Sentilia

The person in front of me was motionless, but I could hear a faint whisper in my ears. I had fallen asleep in William’s bedroom, and he was trying to wake me up.

“Maxine, please, wake up now.”

I opened my eyes and got up suddenly, hitting my head against William’s.

“Oops, sorry! Ouch!” I held a hand in front of my mouth and the other on my hurting head.

“Are you okay? Don’t worry about it, I didn’t mean to scare you.” The hit didn’t seem to have bothered him; he just looked concerned about me.

“I’m fine,” I froze for a second. “What’s your name?” I was confused, and I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t still dreaming.

“Wow, you really hit your head hard. Okay, Maxine, I’m Dr. William Colton, can you tell me what day it is?” he asked.

“I’m fine, gosh, I just wanted to make sure this wasn’t a dream again,” I replied. It felt good to be able to say it so casually.

“Oh...were you just...what were you dreaming about?” he tried to sound casual.

I blushed: “You...but it wasn’t a good dream. The last dreams I’ve had about you were actually kind of scary.” But I could feel everything I had felt in the last one washing away by the second. I had no explanation for what I had felt or seen, but now that I was looking at William’s face, all was forgotten.

As he lifted my head up to inspect it, something in the background caught my eye. I could see the kitchen from his room. The refrigerator door was open. He turned around to see what I was looking at. He swiveled back and let my head go.

“About that...” he started.

“How? Why?” I wanted an explanation. “Tell me everything,” I demanded.

“Please, let’s just leave. I can tell you what you want to know in the transporter,” he pleaded. Since when was he in such a rush to get going? And most importantly, why?

“Um...Okay...” He seemed eager to leave, and I had no choice but to wait. I couldn’t force it out of him.

“Let’s go,” his face was serious.

We walked out of the door without looking back. We swiftly made our way to the transporter with a small bag of packaged food, and hopped in.

“Okay, so, let’s see if this thing knows where to go.” William started analyzing the itinerary I had traced, comparing it with the maps programmed inside the computer. As predicted, we had to program our course manually. We entered the coordinates to the island, and activated it.

We started the quiet engines and were about to lift off, when the computer voiced: “Location non-activated.”

“Location non-activated? What’s wrong with this thing?” He tried re-entering the coordinates and tried a little to the south and a little to the north, but nothing worked.

“Well, we’re not going to be able to make this work; we need another option. Got any ideas?” He smiled apologetically, and I smiled back, trying not to look anxious.

“Computers are my thing, I should be able to figure this out,” I concentrated for a moment and found the manual override of the transporter. “We’ll go the farthest we can with the gps, which is on the California coastline, and then we’ll have to get to the island manually.”

“Um...manually?” He lifted one eyebrow and stared at me intensely. His piercing eyes numbed my mind, as much as they did in my dreams. I stumbled with the words in my head before blurting out: “Yeah, we’ll adjust the latitude and longitude; it won’t be exactly perfect, I’ve never really tried it before, but that’s pretty much all we can do. We’ve got to try it.” I was trying to convince him, but I realized he was already convinced before I had even started speaking.

“That simple, huh? Let’s go then, what are you waiting for?” He smiled warmly.

Waiting for you to go into shock? For you to realize what you are about to do? How was it that, whatever happened in his life that made him so easy going, happened right before we met? I wondered if he would have came along had his life been perfect. Probably not.

We lifted off, and we sat comfortably in our chairs: it would be a long ride. We had to make a quick stop on the Californian coast, and then we would continue above the ocean until we reached the island. We had about an hour to go before reaching the border between land and sea.

There was a heavy silence, and I didn’t bare break it. I kept staring strait ahead, hoping he would. A few minutes passed, I started getting impatient. I had so many questions to ask him.

He finally spoke: “So...this is getting a bit awkward...Let’s just chat so I don’t have time to regret what I’m doing.” Was he coming to his sense? I hoped not. I was having a hard time keeping up with him.

