Shattered Souls (Guardians of the Maiden Book 3)

The world had lost color.

Everything was now in shades of black and dull gray. One blending into the other in a depthless gradient. No end. No beginning. The bowels of the ship creaked as it swayed on the seas, though Von couldn’t hear it. Not the drip water leaking down the rusted cell bars. Not the scuttle of rats. Not the hazy hum of voices on the deck.

All he heard was the screams.

Over.

And over.

The blood that leaked from his ears had long dried into thin trails on the sides of his face. Von had beat them, tore at them with his nails to make the screams stop. It never did.

His stiff body had gone numb from the icy wet floor. He had no strength or will to move from the shadowed corner where he laid curled against the wall. Didn’t bother reaching for the moldy bread left on a tray by his feet. His eyes stayed fixed blankly on a rusted nail sticking out of a plank by the cell door.

Screaming.

Screaming.

Kill me. Please kill me. He sent the prayer to any god who would listen. His life had ended on those waves. Consumed by flames. He didn’t need it anymore. Why was he still alive?

Breaking and mending that which thee lacks.

What did he lack? What had killed his wife?

There was no sense of time, though it seemed to drag on endlessly as he listened to the screams. Day and night were only marked by the chill in the air. Von’s heart slowed further and his lungs struggled for breath. Then coughs came and his vision darkened.

He was dying and he was glad of it.

“You did this,” a deep growl rumbled in the darkness. “This is where duty has brought you.” A large shape moved in the cell across from him, and Sorren’s snout appeared in the moonlight streaming from the windows. “Do you feel fulfilled?”

Von stared blankly at the rats chewing on his pant leg. He didn’t feel anything anymore. Every part of him was numb.

“Damn you, Von. Do you think becoming a mindless coof and wasting away will change anything? You don’t think I want to forget? They killed the boy, too!” Sorren roared and beat his fists against the bars. “Yavi—”

Von flinched. Her name stung him like a whipped.

“She and Geon are two more names on that long ledger of lives Tarn has taken. Have you finally had enough?”

But the words were muffled beneath the screams he couldn’t forget. Sorren dropped back in the shadows in solemn disgust. Did he see the emptiness? The vast hole in his soul?

“Tarn has broken you,” he said. “Now we truly are forsaken.”

The heavy door to the brig creaked open and the thud of boots neared and stopped outside of his cell. Keys jangled and the cell door swung open. Olsson crouched in front of him. “Commander.”

Von’s chest tightened. The title didn’t belong to him anymore.

Olsson noticed his damaged ears and shook his head. “I’m greatly sorry for your loss and the part I played in it. I wish…” He sighed, looking away from his blank face. “Come, the Master calls.”

Von was hauled to stand. Olsson half carried him, his bare feet dragging on the wet floor, step by slow step. The cries on the wind grew louder as they climbed the stairs, more real as he crossed the deck lit by lanterns.

He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the flames.

“This is yours,” Olsson murmured under his breath and he quickly shoved something cold in Von’s hand. Then his footsteps receded.

Upon realizing what he held, a shallow breath coated his lungs with frost. Von fell numb as he squeezed the golden ring tight in his fist.

“Now that you have repaid your debt, your holy duty is finished.” Von turned to see Tarn slink forward from the shadows by the helm. “You are at last free.”

The word shook something inside of him.

You have always been free, Von.

He looked out at the frozen seas at the call of her voice. Tears welled in his eyes. How unfortunate that he didn’t realize that until it was too late. She died…because of him. Because he had been a weak coward.

“We have seen many things, you and I,” Tarn continued behind him. “Spilled blood and lost blood, and it was all for a purpose only we can see through. We have come far and we have more yet to go.”

We? Since when had it been we?

Von didn’t understand, but he didn’t care. Not anymore. He was free to choose what to do with his life now. The thing that he had lacked had been his will, as it had been twisted and bent to Tarn’s whim. He had given up the rights to his freedom for the sins of the past and the person he loved most paid for it.

But that duty was over now.

There was only one thing left for him to do because for once, he had a choice.

And he chose the end.

He walked away from Tarn. The bondage that held him down for years began to snap with every step he took, one chain link at a time. His eyes stayed on the dark seas knowing that was where he would find her.

His Yavi.

“Von?” Tarn called, confused. “What are you doing?”

He reached the stern of the ship and climbed up.

“What—Stop him!”

Raiders flooded the deck, shouting at him to come down. Balancing on the railing, Von turned. Tarn ran down the stairs to him, his wide eyes fixed with a look he hadn’t seen in fifteen years.

Desperation.

Von realized then why the one he once called Master had kept him alive all this time. Even when he caused his sister’s death and constantly failed. As much as Tarn pretended he cared for nothing, Von was the last piece of his past. The last shred of a connection to Aisling—and he couldn’t help clutching on to it.

Taking that away, it filled Von with a sick gratification. They both should have died with her that day. That was the only answer that made sense to him anymore. He spread out his arms to the night sky as he felt the last of his chains break away.

“I command you to stop!” Tarn reached the stern, lunging for him.

“Piss off.” Von let himself fall.

Tarn’s fingers missed him by inches, then he was claimed by the wind. It yanked him down and he crashed into the frozen sea. The churning waves swallowed him with a roar. He sank into its icy embrace. It was so cold it knocked the air from his lips. It burbled away from him as the moonlight fell further and further into the distance. As he floated away, the ocean draped him in silence and he found it peaceful.

No more pain.

No more nothing.

But an absolute peace.

A shadow dove to him and he smiled knowing who had come to escort him to his beloved. Death caught him, wrenching him through the darkness, and Von was grateful one god had finally answered. But it wasn’t the Seven Gates that greeted him. Only the burning gasp of air entering his lungs. He was hauled up over a rowboat and dumped in a wet heap. Von’s shivering body heaved as he vomited sea water before slumping over. Someone rolled him onto his back and he squinted up at the face above him. It was hidden beneath a black hood, except for a set of amber eyes.

“Elon?” he rasped, not sure if he was dreaming. “What…why…why are you here?”

The elf sat back and picked up a set of oars. “You saved my life, Commander. Honor bound me to do the same.”

Von’s vision dimmed as they rowed away from the ship falling further in the distance. He would live another day, and yet he felt cheated. Yavi fell out of his reach once more and tears froze on his lashes. The bitterness made him fleetingly regret giving Elon the antidote for Fengu venom, but as he clenched her wedding ring in his numb fist, he thought perhaps the fates were giving him one more chance to do things right. A quick death was too easy when he could do so much more.

Tarn had stolen everything from him.

It was about time he paid for it.