Shouldn't Have Kissed You

"Did you find her?" Kimberly asked the moment Chris stepped inside the house.

Chris placed the keys on the coffee table and rubbed his hands on his face. He was frustrated, scared, tired and hurt at the same time. This isn't what he had hoped it would end. Not in this manner anyway. That's why he had such emotions running through him.

And could you blame him anyway? It had been a week since Kimberly showed up at their door step. Yes, a week since he set his eyes on his wife or heard her voice. a week staying in the same house with Kimberly who kept on asking the same question every time he stepped inside his mansion.

That was why he was frustrated with everything. That he could breath when he had no idea if his wife was still breathing. She had left that same night that Kimberly walked in and thinking of that scared him a whole other new level...

"Chris for crying out loud will you keep quite?" He didn't bother to look at her. "It's been a freaking one week and you've not said a word to me. Not even."

Chris walked past her and towards the stairs. He needed shower and change of clothes before he stepped out again. That's how he served. He had looked every where that one could look. Hell, he had visited hospital and police stations just to make sure but nothing.

His wife didn't want to be found. She didn't want to see his face but he did. He needed Maya besides him. He needed her to fight his ghost and everything but its like the world had swallowed her alive. Because what else would explain her disappears. Chris let his shirt fall down before he was turned around forcefully.

"Do you think that this will solve anything?" Kimberly asked looking him straight in the eye.

Chris looked away from her. He didn't want to argue with her. In fact he didn't want to talk to her and he had survived for a good one week. He had but it seems like he did not learn very well from his teach. Chris could count how many times he wanted to talk to Kimberly. How he wanted to let her see his frustration and it was more than he preferred to keep quite.

How his wife could pull through with silent treatment was beyond him still.

"What do you want me to say?" He did not mean to shout but he did anyway. Chris watched Kimberly coil away from fear and for a second he did feel sorry for her. For a second. "A thank you ugh? Ooh thank you so much Kimberly, thank you. Because of you I'm leaving my dream life. I am so happy that you forced yourself in me. Thank you."

Chris watched as Kimberly wipe away her tears. They could be fake for all he knew. The Kimberly that he had once grown to love didn't cry. In fact she feared nothing and she would have whatever she wanted and it didn't matter who she hurt. It has never anyway, not now nor tomorrow nor forever.

That was the Kimberly that he knew. So her fake tears, her fake tears weren't going to work on him. They weren't going to make him forget what she did to him. To his marriage, perfect life with his wife and his life. She hurt him beyond repair but Maya had made the demons and the trauma in a way go away.

"You'll never forgive me, will you?" She asked wiping away her tears.

He didn't know that. He thought he could with Maya besides him but now, now he had no idea of what to think any more. They say time heals all wounds but there some that can't be healed by time. Time doesn't help you forget. It never does because every time you see the scar, you'll remember. You will feel the pain all over again but you won't do anything to stop it. Because you can't undo what's already done. Once the damage is done, its done and his was already done.

"Chris, I loved you and I still you." She still had her crocodile tears on her. "I was afraid of loosing you and can you blame me?" She moved away from him looking every where but not him. "You love Maya now and I wanted to have a clause with you. That's why I did what I did but you cant keep punishing me for that mistake. I mean, its been over four months now."

Chris slammed his left hand on the wall. "FOUR MONTHS? You can stand there and talk about four months? If it wasn't for Maya's love I don't know where I would be. Do you know how its a shaming for a mar to say that he was..."

"And that's why I've been apologizing for the whole week. Isn't my sorry enough? Do you want me to kneel because I'll do that Chris." She went down on her knees but it didn't bring any satisfactory that he thought it does before. "Chris, I'm also human and I do make mistakes too. Can't I be given second change as Maya gave it to you. In fact we're no different if you think about it."

"No difference? Kimberly can you listen to yourself as you speak? I'm not like you, I will never be like you, ever." He tried. He really did try.

How dare she compare herself with him? They were nothing a like and they would never be. Maybe they had somethings in common before. Maybe they did dirty things together before but not anymore. He had never thought that she would stoop so low to that extent.

"My only focus right now is to find my wife." He said looking away from her kneeling form. Her bell had began to show but you couldn't tell if she hadn't told you that she was pregnant. He was supposed to be thinking about Maya and not himself. It wasn't about him anymore but his wife.

Kimberly got up from her knees slowly and wiped her tears away. She was also worried about Maya but who would believe her. After every thing she had done to the both of them was enough not to be given a chance. A chance to explain herself too.