I started with a lighter question to ease into the interrogation: “Ok...well, you still didn’t tell me anything about the stuff you keep in your kitchen: all that uncooked food, the stove, the fridge...How come you prepare your own food?” I figured I could ask him about his family and about what happened to him once we were in the middle of the ocean, so he couldn’t change his mind about this whole thing.

He hesitated before answering: “Well, there is a small handful of people who live a little...differently.” He paused, waiting for a reaction. I couldn’t help but smile, but I hid most of my excitement. He continued, speaking slowly, examining my face: “We basically get our food directly from the food preparation facility, unprepared and uncooked. It’s kind of like a...an arrangement we have with the people who work there.”

I frowned; it wasn’t the answer I was expecting—I felt like he was hiding something from me. But I didn’t question him any further on the subject.

I decided I couldn’t wait for the burning question on my lips since I’d seen his sister’s room. “William,” I dithered for a moment, and he looked up. I had the feeling he knew what I was about to ask him. Bizarrely, I always felt like we were on the same page. “Where’s your family?”

He sighed heavily, but still answered, with a resentful tone. “My parents are dead...my sister ran away.” I could head the hint of sneer in his last words.

“I’m sorry to hear about your parents,” I was a little taken aback by the bluntness of his answer. I was also surprised that they were gone, like Elis’s parents. People don’t just die in our society. And for both of them to die was...abnormal, to say the least. Not to mention, everything that cut him, left a scar on me; and this deeply hurt him. I could see the pain in his sorrowful eyes. It made my heart hurt.

I wasn’t sure it was ok to just ask what happened exactly, so I went with a slightly less painful topic: “What happened to your sister? Where did she go?” I was bewildered. There were places you could run away to, now? That was new. No one ever told me about the fun stuff. Unless...

He sighed deeply and mumbled almost too low for me to hear: “One morning my parents decided to leave on a vacation. They said they once lived in a beautiful place, and they were going on a trip there, as crazy as it sounds. To me, every part of the world is the same; I didn’t even get the concept of vacationing. Anyways, I think it’s the same place you’re talking about, they kept insisting it was so different than anything I’d ever known and I needed to go once in my life to understand something, I don’t remember what. But I couldn’t leave, I am a doctor, I can’t just leave whenever I want, people need me. So they left, the three of them, but only my sister came back.” He paused, took a deep breath, and looked away, lost in his thoughts. “She came back crying and sobbing, saying that our parents had died drowning, clearly trying to skip all details, but explaining how this guy named ‘K’ had saved her from the treacherous waters.” I gulped loudly. K? Drowned? “He had saved only her. He claimed that she was the youngest, and since he was alone and could only save one person, it had to be her.” His eyes were brimming with tears. “She stayed in touch with him after the accident. She kept telling me how beautiful it was over there, that I had to go back with her, that I wouldn’t understand unless I was there. But it was out of the question that I leave California for any length of time. Let alone moving there, like she wanted me to.

“I had to keep control of the situation. My parents were gone, and I felt like I had taken their place—I had always been the responsible one, so I figured she was just acting out again because of my parents. But a few weeks later I lost her. I came home that day and she was gone—disappeared. She had left a note saying: I’m sorry William, I love you so much, and I know this is going to hurt you even worse, but I can’t take this anymore. I can’t take living here, with these memories, and your new attitude.” He had recited his sister’s note without even blinking. How many times had he read it, I wondered?

“I couldn’t even begin to comprehend her degree of suffering. I think I never will. I’ve always done an amazing job at repressing what hurts me most.”

I didn’t know what to answer. I wasn’t very good with social interactions, especially painful confession like these. I decided I’d go with my first instinct, which was to take his hand firmly in mine. I looked into his breathtaking eyes. My intent to comfort him was strong enough not to make me look down. We seemed to connect in that instant, and I felt it was enough to make him feel my empathy and sadness.

What surprised me most of what I’d just heard was the accuracy my dreams had with reality. It was actually quite frightening.

