Shadows Lurking

January 20th, 2006 – Friday, 4:15pm

Professor Dawes lays the folder and her glasses down on the side table. Her brow has become furrowed, and her expression is one of seriousness. The worry in her eyes and the tightness around her lips are indicators of a lecture at the ready. I’ve grown accustomed to them, to knowing when they’re in the works, and even when they’ve safely passed.

“They want a summary of your mental health, Mister Evans.” Dawes crosses a leg over the other while leaning on her elbow on the arm of the blue comfort chair. “What am I to tell them if you refuse to discuss the incident?”

“You mean the murders?”

Her expression is one of momentary shock before she wipes it and reprimands me. “They were acts of self-defense. Anyone would have done the same exact thing in your position.”

“You would’ve beaten a man with his own severed leg?” My eyes meet hers and I see it, doubt, uncertainty, fear. “That’s what I thought.” I lay my head back along the chair and stare up at the stone ceiling. “I’m no more a monster than man who raised me.”

There’s a thick, tense silence in the room. Professor Dawes wants me to open up to her, but the deepest and darkest thoughts in my mind would be enough to convince even her that the council would be justified in eliminating me.

The truth, no matter how they all want to sugar coat it is, I murdered three men. I would’ve happily made it four. My mind had been set on beating him to death with that leg, ending his miserable life for even thinking about touching my friends. Those men were monsters themselves, but they were murdered with no hesitation by a monster.

Only a monster can defeat monsters.

“Rylan, you are nothing like Noah.” Professor Dawes’ voice is soft and kind. “I knew him personally. I also knew your mother personally. I taught her while she was a student here like you are now, and she grew to become a dear friend. I had gone through school with your grandparents, and they also became friends of mine.” She places her hand on my knee. “And that’s why I know you are more like your mother than you are Noah. If you ever doubt yourself due to something like defending yourself or others, know that Emelia took a few lives as well.”

My heart stills. “She did?”

“She did.” Dawes nods, a smile on her lips now as she glances at her left arm. She begins rolling up her ruffled sleeve and reveals tanned skin with two long gashes scarred over. They both travel from her elbow to her wrist. “I had been running the perimeter of the school grounds when I was ambushed by-” Her eyes meet mine before looking away. “-by bad men. Your mother was practicing lacrosse out in the field with her friends when she heard the fighting. She ran to my rescue. Her bravery and her selflessness are what led to her becoming an alpha.”

“How many lives did she take?”

Dawes sighs. “Too many, in my opinion. It took its toll on her in the long run. She was an innocent soul, Emelia. It never stopped her from doing what was right, no matter how hard it was.”

“Like when she sacrificed herself for me,” I mumble, the words almost too much to say.

“Yes,” she admits. “But it’s a decision I stand by and support to this day. She whole-heartedly loved you and would do it all over again. If she were to enter this room right now and learn of all of things you’ve done and been through, she would still lay down her life for you.”

A moment passes between us, something unspoken, but I can feel it. As if she’s begging me to not ask the question I’ve been wanting to ask everyone who mentions her. How did she die?

The professor stands now, brushing her dress off. “I feel as though we’ve made some progress today. We may end the session early, unless you have more to discuss?”

Taking the opportunity, I face her, my hand on the doorknob. “The murders in town- They weren’t done by me.” She nods. “They were done by Lorcan, weren’t they?”

Professor Dawes’ eyes grow wide, nearly drooping from their sockets. Her tanned skin loses color, and her mouth opens and shuts repeatedly. “Where-” Her voice cracks. “Where did you hear that name?”

“Around.” There’s no way I’m telling on Gill, and I can’t admit that I eavesdropped on the elders. “People talk.”

She’s staring straight through me, as if she’s stuck in her own mind. Her hands shake as she grips the edge of Kerum’s desk, steadying herself.

“Professor?” I move closer towards her, but she quickly steps back. The fear in her eyes stops me in my tracks. She fears me.

She’s trapped in the room with a monster.

After everything she told me about Mom and how she doesn’t- Was it all a lie to make me feel better?

That’s what they do. They lie to comfort you, but it’s all lies. No one would ever commend a monster for behaving as a monster.

