Shadows Lurking

November 17th, 2005 - Thursday, 7:30am

Mattheo’s suitcase creates a loud thud as he plops it down onto the floor of our room. He stares at me once more before sighing and shaking his head. Without another word, he leaves the room, leaving me behind. Corey and James had already left with their parents, making me the last one. Sitting in the quiet room all alone, I realize now that staying behind might not have been the best option.

How far would I need to travel if I left with the Kings?

Would they really want me there with them on vacation?

I’m not my mother. I’m not the kind and sweet person that Nicholas remembers her as. I’m moody, aggressive, and I can’t stand being near others. I’d hate for him to expect me to behave as my mother did and become disappointed.

He did say that Mom wanted me to be with him, to be loved and looked after. Staying with them is something she would’ve wanted for me.

My eyes linger on the bottle of swift brew sitting on the nightstand. If I’m going to be going out of my way to make some changes, there’s one more thing I should do. I rush to throw random articles of clothing in the suitcase that Mattheo had slipped under my bed last night. He must’ve thought I was sleeping, hoping that I would join him today in going to his house. When he woke up and seen that I was reading on my bed, the suitcase unpacked, he barely spoke to me.

He had most likely hoped that our conversation yesterday would have changed my mind. It did, but I was still unsure of whether they would accept me with how messed up I am in the head. Noah did a number on me, and I’m beginning to realize it. But they seem eager to have me, insisting on being near me despite the damage that’s been done.

Grabbing the bottle of swift brew, I rush from the room with my suitcase in the other hand. The front doors of the academy are still open as a few students are hugging their parents, welcoming them in an embrace. As I weave through the students, I notice Faye standing alongside another little girl and Professor Dawes.

Ignoring the dreadful dip in my stomach, I rush forward. Faye’s blonde braids are tied at the ends with yellow ribbons and her blue beads are nowhere to be seen. She looks nothing like her usually cheerful self, but there’s still a faint smile on her lips.

I reach the three of them and greet them. “Professor, could I have a minute with Faye?”

The little girl next to Faye smiles brightly before whispering to the blonde girl, “Good luck, Faye.”

Professor Dawes smiles down at me warmly before nodding and ushering the other girl away from us. Faye’s eyes light up as she stares at me, her smile is brighter now as well. There’s a silence that falls between us like a blanket, blocking either of us from speaking to each other. The last time I spoke to her, I was rude. I’m always rude to her, but she just keeps insisting on being nice to me in return.

“Is your arm better?” she asks me, motioning towards the arm she had accidentally punctured.

“Oh, yeah.” I rub at it now. “It’s completely healed.” A lie. The wounds are still there, but they’re no longer bleeding. For a Lycan, I’m not the best at healing myself. “I, uh, actually wanted to give you something before you left.”

Her eyes brighten as she asks, “What is it? I love presents!”

“I figured,” I chuckle. Slowly, I reveal the swift brew potion. “It’s, uh, my potion from class. I never used it, and I know you like swift brew, so...”

Faye’s eyes begin to lightly glow a blue color, making them go from silver to icy blue. “You want to give me your swift brew?”

“Yeah.”

“But- But you worked so hard on it,” she mumbles. “I couldn’t take it.”

“You can,” I encourage her. “I won’t use it, and besides, you helped me with it. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made it right.”

Her lower lip wobbles and suddenly I worry that I might have hurt her feelings again. She sniffles a bit before reaching out and taking the potion from me. Her hands are warm and so small compared to mine.

“T-Thank you, Rylan.” She gives me a wobbly smile. “You’re getting better at being nicer.”

“Uh, thanks.” I scratch at the back of my neck, feeling my skin tightening. “Just try not to get into too much trouble with that stuff.”

“I won’t.” Her tears have seemed to vanish now as she beams at me, “I’ll put it with the rest of my stash.”

“Good.” She has a stash of potions at home? “I hope you enjoy your break.”

“I hope you enjoy yours.” Her smile is nearly contagious, almost causing me to smile back, but I keep my composure.

“Evans.” My mood plummets as Finley’s face comes into view. He places an arm around Faye’s shoulders, pulling her to his side. “What do you want?”

Not wanting to stoop to his level and upset Faye, I only give him a nod. “Fletcher. I was just telling Faye goodbye. I hope you both enjoy your break.”

Faye smiles as she stares at me, but it fades when she notices her brother glaring at me. She elbows him in the ribs, and he doubles over for a moment. “Fletcher- Stop being a meanie. Rylan was being nice to you, so you should be nice back. He’s my friend, and you aren’t allowed to treat my friends like that.”