We slowly came to a stop in the middle of a pier. It was the farthest point out. The computer had indicated California as our location the whole length of the trip. Now it was indicating Santa Monica Pier. Strange. I had never heard that name before. We didn’t put up the camera image since William wanted to stretch his legs anyway. He wasn’t used to taking long trips and wasn’t feeling in the best of shapes.

We jumped out of the transporter onto a deserted pathway. We were, it seemed, standing in the middle of the ocean. I couldn’t see the shore; there was a thick layer of fog. The water was stirring slowly, not threatening; I could see it through the glass floor.

I was finally in front of the ocean. A real one. I took a minute to appreciate the moment, feeling a sense of achievement, letting the scent of salt mixed with fish and something else I didn’t remember from my dreams, fill my lungs. Even if I’d seen it before in my dreams, it still felt like the first time. My eyes were scanning the blue water, blinking constantly because of the tears of joy filling my eyes.

I walked along the pier, trying to get to the end of it, but there was a glass cabin a few yards away from the edge. William had spotted it first through the fog, and was starting to make his way towards it. I followed, and when he saw me from the corner of his eye, he stopped, and waited for me. He had a peculiar expression on his face when he looked at me now. It was like he was surprised, yet amazed to see me. It was hard to believe, but I knew what it was since it was mirrored on mine.

I took the time to really scrutinize him. It was different seeing him now, outside the transporter. He seemed so perfect, so imposing. I tried to compare him with my memories, my dreams. His eyes seemed to have a new light in them, his jaw looked more defined, his lips were fuller; everything about him was sharper. I had to restrain myself incredibly not to throw myself into his arms every time I got too close to him. It felt like an urge, like there was a magnet between us.

“Don’t look at me like that, Max. I know you’re anxious to get there, but I really had to get some fresh air. I’m starting to get better already, this place is so...” He didn’t finish his sentence, but I knew what he meant. He seemed to have slightly misinterpreted the way I was looking at him. Did I really look anxious? Because I was in complete state of wonder right now.

I was about a foot away from him, and I thought about passing right by him, but I stopped, and stared deeply into his eyes. As if I was controlling him like I would have in my dreams, he hesitantly placed his hand on the small of my back, already looking like he regretted the move, but unable to stop himself. He placed his other hand on the back of my neck, pulled me near him, and lifted me up while he squeezed me, carefully, but passionately, against his warm body. I remembered feeling a warming, a sort of glowing of the heart, and being at home, melting into his arms, in my dreams.

But it was an uncontrollable wild fire that ignited in the midst of my stomach, slowly invading the rest of my body, completely limp, blurring every thought in my head, burning every nerve I could still feel; I also had an incomprehensible yearning to kiss him. My breathing accelerated.

Before the train wreck in my head made me reach for his lips, he let go. But the burning did not stop. I was able to control myself but all I wanted to do was fall back into his fiery grasp and stay there forever. I wanted him to know how I felt. Was it possible he already did? I felt suddenly so fragile without his body close to mine, without his steel arms holding me up. It was like I needed him now to complete me, to become a part of me. I couldn’t be whole anymore without him, without him beside me every second of every day. I never wanted to have to take my eyes off him, to have to say goodbye.

I was startled by my own reaction, and when I drifted my eyes up, there was a confused panic in his eyes. He hesitated before turning around, and started walking again. A second had passed since he let me go, and I had to wait another just to regain my senses. I guess I had to expect he would be as brooding and tortured as Elis was, with everything he had gone through, though I wished in this instant he was more candid, almost like K. At least he never hesitated. Things were so complicated, I understood now why they started using arranged marriages in the first place, and didn’t rely on falling in love. What if he never truly loved me back? Then again, I knew which one of the two men would have been chosen for me, and I wasn’t okay with that choice.

I caught up to him. We walked in silence to the big glass cube. There was a small door through which we could enter. And so we did. It was completely empty inside.

I was truly dumbfounded. Why an empty glass room in the middle of the ocean? I threw a glance towards William to see him wear an equally dazed expression.

We were standing in the middle of the space, but there was really nothing to see. With no more hypothesis of its purpose than when we came in, we started making our way out.