Dawes now moves forward, a hand on her lips, regret in her eyes. She knows what she’s done, the damage she’s caused, but it’s too late. The truth is out there.

My hand tightens on the handle once more and she rushes forward. Her hand grips my shoulder, still trembling. “Rylan, dear. Whatever you may be thinking, you’re wrong.”

“I think you’re a liar, Professor.” The venom drips from my words. “Get your hand off me.”

She doesn’t listen, keeping her grip. “Rylan, I implore you to listen.” My hand loosens on the handle, ready to hear her out, only out of guilt for making her afraid of me. “Thank you.” Her hand releases me and she takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry for the... initial reaction. There are just some memories that are harder to remember. Lor- He is one of them.”

“What did he do?”

“More than we can discuss in one session.” Her breath comes out rough. “They were dark times when he roamed these halls.” She shakes her, as if trying to shake him from her mind. “He’s gone though. You never have to worry about someone like him. I promise.”

“Are you sure he’s gone? Everyone seems to think he’s responsible for the murders in town,” I argue.

“He is dead, Rylan.” She stands tall, sure of her answer, despite the tremor in her voice. “Though I was not present during his death, I can assure you that he is gone.”

She begins to walk closer, to open the door for me. “What about his kid?” She stops as her hand reaches the knob. “I overheard a couple professors talking about his son being in this school. What if his son is killing people?”

“Your concern is understandable, but his son is nothing like him.”

“How can you be sure?” I ask her. “How could you possibly know that? Apples don’t fall far from their trees.”

Her eyes meet mine, and a chill runs through me. “Because you are nothing like your father, Rylan. If there is hope for you, there is hope for anyone.” She slowly moves me out of the door. “Now, go on. I’m sure Mister King will tear down my door if you don’t leave soon.” Professor Dawes lightly touches my arm as I’m walking out. “And Rylan?”

“Yes, Professor?”

Her smile is sweet now, eyes scanning over my entire face. “If apples were to fall from the branches of their parents, you would be glad to know that you fell from your mother’s.” She closes the door, a smile still on her lips.

Standing in the hallway now, my breathing is labored and my skin tight. Everyone says I resemble her, that I look just like her. Professor Dawes says I take after her with more than just looks. The woman I’ve heard stories about since I’ve been here have been sweet, brave, and kind. We are nothing alike. She gave everything to make sure I lived, but I think the wrong one died. She would’ve been a brighter light for this world, one that I could never imagine matching.

No one will talk about her death. They only talk of the deeds she had done when alive.

“She sacrificed herself,” I mumble to myself. “But Nicholas said Noah killed her.” My chest becomes tight with the realization. “He- He wanted to kill me, but she took- She took my place.”

My back meets the stone wall, and it burns as I slide down it until I reach the floor. Bringing my knees to my chest, I grip my wrists tightly. Tears roll down my hot cheeks.

“It should’ve been me.” I rock forward. “It should’ve been me.”

Why would you do that, Mom? You wouldn’t have just saved three lives, Mom. You would’ve saved four if you had only let him take me out right then and there.

February 5th, 2006 – Saturday, 10:15am

“You look like crap,” James comments. “Are you still not getting any sleep?”

Sending him a glare is the only thing I can muster. I don’t have the energy to fight with him or any of the others.

Mattheo jumps over the metal bleachers and lands between me and Corey. He casually tosses an arm around the smaller boy while offering me a side smirk. Something tells me he was successful in planting the hexstone under Professor Kerum’s desk. Even the headmaster isn’t immune to the pranks of the academy’s number one pranksters. The only one who has that privilege is Professor Dawes, and I think that’s less out of respect and more out of fear.

“Everything go alright?” Corey asks.

Mattheo turns his smirk on the younger boy. “Why- Worried about me?”

“Yeah, right.” Corey rolls his eyes, but there’s a flash of something in his eyes. He was worried about his friends. “Just want to make sure you didn’t screw anything up. The last thing we need is to get caught this late in the year. Lacrosse tryouts are just in reach.”

Mattheo shrugs now. “Eh, if we get caught, we could always just play the innocent game. I mean, our supplies aren’t even in our room.”

