Shouldn't Have Kissed You

Five years later...

Chris took the white T-shirt that was on the bed and wore it. After drying his hair he combed it with his hands before he looked at himself in the mirror. He was good to go, so he walked out of the bedroom. Chris walked down stairs and into the dinning table where his breakfast was waiting for him. This was Alma to him. Since the past five years she had taken it her responsibility to take care of him. They were only two people who were living in the apartment and she cooked as if they were twenty people in that house. And she had moved in the house just to be sure that Chris was okay. That he didn't get tired or try to do anything stupid at all. His mother also wanted to move in with him and that's why he looked for a three bedroom apartment. For that reason and others that were best known to him.

Chris took one toast and served it to a plate that sat opposite to him. He also added two fried eggs and a glass of milk which was covered on top. That was the first thing that he did every time he came to the dinning table. He also took that priority first before himself. And every time there had to be a glass of milk no matter the time of the day. Chris served himself before covering the food and walking back up stairs.

It was time and he had to make sure of that. Chris knocked on the door lightly before working inside. The bed was made and he couldn't help but smile at himself. This was one of the few days that you would walk in and see this. Very few. He walked to the bathroom and opened the door and his smile grew bigger when he saw what was taking place before his eyes.

"You will never stop that, will you?" That was Alma who asked the person who stood there wrapped in a white towel.

It seemed like they had not yet seen Chris because Alma screamed this time. And that's when Chris thought of coming in between the two. Or thought of talking. "Now if you keep on terrorising your nanny that way," he moved inside the bathroom. "She will die before you even turn six kiddo."

"Daddy, how many times do I've to tell you that you've to knock first?"

Yeah, that was always the greetings when the two of them met.

"Good morning to you too son and my night was good, thank you for asking." His son rolled his eyes at him. "And I saw that young man, besides I did knock." Before his son could say anything Alma beat him to it. "You've to brush your teeth."

Chris looked at the old woman and smiled at her. She was all socked because of the little angel who stood there looking at both of them. What could he do without her?

"I will take it from here, nanny." Chris moved to take his son's toothbrush. "Go and get changed."

Alma excused herself and left the two of them. Chris turned to his son and gave him his tooth brush before walking to the bedroom. Alma had placed his son's clothes on the bed. He waited for him there and in few seconds he was out. This was how it worked for them. Chris would either be the one waking his son every morning and helping to take a bath or Alma when Chris overslept. But a day did he not prepare his son every morning. When he woke up late, he made sure that he was the one who dressed him up.

"I'm done." His son walked out giving his a smile.

Chris smiled back and sat on the bed. "Not yet son." He looked at his clothes then back at his son, "I've to make sure you don't smell before you put this on. Now raise you had, Prince."

"You're not going to tickle me, are you dad?"

"Since when do I tickle you?"

"Since you told me that's called tickling."

It was true. Every time he told his son to raise up hand it always ended with a tickle. And so he had to promise that he had no intention of doing that. Which was of course a lie. The two ended up rolling on the bed and his son out of breath and begging his father to stop. Of course not without a catch. Who doesn't do that anyway? Who doesn't use there kids to get what the want and not in bad way.

"Will you throw water on you nanny again?"

No...no dad, I...I won't do that again daddy, please stop."

"You keep saying that, now promise me."

"I do dad, please stop."

And he did. He could help but laugh at the look that he got from his son. He just said I love you too and began to help him get dressed. After few minutes, his son was all dressed up and they were all ending down stairs to have their breakfast. Chris helped his son sit on his chair and opened his already served food. He helped him in eating something that Prince didn't like since he knew how to feed himself. But what could he do? The kid was growing up so quickly and he didn't want that.

Who does anyway? Parents always want their kids to grow up but at the same time don't. Its like they just want them to stay kids forever which can never happen. That's God's plan and we can't do anything to stop it. Once they were done with breakfast, Alma took the utensils away before she came back with a backpack.

"Its that time of the month and a day again."

"It sure is Alma, we've to visit her again."

Chris took his son's hand and before they could walk out Alma spoke up.

"I think you should stop the visit Chris, I mean you should move on."

Chris just smiled at her and said he wished that it was that easy. And he sure did. He did wish that things were different. That he could move on from what took place five years ago but he couldn't. He just wanted to visit her every time. He just wanted to do that but he had to keep on reminding himself that his son came before anything. That his son was first before his love. Chris said goodbye to Alma and walked out with his son.

