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Vox sat down on the bed, he wasn’t crying, he wasn’t doing anything. He just sat and stared off into space. I wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. He had shut the door on Hal and walked over and just sat without anymore words. I didn’t know what to do. The only person I had known to die was my grandparents, but I was young. Just a child. This was a different situation all together.

Should I move over and touch him? Should I ask if he is okay? Of course he isn’t okay, his ex-girlfriend is dead. I just felt awkward where I was and decided to move closer. I now sat cross legged on the bed facing Vox’s side. He didn’t stir, didn’t even notice my movement. I decided to try to cox him out of his trance. “Vox?”

He blinked a few times, maybe shaking a memory. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Sorry.”

I shook my head and placed a hand on his arm, “No, I’m sorry. I know you were close with her.”

He frowned, “Used to be anyways.”

“Do you need anything from me? Is there something I can do?”

He turned and looked at me, “No. Thanks, though. I think I’m just going to go to sleep. ” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair again. I looked over at the clock, it was only nine. I wasn’t tired at all.

“Okay, I think I will go back to my room so I can read.”

His eyes shifted from empty to desperation. “What, why?”

“You’re going to go to sleep. I figured you wanted to be alone.”

He shook his head and pulled me into his lap, “I don’t want you to ever leave.” I smiled at this sentiment. “You can read in bed, whatever you want, just as long as you stay.”

Vox leaned and put his forehead to my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his neck. We stayed like that for a long time. He did start breaking down, he didn’t start crying, he didn’t even talk. He just sat there. I knew he hadn’t fallen asleep because he would sigh from time to time.

Eventually he lifted his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “I think I’m going to take a shower.”

I nodded. “Okay.” I got up so he could stand and make his way to the bathroom. But he didn’t. He sat there for a few minutes.

“Are you going to get up?”

He looked up at me from his trance. “Yeah, right.” He stood and ran his fingers through his hair. I knew it was a habit when he was stressed, but at this rate he was going to be bald for the wedding. He closed the bathroom door and started the water.

I sat back where I was earlier and grabbed my book off the nightstand. I flipped to the page I was on and started to read again. I guess it’s not considered reading if you actually don’t take the information in. My mind was reeling with the information Hal had presented. Felicity was dead. Not just dead, but they were investigating it as if it was a murder.

Where did he say she was? Sector 15? I couldn’t remember now and would have to ask Vox later. I shook the thoughts away and focused on Dr. Jekyll. After a while, I realized that the water was still running. I looked up at the clock. Vox had been in the shower for 45 minutes. I frowned and closed my book before getting up off the bed and knocking on the door.

“Vox?”

There was a pause before he answered, “Yeah?” His voice was low and distant.

“Are you alright in there?” I rested my hand on the knob.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” The water turned off. There was movement on the other side of the door before it opened. Vox stood in front of me, door in one hand dirty clothes in the other. His hair was a dark from the water.

“I just wanted to check on-.”

Vox interrupted me with a kiss. He dropped the dirty clothes and wrapped both arms around me, lifting me up. My legs went around his torso and my hands found the back of his neck. Before I knew it, he was setting me on the bed and pulling off my shirt.

When I woke up the next morning, Vox was laying beside me fast asleep. I couldn’t remember a time when I woke up and Vox was there. I liked it. I liked waking up to him. I liked not seeing a note saying he had to go into work. I studied his calm face for a few minutes. While sleeping his face didn’t show the worry or stress lines, he looked younger.

In that moment I wished I had known Vox as a kid. I wished that we had grown up together, much like Koontz and I had. I wanted to be the person that knew everything about Vox from his favorite food to his secret habits. I wanted to know it all.

His eyes opened, and he smiled. “What are you looking at?”

I shrugged, “Nothing, just admiring you.”

He laughed at my copying his words. “Admiring me?”

I nodded, “Yes.”

He grinned the kind of grin that made his eyes scrunch up at the corners. I liked when I could get him to smile like that. He leaned in and kissed me. When Vox drew back I could see his eyes alight with happiness. I made him happy.

But then something inside him shifted. His face grew solemn and his eyebrow crushed together. His eyes were full of sorrow. It was like for that moment he had forgotten everything and then it all came crashing back. He looked away, “I have to get ready for work.” He rolled off the bed and headed toward his dresser.

I matched his frown, “Are you going to be okay?”

He nodded, “Yeah. I mean it was upsetting to find that Felicity had, uh, had passed away. But I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? You seemed pretty upset about it last night.”

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He came back and sat down on the bed. He stared down at the floor. “It’s hard. She meant a lot to me. Even after we broke up, she was still a close family friend. Her and Hal had been friends. I had loved her. It’s just a big shock to hear that.” He heaved a great big sigh. I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around him.

“Everything will be fine.” I didn’t really know what else to say to him. I didn’t know Felicity, I couldn’t tell him that her character was admirable or that she was in heaven right now looking down on him.

What I said seemed to be the right thing, he smiled and hugged me tighter. “Thanks, Emmary.” He let go, “Okay, now I really have to get ready for work. I’m going to be late.”