They say love does crazy things right? Why then couldn't they understand her? Why let her feel like she was the worst human being on this earth when she was sure she wasn't. Yes she knew what she did to her relationship with Chris was beyond repair but she also hadn't planned for this.

She didn't plan to become pregnant. She never even had that idea cross her mind. The damage was done and all she hoped for was that there would be at least a bit of safety control anyway.

Kimberly walked out of the bedroom and walked to her room if she hadn't done what she did a week ago she wouldn't in that mansion. She wouldn't have come that day and not even any other day. She was happy for Chris. Happy that he had found Maya to love and that she loved him back. That was all she ever wanted.

Mean, she was in love with him and if you love someone, then you do anything just to see them happy. Even though it hurts you. And it did. It hurt her then, now and till the day the love will go away. Mean, fade away.

Kimberly laid her head on the pillowcase and let her tears flow more. She never thought that this would be the consequences of her actions. They were so many that she actually thought she was born to make them. What else could one think if the trouble happened when you did something regardless of how good you think is for the one you love.

She shouldn't have run here. She made a mistake and now she was paying for it. No, it was not her but the man that she claimed to love. Who does what she did anyway? Apparently her. Kimberly let a bitter laughter leave lips and she wiped her flowing tears away.

After a while of crying, she got up and walked to the bathroom where she washed her face. This was her, the broken her. She also hurt inside but people took her as the mean her. The Kimberly that ghetto made her who she was anyway.

Yes, she grew up with nothing. She wasn't like Maya who a governor's daughter. She was never born with sliver spoon as anyone thought she was or what she had portrayed her life to be. In fact she had no idea of who her parents were. And the ghetto, ghetto taught her how to straggle in life. How to take what you want without carrying about the others. But it never told her that you don't grab everything but leave some for others to also fight for.

That was her mistake. Hers to learn the hard way despite her feeling that she had paid for it through out her childhood. Kimberly stepped out of the bathroom and walked down stairs to wait for Chris. He barely slept and guess it was thanks to who? Of course her.

She sat at the couch thinking of how to make it up to him. But nothing she did made him change his heart. She had knelt before him but still he chose to look away. Chris was right but she had to try, what else can one do apart from trying and hoping.

"Chris." She called minutes later when he walked past her. He was freshened up but he was loosing weight. How could he not when he eat nothing? "Can you please eat something. I'm sure Maya wouldn't want to see you like this when you see her again."

She had made dinner before he walked in early and she was hoping that he would at least try to it. Not for her but for his wife. In fact he needed more than just food to get his wife back. He needed a friend too. Chris didn't look at her instead he began to walk again.

"At least for our child."

That had him stop at his track. Their child? Their was not their there. He never wanted this. Not with Kimberly. If he wanted kids it was with Maya and not the with the wolf that was wearing sheep's skin. Who knows the food might be drugged again. Yes, again. And thinking of that had him loosing his sanity.

"Are you planning to drug me again?" His hands were hurting from the fist he held them but he didn't care.

"And why would I do that Chris?" So innocently she asked when she knew the answer.

Chris laughed but it was a bitter laughter. "Have you forgotten? To RAPE of course. Isn't that what you did to me before? Isn't that why you're pregnant, Kim? I loved you Kim, I did but right now, I've no idea of what I feel for you. Maybe hatred but I'm not sure. I'm not even sure of my feelings anymore.

"Kim, I hurt Maya in more than one way for you but that was never enough. It wasn't enough to prove my love for you. I mean which saint man would bring his lover to a honeymoon? But I guess it's me. We dic things to that poor soul but she she chose to forgive us.

"Hell, we even had an argument with

her because of you. Because she found out that I had fired you. She

didn't know why I fired you and I didn't tell and now I regret not telling her the truth. And you know why didn't tell her? Because I didn't have enough guts to say, 'hey Maya, guess what? You're husband is such a looser, imagine he got raped.'I never wanted her to look me differently or with pity.

"I mean how does a man clam that he was raped? How to you say you were forced into having sex with another person? Who would believe you if you said that? That's why there are so make cases like this take place out there. Because women are getting away with the crimes. They're doing as they wish with men and there is no one to fight for the boy child.

"That's why when under age engage in sex the boy is prisoned for twenty years when the girl is let scot free. Men are being abused also in relationships but people don't want to believe that they're being abused because according to society, how can a lady abuse a man when it is really happening. We've been neglected as men.

"Women empowerment has snatched our rights too. It has made men to be forgotten that's why people like you excite. That's why you can rape me and walk like an innocent person when you're not. And I think it's time that we had that equity that you people are proud of.