"We are visit mother today." Prince said when Chris got inside the car after he settled him at the back seat. "I will tell her how I have been a good boy and show her my drawings."

Chris smiled at his son before he started the car. "Have you know?" He looked quickly at the back. "You've been the opposite of good son."

"Its not true and mamma will know it." That was true, she will always take his side. "Do you think that she will like my drawings?"

"No, I think she will love them, Prince."

And the rest of the drive was quite. He was on his own thoughts that he never wanted his son to know about them. He so many regrets in life but he never let them come in between him and his son. He never let them define him before his son. And never wanted to loose his son for them. That was how much he wanted to protect this kid. That was how much he was will to go when it came to this kid. He would even kill himself for it.

"We are here now." He said when he pulled the car into a parking lot.

Chris killed the engine and helped his son out of the care. He hated this place. He hated the smell that it came with it. He hated even to look at the surrounding but he had no chose. He had to visit her this date. He had to be here today because this is what she chose. This is what she preferred over him and he couldn't do anything.

Chris took his son's hand and backpack and walked towards the gate. He didn't want to bring his son here and maybe today would be the last time. Maybe. That's what he kept on telling himself when he brought him here. That what he kept on saying but he always found himself back her. It was same old same but maybe this time he could do it.

Maybe this time he could say good bye forever. Maybe he could let his son grow in a heathy environment which wasn't here. He just hoped today would be the last day. The last day that he would bring his son to this damn place. As he said, his son was the first priority before anything or anyone else. He could finally move on with his life as Alma had suggested.

"Hello mamma," Prince greeted when they got there.

"Hello Maya." He also did the same.

Chris looked at her as she smiled at him and his son. How he had missed that smile. How he had missed seeing her make jokes at him and laugh at him. He missed everything about this woman and he couldn't do anything to change the past. He couldn't even do a damn thing despite all the money that he had. Its good to have money, but its useless when you've it and you can't even use it.

Chris closed his eyes fighting the bitter memories to stay where they always stayed. And that is at the back of his mind. They had to be locked there forever. But today they weren't listening to him. They're not allowing him to even breath and he was loosing it. The pain was too much that he carried inside. Maybe it was time he really let go of it. Maybe it was this time and so he gave in. He let his mind travel back to five years ago.

Kyle screamed and she screamed again and all he could do was stare at the television as if trying to process what he was seeing. His mind refused to digest anything, it refused to believe what the television said. He didn't want to, he never wanted to and that's why he didn't even know when his feet refused to support him. His eyes had to be playing a trick on him but with the reaction around told him they weren't but still his mind refused the news.

Chris didn't know how long it took before he heard voices. Someone was calling him but the voice was not familiar to him. Nothing was anyway. And then he was shock and again on the third time it was a slap that had him noticing where he was. The television was no longer on and Wesley stood before him. His best friend had slapped it and it hurt but it help him realise what was happening. Chris got up from the floor that he sat on and took his car keys. All he thought of was saving Maya. She could die. Shouldn't dare leave him alone. And he wasn't going to let that happen. He was never ready to leave her and neither will she leave him. Never.

Of course, he didn't make it to the door before someone caught him. It was Wesley and he screamed at him. He asked him to go back to his girlfriend who needed him but Wesley never listened. He took the keys away and helped Chris inside the car. He waited for the rest to join and in no time they were at the what was a police station hours ago. Of course no one was allowed to go anywhere near that place as the fight fighters put of the fire. Families where there crying there hearts out and all that Chris saw before him was his life with Maya.

That's all he saw. A few good months of happiness that he had shared with her and then nothing. Once the fire was off you needed no one to tell you anything. The evidence was staring at everyone who was there. There was no more police station in that area. It was all nothing but ashes. That's what stared at them. It was as if it was mocking them. Like telling everyone do you worst. But what is the worst that you can do when you loose everything. When you've nothing to call love anymore?

It was a tragedy that hit everyone in that place and the government could say at that time was that it was sorry. Sorry as if it could bring back the life that it took away from them. As if sorry would heal all the wounds that everyone felt. It was its duty to protect its citizen and it failed. It failed terribly. How else do you explain the attack? How else do you explain the lives of innocent people? Yes, they're innocent and yet the damn brain washed people killed them.