I smiled and gave him a kiss. “Okay, I think I’m going to go take a shower.” I gave him one more kiss before I left the room.

I stopped by Vox’s room on my way down to breakfast, but he was already gone. I frowned and headed downstairs. As I walked into the dinning room, I could hear Mrs. Bly speaking. “It’s awful really. Murder. Who would have thought.” Her voice was shaking as she spoke. “And by her own match too. This will only fuel those stupid rebels. I can see the headlines now. Your father is going to have a hard few years coming up because of this. ”

I sat down next to Hal and grabbed a bowl of fruit. Hal was puffy eyed. I didn’t know whether to comfort her with a hug or whether to just sit silently. I opted for the later.

Hal sat there as her mother babbled on about how much of a tragedy Felicity’s death was. I couldn’t take it anymore, as soon as I was finished eating I excused myself, not being able to listen to Mrs. Bly continue on. I had noticed through the windows that it was a beautiful day outside and decided to grab my book and park myself on the bench in the garden.

Not long after did Hal walk up and join me. “Hey, Em.”

I looked up from my book. Her face was blank and her stare vacant. “Hi Hal. How are you holding up?”

She shrugged, “I’m fine. She was a dear friend, and it broke my heart to hear the news. We had talked a few times through letters.”

“I’m really sorry.” I took her hand and held it, not really sure how else to comfort her.

Hal squeezed my hand. “You know, the weird thing? In her letters she had said how nice her match had been and how she might have hated it in Sector 16F, she thought she might actually be falling for him.”

I froze. What did she just day? “I’m sorry what sector was she in?”

“Sector 16F.” She thought about it, “That’s where you’re from, isn’t it? I had forgotten.”

“Yeah, it is.” I frowned. “Who was she matched to?”

Hal thought about it, “Shoot, I can’t think of his full name right now, but something like Quincy or Koonty.”

“You mean, Quinton Koontz?”

She nodded, “Yeah, that’s his name.”

I wanted to throw up. My stomach dropped and the world around me became fuzzy. I couldn’t believe this. There was no way. Just like I was sure the sky was blue, I was sure Koontz wouldn’t be able to commit murder.

“Are you okay, Emmary? You’re face just got really pale. Did you know him?”

I nodded, “He was my best friend.” I could feel my eyes start to sting with tears, “Hal, there is absolutely no way that Koontz killed her. I’m telling you right now, he is innocent.”

Now Hal was the one consoling me. She gripped both of my hands, “Emmary, Sweetie, I’m sorry but they are sure without a doubt that he’s the one responsible. They caught him with the weapon and put him at the place of the murder. Emmary, it was him.”

I stood up and started to scream, “And I’m telling you that IT WASN'T HIM.” I rushed off, running through the garden in no particular direction, just running. There was no way. Koontz wouldn’t even kill the spiders that found their way inside his room. He’d simply scoop them up in a cup and find a nice spot to place them outside. He wasn’t capable of murder. Even Felicity had said she was happy with him. She said he was nice and that she was falling for him. What reason would he even have to kill her?

What about Teyland and Elex? His family would be devastated. What would they do without him? He was supposed to start work soon. They depended on him. Now they had no one. I knew they were feeling the same things I was. Alone and heart broken. I couldn’t face this fact, how were they dealing with it? Her son, his brother, killed his match? Someone he was supposed to love and care for.

I stopped running when I couldn’t breath any longer. I sat myself down between two bushes, out of sight. The tears were coming down too fast. Even though I had locked my feelings for Koontz deep in my heart with no intention of ever pulling them out again, here they were.

I loved him. What was I doing when I pretended I didn’t? How could I forget this strong feeling that as ripping apart my heart? I may be here with this rich family in this nice mansion, but who was I kidding? I don’t belong here. I don’t belong in this society. I belong in Sector 16 with Koontz. We should have been matched, we should be together.

I shouldn’t be here with Vox. He isn’t who I wanted. He wasn’t the person I wanted to hold me at night. He wasn’t the person I wanted kissing me. He wasn’t the person I wanted to be with.

But with no other alternative, shouldn’t I be given the chance to be happy? That’s what I had done. I had pretended that I could have feelings for Vox so I could at least try to move on. I buried my feelings for Koontz deep down where I couldn’t reach them or think about them.

Now I was sitting on the ground hiding amongst bushes, crying my eyes out over something I have no control over. I can’t undo the things that happened. I couldn’t be in Sector 16 with Koontz or Teyland or Elex. I was here. I was in Sector 3. I was with Vox. That’s all that mattered. There was nothing I could do to change it. So why was I sitting on the ground hiding amongst bushes?

I was heartbroken. I wiped my face with my sleeve and stood up. It was a waste of time crying over this situation. There was nothing I could do. Me crying over this fact certainly wasn’t going to change a damn thing. Nothing was.

I started walking back toward the house. I hadn’t realized how far I had actually gone until I had passed three other mansion sized houses before coming upon the Bly’s. I reached the bench I was sitting on previously. I picked up my book and headed inside. I promised myself that I wouldn’t dwell on Koontz or my feelings for him anymore.

That of course that would end up being a lie.