Signed, Sealed, Baby

Everything feels loud, sounds that never bothered me before now sounded like nails on a chalk board. I wanted to scream out, tell everyone to be quiet. But I couldn’t.

I tried. Fuck did I try.

But I couldn’t.

My eyes failed to open, it was as if they were fused shut.

But all my mind was consumed with was Skylar.

I wanted to tell her I loved her. That I had always loved her.

Silence fell over me suddenly, the feeling of tranquillity coming over me. Pure relaxation.

Was this what death felt like? A sudden sense of freeness? A sudden sense of calm?

No, no no. I couldn’t die.

This wasn’t death. I fought to stay away from the tunnel of light that you hear about, pulling back and away from what would ultimately be the end for me. I wasn’t ready to die. I couldn’t die.

My memories crashed over me, like a film of my life whizzing in front of my eyes. It was like watching a movie on fast forward. I couldn’t appreciate anything I was seeing. It was all too fast. I wanted to press pause and go back to parts of my life. Then it slowed, I’m driving, and Skylar is next to me. We’re driving towards Lowdells, the place where I wanted to spend the weekend, the place where I wanted to drop down on one knee and beg her to marry me. Because let’s be honest, if I asked her after the way things had gone then she would have said no.

I felt the impending doom and fear beginning to creep over me at what was going to happen next. The 4×4 veering towards me, there was no chance of even avoiding it.

Everything replayed in slow motion, my eyes slowly dragging to Skylar. She was leaning down to get her water. She was flustered and pissed at me but it still didn’t stop me seeing how truly beautiful she was. My head twisted round just as the impact took place. The force of the crash threw me back into my chair but before I had a chance to stop myself I was launched forward, smashing my head and face. I should have been knocked out, but I wasn’t. It was as if I was kept awake to make sure she was okay. Adrenaline spiked and coursed through me, pumping through my veins like heroine. Keeping me going and giving me the high I needed to make sure I put her needs above mine.

And I did.

I saved her… I hoped.

The bright light reappeared.

I was an outsider watching in as the cataclysmic event happened, and just at the pivotal point, the light came back. I glanced towards the light, it acted like a magnet. Even if I wanted to stay away from it, I couldn’t. I was being pulled towards it whether I wanted to go or not. This was it.

The final moments of my life. Slowing my breathing, I smiled, but not before turning back and looking into the car and seeing Skylar for one last time.

That’s all I wanted.

Just to see her again.

And now I was at peace.

Turning my body, I stepped towards the light.

Calmness washing over me instantly.