What holy war do you fight when you bring hell in other peoples life? Which God accepts human sacrifice? And until when will people pay for this 'holy war' How long will people bury brothers, sisters, lovers, mothers, fathers or any relative because of terrorist who know nothing. Who know nothing about love, kindness and how to be your brothers keeper. How long will people suffer for this? No one even gets time to say good bye because of a selfish human being there.

And the government? How long is it going to watch things like this take place. Watch peoples daughter get kidnapped so that they can serve the same morons who will take away their own relatives? How long will it just stand by and watch everyone get wiped? And all they do is go to

the parliament and talk about th

having more salaries and sitting allowances. Or how university students should start wearing uniform instead of talking about serious matters. Like how to stop this killings. How to stop everything bad that is happening in the country, but no, the want to wait so that they can say they're very much sorry.

Chris opened his eyes to stop the memories from flowing but they won't let him. He had already gone that rail and there was no stopping that. A day after the bombing, Maya memorial was held in church. And as always people came. They did come and worse was her father Mr. Freeman. And it was time for Kyle to speak. That's when everything made sense or tried to.

"Never in a million years did I ever think that she will be gone this soon. You know, just like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon. And what hurts the most is that it wasn't because of a natural death. She wasn't heal but she is gone. I mean, she was here one day and gone one night. We fought, like really fought but friends do that right? They fight and make up. They say hurting words to each other and still make up.

"But I was never given that chance. I was never given a last time to apologies to her. Why did you turn to be a comet, Maya? You were blazing at me in my life but just like the comet blazed 'cross the evening day and gone too soon. I thought that we had agreed that I would be the first one to die. That I would be the first to leave this world but its like you never listened to me. You just did what Maya felt like Maya wanted. What about those who loved you? What about us?

"And you? She looked at everyone in the church. Why are you crying? Why? Did you even know Maya? Did you guys treat her like she was supposed to be treated? Did you even show her kindness like she showed everyone of us? You, you came here because she saved who ever she saved in your family. But did you get to know her better?

"And that old man sitting there pretends to love her? Why are you crying? Why? Isn't this what you wanted since she was born? Didn't you want to kill her all? How many time? Three or four maybe?"

Phil got up and walked there to stop Kyle from her out burst. But he should have just stayed down.

"Ooh... It's the brother who left her on her teenager. How does it feel to know that your sister died the same day that you came back? You never even got a chance to see her see her one last time. You didn't even see her transform from a child to a woman and you'll never see that because she is dead. You're a bastard and your no différent from your monster of a father. You'll here are monsters. Get out. Get out right now. My friend deserves better than you hypocrites. You all are including me we'll all burn I hell for this."

She was on her knees screaming on how they'll burn in hell and Wes walked to her. He carried her away and people made their own speeches. Even her father had something to say and what Kyle said made sense to Chris. They all were hypocrites who had come to his wife's memorial.

"You know," when it was time for him to speak he began. "I got the ring that I proposed to her instead of her. Today we're holding a memorial for her with no body just a picture. This ring was what proved to me how much my wife loved me. When she said yes to me, I was the happiest man on earth and to day I'm the saddest one on this earth.

"Maybe it's God trying to punish me. I had her yet I never appreciated her. I never showed her love and when I was doing it, she is gone. Gone just like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon. And they say you never know what you've until it gone. You only need the light when the candle is burning low. And I'm doing that.

"Maya, you promised that you'll

never leave me. You gave me your

word but your not here. You left me and now you're like a perfect flower that is just beyond my reach. I can't reach you even if I want to. I don't even have your ashes with me. All that I've of you is a burnt ring." couldn't you keep you promise? Why did you chose to leave us? Why were you so much determine to leave us? How could you be so much selfish? Why did you chose the easy way? Why did you give up on everything that made you happy? I mean you could have survived for your patient if not anyone else?

"I know no happiness without you Maya. I know no forgiveness without you. Please just back to us. We've to apologies to you Maya, you've to give us a second chance. Please Maya. Please come back to us." He wanted to scream. But he had to stop himself from breaking down like Kyle. Wes had allot and he did not want to add into his friend's problem.