James leans forward now, taking in the sight of both boys. His eyes squint as his brows pull together. “Could you guys shut up. Some of us are actually trying to pay attention to the game.”

Past him one of the other boys, Oliver Hill, leans out also to stare at the three of us. His dark hair falls gently over his bright brown eyes. He always seems as though he’s smiling, even when he’s angry. It may have something to do with his bright and rounded eyes. “Are you guys pulling something funny again?”

“You know they are,” Elliot Ward laughs out from in front of us. “When do these dorks never get in trouble.”

Next to him, Trenton Lynch and Henry Jefferson snicker to one another. These boys are the others on our tower’s floor. The rest of the third-year boys. I’ve spent so much time with these three idiots that I had never had the chance to properly assimilate into the entire boy’s dorm. With that being the case, Professor Dawes suggested that we attend the home game together today. It’s only a scrimmage, but the boys are still on the edge of their seats excited for it.

“Yeah, which is why our dorm keeps getting searched,” Oliver grumbles.

Oliver, being the second potential alpha in our year, seems to try his best to keep the three boys in line without smothering them, but it’s obvious now just how much he wishes to scold them. It makes me wonder what will happen to us after graduation.

Do we join his pack, letting him become our alpha?

Would I have to join a pack, or could I just go about my life like a human would?

I’ve yet to even master shifting into a wolf life they do. I could never do those pack runs they always talk about, and that seems like something they consider important. No alpha would ever accept someone like me.

An invalid.

The group of teenagers below us jump up from the bleachers and cheer as a random wolf on the field is tumbled down to the grass by none other than Percy. Off the field, Percy’s a stickler for behaving politely and sticking to the rules, but out there- Out there he’s a menace. Even his alpha, John Bastil, shuffles about from paw to paw as he watches his beta struggle against the other wolf.

Not too long after the struggle began, both wolves break away from one another, growling loudly at the other. They then walk off to their respective sides of the field. The teams huddle in a circle, some dipping their heads down, others pacing, while a couple lay on their bellies. They all wait for the next whistle to signal the last half of the game.

James stands to his feet, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Come on, Percy! Woo!”

The score is currently eighteen to thirteen. We only need two more points to win. The matches are split in half between the first ten points and the last ten points. Only after reaching eighteen can the players take a recess to ensure all players are still in peak performance.

“Mutts cheering for mutts.”

The venom dripping from his voice, and the proximity alone is enough to roll backwards and just run for the school, but there’s no need with Oliver sitting so close. I’ve recently learned that as much as Finley hates us grey furs, he can’t do much arguing against a fellow black fur.

“Do you need something Finley?” Oliver stands on his feet, arms crossed. “If not, I suggest finding your seat.”

I lean back, letting my arms rest on the bleachers running behind Mattheo and the open space next to me. I don’t even bother glancing in his direction. He deserves no satisfaction.

“Just wanted to ask the mutts how their holiday was, that’s all.”

Oliver sighs. “It’s clear you’re not wanted here, Fletcher. Leave.” There’s no question in his tone, but that doesn’t stop a body from blocking my view of the field.

Finley’s voice is closer now, his heart beating quicker than usual. He’s nervous, but he’s still going out of his way to jaunt me. “Enjoy your freedom while you can, invalid.”

“Fletcher.” This time, Oliver leaves no room for the boy to mistake his intentions. He’ll defend us if he has to.

“No need to get your fur ruffled, Hill. I’m only looking out for a fellow classmate.”

Mattheo stiffens next to me. “What do you mean?”

This time, Finley releases a mock gasp. “You mean, they haven’t told you?” No one speaks now. Even James seems to be focused on the boy in front of me. “No? Shame.”

“Cut the crap, Finley. What do you know?” Elliot demands. Even the other boys in our year clearly find Fletcher Finley annoying. There’s a shuffle and I glance to find Elliot standing now, his face teetering on the edge of ticked off. “Either spill or dip.”

Now I notice his lackey’s standing just behind him. They seem to tighten ranks as they realize they’re nearly surrounded by the others. Only one exit, and I’m confident they should take it soon.

