Shadows Of Desire

Rowan awoke to the smell eggs, ham, and freshly baked rolls. He opened his eyes and at once the aroma enveloped him, making his stomach growl. He sat up, pushed the blanket back that had been covering him, and rubbed his eyes, yawning.

The sunlight had spilled through the tiny windows of the cottage casting a golden hue over the floor. Guth was standing at the stove, flipping several pieces of ham while the eggs cooked in a separate pan beside him. A pot of freshly brewed tea also sat on the stove, hot steam rising up from the spout.

“Come sit at the table.” Guth ordered. “The food’s almost done.”

Rowan did as instructed, sitting at the table where Guth had already laid out a plate and fork. Rowan took a quick glance at the door, wondering if Bhalor was alright.

“He went hunting.” Guth explained, again surprising Rowan with his uncanny ability to know what the young Prince was thinking.

“Does he never dine with you?” Rowan asked.

Guth shook his head. “His culinary needs differ from our own.”

Rowan nodded, recalling Bhalor’s description of the slug stew. He grimaced at the thought. He couldn’t understand how anyone could eat something so revolting.

“If you need to hunt, there are plenty of rabbits in the area. Some deer as well. I’m not sure what your tastes are. I do have a few chickens out back.”

“Thank you but no, I’m not much of a hunter and well, I don’t really care for the taste of blood.”

Guth turned to look at him. He raised an eyebrow, smirking. “A vampire that doesn’t drink blood? How interesting.”

Rowan shrugged. “I have. I just don’t like it. Most days I refuse it but Folen has forced me to drink when I get too weak. It’s usually swine blood though. I’ve never drank human...or Fae.” He felt the need to add the last bit just so Guth would know that he was safe around Rowan.

Guth Walked over to the table, holding the pan of eggs in his hand. He scooped some onto Rowan’s plate and then his own, repeating the motion with the ham. He then poured two cups of tea, handing one to Rowan and then taking his own cup over to the table where he sat down. Guth took a drink as he watched Rowan cutting his meat with all the grace and proper table etiquette that one would expect of a Prince raised in the palace.

Rowan stabbed a small piece of ham then brought it to his lips. He ate it slowly, closing his eyes and savoring the taste as though it were the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted.

Guth chuckled. “It’s just ham boy. I’m sure you’ve had it before.”

“I have.” Rowan explained. “But this is the first time I’ve eaten it while not confined to my father’s castle. The freedom of just sitting here, enjoying this meal with you in this beautiful little cottage, no servants, no guards, no fear of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing; it makes the ham taste ever so much better. I never knew the taste of freedom could be so...exquisite.”

“Yes.” Guth nodded in agreement. “Freedom is a wonderful thing and something that many of us take for granted.”

Rowan thought over Guth’s words as he finished his food. Yes, freedom was something that many took for granted. He himself was guilty of that. As terrible a life he thought he had under his father’s rule, there were those that had it worse. The ones that were still enslaved by the vampires. The ones that Folen fought to protect. As he ran from his father he realized that he was also running from the ones he should be fighting to protect. He hung his head in shame, the food no longer tasted as sweet. He felt as though he no longer deserved to enjoy his freedom. Not when there were so many who were still suffering at his father’s hands.

***

Bhalor hitched the horse up to the cart once more after letting her graze a while in the nearby field. Rowan said his good-byes to Guth, thanking him for his hospitality and for his words of wisdom. He had given Rowan much to think about.

“Ready, yer Highness?” Bhalor asked, standing near the cart.

Rowan looked at him and sighed, nodding. “Yes, I’m ready.”

Just the other day he was so excited at the prospect of starting a new life for himself. He was ready to just settle down somewhere, even if he had to live alone, it would be better than having to marry Lord Killian. He had a bright future ahead of him. That is, if he could escape the shadows of his past. Now though, he wasn’t sure that he could. He’d been thinking only of himself and not of what he was leaving behind him.

What could he do anyway though, really? As he climbed into the cart his father’s voice echoed in his head. “You’re a worthless omega.” His father had told him. “You’ll never amount to anything. You are nothing.”