"Like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon gone too soon, kitten. Like a castle built upon a sand beach, gone too soon, love. Shiny and sparkly. And splendidly bright. Here one day gone one night. Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight, here one day and gone one night, Cupcake. GONE TOO SOON. GONE TOO SOON. GONE TOO SOON..."

Chris opened his eyes that he had no idea when he closed them. His mouth said the words that he said on that memorial five years ago. The always kept on coming back to him. And he wished that they could just vanish. That he would just lock them somewhere and never let them out, but it never happened. He kept remembering how his wife went too soon.

Every time he got to bed and failed to see hermit hurt more than before. He had lived with that pain for years. Its been years yet the pain never went away. It never subsided even. What was worse was that his son thought that Maya was his mother. He thought that she was the one who gave him life but it wasn't her. It was Kimberly and he brought him up with that lie. It wasn't his chose Kimberly's. She asked him to do that and he did. He did it and now he had to go with the lie. His mind again traveled back.

Chris had seen no reason in living. How do you live when your source of joy is no more. When the one who made you want to wake up every morning wasn't there. So that day he chose the easy way to escape the pain. The easiest to ease his agony and that was suicide. Yes, he wanted to kill himself after months of agony. And when he was about to open his wrist to bleed to death, he got a call from prison. Yes, a call from prison. Kimberly had apparently taken herself to the police the same day the attack happened. She had been held in police station as they made a call to Freeman police station only for the bombing to happen few minutes late. She pleaded guilty and she was sentenced to seven years in prison. And that's why she called Chris when he was about to do he thought was the best thing to do. Chris met his son and that day he really cried. He cried to everything that had happened to him and he thought God had forgotten about him. He thought that he had forsaken him when he had not. Kimberly asked Chris to take care of her prince and to never let any harm come onto him hence the name Prince. She went on to say the only way to show that she was sorry was for Prince to know that his mother was Maya and not her.

Of course Chris didn't agree with it at first but he did later on. Kimberly has never met her son for the past five years and neither does Prince know anything about her. According to her the best punishment is her son not know that she exist which she pays everyday. Soon she will be out but her punishment will stay forever.

"Dad, I should show mamma my drawing."

Chris' thought where brought back by his son who took the backpack from him.

"Will you always be sad every time we come to visit mamma?" Chris felt his son's hand slide on his. "I thought you said that mamma is in heaven dad."

"She is son," Chris wiped his tears away. "I'm just jealous that she is at peace when I'm not."

"What do you mean, dad?"

"Nothing son, show your mamma you drawing."

"No dad."

Chris looked at his son. "What do you mean no?" "My friend told me that her mother than when people die the one who are living should move on. She said that we should let the dead be because they chose their place while on earth. That you chose to be either in heaven or in hell while on the other. And that mercy is on earth so once you're dead you go to where you chose."

That was an heavy message of a five year old kid. And it had every bit of truth in it. And also his nanny, it was time for him to move on. It was time he let Maya go. Time that he thought of what made him who he was for the past five years and that was his son.

"Your friend was right son, this is the last time we come here." He looked at his son. "From now on, its me and you son. Me and you."

"Really dad? Is that a promise?"

"Of course it is." He kneeled down so that he was same high as his young man. "Your mamma will forever be in our heart. Locked in here forever." He placed his hand on his son's heart and his also.

Prince smiled at him. "How about some ice cream then?"

"I thought ice creams were for girls."

"Says who?" His hands were on his west.

"Allot of people."

Prince slapped his hand on his forehead. "You old man, lets go and those ice cream."

"Did someone just call me an old man?"

"Yes, and catch me if you can."

Prince run away and Chris turned to look at the grave. They had buried the ring that had been their engagement ring just to have a grave for Maya. And her head tomb stone read:

HERE LAYS A DAUGHTER, FRIEND AND A WIFE.

Chris looked at her photo for the last time and he felt free for the first time in five years. Its like her smile this time told him go and live your life which made him smile.

"Thank you, Maya. You'll forever in my heart. Thank you for the few months we shared together. You taught me forgiveness and true love and I'll forever teach our son this. Till we meet again."

But he couldn't help and think of what could have happened if he hadn't kissed Maya. She would still be alive today. He really shouldn't have kissed her.

"I'll catch you, just wait and see."

He got up and run after his son who was few meters away from him.