Finley’s face contorts as he glances between me and his sister. “Fine. I hope you have fun on your break, Evans.”

Faye hums while waiving at me as she runs off towards Professor Dawes and the other girl from earlier. Finley stays in his spot, watching her as she skips farther away from us. Once she’s out of ear line, Finley turns and gets into my face.

“Whatever you’re doing with my sister, knock it off.”

I raise my brow. “I’m not doing anything. I’m just being nice.”

He smirks. “Sure you are, Evans. I’m sure you are. Faye has enough on her plate, and she doesn’t need you sniffing around her. Understand?”

“Fletcher.” I walk closer, making it clear that he can’t just get in my space whenever he feels like it. “I don’t want anything to do with you or your sister. I was just being nice. Even if I wanted anything like that, there’d be nothing you could do about it. Do you understand?”

His eyes narrow before glancing back towards Faye. “You wouldn’t understand. You don’t have a sister.”

“You’re right.” I step back from him. “I don’t have a sister, but I know that Faye doesn’t seem to like it when you go sticking your nose in places it doesn’t belong, like anything involving her friends.”

“What do you know- You’re just a weak little invalid with no family.” He glances downwards, most likely at my suitcase on the ground. “Where are you even going? There’s no mommy or daddy waiting on you at the gates.”

My hands shake as they begin to sweat. Wiping them off on my pantlegs, I take in deep breaths, attempting to remind myself that he’s not as strong as I am right now.

“But he does have a brother that he’s leaving with.” Mattheo stands next to me now, arms crossed, and eyes narrowed on Finley. “Got anything else you’d like to say, Finley? No? Then get out of my sight.”

Fletcher looks between us both before gritting out, “Whatever. Waste of time anyways.” He turns and stares at me for a moment before warning me, “Stay away from Faye, Evans. Or else.”

With that, he walks away. Watching him talk with his sister, I begin internally debating whether being friends with her is worth the trouble. Seeing her smile as she holds up her swift brew, showing it off to Professor Dawes, my chest tightens, and palms sweat again. She’s worth it.

“Want to talk about it?” Mattheo asks me, staring at the Finley twins.

I shake my head. “No, not really.”

“You sure about that?” He stares at the twins once more. “It would seem you can’t get enough of either Finley.”

“Drop it,” I warn him.

He then glances down at the suitcase on the ground between us before staring at me with wide eyes. “Wait- Are you really coming home with us?”

I nod now, completely sure of what I want. “I am. If you and Nicholas still want me too.”

“You know we do.” He gives me a warm smile. “Come on, let’s get going.”

Thursday, 9:38am

The one-hour car ride through town was not as awkward as I had thought it would be. Mattheo spent the majority of the ride showing me photos of the pond on their property and the trails he runs from time to time while shifted. Nicholas only focused on driving, a small smile on his lips while he tapped on the steering wheel.

Now, Nicholas stands in the doorway of a two-story house, mine and Mattheo’s suitcases in each hand. The house has white siding, a black tin roof, and a painted black wraparound porch. A glass windchime hangs near the corner of the porch with two rocking wicker chairs beneath it. The house looks like something you would read about in a children’s book, something regarding a farm out in the middle of nowhere.

Bakewell is a smaller town than Rienridge with a population of five hundred and seventy-six. Each building was nothing more than cracked brown and red bricks. Not many people had been out and about when we drove through, but Mattheo had mentioned that not many people would be before ten.

“Welcome home, boys.” Nicholas smiles widely as he pushes the door open more.

Mattheo only grumbles about needing an early lunch as he rushes past us and into the house. Hesitantly, I make my way past Nicholas and follow after Mattheo. The floorboards creak as I step farther inside. The house can be heard settling as I enter the living room. Two old-fashioned couches sit across from one another with an ancient-styled coffee table in the middle. The old-fashioned grandfather clock standing near the hallway, leading to what I’m assuming is the bedrooms, reminds me of the one back at Noah’s house.

Everything about the interior of this house reminds me of Noah’s. The furniture is outdated, the floorboards creak, and the air is stale as if no one has lived here in months. The crackling of a flame striking from a match causes me to jump and face the kitchen. Nicholas stands behind the island counter with a small smile as he lights a lone candle. Slowly, the scent of vanilla fills the room.

