Chapter 7
When Mark got to the end however that feeling of lust was replaced by one of those waves of sadness I was prone to. I had been only focused on the sex, but when Mark continued to the conversation I had with him afterwards the emotions of that day, and the days leading up to it came roaring back to me. I tried to stop them as I knew where it could lead. Despite the fantastic 24 hours I had spent with my brother, it was the funk of the last two weeks that won out.
The first time I had taken my brother was about more than just sex, much more. I was of course physically attracted to Mark, but it was the emotional bond that I was truly after. Up until that point I had never experienced that closeness and feeling of not only wanting but being wanted in return. The experiences I'd had with men-boys really at that time- were not even close to emotional, my first time at seventeen was ten minutes of awkward fumbling with a boy named Jesse that I had been seeing for a few months he was a nice kid, and despite my fears I told myself it would be okay, and let him take me to bed.
He tried to be good to me even cuddling with me when we were done, but I got up and told him I had to leave. That was a recurring theme for me over the next three years. I did get more a little comfortable, and had several lovers but as I had mentioned before couldn't cut loose. I blamed them, then realized it was me. But what are you supposed to do if nothing feels right? It can't be forced. I started seeing older guys in their twenties figuring that since they were more confident then I would be as well but that wasn't the case either. Even though most of them had a place of their own I still didn't like to spend the night.
Just before I turned twenty I met Greg who I saw for a few of months and was very good to me. Greg had also been through some bad shit as a kid, and I found myself telling him what happened to me. He was sympathetic and waited for me to be ready never pushing and after awhile I slept with him and even stayed the night. Things were okay until one night I woke up from a nightmare and was a mess. Greg tried to hold me but I was scared I told myself I should be okay with him but I wasn't.
Greg took me home at 2am where I immediately went to my brother's bed. Mark held me the same way Greg did but I felt better. I felt safe and protected, I also felt loved. I knew it wasn't the same type of love I was looking for but it was love nonetheless from someone who knew exactly how I felt and was going through the same things himself. I continued to see Greg for a few more weeks but then the past reared its ugly head.
As I said Greg was understanding, even when it came to sex. I had no idea what Domming or control was back then, but Greg always let me decide when, how fast, what position and everything in between. He really was good about it. Even when I would feel that anxiety and told him I was sorry but I couldn't, Greg would always smile and say that's okay I was worth the wait. One day we were lying there in his bed, after what honestly had been some damn good sex, I felt completely relaxed and had thoroughly enjoyed him enjoying me.
Well as we continued to lie there he had been looking for a little more. I started teasing him a little, playing with him, getting him worked up then saying I had to go. At that point I got up from the bed as if to leave, in reality all I was going to do was go to the bathroom, and come back because I had been having one of the few great times I could remember. Not only was I looking forward to more but had planned an spending the night. As I went to walk away from the bed Greg asked where, I was going.
I had laughed and told him that I was leaving. Greg then reached out and grabbed me by the hips pulling me back into the bed with him. I'd had my back to him so wasn't expecting it. Maybe if I had seen it coming, seen that he was smiling it would have been different. Well I didn't. All I knew was that I was being pulled back. I had an instant image of trying to crawl across the bed as a young girl and my foster father Frank grabbing me just like that, yanking me back telling me to get that sweet little ass back over here.
I lost it. I started screaming and fighting. Greg made the mistake of trying to continue to hold me. I bit his arm so hard he would need stitches and continued to scratch and claw until he let me go. Greg left the room to give me space. I got dressed and sat there crying refusing to come out. Greg called my house and Mom came to get me. It was a bit awkward as mom obviously knew what I had been doing there, but if it had been Mark he would have hurt him. Greg came over the next day and apologized as did I. After that I saw him a couple of more times but it was over. He had felt he had done something wrong. I knew he hadn't but once that feeling was there that was the end.
I felt terrible; Greg was a great guy, but he became the first of what was to be an ongoing list of the casualties of my dysfunction. That list had just received its latest victim Laura, who had been nothing short of perfect; professional, beautiful, sexy and she absolutely adored me. I managed to steer my thoughts away from Laura at least but couldn't pull out of the past. After Greg I didn't bother at all for awhile, I didn't want to hurt anyone. In the meantime I was lonely, and it was that loneliness that turned me towards my brother.