Finley releases a dark and airy breath, a sinister chuckle. “It’s nothing big. The council has only decided that if this-“ I look up at him and his lips curl back in disgust. “-invalid can’t shift before being sent off for summer vacation, he’ll not be allowed to return to Rienridge Academy.” The smirk stretches across his pale lips. “They’ve realized that having an invalid with anger issues is dangerous for everyone. Essentially-“ He leans down into my face, invading my personal space. “-you’re screwed over, Evans.”

No one moves. No one bothers speaking. His breath hits my face and my fingers curl around the bleacher. The metal groans in protest as my hands bend the shape. I could care less about being kicked out of this place, but the invasion of personal space is causing ugly thoughts to run through my mind.

Like beating him until he stops moving.

“Bold of you to assume he won’t be shifting perfect by the end of the schoolyear.” My insides begin cooling off at the sound of Kendrick’s voice. He rarely deals with me when others are around, but the sight of him proves he’s becoming less worried about being associated with someone like me. “I’d take their advice and leave, pup.”

“And what makes you think you have a say in any of this?” Finley asks. “What- because you’re older? Don’t make me laugh.”

“Just back off, Finley.” Corey stands on his feet now.

“Why don’t you back off, Woods.” Finley steps closer now and Mattheo immediately stands between them. “Back all the way off until you reach the looney bin like your demented brother.”

I stand now. “Shut it, Finley!”

There’s a tightening around my throat and my hands immediately grab at it. Reeling backwards I glare at the culprit. Mattheo shakes his head once, letting me know that I need to calm down and back away from the situation.

He’s right. Engaging and taking Finley on would only lead to more problems for myself with the council and with the rumors floating around school. Everyone is already terrified of me. Beating Finley up would only result in more fear. The last thing I need is every single student I bump into in the hallways having a heart attack at the idea that I’ll rip their limbs off.

Oliver stands next to me now, his hand just barely brushing against my elbow. “Last warning, Finley.”

The blonde stares between me and Oliver, attempting to intimidate us, but it doesn’t work. He growls out, “Come on, boys. There’s no use in wasting our breath on this bunch.” As he walks down the bleachers, he has a burst of confidence and shoulders Kendrick. The guy remains tall and unbothered.

Trenton leans back against the bleacher and stares up at me and Oliver. “Well, that was fun.”

“Yeah,” I huff out. “Super fun.”

Leaving the small group behind, I jump from the top of the bleachers and land below on the grass. The game is still going on and there are cheers from some of the students behind me. None of them seemed to have noticed the fight that was about to take place just behind them. It’s probably for the best though. The less people involved with my problems when they happen the less that can see just how little control I have.

Finley knows just which buttons to push to get me to react the exact way he wants. And Mattheo threatening to use that leash... Understandable, but nerve-wracking.

The school’s hallways are nearly empty, save for a few students decorating for an upcoming holiday. Pink ribbons and red hearts adorn the walls and doorways with each turn. The more you progress towards the girls’ wing, the more cluttered the decorations become. They started here first.

“Ugh, Valentine’s Day!” Corey exclaims from behind me. “Why do we need to celebrate a stupid holiday like that?”

I had been so far in my own mind I hadn’t noticed the boys following me through the school. Each one seems to have their own opinions on the skin-crawling idea of girls becoming giddy and shuffling out chocolates and heartfelt love cards.

“Oh, come on, Corey.” Mattheo tosses an arm around the boy. “Are you just upset that James and I usually get a bunch of cards and not you?”

“One year!” Corey shouts. “One year you two nimrods have gotten cards. It isn’t like you’re the hottest guy in this school.”

“Oh really?” Mattheo taunts. “Then who would be the hottest guy in our school, Corey?”

The boy stutters, but eventually shuts his mouth and says nothing else. They stay quiet now as they continue to follow me through the halls. I’m sure they’ll break off once they realize I’m heading for the library.

“You think we should all make cards for Rylan?” Mattheo asks.

“What- Why would we make him cards?” Corey attempts to whisper, but he’s never been good at it.

James laughs from behind me. “Because none of the girls in school would make him a card.”

Sighing, I turn to face them and they all three of them quiet down. “I can hear you three, you know.” They offer sheepish smiles. “I don’t need cards. I’ve never gotten them before, so there’s no need to start now.”