Worthless. He thought as he folded his hands in his lap. I am worthless. What could I possibly do to help anyone when I can’t even help myself?

Guth walked up to Bhalor and handed him a small bundle wrapped in burlap. “Ham, cheese, and some bread.” Guth smiled. “For the trip. He’s sure to get hungry, and you have a long journey ahead of you.”

Bhalor nodded. “Thank ya, old friend. Fer all yer help.”

“It was my pleasure. He’s a good boy.” Guth nodded towards Rowan. “And he’ll grow into a good man. He just needs the chance to grow in the light. He’s spent enough time in the shadows.”

“Aye. He ain’t like the others.” Bhalor agreed. “Folen was right. This one’s special.”

Guth smiled, his blue eyes lit up as he nodded, stroking his beard. “That he is, my friend. That he is.”

A few more words of farewell were spoken and Rowan thanked the old man again for his help and generosity. Guth waved them off as he stood, watching, as Bhalor urged the mare forward and out of the woods. Ten minutes later and they were back on the main road, twisting and turning through fields, and past farm land. Rowan pulled his hood up and kept his head down. They were nearing the edge of vampire territory, coming dangerously close to the lands owned by the moon tribes. Within the hour they would be crossing into Wolfhaven and after that, Rosegate. Both were enemies to the vampires. Rowan just prayed they’d make it through undetected.

***

Bhalor glanced over at Rowan for about the third time. The young Prince had been quiet ever since leaving Guth’s cottage and Bhalor was beginning to worry about him. His hands were folded neatly in his lap and his head was down, his eyes studying his hands as he wrung them, nervously.

“Oi, Lad.” Rowan glanced up, surprised at Bhalor’s gruff voice breaking through the silence. “What’s eatin’ ya, boi?” Bhalor asked, once he had Rowan’s attention.

“Pardon me?” Rowan blinked.

Bhalor rolled his eyes. “What’s wrong, boi? You been quiet since we left. Somethin’ on yer mind?”

“Oh, well,” Rowan stammered, “I suppose, I-I was just wondering if I was doing the right thing-- by leaving.”

“Ya having second thoughts ’bout marrying the Duke?”

Rowan scowled at the mere thought of marrying Lord Killian. “Good God no.” He spat. “Refusing that cad is the one thing I’m certain I’ve done right.”

“Then, what’s the issue?”

Rowan let out a heavy sigh. Bhalor could tell by the way the young mans shoulders sagged that he was weighed down by the stress of his thoughts. “It was just something Guth had said earlier, about people taking their freedom for granted. I only just realized that I’ve been so preoccupied with my own troubles that I never stopped to consider all of the people in my Kingdom who were really suffering. I’ve allowed my own selfish needs to cloud my mind and failed to see the good I could have done, or the people I could have helped. Instead, I ran away like a foolish child, caring only about myself. That is not how a Prince should behave and yet, here I am. I’ve turned my back on those in need and I feel terribly sick about it.”

Bhalor pursed his lips as he looked the young man over. “And, what could ya have done fer ’em?” He asked, his tone kind but stern.

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Rowan dropped his gaze again, refusing to make eye contact, fearful of what he might see in the older man’s eyes. “I know what I would like to do. If I were King, I’d release all the slaves at once. I’d allow them to return to their families in Rosegate. Those who have no family left, I’d give them land and coin. Allow them to make a life for themselves somewhere safe. I’d see that they were well compensated for all the pain my father has inflicted upon them.”

“Noble sentiments to be sure but, wahrds ’ave very lettle meanin without actions.” Bhalor didn’t seem angry and his words weren’t harsh. He was just making a point but it didn’t make Rowan feel any less guilty for his inaction.

“I agree.” Rowan said softly. “So far, my actions have meant very little.”

Bhalor cocked an eyebrow. “Maybe, maybe not. I think, fer now, yer on the right path. The best thing fer ya now is to get away from yer oppressors.”

