.” He narrows his eyes. “You said ‘as usual’.”
“I, too, often say things I don’t mean when I’m angry or can’t handle my emotions. I paid for it the first time we met.”
“My daughter definitely knows how to stand up for herself. Even if I don’t always approve of her methods,” Dax murmurs with a gentle smile on his face. “I would have preferred you control yourself, because she doesn’t have the patience of an angel, and you’re risking something way more precious than you realize.”
“Duly noted.”
His phone buzzes, and he takes it from the table. After he quickly checks the message, Dax stands up and hides his phone in his pocket. “Sadly, I need to go to work. It was nice talking to you, Colt. I’m glad Ava invited you to spend Christmas with us.”
“Me too.” He walks to the door, and I blurt out my next words, afraid I’ll change my mind if I don’t. “I’m going to visit my mom on Christmas.”
Dax turns around, eyeing me in agonizing silence. Then he finally says, “I’m sure she will be happy to see you. It must be lonely where she is.”
And that’s how I got confirmation. He knows what happened to my mom. “Do you…”
“Sometimes people leave a lasting impression on you. It was my day off; I was going home after meeting a friend. It was pure coincidence I happened to be on that bridge at the same time as your mom. Of course I have kept my eye on her. I know what that car crash caused, and I’m very sorry about it, Colt.”
His phone buzzes again, and I clench my jaw so hard, afraid to move a muscle. I hold my eyes wide open, feeling them tear up. I don’t want to cry, especially not in front of Ava’s dad.
“Son, your emotions are valid. You shouldn’t be scared or embarrassed of them. You lost someone very important to you without losing them. This pain you’re holding on to…it is eating you alive, and you need to let it out.”
“I know.” I avoid looking at him, and he doesn’t push it.
Dax exhales loudly. “Ava won’t be long. Make yourself at home.”
“Thank you, Dax. Have a good day.”
“You too, Colt.”
With that, he exits, and my shoulders slump instantly. I need to let it out, he said. Exactly the same thing that Dr. Stewart has been telling me. What my grandma told me. I need to open up and be honest about my mom’s trauma and her diagnosis—and about my fault in all of it.
“Why are you here?” I ask, stepping aside and letting Clay walk into Ava’s house.
“The Bensons are on their way home from the mall. Drake told me to come here.”
“Is he with Ava and Layla?” I furrow my brow, pulling my phone out of my pocket. She’s been texting with me for an hour already, telling me she would have never agreed to go shopping if she knew how long Layla’s list was.
“He went to pick them up,” Clay answers, looking around with his mouth half open. “Ava has a nice place.”
“Yeah.” I head to the living room, plop myself onto the couch, and toss my phone aside. Dax left for work two hours ago, so I am honestly happy to see Clay. “Why were you so adamant about coming here?”
“Dunno. I felt like an outsider when I found out you were hanging out with Ava, Benson, and Layla.” By how he lowers his voice when he says Layla’s name, I know she’s the main reason his ass is here.
“Benson doesn’t want you near his sister.”
“Why?” He looks at me in confusion.
“Because you’re not a relationship type of guy.”
“You’re not a relationship—”
“We’re talking about you and Layla, not about me and Ava,” I interrupt him, and he huffs in irritation. “Show him how much you like her, that you can be different for her.”
“But I have no idea if I can be different.”
“You can. For the right girl, you can.”
“Aw, you fucker.” He lunges at me, taking me into a bear hug. “Can I be your best man?”
I push him away, hearing my phone buzz. “Get off me, Rodgers.”
“Only if you promise to make me your best man.” His face lights up with a huge grin as he stares at me in silence. He’s about to say something stupid, I have no fucking doubt. “Make me the godfather of your firstborn. Please.”
“Fuck off, Clay.” I wriggle out of his grasp, grab my phone, and read her message.
HONEY:
two minutes.
“Is it from Ava?” I turn my head and see him eyeing my phone with a curious expression.
“Yes.”
“Why honey?” Just fucking great. He saw how I saved her number. “Because she tastes like honey?”
“Fucking nosy moron,” I hiss, standing up to hide my phone in my pocket, and my jaw drops open. Ava is standing in the doorway, leaning against it. Her long brown hair is spilling over her shoulders, and snowflakes are slowly melting on her hair. Her black jacket is half zipped, and she’s holding her hat in her hands. She’s so cute, so I can’t help but smile at her.