“Wait-” Corey raises his hands out. “You’ve never been given a valentine’s day card? Like, ever?”

I shake my head.

Mattheo offers a smile. “Maybe if you’d smile more, girls would be more likely to approach you.”

“I don’t want them to,” I say as bluntly as possible.

James shakes his head now, clearly unimpressed with my lack of desire for girls to notice me. “Come on, Rylan. Eventually, you’re going to want girls to like you.”

“No, thanks.”

They continue following me now, and Mattheo doubles down on his previous statement. “Smiling wouldn’t kill you, you know.”

“I’ve never even seen you smile,” Corey whispers.

James laughs loudly, gaining some attention from a few onlookers. “That’s true. I don’t think any of us have ever really seen you smile, and we’ve known you for almost an entire year now. Smile for us, Rylan!”

“No.”

“Come on,” James whines.

“No.”

“Please,” Corey begs.

“No.”

Mattheo then steps between them and follows me closely. “They don’t mean to bug you about it, but they’re right. Smiling isn’t something necessary, but it helps with making friends.”

“I don’t need friends,” I admit to him. “I have you three. That’s all I need, right?”

He makes pace with me and grimaces. “That’s true, but it wouldn’t hurt to branch out a bit. Step out and make some new friends. I’m not saying you have to leave us behind or even become as close with the other kids as you are with us, I’m just saying that everyone would be a little less scared of you if they got to know you. Smiling at them might change things for you.”

“I’m not smiling at anyone,” I growl out. I stop and turn to face the other two behind me. “No more bringing it up, okay?”

Each of the boys now look at one another before nodding in agreement about something unspoken. Whatever they’re planning it’s not worth arguing about right now. Letting the conversation go, I walk away from all three of them.

The three boys are now roughing each other up, play-wrestling as we roam the hallways, drawing closer to the library. At the end of the hall, Amaya and Minnie stand together and hold the base of a ladder while another girl stands at the top. Grace stands at the tip of the ladder, pinning ribbons above the doorway for the library. To our right another set of girls struggle to decorate the doorway for the teacher’s wing.

The sweet scent of vanilla and honey invades my nostrils. Two blonde pigtails sway back and forth as the young girl struggles to hold the base of base of the ladder. If the scent wasn’t enough to identify her, the blue beads and yellow ribbons in her hair are.

Faye Finley holds a concentrated expression as she grips the ladder. She clearly keeps her focus on whatever task is at hand. It shows her determination with everything she puts her mind to. She’s even like that during classes, always raising her hand first or squinting as she copies the board. Those icy eyes are trained on her littermate, Katie Greene, the timid redhead that Professor Helman had embarrassed in class earlier this year.

Corey and Mattheo continue shoving on one another while James pretends to be their referee as we move through the hall. There’s a clang and then a collection of gasps. Katie begins sailing downwards. Her red hair now resembles fire falling from the sky. There is no scream from her, no gasp or outburst of exclaiming her sudden descent.

Katie’s body falls into my arms roughly. My shoulders pop in and out of sockets with the impact, causing searing pain in my upper body and a growl to rip from my throat. Her frame shakes, trembling, most likely from the traumatic experience of falling from so high. She would’ve lived given she’s a Lycan, but it wouldn’t have felt nice during or afterwards. Her bright green eyes meet mine and her entire face radiates red, nearly matching her hair.

“W-W-What-” Her entire body stiffens in my arms and her face continues to brighten. Her eyes begin watering, now resembling two green marbles dipped in clear water. “I- I’m-”

“It’s fine,” I huff out. “No use crying over it. It was their fault anyways.” I motion back towards the three idiots who had knocked into her ladder. “So, seriously, don’t worry about it.” Remembering Mattheo’s words, I take a deep breath before slowly smiling down at Katie. Her green eyes widen significantly before her face seems as though it will explode from the amount of blood rushing to it. “I’m sorry if I hurt you when I caught you.”

“You didn’t!” She practically squeals. I set her down onto wobbling legs and she faces me quickly. “T-Thank you for c-catching me!”

Behind her, Faye and their other littermate, Elsie Jamison, stare after the two of us as if we’ve both grown two heads. Neither blonde move for their friend, and Katie makes no show to rush back to them. Instead, she stands next to me, not too close, but closer than most of the students stand.