Rowan sighed, his eyes welling up with tears. “Because I’m weak and couldn’t possibly stand up to my father on my own. I don’t have the power that he does, and never will. ”

“Nay, child. Because yer young and untrained. I understand, tis a heavy burden that ya carry, but facing yer father now would only result in yer death. And aye, ya ain’t got the kind a power that yer father has, but rulin a Kingdom ain’t about wieldin power or enjoyin it’s privileges. It’s a great responsibility to be a King. Yer father let ’is power go to ’is head.”

“If it’s not about power then what is it about?” Rowan asked, confused. “I was always taught that the strongest prevails and the weak get destroyed. My father hates me for being weak, for always living in his shadows. That’s why he’d never allow me to rule.”

“Yer father mistakes weakness for somethin else entirely. That, my Prince, will be ’is downfall.”

Rowan narrowed his eyes. “I don’t understand.”

Bhalor smiled down at him, his eyes sparkling with a lifetime of experience. “A true ruler has empathy for those he rules o’re. He has compassion and understandin. He puts their needs above ’is own. Carin fer yer people means understandin their struggles, their dreams, and their fears. Yer father cares not for the people. He has no love or compassion for them but you, lad, you have ’em in spades. Yer father cuts ya down and makes ya feel inferior because he fears ya. He fears what ye could become.”

Rowan scoffed. “My father, fear me? What has he to fear? All I have to show for myself is a lifetime of bad decisions and mistakes.”

Bhalor chuckled. “Mistakes are inevitable, me Prince, even fer the greatest o’ leaders. It’s ’ow we respond to them mistakes that truly defines us.”

Rowan sulked. “I responded by running away. How does that define me?”

Bhalor pulled on the reins, bringing the horse to a slow halt then he turned to Rowan and slipped a finger under his chin, lifting his head up so that their eyes met. “Yer not runnin, ya ’ear me?” He spoke to Rowan in a firm yet gentle voice. “Yer givin yerself the best chance ya have. Tis nothing ya kin do right now. You ’aven’t the knowledge nor the support to challenge yer father.”

“But, what am I...” Bhalor put a hand up, shaking his head.

“Yer father’s hold on the Kingdom is strong. Ye alone kin do nothin. The only way to help yer people is to get yer father off the throne. To do that, ya need a plan. Ya need allies, and a careful strategy.”

“Then what should I do?” Rowan narrowed his eyes, feeling defeated and angry with himself for not having the power to protect his people. “Just ignore the problem and walk away? How can I do that when I know so many still suffer? Isn’t it my responsibility as their Prince to stand up for them, even if it is against my own father?”

Bhalor placed a large hand on Rowan’s shoulder and smiled, softly. His very presence giving Rowan solace and sending waves of warmth through his body. “Ya wait.” Bhalor told him. Ya wait, and ya bide yer time. Sometimes patience and timin are our greatest allies. Ya kin do nothing right now but, in time, maybe.” He shrugged.

“Gain support from them that share yer vision for a better future. Learn from yer mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of yer forefathers. When yer ready, then yer path will be made clear to ya. Until then, ya wait. Things have a way a workin themselves out. You’ll see. Just have faith in that and have faith in yerself. I have faith in ya, me boi. I know one day you’ll be a wiser, better man, and a better ruler than yer father.”

Rowan nodded, taking Bhalor’s words of wisdom to heart. He was right. Rowan couldn’t do anything right now. He was young and in all honesty, he didn’t know the first thing about how to rule. He did want a better future for his people though and slowly, his path was becoming very clear to him. He knew it would take time and it wasn’t going to be easy but he knew he had to do something. Gaining support from the neighboring realms wouldn’t be that difficult. He was sure that he wasn’t the only one who wanted to see King Desmond dethroned. But, he did need a plan. That was the hard part.

For now though, he had to get someplace safe. Someplace where he wouldn’t be recognized. Not right away. He had to have time to figure out what he was going to do and gather supporters, allies who could help him. Folen had a plan already in place to get him out out Basmorte. For now, he’d follow her plan and when he’d settled somewhere, he’d begin figuring out his next move. It was frightening. He’d never even considered anything like this before but he knew he had to do it, for the good of his own people. The road was already laid out before him, he just had to follow it, and his journey would soon take him to the threshold of a new and better future. Like Bhalor said, he just needed to have faith.