“Ava, baby, so happy to see you.” Clay jumps up from the couch and strolls straight to her, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. She giggles as he whispers something in her ear before he puts her back down and steps away from her.
“Layla and Drake are waiting for you on the porch. They’ll show you your room.”
“Great.” Clay claps his hands together, glancing between Ava and me. “See you later?”
“Absolutely.” She steps aside to let him out. “We’re planning to hang out at the Bensons’ tonight. Just us.”
“Sounds good.” My best friend follows Ava to the hallway, and she closes the door behind him while I wait for her. How much did she hear?
When she comes back, I see she’s wearing a white hoodie with a howling wolf and black jeans. She walks up to me, and I look her in the eyes. “Can I see your phone?” she asks.
“Why?”
“I want to see how you saved my number in your contacts.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to.” How am I supposed to say no to that? Shaking my head, I take my phone out of my pocket, unlock it, and hand it to her. A second later, she gives it back to me. “Honey?”
“Honey,” I confirm, draping a hand around her waist and pulling her to my chest. “Because you’re the sweetest girl I’ve ever had.”
She sucks in a breath and stands on her tiptoes to bring our lips closer. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Yes.”
“I want you between my thighs so bad.”
“Say please.” I lift her, wrapping her legs around my waist.
“Please, Colt…I’m so wet already.”
I turn around and rush upstairs. Once we’re in her bedroom, I put her on the bed and tower over her. My eyes roam over her beautiful face. “When will your dad be home?”
Her eyes sparkle with mischief as she slowly takes her phone out of her pocket. She types something and then tosses it on the bed. “Around six.”
“We have the whole house to ourselves for six hours?” I unzip her zipper and pull down her jeans, along with her panties. Her pussy is dripping, and I feel as if I’m starving. For her. “Ava?”
“No. Drake and Layla are expecting us at four.”
“Okay, I still have time to eat my girl out—” I’m ready to dive in, but she pulls my hair, stopping me and making me groan. “Ouch. Never do that again.”
“Or what, Winnie?”
Realization dawns on me at once. She called me Winnie because I named her Honey. “Did you change how you saved my number?”
“Maybe, Winnie-the-Pooh,” she teases, and I’m losing my mind.
Abruptly, I pull her to her feet. Ava’s eyes go round, and her eyebrows knit together. “I changed my mind,” I tell her, plopping myself down on her bed and nestling comfortably, until I’m lying on my back with my head on her pillow. “You’re going to sit on my face.”
“I’m going to do what?” Her shocked expression is honestly adorable.
“Sit on my face.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.” And yet she takes off her hoodie, keeping on her black sports bra. “I’ve never done that before.”
“Then I’ll be your first.” I extend my palm to her, my dick twitching with need.
“And last.” Ava hesitates, but then she climbs on the bed and straddles my legs. I put my hands on her hips and pull her to me. “What if I suffocate you?”
“Then I will die in fucking heaven.” Her brows raise; her eyes are still round like saucers. Taunting her out of her wits is the best way to both calm her down and push her buttons. “Come here and give me what I want.”
Ava’s chest rises and falls rapidly as she finally makes her decision. Moving slowly, she lowers her pussy onto my face. I maintain eye contact while I suck her clit into my mouth, and she sighs. A blush spreads over her cheeks as she takes off her bra and cups her breasts, rubbing her nipples between her fingers. Those perky little points belong to my goddamn mouth. I don’t like seeing her touch herself—because I want to do it myself.
“Grab the headboard,” I murmur against her clit, and she does as I tell her. “Ride my mouth, Ava. I want to hear you moan.”
The moment she rolls her hips, gliding her pussy over my mouth, I know I will do anything to give her pleasure. She’s so fucking addictive. I won’t be able to even look at other girls, let alone touch anyone else. She gets under my skin like no one ever has, and I love it. Ava makes me feel alive. She’s my favorite type of sweet. She’s my honey.
I lap my tongue over her clit and down her folds. I tease and suck as her breath becomes heavier. Ava rides my mouth, moving slow and deep, and the headboard starts to hit the wall. I watch her face, taking in everything. Her pupils darken, her brows knit together, and she chews on her bottom lip to stifle her sounds. And that’s not something I want. I nibble on her clit, drawing a long, loud moan out of her. She moans my name, and I come a little just from the sound of it leaving her lips. My cock is throbbing in my pants, begging me to fuck her.