“Figured the place could use a decent scent.” He chuckles to himself now as he waives the flame off the match. “With Mattheo away at the academy or the Sutton’s I’ve not had much reason to come home during the holidays. I’m sure there are things that might need looking after, replacing. I’ll tend to them as soon as we get you settled in.”

I only nod in response. There’s not much to add to the conversation. He’s busying himself now with cleaning up the kitchen while muttering to himself all the things he needs to attend to this week. The house is fairly decent for not being lived in much lately. A bit of dust piled up in some places, the curtains need to be replaced, and there are spots of cobwebs in the corners of the room.

A clatter nearby of two plates causes me to jump once more. Everything around me seems amplified by ten. The smells are stronger, the sounds, the stale taste in the air.

“Sandwich?” Nicholas offers while motioning towards the plate that had made me jump. “It’s deer with a special mix of seasoning and sauce that I make homemade.”

My nose twitches and my mouth nearly salivates at the aroma filling the air. As much as I’d like to turn him down, tell him I’m not in the mood for food, the grumbling of my stomach suggests otherwise.

Slowly, I take a seat on one of the barstools with yellow cushions. Nicholas barely looks my way as he shifts the plate closer, edging it towards me carefully. Ignoring the urge to snap at him that I’m not some fragile kid he needs to tiptoe around, I grab the sandwich and tear into it. It doesn’t take long for the food to increase my appetite. Eating at Rienridge, my body weight has increased drastically. I am no longer tall and lanky, but tall and filled out.

“I can make another, if you’d like.” Nicholas offers. “We have enough to feed a small village.”

“Why?” The word comes out muffled behind the food swishing in my mouth.

Nicholas smiles before wiping his mouth with a paper towel. “Well, as you’ve probably discovered, us Lycan’s consume a fair amount of food. Our bodies are different from humans. We need to have a constant fuel supply considering our bodies burn calories and energy with every shift or use of our wolf genetics.” He stares at me for a moment. “Has Kerum or Lenora spoke with you yet on the biogenetics of what we are?”

I shake my head. “What’s a biogenetic?”

“I thought that would be the case.” He sighs as he walks around the counter. The closer he gets the more of the urge I have to jump up and run out of the door. He stops and stares at me before asking, “Would you feel more comfortable if Mattheo was in here with us?”

The consideration alone causes the pounding in my chest to slowly settle. “I-It’s fine.”

“Alright.” He sits on the barstool next to me. He’s closer than I’ve ever allowed him to be before. I can smell his scent now, pinewood. “Our bodies are human on the outside, but wolf on the inside. When we shift, we’re allowing our body to turn itself inside out. The process hurts the first few times, but afterwards it’s mainly repressed pain. In other words, you’ll feel the pain, but it will be something you’re comfortable with. Almost like cracking your knuckles.”

“How can we do things like seeing far away or hearing stuff we shouldn’t?”

His eyes brighten and he explains, “Well, even without being shifted we are still one with our wolf. When we’re using our heightened senses, we’re basically calling on the part of the wolf we wish to use at that time and it’s readily available to us. Some struggle with using certain senses more than others and some are just unable to use them at all.”

“Like how you can’t see things that well,” I offer, remembering what Kerum had told me during training.

Nicholas’ eyes narrow before huffing silently. “I can only assume you and Kerum have been chatting while training. That’s lovely. Did the old geezer have much else to say?”

“Not really.” I shake my head.

“Right.” He looks as though he doesn’t believe me, and I don’t blame him. Even I wouldn’t trust that old man to keep a secret. “He’s told me a bit about your progress, you know. How well you’ve been doing.”

“Yeah.” I scoff before muttering out, “Well isn’t the word I would use.”

“You can use your senses better than anyone would have expected for someone not able to control shifting.” He taps the counter while humming out, “Give yourself some credit. You’ve made more progress than most would have in your shoes. There are even Lycan’s today that struggle with-”

“Controlling their senses,” I cut him off. “Kerum gave me the speech already.”

Nicholas smiles down at me, a twinkle in his eyes like Mattheo gets sometimes. “He was right when he mentioned you were getting better with using your words. I didn’t believe him at first, but I’m witnessing it firsthand now. When I first met you, you were this trembling frame of nothing but anger and uncertainty. Now, you’ve grown into yourself more and you’re less unsure of yourself.”

It feels strange to receive a compliment from a grown man, especially one that I have little to no trust in. His words are soft and gentle, unlike the crude ones Noah would throw at me so casually.

“I know it may not mean much coming from me, but I’m proud of you, Rylan.” His eyes twinkle once more, and my palms begin to sweat as my skin tightens everywhere. “I truly am.”

