Selcouth

He witnessed the pain and sadness written all over my face. “What happened this time?” Roman asked me.

I laid on the couch, looking as glum as ever. “They broke up.”

“Who?”

“The couple. He cheated on her after six years and she dumped him. It was a good movie... Do people do that?” I looked at him.

“Do what?”

“Have sex with someone else when they have a girlfriend or boyfriend.”

Roman came over and moved my legs, sitting down. “Yes, people do that. It happens when one person isn’t getting fulfilled in one of their needs. It’s definitely not okay to do, but that’s why it usually happens. My best guess is he was getting bored with the same kind of sex after six years so he was tempted to try someone different. Unfortunately, he’s an idiot.”

“Ah, idiota.” I laughed a little. “I just don’t get it. Six years. They were together for so long. Why would he want to hurt her?”

“People are a mystery.”

I sat up and sighed. “Yeah, clearly. I feel so bad for her. She loved him so much and gave him everything. He did this. Do all men do this?”

“No, no. Not all men. Women do it, too. Anyone can cheat and anyone can be a victim to it. It’s sad. It really is. It’s never okay to cheat.”

I nodded a bit. “Right.” I stood up. “Let’s go. I want to go explore.”

“Why do you want me to go with you?”

“I...” Because I want to make you confess somewhere nice but you just have to ask questions. “Nevermind.” I turned away.

“Zel...” He grabbed my hand, pulling me back. “What’s wrong?”

I sat back down, crossing my arms. “It’s the same damn thing that’s always wrong, Roman.” I turned my head his way.

“Which is?”

“If you don’t know, I don’t know.” I shrugged, turning away.

“Hey, don’t do that. I want to know. Guys are just stupid in general and we can’t read minds,” he said.

I turned back and glared. “Everyday passes by. We get older. We get closer to death.”

Roman looked lost. “What?”

“We get closer to dying... That’s another day that passes by us that we don’t get to spend being honest and happy. You say you’re honest but you’re not. Roman, we kissed. That has to mean something.”

He laughed. “Is that was this is about? I’m not honest because I made a promise to never speak of it again and I keep my promises.”

I rubbed my eyes. “I wanna talk about it! I can’t do this any longer. I want to talk about the kiss and us and the possibility of...you returning the feelings.”

“Then why didn’t you say something, to begin with?”

I rolled my eyes. “Because I wasn’t sure you returned the feelings. I was sure you didn’t.”

“And you think I do now?”

I dropped my jaw. “Yes. I’m sure because you are close to me and you joke about us getting married. Roman, you didn’t want me to leave.”

“Maybe it’s because you wanted to live with Kara and I don’t trust her.” He shrugged it off.

“Roman, seriously. Just admit it. Admit how you feel. Stop being a pussy.” I turned my whole body towards him.

“Whoa.” He cleared his throat.

I sighed. “What are you afraid of?”

He laughed. “Nothing.”

“It sure isn’t nothing. Tell me. Do you like me or not? Do you want to kiss me again?”

He rubbed his face. “Yes. Yes, Rapunzel. I like you and I want to kiss you.”

The goosebumps rose on my skin. He felt the same way. This was real. I sat with my legs criss-crossed. I stared at Roman, swallowing. “Then do it.”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“Kiss me.”

I waited for him to listen to me. Roman gave in, leaning towards me and planting his lips on mine.

I put my hands on his cheeks, keeping him close. Our lips moved in perfect motion together. The little fluttering feelings were back.

Roman pulled away from the kiss. I frowned and looked at him. “Why’d you stop? I don’t want you to stop.”

I pulled his face back to mine, bringing our lips back together. We stayed like this for a while. We disconnected and I took a deep breath. This was another world. I was no longer on earth.

Roman looked at me. “Rapunzel, what’s on your mind?”

My eyes lifted to meet his gaze. “Everything. Where do I begin? This is new to me. I love it. I never thought I would be here, kissing Roman Ahuja. I am...and I’m just so happy about it.”

Roman smiled at me. “That’s nice.”

I laughed and shifted my body, laying on his shoulder. “Now I get to tell Kara, Bors, and Esclados. Although I’m sure he already knows.” I pointed at him as he looked away from us.

Roman nodded. “He does.” He looked at me. “I need to take a shower.” He moved me and stood. “Trust me.”

I frowned and lowered my head. “Fine. Leave me.”

“I’ll be back.” He went to the bathroom and took a shower.

I put something on to pass the time. Roman walked out of the bathroom in just his towel. “I’m almost done.” He went to our room.

I got off the couch and followed him, closing the door behind us. He turned to look at me and he lifted his eyebrow. “What’s this about?”

“Show me.”

“What?”

I took a deep breath. “I want you to demonstrate how sex works. It’s okay. We’re... Well, we’ve kissed and we like each other.”

“Whoa, Rapunzel, I don’t think you’d be ready for that.”

