Shaun Phillips and The Hat of All Hats

Once everyone had picked an explorer, Mrs. Bodeen brought us down to the school library to use the computers and get information for our reports. I sat at a table with Johnny and Walter. We looked through a big book and took some notes; or at least we tried to. I pulled a notebook out of my backpack but when I dropped it on to the table it hit my pencil and sent it flying. Of course Johnny and Walter thought that was so funny that they had to try bouncing their pencils off the table.

Johnny’s pencil went flying and hit Lisa in the back of the head.

“Cut it out!” Lisa said, throwing the pencil back at us.

Walter’s pencil just landed on the floor. As he bent down to pick it up he FARTED!

“Ha, ha! Dude that stunk!” Johnny said fanning his hand back and forth and laughing hysterically.

“Ha, ha, ha.” Walter was laughing at himself.

“He let it rip.” I whispered, trying not to break into loud uncontrollable giggles.

“No.” Johnny replied, still laughing hard and almost falling out of his seat. “He cut the cheese!”

“He tooted his horn!” I belted out, not able to stay quiet anymore.

“He released the beast!” Johnny shouted.

“I got one!” Walter said laughing so hard he couldn’t get his words out. “I…I... Ha, ha ha!”

“Okay boys, that is enough! I’m afraid that this is not going to work.” Mrs. Bodeen said as she walked toward our table.

She sent Walter to work with Andrea and Tyler on the other side of the room.

“Eew what stinks?” Andrea asked as Walter joined her group. “Oh that’s horrible!”

Ah, time and distance was no match for the mighty fart! It lingered on and on!

Mrs. Bodeen sent me over to join Josh and Suzie.

“What about me?” Johnny asked, starting to calm down. “Who am I sitting with now?”

“I think you will be best sitting right there by yourself.” Mrs. Bodeen said with a smile.

“Bummer!”

I felt sorry for Johnny having to sit by himself. At the same time, I knew if I stayed at the table with him I never would have gotten any work done. Besides, it was great sitting with Suzie.

The afternoon went by quickly. Before we knew it it was time to pick up and get ready to go home.

I left the school with a backpack full of books. I had so many ideas for my Explorer presentation and I was deep in thought about it on the bus ride home.

“Hi Shaun how was your day?” My mom asked as I got home and went into the kitchen to grab a quick snack.

“It was good… Oh and the most awesome part of the day was when Walter farted in the library! I’m talking a powerful one. It reeked but it was hilarious too. Johnny and I fell out of our seats laughing! I tell you Mom if they graded farts like they grade storms it would have been at least a category 4!”

“Well isn’t it nice to know that my son is so educated on farts! Please tell me you learned something more important than that today.”

“Well Mrs. Bodeen gave us a new assignment. We’ll be doing projects on the Explorers and writing papers about them. The presentation will be fun but the writing part might be hard.”

Then I had a great idea.

“Hey Mom will you do the writing part for me?”

“Sure! And I’ll serve chocolate cake and candy for dinner tonight!”

“Really?”

“What do you think?” Mom replied with an evil grin on her face.

If you haven’t figured out by now, the gift of SARCASM runs in my family!

On that note, I gathered my books and papers and headed upstairs.

As I walked toward my room I heard strange voices coming from Katie’s room down the hall. I went over by her door and listened.

“Oh Mrs. Pepper you look so pretty today. Where did you get that those fancy shoes?”

“Oh why thank you Katie. I bought these shoes in France. It’s a wonderful place. You should visit there sometime.”

“Oh well maybe I will. Would you like some tea?”

“Oh yes please.”

“Would you ladies stop gabbing about shoes and tea and France and pass the stupid cookies already!”

“Well somebody is a big grouch today! Mr. Giraffe you are not being very polite.”

“I’m sorry Katie. I’m just so hungry. I want a cookie but you ladies just keep on yapping and yapping. It’s impossible to get a word in here!”

“I am sorry about that. Here’s a cookie. Is that better?”

“Yum, that’s much better. Thank you Katie.”

“You are very welcome but next time, remember your manners! Now Mrs. Monkey and Mr. Bear can I interest either of you in some tea?”

“Yes indeed! Thank you Katie.”

“Two sugars for me dear if you please.”

Who were all these people in Katie’s room? Then I had a thought.

“Oh no please tell me it’s not what I think it is.” I mumbled to myself. “I really hope Katie didn’t take my hat!”

I knocked on her door.

“Come in!”

Yup, it was exactly what I thought it was! Grrrr!

“Hi. Shaun. Your sister made tea. Would you like to join us?” The big teddy bear was talking.

“Come sit next to me Shaun!” exclaimed the life size doll patting her hand on the chair next to her. “It’s just a lovely afternoon isn’t it?”

My jaw dropped. Katie’s dolls and stuffed animals were all sitting up. They were chatting. They were sipping tea and eating oatmeal raisin cookies.

“Katie!” I screamed. “You took my hat! You went in my room and took my hat!”

“Well the door was open and your hat looked lonely.” Katie whined. “And I wanted to use it so I took it so I could have a tea party with my dolls.”

“Give me back my hat Katie!” I reached toward her and tried to grab the hat off her head.

“No!” She screamed and backed up. “You use it all the time and Daddy used it and I want a turn too!”

“Katie I’m going to go tell Mom. MOM…Katie won’t….”

“No Shaun, no! Don’t tell Mommy!” She cried. “Don’t tell Mommy. I just want to use it for a little bit. Please! I promise I’ll give it right back when I’m done.”

I took a deep breath. I was definitely angry with her but I didn’t have time to argue. I needed to work on my project.

“Okay Katie. You can use the hat. Just remember the words to end it and put it back in my room when you’re done.” I left Mrs. Pepper’s tea party and went to my room to start my homework.

I wrote five sentences about Magellan. I thought it looked good. My arm was tired from all that writing though and I needed a break. I got up and stretched for a few minutes before sitting back down to work.

“Hmm.” I said out loud to myself. “I could use my blocks and put together a ship like the one Magellan traveled on.”

I got right on that and built what I thought was a “masterpiece!” With that done, I went back to writing until dinner time.

After dinner I had Mom look over what I had written.

“Shaun this is very good work. I think Mrs. Bodeen will be pleased. I like the ship you built too. I’ll find a box for you to put it in. That way it will get to school safe.”

Mom left my room and then came back with a box big enough to handle my construction.

With that done, I pulled out the new book we got in Language Arts and read the first chapter. It was a good story so far. I had a feeling I was going to enjoy it a lot more than the last book we read. After that, I was starting to get tired. I was so tired that I didn’t even want to play a video game that night.

I put all my books and papers back into my backpack. I made a quick trip to the bathroom to brush my teeth and then got right into bed. I fell asleep within minutes.