Mark not only loved me, but practically worshipped me. I could do no wrong in his eyes and god help the person that he thought would hurt me. Where no one else could say boo to him without him losing it, I could say or do anything to Mark and he was fine with it. He loved and trusted his big sister knowing I would never hurt him. Hurt no, but maybe take advantage of? Yes. I knew Mark loved Krissy or at least as much as he was capable of, and eventually he would have slept with her without my help.
Truth was I was afraid of losing him. I wanted to cement the bond that we had, Keep him close make sure he would always be there with me. So I seduced him. Granted he was far from innocent I knew he wanted me, but he would have never gone after it, so I did. It was a risk; I was scared of being rejected by the one person who completely understood me. The one person who made me feel whole. I knew he felt the same for me as well but it was a matter of time before he found that with Krissy. I knew if I got there first however I would have him, Mark would always equate me with that feeling of love and safety, that closeness we so desperately wanted.
I knew there was no way Mark could turn me down that first night. He wanted me too badly and trusted that I wouldn't take him down the wrong path. I also made sure I told him it was more than sex, that I needed him. That next morning really was the big deal for me, I had gone to sleep thinking either Mark would realize we were what we really needed or wake up thinking it was a mistake. I was thrilled he came after me, but do admit to playing a little dirty, telling him to forget it. I guess I was a natural born Mistress even then. Better yet was the way he held me afterwards.
I had meant what I said to him; we were the best of everything for each other. We became the outlet for our darkest sexual fantasies, but when all was said and done held each other like true loves. At that point I didn't care about Krissy or the host of girls I knew he would have afterwards. I would also continue to try to find someone as well. I just needed to know that at the end of the day I would always be who he wanted and needed most. In turn I always felt that no matter what happened I would always have my little brother to hold me and make it okay. Twenty years later he still was just last night...
"Hey Sis you in there?"
I came out of my fog to see Mark looking at me apparently he had finished a couple of minutes ago.
"Um yeah sorry." I said softly.
"That's okay it's good for me to be ignored by a beautiful woman once in awhile. Anyway as I was saying you were right that really was the beginning of..." He paused looking into my eyes which despite my efforts were filling up.
"You okay sis?"
I nodded and whispered;
"And you've been there for me ever since little brother, even right now."
"Hey that's what..."
He stopped as I abruptly swung my legs out of his lap and getting up came over to him. Marks chair was bigger than mine, and didn't have arms. Feeling like a little girl I sat in his lap, wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and put my head into his neck. Mark put his arms around my waist.
"Hey it's okay Meg."
"Thank you." I cried into his neck. "For always being here for me, no matter how bad off I was you were here. Even when I made everyone else give up you never did."
Mark slid his hand up to the back of my head and started stroking my hair. I kept going, once this started I couldn't stop.
"You always protected me Mark, from everything."
"Not everything." He said softly
"You couldn't save me from me Mark. You told me that the night that I finally got straight for good. So you really did that to." I started crying harder. "Thank you!"
"Meg it's okay. I'm sorry I got you going. I was just..."
"Oh Mark I miss Laura!"
I started sobbing loudly at this point. Mark was quiet, then said;
"Well maybe you can go back and work it out."
"I can't Mark, I can't! She wants my heart, and I don't know how to give it," I paused as another sob wracked my body. "Hell I don't even know how to let someone give me theirs! Laura was perfect Mark she gave me everything and all she wanted was me."
"I didn't know you were that close." Mark said as he continued stroking my hair while his other hand also moved up to my back holding me tighter as I melted down.
"I... I didn't either that's the point I didn't even know she cared that much. It's not just Laura it's always like this. I don't think I'll ever find that feeling Mark. I think I'm too broken."
I stopped and just let myself go completely sobbing into his neck. Mark held me silently waiting for it to run its course. I should have known it was coming, the last two weeks had been too much.
"I'm sorry Mark." I whispered as I started to feel myself winding down.
"Don't be Meg."
"I am, you were so good to me today, everything was perfect and I act like this. It's not okay." I added, sounding like a brat but unable to help it.
"I'd rather you be like this with me then alone sis you know that."
I put my head up and kissed his cheek. Trust me when I tell you to say my brother is disliked by the majority of the people who know him would be an understatement, but to me he was the sweetest guy I knew.
