Shadows Of Desire

Rowan stood, taking in the beauty of the meadow he now found himself in. He wasn’t sure how or why he was there or even where there was. Moments earlier he had been in the gate yard of Basmorte, speaking with Lady Morrigu. He recalled the flash of blinding light and then he was gone, transported to this serene and sunlit meadow. Dazed by what had happened, he had to wonder, was he dead? Had that blinding light inadvertently killed him? Was this heaven?

It must be. There was no other explanation that he could think of. Surrounded by ethereal beauty, he stood bewildered, his heart pounding with a mix of curiosity and apprehension. This was not what he’d expected the afterlife to be like, though his teachings were of the Vampire God Sheul and Sheowan, the dark and frightening afterlife promised to all of the undead. This place though, this was something else. The air was alive with an otherworldly energy. A gentle breeze carried the fragrance of flowers in full bloom and the sun above shone brighter than it ever had in Basmorte.

All around him stood figures dressed in silver and gold robes that glowed as brightly as the sun that shone down on them. Their graceful movements were akin to a dance choreographed by the very wind itself. Among them, a familiar silhouette emerged, one that sent waves of emotions cascading through Rowan’s very being.

“Mother?” He uttered, his voice carrying a mixture of wonder and confusion.

Ellarian walked toward him, her form illuminated by a gentle glow that seemed to emanate from within. She stood before him, as radiant as ever. Her eyes, the same mesmerizing shade of emerald green as his own, shone with love and pride upon seeing her son, not in a dream, but in the flesh, mere feet from where she stood.

“Rowan.” She spoke, her voice resonating like the sweetest melody. “My dear child, seeing you here now fills me with such joy.”

Tears welled up in Rowan’s eyes as he stepped forward, hardly daring to believe what his senses were telling him. She was real and close enough to reach out and touch. It was more than he could have ever hoped for.

“Mother.” He whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. Before he even knew what he was doing, he had rushed forward, throwing his arms around her as he pulled her into a tight embrace. Ellarian wrapped her arms around Rowan, returning the hug and the two just held each other, each crying tears of joy for the long overdue reunion.

Too soon Ellarian pulled back and looked her son over. Her smile lit up her face and she reached out, cupping his cheek with a tenderness that only a mother could show. Rowan wiped at his tears then touched her hand with his as he smiled back at her. Memories of his childhood came flooding back as he recalled just how calm and loving her touch had been. With just one, simple, touch, she could chase away all of his fears, making him feel safe and secure. It was a touch he never thought he would ever feel again. At least, not in the waking world. But, this wasn’t his world and he still had no idea how he had gotten there. One question though hung in the air between them and he had to ask.

“Am I dead?”

Ellarian smiled warmly as she shook her head. “No, my child. You are not dead.”

Rowan looked at her, confused. “Then where am I? What is this place?”

“You are in Annwn.” She told him. “A realm that exists beyond mortal understanding. In this place, time flows differently. Peace and tranquility reign eternally. It is where the Tuatha escaped to when we left your world.”

“But, if this is Annwn, the land of the Tuatha, how...” Rowan furrowed his brow as he searched for the right words. “Why am I here? How did I get here? A moment ago, I was in Basmorte.”

Ellarian sighed. “Morrigu’s power brought you here.” She explained. “It was something she had not anticipated happening at the time. Your natural Shee powers tried to protect you from the power that sent the Lycans away and incapacitated the Vampires. The combination of her power and yours opened a rift between worlds and you were sent here as a result.”

“How could she not know that this would happen?”

“My child, we had no idea that you were so powerful. We should have, given who and what you are, but it’s just not something that we foresaw.”

“Because I’m part Vampire?”

“Because you are the child prophesized about long ago. The child destined to end the suffering of the Fae and bring peace back to the realms. I have known all my life that such a child would one day be born. I just never realized that I would be the mother of that child.”

Rowan frowned. “I still don’t understand all this talk of destiny and fate. There is absolutely nothing special about me. This power you say that I have, I don’t know how to harness it. My coming here was a fluke, a mistake. I’m not the powerful being that you think I am. I’m...I’m just an omega.”

“Oh, my child. You are so much more than that. You give yourself so little credit, but come, let us talk awhile. It’s been far too long since we’ve just sat and talked.”

Rowan nodded, following Ellarian to a small garden of radiant flowers. She sat down on a bed of soft grass and wild flowers, beckoning Rowan to sit beside her. She looked to her son, her eyes shimmering with ancient wisdom, met Rowan’s own, curious gaze.

“I’ve been watching you.” She told him. “All your life I have watched over you, guiding you when I could and protecting you when I must. I can see that you have grown into a remarkable man, Rowan, and I am so incredibly proud of you and of the strength and kindness that you possess.”

Rowan blushed some. “I hope that you do not watch me too closely.” He said, a bit flustered.

Ellarian laughed. “I only see what I need to see. Rest assured, the private moments you spend with your husband are yours and yours alone.”

Rowan breathed a breath of relief. There were moments in his life that not even a mother should be privy to, and he didn’t want to think of his own mother seeing him during his most intimate moments.

Rowan’s eyes glossed over with tears when he thought of the years he had spent in Basmorte. The horrors that his mother must have seen. But then, she herself had fallen victim to Desmond’s cruelty as well. If anyone understood just what Rowan had gone through, it would be her.

Ellarian frowned when he saw the forlorn look in Rowan’s eyes. “You have suffered much in your life.” She told him, a hint of sorrow in her words. “And for that, I am eternally sorry. Desmond was a monster and it broke my heart that I had to leave you with him.”