"But you know the funny thing?" He asked shaking his head. It still hurt and it would till the end of time. "It's that I never got a proper answer as to why? Why you would chose to do that to me when I never hurt you. I mean you claimed to understand when I got married to Maya So tell me why? Why would you make me feel worthless? Why would you chose that kinda punishment Kim? Why?"

Tears were flowing done on his cheeks and he looked up at her. He needed answer. A clause for that matter and he deserved one right?

When she didn't speak up he found himself shaking her.

"Speak up god damn it Kim. Tell me why you did what you did to me. Tell me why when I finally proposed to Maya you chose to come up here to claim you're pregnant.

"I mean we dated for years and I a times I didn't use protection and not even once did you get pregnant. You're always on pills. Right? I mean why wait for four months and appear at my door step shaking like a leaf and announcing that you're carrying my baby? Why? I need answers Kim."

Kimberly pulled away from him. He was hurting hurting her but is couldn't compare to the hurt that she inflicted on him. She stoop so low and she regretted it. She did every single day since the incident. "Chris I loved you. I just wanted to feel you for the last time." She tried to explain fighting her tears away. It hurt. It really hurt. And it even hurt more when she saw the hurt in Chris.

"We never had sex since the marriage apart from making out. I wanted more but you never gave in Chris. I know I was the first one to stop you on you're wedding day but I never thought that you would see the sense in it and I began to pay for it.

"Chris, I just wanted to love you for the last time before you left me for Maya. That's why I dragged you. That's why I failed to let you walk away that day without having you for the last time. My mistake was to love you Chris. That was my only mistake because it lead to this.

"As for the pregnancy, I didn't plan for it. Not one bit and I know it's hard to believe me it happened we can't change the past. I'm sorry Chris. Really sorry. And I'm also sorry for the future mistakes."

He had no strength to stand anymore and that's why his legs gave him away. He fell on the ground and allowed his pain to pass. It was the first time he cried over himself since the incident happened. He had to let it all out in the open and this was the perfect time. This time before he began to search for his wife.

Kimberly moved away towards him. What else could she do? They're both in pain.

"Where have you looked for her?" Kimberly asked in a slow torn as she looked at Chris. They had to think of where to find Maya.

The time she left was a dangerous time for any woman to be out. Hell she didn't even take her phone nor any of the cars. And it's been a week, week since she left in pain.

She never said anything when Kimberly said that she was pregnant and it was Chris'. She didn't even react when Chris explained his situation instead she walked like a zombie leaving the both of them there. Chris was so numb that by the time he released what was happening she was no where to be found. He called Kyle but she hadn't seen Maya. He even called Leonel and neither did he know her where about and now, here they were still hoping she was okay.

He didn't know how but his mouth opened up and spoke. It's like it had its own mind.

"Every where Kim. Everywhere but she doesn't want to be found. I've gone to Mr. Ambrose for a thousand times but she isn't there." He answered thinking of how he had thought she would seek refuge in either Kyle's place or Leonel but to his surprise she hadn't turned up to either of them.

"I've even checked with her father knowing very well that it would be the last place she would go. I had to hope, right?"

Kimberly placed her hand on his shoulder. How could she ever make it up to them. She was sorry but the damage was already done. And to even think that the worse was far from over.

"No, of course not. You've to have faith Chris." She still kept on rubbing his shoulder. "All we need to do is think of some..."

Kimberly was cut off be a cellphone ringing. Chris sat on his knees and took his phone out of his jeans pocket.

"Kyle." He tried to talk like a normal himself. "Any news?"

"No Chris. I've checked everywhere she could possibly be but she is there."

"Where could she be Kyle, we've looked everywhere and we can't find her. God knows I don't want to think of the worse."

"Please don't Chris. There must be that one place that we've not checked. Think Chris. Think."

And he did. He had gone everywhere and she wasn't there. He even had to go some places more than one time just to make sure. There where else could they look for her? Where was that one place that he hadn't searched.

He still remembered his father in law's word when he had gone to look for her. He didn't give a damn not even one bit.

"That whore can go to hell for all I care."

His words. Chris wanted to bit the shit out of him but Kyle assured him his punished would be worse than he would ever imagine. And that, Chris couldn't help and pray it would be soon. And soon enough.

And then it hit him where they hadn't looked and he was on his feet when he said.

"Kyle, I think I know where I might find her."

And before he could hear any reply he hung up and he was on his way to that one place that they hadn't checked. ▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