"Feel any better?" He asked.
"A little."
I did feel better, but remained where I was in his lap. Mark didn't seem to mind me being there either, as he leaned back a bit in the chair, and grabbing my hip slid me a little closer to him.
" Mark I'm sorry I made that crack about Samantha."
"Don't worry about Megan, it's no big deal."
"No," I told him. "It was. You were in love with her. You got to make love to her." I put my head down.
"No one's ever made love to me."
"Oh come on sis. I'm sure it's happened."
"Nope," I shook my head. "Let's face it with guys I'm either calling the shots or ripping them to shreds, and the women? Well it's sweeter, but I don't know." I looked up into his eyes.
"I think I was mad that you found it. Hell I've been looking, and you just fell into it." I put my head back on his chest.
"I'm sure somebody has Meg maybe you weren't sure."
"My therapist says I'll know when it happens. Let's face it our love/sex lines are blurred we don't even connect the two, but she told me that when I find it I'll feel it, that it's more than in your body." I paused then asked;
"Did you feel it with her Mark?"
He was quiet for a minute and I was wondering if he was going to ignore the question, then he softly said;
"Yes."
"Was it good enough for you to want it again?" This time there was no hesitation.
"Yes."
"Well at least you got to feel it. I guess I'm not the type men make love to."
As soon as I said it I realized I had left myself wide open. Mark didn't disappoint me. With a laugh he said;
"Well what the hell sis that nasty girl thing you get going with kind of takes lovemaking off the table. I mean "fuck me like I need it" doesn't scream romance, it just leads to screaming."
In spite of the melancholy that had overtaken me I had to smile at that. Then trying to keep a straight face I looked up at him and pouted.
"Nasty girls need love too."
Mark laughed again.
"I'm sure they do, and I'm sure you'll find it."
"Yeah?" I asked dubiously. "You think there's love out there for the nasty girl?"
"I'm sure there's plenty of love out there for you." He paused, and became serious. "As a matter of fact I'm sure there is."
"Yeah? I'll have to keep looking."
"Maybe it will find you." Mark said quietlyagain with that odd look on his face. It reminded me of the one he had this morning when he had carried me to the shower.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Mark shrugged.
"I don't know just rambling."
"Oh please you literally don't say anything you don't have to."
Mark shrugged again, and then looked away for a moment. There was something on his mind I could tell. Now I felt like an even bigger jerk since I was upset he would never bring up his own problems. I was going to ask anyways when he turned back to me with a smile;
"Tell you what. How about another quick story?"
"No it's my turn, and I'm not up for it."
"I'll go again."
"Why? You bitched about telling the last one."
"Because it'll cheer you up, I'm getting tired, and can't have you going to bed upset can we?"
"You sure?"
"Absolutely, and this will be a fun one. It's about my favorite time of that whole weekend."
"Yeah? What was that?"
"Be quiet, and I'll tell you."
"Yes sir!" I pouted. Then asked in the little girl voice;
"Can I stay in your lap little brother?"
With that he hugged me closer and whispered;
"You can stay close to me anyway you want for as long as you want Megan."
I went to reply but he put his finger to my lips and started telling me about the rest of our first day.
I awoke to the alarm going off and glanced at the clock saw it was Ten thirty. I didn't need to be anywhere until twelve and Megan even later. Normally ten thirty was an unheard of time for me to sleep, but today I felt pissed I was up at all. I was so delightfully tired I could have stayed in bed for hours. The fact that I was still cuddled to my sister's naked body did nothing to make me want to leave bed. Megan sighed as she reached out and hit the alarm.
"Why are we up?" I asked.
Her answer was to grind her bare ass into my cock and giggle.
"So we'd have time to play of course."
With that she rolled over to face me, and started kissing me. I enthusiastically returned the kiss as my hand ran down her side lingering on her tit where my fingers quickly found her nipple. Megan moaned softly and rolled over onto her back. I rolled over on top of her and after kissing her, slid down tonguing each of her nipples. I trailed my tongue down heading towards her pussy.
"Hold on I want to try something." She said. "lie on your back.