“Roman, I am. I am ready. I want to be with you. It may not be amazing. All that matters is it’s with you. I want to see what it’s like with you.” I pushed off from leaning back on the door.

He crossed his arms. “It’s not going to be amazing. It’s going to be awkward because it’s your first time. You’re going to bleed.”

“It can’t get better if I avoid it altogether. The first time is weird and I have to move past that somehow. Let’s get it out now. In fact, why don’t we try multiple times? We can get better with practice.” I walked closer, putting my hands on his naked chest. “Please, show me.”

Roman grabbed my wrists. “Sex is a big deal. If you have sex now, you don’t get to go back to the virgin phase. You are risking getting pregnant.”

I pushed hair behind my ear. “I’m willing to take the chance. I care about you. I don’t mind having sex with you. And I don’t know what pregnant means.”

“It means you could end up having a baby.”

My eyes lit up. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

Roman let go of my wrists. “I’ll have kids someday but that’s not today. I’m not ready.”

I laughed. “Roman, you’ve had sex before. You’ll have sex again. You can’t be serious. Are you really trying to tell me that you are scared of having kids now? You didn’t seem so scared then.” I dropped my arms while my smile faded. “You don’t want to have sex with me. How can you kiss me but not want sex? Is it...because I don’t have boobs?”

“No, Zel, it’s not that. I just don’t want...”

I grabbed my chest. “I’m sorry that I can’t have perky breasts like the other women. I’m sorry that I have no experience and this first time will suck. Let me go sleep with another man first just so it’ll be better for us. Oh wait, he won’t do that because he thinks just like you!” I turned away, refusing to cry.

Roman grabbed my shoulders. “Hey, don’t say that. I want to be with you.”

“But what, Roman?”

He put his head on my shoulder, hugging me from behind. “I lied. I lied to you.”

“What are you talking about?” I looked at him.

“I’ve never had sex, okay? Damnit, I’m a virgin, too. I just say that because women like that. They want to hear that the man has experience. I don’t. I made it up. I spent most of my time studying for school and trying to be a nurse. Sex will be good but I have no experience,” he finished.

I turned around, looking at him. “Roman, you think I care? I have none either. We can learn together.” I grabbed his face. “I don’t care if you have no experience. We can just learn together. Nobody is born knowing. We all have to learn. We all have to get past the first awkward experience.” I kissed him. “We will do it together.”

Roman nodded a bit, kissing back. “Okay.”

I chuckled and pulled off his towel. “This must go away.”

He cleared his throat as I looked down to see what was underneath. I lifted my eyebrows. “So...that’s what men look like...” I tilted my head. “That’s so different from me.”

“It’s supposed to be. So that our parts fit together.”

I nodded. “Well, I’m sure I’ll learn how it all works.” I cupped his cheeks again, kissing him slowly.

His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his naked body. I laughed when he pulled off my shirt. “I’m sorry. I’m just thinking about how this is going to work with virgins.”

He pulled my bra off. “We’ll find out.” He led us to the bed, laying me down first. His body hovered over mine before our lips moved in sync once again.

He unbuttoned my jeans, pulling them down. He removed my underwear next. He looked around the apartment. “Shit.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t have condoms.”

“What’s that?”

“Protection.”

I sat up. “And what do we need it for? Let’s just forget about them.”

“No, no. We can’t. They’re vital if you don’t want kids.” He got off the bed and got dressed in a hurry. “I’ll be back.” He rushed out the door.

I waited for him, frowning.

Minutes passed. I kept checking the clock and watching the big hand move around the numbers. I got up, pulling a nightgown on. I laid down, sighing. He ran away. I knew it. He didn’t want me.

I looked at the little hand and watched it move from one number to another. He had been gone for a long time.

As I drifted away, a hand landed on my leg. “Zel,” someone whispered in my ear.

I opened my eyes to see Roman. He waived a small plastic thing in front of me. “I got one.”

I nodded, watching him get naked as he undressed. He put on the condom and got on top of me. “Okay, let’s do this.”

I shifted my body and looked at us. “Well, this will be something.”

“It will be awkward.” He looked at his bits between his legs. “I’m serious. I have to get it up first.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I have to...do stuff.” He kissed me, pushing the gown up my body. His hands moved underneath the fabric, touching my skin. His lips trailed down my jaw, approaching my neck. He whispered into my ear, “I got it.”

We both continued on with the sex, learning about the experience. It wasn’t spectacular but I was happy it was with Roman.

“That was new.” I pushed my hair back and looked at Roman.

He chuckled. “Yes. It wasn’t very great but we’re getting better. I saw improvement in the second try.”

“Ah, you mean because I was on top. Looks like I know better than you do.” I patted his cheek.

“Not true. No.” He shook his head.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” I yawned, laying my head back on his chest.

“You help me sleep at night, Zel,” he whispered.

“Good. You do, too.” I smiled to myself, replaying the scene. It wasn’t the best but the sex was a special moment between us and that was all that matter. “The world is a marvelous place when you take a step back to admire all of its strange wonders.”