“W-Would you like to help us with the-”

“No,” I cut her off. Her eyes widen, wetting as her lower lip wobbles. Instantly, I’ve ruined what could’ve been a friendship, or at least one less person to fear me. “I’m- I’m sorry for snapping like that.” I offer another smile, the creases of my lips feeling strained. “I just don’t know how to-”

“Be nice?” Katie asks. There is no malice in her words, no squinting of her eyes, or bite in her tone. She’s just trying to understand me better.

“Yeah. I don’t know how to be nice to people.” The smile feels less heavy now, less painful. “But I’m trying to learn.”

“You’re doing pretty good,” she whispers. Her eyes meet mine again through her lashes. Her hands are cupped in front of her as her left foot twists behind her against the stone floor. “I think your nice.”

The boys begin whispering behind me and I turn to see them smiling widely while offering thumbs up. Whatever they’re going on about, they can keep it to themselves. Just to our left now, Faye quietly slinks away towards the girl’s dorm area. A sudden wave of emotions hit me. I want to- I want to rush after her and ask her if she’s okay, but I don’t.

Whatever is happening with Faye, it needs to stop. Getting close to her would be dangerous for us both. That’s one friendship I’d need to avoid creating.

February 14th, 2006 - Tuesday, 6:25pm

The table shakes, moving our glasses around and messing up the highlighted paragraph I had been working on. James smiles while motioning towards the gigantic vase of flowers he had been so eager to get from his parents this morning. This is why I prefer to study alone in the library. Anytime I do this here one of the boys is doing something incredibly dumb and it interrupts my study time.

A few of the boys begin pestering James about the flowers, picking at him for getting something girly for some girl. They do this to him quite often. Apparently for the last two years Amaya has declined his gifts for everything; birthdays, Christmas, valentine’s day. James just hasn’t learned how to take a hint.

“I already told you lot,” James argues. “She’s not just some girl. She’s Amaya Porter, the prettiest, most smartest, most kindest girl in the whole wide world.”

“Gross,” Corey mutters.

He leans closer towards me and begins picking at the leafy greens on his plate. If I were to involve myself in the conversation, I would agree with him. Amaya may be smart, and she may be kind, but I don’t think I would ever use the word pretty to describe her.

“She’s just going to reject you again, and then you’ll be sad for weeks before remembering you don’t need a girl to make you happy.” Elliot leans back in his chair with his hands laced behind his head. His chestnut hair falls just over his thick brows and his pale brown eyes are lit up with amusement. “You don’t see Corey or Rylan fawning over girls, do you?”

“Says you,” James seethes. “You’re obsessed with Annabeth Milner in year five!”

Elliot launches across the table and grips James into a headlock. “Shut your trap, Sutton!”

As the two boys wrestle with one another Mattheo moves the flowers around so that they don’t spill or get knocked over during their playing. His eyes are dull and his cheeks are pale. He’s been quiet since the incident with Finley during the lacrosse game. Neither of the other two boys can get him to cheer up either, as if he’s just lost in his own mind. I’ve been there before, and I know how lonely it can become, but he has to leave it on his own.

There’s quiet shuffling behind us. As Corey and I turn there are two soft voices.

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

Elsie Jamison and Katie Greene stand just behind us. Both have their hands behind their backs and a bright color on their cheeks. Neither seems to be able to meet our faces. Elsie slowly lifts her hands out towards me, and Katie follows. Both hold a small plastic sack of what smells like chocolates and a white envelope each.

“Uh...” I stare at the two of them. Have they lost their minds? This has been happening all day today. “No, thank you?” I’ve been trying to be as nice as possible with turning the gifts away, but every time I do...

Katie’s eyes widen like they had the day I caught her, and Elsie’s do as well. Neither moves though, well not their bodies. Their lower lips do that little wobble and I find myself being kicked under the table. Glancing back, Oliver Hill gives me an awful glare while motioning towards the two little girls behind me.

He then mouths, “Take them.” I want to say no, but he nods once more and even growls.

Sighing, I face them and offer my empty hands. “I’ll take them.”

“Really?” Elsie whispers.

I nod. “Really.”