“I never knew.” Rowan said, looking into his mother’s eyes. “How much you suffered. I had always thought that you and father loved each other. When I learned the truth...” He trailed off, shaking his head. Ellarian’s fate had been far worse than his and it pained him greatly to think of how she had suffered and what she had sacrificed, just to keep him safe. “Why did you never speak of the torment that you faced with my father? And, why did you never speak of your true heritage?”

Ellarian folded her hands in her lap as a gentle sigh escaped her. Speaking of the past brought up so many terrible memories but also good ones as well, intertwined with the bad. How could she explain to him that she had only wanted to spare him the painful truth so that his memories of his childhood would not be tarnished with the sadistic actions of his father? Rowan could see the pain in his mother’s eyes but she did her best to answer him.

“The ties that bind us together are often obscured by the mists of fate and necessity. It was a fate written in the stars ages ago. The union between the Fae bloodline and the Vampire bloodline was foretold. Telling you the truth would not have changed our destiny. It would only have hurt you more. I just wanted to spare you that.”

“So, you’re saying that you had no choice?”

“We all have choices, Rowan. I chose to stay with your father and endure what I could for you, for as long as I could, to keep you safe. Your father never would have allowed me to take you with me in fact, he swore he’d kill you first.”

Rowan turned his head and looked away. “It was my fault.” He whispered, his heart filling with guilt and shame at being the cause of his mother’s torment. “If not for me, you could have left and rejoined your tribe.” He sighed sadly. “Having me was a mistake.”

“My only mistake was in failing to protect you. Yes, I was forced into a marriage that brought unspeakable pain. Not only to me but to you as well. I was scared. Scared for you, for my people, and for myself. That fear made me complacent and that is a mistake that you, unfortunately, have had to suffer for in my place. I only wanted to shelter you from the harsh reality that we lived in and give you a happy childhood. I suppose I never told you because I didn’t want to burden you with the truth. You were so young, so innocent. There was no reason that you should be made to shoulder my suffering as well as your own.”

“I understand you not wanting to burden me but not telling me who you were and about where you had come from left me with a disadvantage.” Rowan brushed his hand over the soft grass beside him, allowing the long, lush, green blades to slip in between his fingers. He looked up to the sky, deep in thought. Everything had happened so fast. Too fast. Escaping his father, meeting Thaden, and then learning of his true heritage. On top of all that he was now told of this destiny that was his, foretold long ago, and he wasn’t even sure if he wanted the responsibility of it. It was all too much for anyone to handle but to have it all thrust upon him at once was just too difficult to bear.

“You should have told me about my destiny long ago. I could have been better prepared. Why keep it a secret?”

Ellarian’s gaze softened as she gently placed a hand on Rowan’s shoulder. “My love, the road ahead is fraught with challenges and sacrifices. The burden of destiny is heavy. I wanted you to grow without the weight of expectations holding you down. Your choices have always been your own and now, you have a pivotal choice to make.”

Rowan furrowed his brow as he tried to force back his tears. “A choice? What choice? My fate was decided for me, before I was ever born. I have no choice at all!”

“But you do. You hold the power to shape your own fate. You can choose to stay here, with me, forever. Sickness and death will never touch you. You will never know pain. You can spend your days in the sun, free of worry and strife, for the rest of your days. Or, you can choose to go back. You can return to your world, to your husband, and to the destiny that awaits you. The choice is your.”

Rowan closed his eyes and sighed. He was weary of all the fighting, of the pain and the heartache. He was tiered of the suffering. He never wanted this burden to placed on his shoulders and before, he might have even walked away from it, gone his own way. All he had ever wanted was a simple life, free of worry and the heavy responsibility of ruling an entire Kingdom. Things had changed though. He had changed. He was no longer the frightened little child that he had been, hidden in the shadows, cowering in fear of his father’s wrath.

Staying in Annwn with his mother would be a dream come true but dreams were meant for children and fools. He knew he could not stay and, his realized with a heavy heart, he did not want to. He loved his mother and he would miss her greatly but he loved Thaden too. Now, more than ever, he longed to be in Thaden’s arms. He wanted to bring their child into the world and watch it grow. He wanted to watch his daughter, Tally, grow into the beautiful young woman he knew she would. He wanted to be there for her through all that life had in store. Scrapes and bruises, first loves and heartbreak, and his eventual grandchildren. He would miss all of it if he stayed in Annwn.

“I must go back.” He said, though it pained him greatly to have to say goodbye to his mother once more but he knew he must. “My place is with Thaden, with my people. I have a duty to fulfill and a destiny to embrace. I choose to fight for my Kingdom, to free the Fae, and bring peace back to our land once more.”

Ellarian nodded in understanding as a soft smile graced her lips. “Your courage and strength will guide you, my son. You carry the strength of the Tuatha within you. Embrace your destiny and know that I am always with you, even though we are worlds apart, I will always be there, watching over you.”

Ellarian kissed Rowan’s forehead and the two shared a heartfelt embrace. “I love you, Mother.” Rowan said through his tears.

“And I you, my beautiful boy. I always have.”

Rowan closed his eyes as reality began to shift around him. Ellarian, still holding Rowan in her arms, slowly vanished, fading out of existence like a ghostly apparition. When Rowan opened his eyes again, the meadow was gone and with it, the comforting warmth of his mother’s embrace. He realized at once where he was. He was back in Basmorte. He was home.