“That feels so good, Colt…I’m gonna come so hard…make me come…please,” Ava pleads, staring me in the eyes. “Please, Colt…”
I palm her ass, not letting her move, and I feast on her as if I haven’t eaten in weeks. She’s the most delicious dish I’ve ever had. I lick and suck, fucking her with my tongue and devouring every inch of her pussy. She shuts her eyes, her head bobs back, and she comes, trembling and rocking on the waves of her orgasm. I lick her dry, kissing both of her thighs before helping her to lie on her back. She turns her head to her left, peering into my face. Her lips tremble, and the cutest smile plays on her lips.
“That was incredible.”
“What can I say? I love the way you taste.”
She chortles, hiding her face in her palms. It’s such a simple gesture, but I can’t stand her not looking at me. I gently lower her hands, and our eyes lock. “What do you want to do next?”
Ava rakes her gaze over my face and sits up on the bed. I mirror her, feeling my heart thunder in my rib cage. Whatever she wants—I’m in. She inches closer, pulls my tee over my head, and throws it onto the floor, letting her eyes wander all over my chest. She presses her fingertips to my pulse, feeling how wildly my heart is beating for her. My skin is burning under her touch, and it takes everything I have not to pounce on her.
“Do you have a condom?” she asks breathlessly, and I pull one out of my pocket.
Ava takes it from me, tears the wrapper, and watches me in silence. I take off my pants and add them to the pile of clothes on the floor, not averting my gaze for even a second. She rolls the condom over my cock, moving to my ear and grazing her teeth over it. “Sit.”
I push her pillows aside and sit up straight, leaning my back against the headboard. She straddles my legs, taking my dick inside her pussy. She loops her hands around my neck, presses her tits to my chest, and rotates her hips in the slowest possible motion. Fuck. My girl is perfect.
“Kiss me,” I demand, grabbing the back of her neck. The faintest smile crosses her lips, and then she covers my mouth with hers, taking away all sense of the world around us. Our tongues dance, her piercing stimulating my growing desire and setting my skin aflame. I never thought I could feel something like this, something so consuming and overwhelming. It warms my lower abdomen and makes my heartbeat go crazy. “You feel so good.”
Ava settles more comfortably, putting her knees on my thighs as she rides me slowly, leisurely almost. I bend my head to her breasts, whirling my tongue over her nipple. A breathless moan escapes her lips. I cup her ass, filling my hands with her. There is no rush. I want to savor every moment of this.
She fucks me slowly. Our bodies are covered in sweat, and her hair sticks to her forehead. I reach over and gently tuck strands of her hair behind her ears. I smile as I hold her languid gaze. I never liked looking into the eyes of the girls I had sex with, but with Ava? I don’t want to look away. I feel like myself when I’m with her.
“Roll your hips deeper,” I tell her, gripping her ass again and helping her to speed up her movements. Her moans become louder, and her breath hitches in her throat. So fucking stunning. “Just like that, baby…just like that.”
I grab her throat with one of my hands and squeeze it lightly. She loves this roughness, letting me be in control, even when she’s on top. I add more pressure, and she jerks forward, her hips moving wildly. She’s on the brink of her second orgasm, and I’m ready to fucking explode too. A wave of heat envelops my body when I feel her walls close around my dick. Her body trembles, and she cries out my name. My release comes right after hers. I let go of her throat, only to pull her into me for a kiss, losing myself in her.
“What are you thinking about?” Ava asks quietly as we walk out of her house, heading to the Bensons’.
“I’ve been thinking…” The time we spent together in her bed, and her dad’s words, helped me figure out what I want to do. I’m ready to make a decision I wasn’t ready to make this morning. “Will you go with me to visit my mom?”
“Visit?” She halts in her tracks, and I stop too.
“It’s complicated.”
Ava reaches my hand, entwining our fingers together. “I’ll go with you.”
“Really? I mean, I want to go on Christmas.”
“We can always celebrate later. My dad will understand.”
I hoist her to my chest and gaze down at her. “Thank you, Ava.” I kiss her hard. Her hands fist my hoodie, and her lips part, welcoming my tongue with hers. I pull away only when I feel the need to breathe. Lowering my forehead to hers, I smile. “I will explain everything on the way.”
“Promise?”
“Pinkie swear.” After a light peck on her lips, I let go of her, taking her palm in mine. “Let’s go spend some time with our friends.”
“It should be fun,” she comments with a smile as we resume our walk.
I honestly believe this is the first time since my mom’s car crash that I’ve enjoyed my days.