I did as she said. Megan sat up, then turning to face the foot of the bed swung her leg across my chest and lied down on top of me shoving her pussy into my face, and sucking my cock into her mouth. Grabbing her ass I spread her open, and eagerly started sucking her clit. A perfect sixty nine, my sister really was a nasty girl. Apparently Megan wasn't looking to get fucked as she was sucking fast and hard. I tried to concentrate on her clit but kept stopping to moan as she already had me close to cumming. Megan stopped sucking.
"Little brother? One more rule. Last night was your first time so I got you off quick, but from now on your big sister always cums first okay?"
"Sorry," I said captivated by the sight of my sister's pussy spread inches from my face. "You're just so good at it."
"Flattery will get you nowhere little brother. Since you can't hold back, you lick me til I cum then I'll take care of you got it?"
"Oh come on I was close."
"Then get to licking little brother! Faster I cum the faster you do."
Megan rested her head on my thigh and wiggled her perfect ass in my face. I was a little pissed but horny as hell. I sucked her clit into my mouth and started sucking harder and faster than last night.
"oooh someone's in a hurry." Megan cooed then moaned; "And getting better already."
I started swirling my tongue as I shoved a finger inside and within minutes I felt her thighs tighten around my sides. She started working her hips, shoving her wet pussy into my face.
"Oh yeah little brother just like that. Oh you want your turn don't you? Can't wait for your nasty big sister to suck you off can you?"
Megan stopped to let out a long drawn out moan before bucking her hips even harder into my face.
"Oh oh right there Mark ohhhhh!"
Megan shoved her pussy in my face. I could feel it clenching around my fingers as she came. Megan let herself go limp on top of me and sighed.
"Oh goddamn."
Grabbing my cock she started stroking it.
"You ready little brother?"
"Oh yeah."
"Ready to cum in your sister's mouth?"
"Please stop teasing Megan." I begged. She laughed;
"Seeing you asked so nice why not?"
Megan took my cock all the way down, and held it there while I groaned. After what seemed an eternity she began rapidly sucking it in and out, letting out a small moan of her own every time she did. My thighs were trembling in no time. I tried to hold back but she was sucking with a purpose. I let out a loud moan as I exploded into her mouth. Once again I couldn't believe how hard I came. My hips twitched, and I let out a soft whimper as Megan continued to suck milking every last drop out of me. With a loud slurping noise Megan let go of my cock and rolled off me. After turning around on the bed she lied next to me resting her forearms on my chest and staring up into my face.
"Good morning little brother!" She exclaimed flashing that huge crooked smile of hers.
"Good morning." I said still trying to catch my breath. Megan sighed and got up.
"I'm going to shower." She extended her hand to me. "Care to join me?"
We stayed in the shower for close to an hour only jumping out when we ran out of hot water. I have to say out of everything we had done so far, playing in there might have been my favorite. Last night and this morning Megan had come on a bit strong but in the shower it was a different story. As we took our time touching, and playing, and soaping each other up, Megan laughed, and smiled her blue eyes lighting up every time she did. At one point as we stood under the water together rinsing off I looked at her, again thinking that she really was the most beautiful girl I knew. I told her so and she blushed furiously, but her smile got even wider as she did.
As I stood in the warm steam, with Megan leaning up against me while I took my time shampooing her hair I couldn't help but think how right she had been. We were young, beautiful, and sexy. Why not enjoy? The hot water, the steam, our soapy skin, Megan's wet hair, everything seemed more noticeable and enjoyable. It was as if something had changed and I was feeling everything for the first. Speaking of first times Megan told me it was her first time in the shower with anyone which made me feel good. Apparently real good as my cock was becoming hard yet again. Megan noticed as well, her hand dropping down behind her to start stroking it. This time I took the lead. I turned her around to face me, and after pushing her back up against the shower wall grabbed her by the ass and lifted her up onto my cock. Megan wrapped her long legs around my waist and gasped as I started pumping her hard against the wall. I leaned forward and kissed her, she put her arms around my shoulders as we held the kiss moaning into each other's mouths. Megan pulled away and lifted her head up crying out as I fucked her hard and fast. I bent my head down sucking her wet nipple into my mouth. I came surprisingly quick considering it was the third time in as many hours, shooting it deep up inside of her incredible pussy. Megan let her feet drop to the floor then squealed as the water turned ice cold. She quickly hopped out of the shower but I stayed in reveling in the sensation of the cold after the heat. Constant comfort was for the weak and how could you appreciate comfort if you didn't suffer first?