Something caught my eye just then. Just before the entrance was a see-through keyboard. It was barely visible. At first, I thought it was to enter some kind of a password to enter the place, but there was no door, and we were standing inside it, so it couldn’t be the right explanation.

“Maybe the password is for something else,” he said. I glanced at him, perplexed. We were on the exact same page again. “I mean, the place is empty inside. It’s strange. It could be for something else, but everything here is see-through. And there’s no door. You couldn’t hide something if you tried.”

I didn’t want to become suspicious of our people. I hated judging critically without having a clue. “Or maybe it’s for another purpose than a password altogether.”

I saw that he was about to object, but he understood deep down what I really meant—that I was accusing him of judging—so he sighed and let it go.

He held my hand for support while I hopped back into the transporter. We sat down comfortably and got ready for the longer part of the trip. It would take a few more hours to get to the island. Once there, I wasn’t sure what would happen. I couldn’t help but imagine getting there to find only a deserted island, or worse, nothing at all. The idea terrified me. I wouldn’t be able to hold back William if he left me, because he would leave me if we found nothing, or no one there. What would I do with myself then? He was in this to find his sister; he had a distinct objective after which he could return to his normal life. It seemed like the only escape to my other life was this one. I didn’t want to return to my old home, now more than ever. So what would I do if I didn’t find what I was looking for? I would be worse off than I was before it all started, that’s for sure.

The trip was going to be long, and every new sensation I had felt today had left me a little more exhausted. I really didn’t want to sleep, with William beside me. I didn’t want to waste any second with him. But, I really needed to sleep for a few minutes. So I closed my eyes, opening them a few minutes later, when William gently threw his jacket over my body, and closing them again, for the rest of the trip. What a gentleman, I thought, as I fell asleep.

I woke up, and realized we were not moving. We had landed on an island. I panicked for a second before seeing that he was still sitting beside me, his eyes on mine. “Hey,” he smiled widely, “we just got to the island. It’s really here. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss any action.” He winked. He seemed just as excited as me to have a confirmation that there was an island here.

We were about to step out of the transporter when he grabbed my arm: “Who’s Elis?” I hesitated for a moment. “It’s just that... you said his name a lot while you were sleeping. And I remembered you calling me that the first time you saw me.” I didn’t even remember having dreamt at all.

“Well, remember I told you I had dreams about you before we met? Your name was Elis.” I didn’t want to hide that he was always on my mind.

“So, you were dreaming about me again?” He was trying to hide his smile but failed. His eyes were cautious though.

I blushed and left the transporter. William followed and distress was quick to appear on both our faces when we realized the island was only about a hundred meters large.

I walked around the transporter, feeling panic start to bubble up, my breaths were shorter, my palms were getting sweaty.

William came and stood beside me: “Do you see that?”

I looked at him and saw he was squinting, staring at the distance.

“Oh my gosh,” I said in shock, realizing there were multiple islands in the distance, all around us.

We quickly re-entered the transporter, setting the cameras on, and took off for the next closest island. A map had appeared on the transporter’s screen, and though we both glanced at each other in confusion, we both seemed to forget it as soon as the transporter took off. My hands were trembling lightly; nerves seemed to have suddenly overcome me.

William took my hands in his and said: “You know I’ll stay with you, don’t you? Even if we don’t find them here, I’m not leaving you, Maxine.” His rough voice turned into velvet as he worded the last part.

“You...you won’t?” He won’t? His gaze was intense.

“I’ll follow you on every crazy journey, even if it means going halfway around the world with you.” He relaxed, and we both laughed.

Although his words were clear. I couldn’t believe for a second that he felt that way. The way I felt about him was quite scary. I couldn’t express the deliverance he had brought to my heart when I had found him: in flesh and bone. In fact, I thought I would be doomed to a loveless life. To be the reject of our society, forever alone, not being able to be with anybody else than the man of my dreams. I would have been locked up for sure. Crazy Maxine. But there was no difference in living locked up, or living without him, without knowing if the island existed or not. At least he was here, telling me he was here to stay. I realized that would be good enough, no matter what we would find or not find; having him was more than enough to make my life worth it.

