Seeking Within: Now

The lonely man arose

To an emptiness deep inside

Within his walls it grows

This desire he can not hide

To his canvas he now goes

To paint the last of its kind

A painting that tells a tale

of a man whose seen it all

reflections of my past

now hang upon my wall

I close my eyes to see

and reflect upon the past

What shall this painting be

My time has come at last

to open myself to me

and paint this shadow that I cast

Reflect upon a memory

I see a lonely, distant mother

I see a confused distant child

who once hated his own color

To young was I to leave

and the truth of it quite sad

about a father I did not know

and two brothers I never had

Through my tears I did grow

to hate the man I called Dad

Out on my own at eighteen

Still wanting to be part of the crowd

Still wanting the approval of my mother

Still wanting to make my father proud

Acceptance finally shows

in an unexpected way

A relation starts to grow

then my father passed away

To my canvas he now goes

He's with me everyday

I married out of love

Separated much the same

Two people grew apart

with each of us to blame

She had been my best friend

and at time my worst enemy

In my heart I could not send

the compassion and sincerity

Now she's gone forever

Forever gone, a part of me

Once in a profession

that justified violence and misery

I'm not so sure now

if that's the kind of man I want to be

Fighting in a war

I never claimed to understand

Handing down orders

soldiers dying in my command

Their names never forgotten

lives lost in the sand

On my canvas they shall be

from my brush to my memory

I open my eyes to see

The portrait painted is me

I don't like what I've become

left only to ask myself how

and take a long hard look

at the man I am Now!