“Uh, thanks.”

He then stands and taps his stomach a few times before asking, “Are you ready to get settled in?”

I nod.

He motions for me to follow after him and I do so. He holds my suitcase in his hand as he strolls through the hallway that branches off the living room. Down the hall there are two doors are one side, two on the other, and one at the end of the hall.

He points towards the one at the end and says, “That’s the toilet.” He nods towards the door on the left-hand side, closest to the living room. “That’s my room, and across the hall here is Mattheo’s room. You’ll be staying with Mattheo until we can fix your room up-” He stops and flexing his hand on the suitcase handle. “Would that be alright? I mean- Do you plan on staying here again?”

I’m almost sure he can hear the thumping in my chest. “I guess we’ll just have to see how this break goes.”

“Right.” Nicholas nods while muttering quietly, “Of course, of course.”

He moves to the side and knocks gently on Mattheo’s door. There’s a muffled response before Nicholas opens the door to reveal a messy room. My old room at Noah’s had been kept in the best shape possible, knowing that a dirty room would equal nothing less than a broken bone.

Mattheo finishes putting a book on a long and disheveled bookshelf under a bay window. “What’s up?”

“I’ve brought Rylan to settle in,” Nicholas says. “His room won’t be ready until after the Sutton’s dinner. Is this still okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” Mattheo clears off a spot on his bed and places a pillow next to one already on the bed. “You prefer a side?”

My skin tightens and breath becomes caught in my lungs. Sharing a sleeping space with someone is something I’ve never done before. I’ve always just had a bed to myself. Even Noah would always leave-

“Hey!” Something warm touches both sides of my face and I open my eyes to see Mattheo directly in front of me. “Calm down, Rylan. I’ll take the floor. Or you can have the floor. Whatever makes you comfortable, but calm down.”

I glance back to see Nicholas standing in the doorway, calming watching the two of us as if it’s not a big deal that I nearly shifted in his son’s bedroom. Mattheo’s hands grip my face, palms against my ears, now cooling me from my near shift.

“I’m fine,” I choke out. There’s a flickering of heat just under my skin, ready to ignite at the smallest show of trouble. “I-I’ll take the floor for tonight.”

“Alright.” Mattheo offers a small, lopsided grin. “Whatever you want, bro.”

As he releases my face, my body slowly cools down. It would seem my new goal for the break will be learning how to cope with being in confined spaces with another person. Great.

November 23rd, 2005 – Wednesday, 8:45am

Another toad hops into the pond, creating a small plop sound and causing water ripples on the surface. Gently, I let my feet sway back and forth under the water, allowing myself a moment of serenity as the sun rises just over the hills in the distance. Knowing now that my mom liked watching the sunrise, I like to think she’s sitting with me, watching them still.

I’ve wondered the last few days of being here if she ever sat by this very pond and watched the sunrise. Her and Nicholas were truly great friends, judging by the number of photos of my mother on the gallery walls in the house, so she must’ve spent some time here when not in school. There wasn’t a single photo of her not smiling, laughing, or crinkling her button nose covered in freckles. She really was beautiful, my mother.

There’s still a surge of anger when thinking about her, about how I missed out on being raised by her. Noah took her from me, and I didn’t even get revenge for it. I don’t even remember taking his life, and for that I’m angry. I’ll never forgive myself.

There’s crunching out in the distance, covering up the chorus of crickets from the nearby woods, and the croaking of the toads on the other side of the pond. Someone’s coming closer, and it’s most likely Mattheo. Nicholas has been avoiding me since last night. I was shaken awake by him from a nightmare. Apparently, I had been screaming and was close to shifting in Mattheo’s bedroom floor.

After waking up and finding a grown man on top of me, I immediately clawed him across the face and chest. He left the room bleeding and apologizing. Mattheo stayed up the rest of the night with me as I cried in the corner of his bed, rocking myself. It had been a long time since I had broken in front of him, but I needed it. Being pinned under Nicholas’ grip, I was shoved back in the past. It’s a place I avoid returning to, but when I’m put in situations like that, it’s hard not to.

“Thought I’d find you out here,” Mattheo says. He plops down next to me but keeps his feet under himself and not in the pond. “Are you staying out here all day?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Just long enough to calm down.”

“Rylan-” Mattheo’s hand touches my shoulder. “You’ve been out here for five hours. If you’re waiting on yourself to calm down, you might want to start studying how to survive in the wilderness.”