I was submerged in my thoughts when I looked up and saw his face. He was frowning: “What are you thinking about?”

Would I be honest? Tell him that it was inconceivable to me that he liked me? Or would I tell him an insignificant lie instead? I opened my mouth to speak.

“I was just thinking that...we’re landing in 4 seconds.” The last words rushed out of my mouth. But sure enough, 4 seconds later we were at a standstill.

The second island, which we had reached just a few minutes after the first one, was smaller. I wasn’t disappointed because we’d seen it on the screen. We just wanted a better vantage point to look at the other islands. I also wanted to make sure the map that had suddenly appeared in front of us was accurate.

We had landed in the centre of the island, and could see all around us with the help of the transporter’s camera. It was just a pile of rocks and driftwood surrounded by water and it was clear there were no inhabitants on this tiny piece of land.

“Wait, is that...?” William started.

“It’s just boulders and rocks.” I answered.

“Let’s go out for a minute.”

“Stay here, I’ll go.” I didn’t want to waste time here so I figured this way would be quicker.

If William hadn’t insisted we get out of the transporter, I wouldn’t have seen the pile of old broken transporter parts I had confounded with a pile of rocks.

I approached the pile cautiously. The transporters had been thrown there and ripped apart for pieces. It looked like they had been voluntarily destroyed.

I didn’t want to linger too long on this island, because in that instant, I knew they were here; they were close. I started to get dizzy, and I bent down to rest on my knees, touching a broken solar panel to make sure it was really there.

When I felt solid enough, I ran back through the obstacles and half climbed through the transporter door: “William! Quick! Come and see this!” I ran back out to stand proudly and excitedly beside the pile. “Look at this!”

William slowly made his way towards me, looking really confused.

Then, he realized what this was, and what it meant. “Maxine...”

“I know!” I was quite smug, seeing his face turn into amazement.

“This is unbelievable, look at this. Old transporters are always brought to the disposal facilities...they destroy all of them, they recycle them. It’s impossible that our people would just leave them lying around here...They’re really here.”

William took another step toward me. He placed one of his hands on an old solar panel, the same one I had also touched; he placed his other hand on my cheek. He stared at the wreckage around him, amazed. Apparently, he seemed convinced enough. And he seemed as happy as I was; he had found his sister. Almost.

I smiled, watching his back as he ran away from me toward the transporter, struggling to follow his lead. I wondered idly, could any other person make my life more perfect? I knew the answer was no. I had to tune out a voice in the back of my head that always seemed to contradict me, saying there might be one other person that could make me happy...

We climbed back in the transporter and took off for the next island, which was the biggest one of all, hoping this would be it.

I closed my eyes as the transporter flew off.

The tripped seemed to have lasted forever. But it had only taken us 4 minutes.

“Arriving at set coordinates,” voice the computer.

I was clenched to my seat: my hands were trembling, my palms were sweaty. I felt an incredible discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I held back my desire to gag, a consequence of the wave of nerves crashing over me. I opened my eyes. I didn’t dare look up at the screen, now showing a picture of our surroundings. Before I was able to move, William got up and jumped out.

When I turned around, all I could see was a green wall. William gaped, as I knew he had never seen a forest before. First thing I knew, my stress had flown away as fast as it had came, and I now felt a sense of calm and relief overwhelm me. I felt at home.

From the corner of my eye, I could see a blurring, blue motion. I noticed the humming sound that came from the waterfall; the same one I had already been to in my dreams, with Elis. This was it.

It hit me at that moment: how could my brain simulate all of this? How could I dream about a place I had never seen before in my life? I was awestruck, but terrified at the same time. What did this all mean?

William and I exchanged a glance, his of incredible disbelief, and mine of total serenity.

My heart felt like singing, my body wanted to run, to run and find the people of the city, but my brain wanted to stay right here with William. I had him, and I was now in the most beautiful place on earth. What more could I ask for? I was just enjoying this perfect moment, which was, this time, reality. Finally, a dream come true.