Two small sacks and two white envelopes are then placed gently in my hands. Both girls then rush off giggling to one another as they make their way back to their seats. I knew I should’ve skipped dinner. Now, that I’ve accepted their gifts, it won’t be long until-

“Excuse me?” Looking up, I notice three of the girls I rejected earlier today. Each one is in year two. “Would you accept these?”

I cast a pleading glance at Oliver, but he only nods his head. His arms are crossed, and his eyes are stern. There’s no rejecting these gifts with him around. Trying not to growl, I accept the gifts. Those girls take off giggling just like the other two had.

I then move on to accept five more gifts. Each one has become piled on top of the other on the table. The boys only stare at the giant pile of candy and cards, not saying anything about the situation I’ve found myself in.

Why are they giving me these? What happened to them fearing me?

“I can’t do this much more,” I whine out. My head hits the table, and the avalanche of candy falls to the sides of my face. “Someone make them scared of me again.”

Someone snaps their finger. “That’s it!” Corey exclaims. “They aren’t scared anymore. You saved Katie that day in the hall, and they changed.”

Elliot laughs out, “They must think you’re this good guy now.”

“Boy are they wrong,” Trenton teases. “They’re setting themselves up for disappointment.”

Slowly, a growl slips out from me. “I don’t want to be seen as a good guy.”

“So, you want to be seen as a bad guy then?”

“Elliot, you’re not helping,” Mattheo scolds.

“Hey-” Elliot becomes defensive. “I’m not saying he is a bad guy.”

“A-Amaya.” James begins flailing around. “I got you something for valentine’s day. I hope you like them. They’re your favorite; peonies.”

There’s a long silence before I hear Amaya say, “Uh, thanks, Sutton.” There are some shuffling noises and a few of the other boys begin saying thank you. I look up to see her handing everyone at the table candies and cards. She stops as she gets to me, and her eyes offer a soft apology as she holds out something that is definitely not a sack of candies or a card. “I know you’re not the warm gift-giving type, so I hope this more than makes up for the lack of candy.”

The gift in my hands is a simple package of muted color highlighters. The ones I had been using were provided by Nicholas and they’re bright and stinky. There’s a small red ribbon wrapped around them and tied in a bow. Amaya understands what I really like and what I tend to avoid.

“It’s perfect,” I admit. “Thank you.”

She smiles brightly before tapping my shoulder, her way of hugging me. “You’re welcome. Now, I have something special for you three as well.”

Amaya hands Mattheo a random record player. She then gives Corey a graphic novel and his face lights up with joy. James waits patiently, standing there with that wide smile and watered eyes he only ever gives Amaya. This is what Mattheo refers to as his ‘lovey’ face.

Amaya reaches into some dark purple bag and brings out a yellow tin. James slowly accepts the gift, and his hands shake as they open the lid. There’s a pause as he holds his breath, seeming shocked for a moment. The boys begin crowding him, fighting to see what is that he’s been given by his lifetime crush. Slowly, he pulls out a cookie, red icing hearts and white sprinkles adorning it.

She gave him a tin of cookies.

“I- I love them,” he says quietly. “Thank you, Amaya.”

“You’re welcome.” Amaya has never seemed so awkward, clumsy almost. “I remember you told me once that your aunt used to make you sugar cookies from scratch, so I tried my best to do just that.”

Mattheo’s mom made him cookies. Amaya must realize just how much she meant to him to have struggled with baking. She’s admitted before that she hates being anywhere near a kitchen, preferring her free time to be spent studying. She must really like James back.

James lifts the cookie and takes a timid bite. His entire face brightens, reddening in appearance. “Their amazing!” Amaya tries to deny his praise, but he insists. He shoves the tin in her face. “No, really. Have you not tried one yet? Here, take one. They really are amazing, Amaya.”

The poor girl struggles to keep from having a cookie shoved into her mouth by the overexcited boy. The rest of the boys then try to take a cookie from the tin, causing James to become feral. Then, the rest of dinner is spent listening to James whine to Amaya that he needs more cookies because his friends ‘stole’ his gift. Glancing down at my own gift, I can’t help but smile. No matter how many candies or cards the girls may give me, nothing could ever compare to the simple highlighters.