I sigh, knowing he’s right. “Yeah, I know.” I steal a glance at him. “How mad is Nicholas?”

He smiles now before chucking a small stone across the pond, allowing it to skip across the water’s surface. “He’s not actually. He’s more hurt than anything.I don’t think Dad could ever really be mad at you.”

“I hurt him,” I finally admit out loud. “I made him bleed. He has reason to hate me.”

“But he doesn’t.” Mattheo nudges me. “As much as I wanted to hit you last night for hurting him, I understood that it wasn’t your fault. Whatever you went through before coming to Rienridge altered you. Nothing you’ve done is your fault.”

And there’s the dam that refuses to break. The truth about what I’ve been through while living with Noah, the thing all the adults want answers to, but I never give them. Saying the words out loud is almost worse than enduring them. As if speaking the horrid events somehow make them real, even though they were obviously real to begin with.

“He-” My throat tightens, but I breathe through it. “He would h-hurt me.”

Mattheo is stiff next to me. “Who?”

“Noah.” I grip the grass on either side of me, allowing my claws to enter the earth. His name on my tongue right now is like acid. “Noah would- would hurt me. He’d do it all the time.”

“I don’t want to make you feel- I don’t want to pry, but is he why you don’t like being touched?” Mattheo asks.

You hit it right on the head, Mattheo. No matter how much I try to hide from these people, he’s always the one to understand me, to figure me out when no one else can.

“Yeah, he is.”

He hums now from beside me. His concentration is settled on the house. “You know, it’s not normal for adults to hurt you, right? What I’m trying to say here is that Dad would never hurt you. I’ve made him angry more times than I care to admit, but he’s never done more than ground me.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Mattheo looks down now as he asks, “Was more than just hitting you?”

There’s a pit in the lowest part of my stomach, a flaring pain that only existed around the devil himself. “I- I- Yeah.”

“I guessed,” he admits. “No matter what happened, no matter what you may have gone through, Rylan-“ He offers a soft smile, his eyes glowing a faint yellow hue. “-Dad would never do anything to hurt you. If you can’t trust him, trust me.”

The way he stares at me, the way he constantly speaks about Nicholas, you can tell he’s trying his best to persuade me into giving the man a chance. Whether he would hurt me or not isn’t the issue, it’s the fact that he could.

He sighs before scooting closer towards the pond. “Since you’re opening up a bit, I might as well join you.” He nods towards the water in front of us. “Last year, I never would’ve been able to get this close to the pond.”

“Why?” I ask, thankful for the change of subject.

He takes a deep breath before exhaling loudly. “Because this is the pond my mother drowned in. James and I were running around this area when it was covered in snow, and neither of us remembered the pond being here. My mom was human, and she didn’t have our body heat. She ran for us, yelling at us to get off the ice, and that’s when she went under. The ice broke and she was gone. James and I both ran to get into the pond and rescue her, but when we got to the hole- It was just too late.”

He quietly stares at the pond now. Knowing he’s hurting inside is enough to reach out and hold his shoulder as he does mine all the time. “I’m sorry she’s gone.”

“Yeah, me too,” he dryly chuckles out. “She would’ve loved you. She always wanted to give me a little brother or sister but having me was a miracle, so expecting another one was a ridiculous thought, but she never doted on anything doctors told her. After learning things like us existed, she searched until she found Rienridge. She met my dad and they fell in love.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?” He exhales loudly again. “But here we are now. Two kids with no mothers.”

“I’m not sure which is worse, knowing your mom and losing her or never meeting her,” I admit out loud.

Matthea shakes his head. “I’m not sure either, bro.” He knocks my shoulder. “Are you ready to meet the rest of the family tomorrow?”

“You mean stand there like a statue while a bunch of people stare at me?” I laugh nervously. “No, I’m not really looking forward to it.”

Mattheo laughs loudly. “You know that Grandma Betty is going to squeeze your cheeks, right?”

“Mattheo-” My heart nearly stops. “Tell me that’s a joke.”

The boy only smiles now as he stands on his feet. He laughs before running towards the house in the distance. I begin shouting his name as I stumble around, attempting to get up and race after him. He makes it to the house before I can even grab my shoes. Taking deep breaths, I turn to stare at the pond once more. Mattheo lost his mom, and I never knew mine. Somehow, I think he got the worst of it.

“Don’t worry about a thing, Mrs. King.” I smile at the water now. “I’m going to try and be the brother you wanted for him.”

Gripping my shoes tightly, I race towards the house with a smile on my face.