SWNOVELS Savior Complex: Chapter 26
I wake to a room bright with sunshine. Before even checking my phone, I know it’s well past noon. I rarely sleep in this late—time and circumstances never allow for it. As I lounge here with Levy in my arms, I can’t imagine not having these lazy days with him.
I wish I could explain it. My brain chemistry is forever altered for having met this man. I glance down and realize Levy is looking up at me with a concerned brow and clenched jaw.
Whatever’s going on in his beautiful mind, he’s not feeling the same lovely relaxation, which simply will not do.
“What is this worry on your face, my love?”
He rubs his forehead, trying to hide whatever it is I’m seeing, but his eyes give him away.
“Just a guess, but I bet you are a terrible poker player. Perhaps the worst on the planet.”
“How would you know that? We’ve never played cards together,” he says, grumpy even as he nuzzles in closer.
“Everything you feel is on your face, and something is bothering you. Which means something is bothering me. Out with it.”
He buries his face in my chest, holding on to me tightly.
“When are you going back?”
“To the colonias? I think there’s another set scheduled later this week.”
“No,” he grumps, which is particularly adorable on a man with more tattoos than digits. “When are you going back to Mexico?”
“I don’t know. Not anytime soon.”
“Really?” he asks, his head popping up. “Isn’t there a limit to how long you can stay?”
“I suppose if I were here legally, that would be a concern of mine.”
“Javier! If they catch you, you won’t ever be allowed back in!”
I grin, chuckling to myself. He shoves my shoulder. “It’s not funny. Not even a little bit.”
I capture his precious face in my hands and kiss his forehead. “I am far too precious a resource for Wimberley to ever allow me to be arrested for overstaying my visa. They’re working on dual citizenship for me. I’ve been told not to ask for the details.”
Relief floods his face, and he collapses back on the pillow. Then sits upright. “But you do have to go back at some point, don’t you?”
“I do need to be able to see my family regularly, yes.”
His jaw shifts from side to side. “How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know. Do you imagine my family would let me visit them without bringing you?”
“Oh.”
I know it’s the newness and intensity causing the concern in his eyes, so I quickly reassure him.
Looking deeper into his eyes, I simply tell the truth. “I have no plans to be parted from you. I assumed we’d recover from the violence of this op, then have a real conversation about how we do things. For one, I could never live apart from you, and your work is here. What you do is critical, important work, and I would never pull you away from it.”
“I need you,” he says, coming back to snuggle against me.
“And I need you. I would make some noise about moving too fast, but I don’t think either of us actually feels that way. I don’t know all the details, but my plan is to home base from here with you in this adorable trailer and visit my family whenever possible. I think, between Erik and Hedy, we have plenty of options for transport, don’t you?”
He nods, biting his lip. “So…you’re not leaving me?”
Levy once admitted that being a therapist doesn’t solve his abandonment issues from the wreck. His brain still manages to be an asshole sometimes, but I love reminding him of his worth.
“I would sooner leave behind a limb, my love. I’ll be going on operations fairly frequently, so I may be away some nights, but I want very much to come home to you as many nights as possible.”
He grips me, and his long, relieved breath tells me how much he needs the reassurance.
“Did I not say I was in this with you? That what we have is important to me? Did we not share how deep our feelings run within days of meeting each other?”
“Yes. I guess it scared me. Like maybe if love comes on this quickly, it’ll leave quickly. But…this isn’t going to leave quickly. Not for me.”
I cradle him in my arms, willing him to feel how much I love him with every ounce of my being.
“That’s because your parents were right,” I assure him. “When you know, you know. Normal people, I suppose, have the opportunity to date and figure out whether or not their instincts are correct. We weren’t given that luxury, but we do have the luxury of knowing. Just because you’re Dr. Levy Barlowe, equine therapist extraordinaire, doesn’t exempt you from that. You can’t outthink this thing that’s happening between us.”
“But I can worry on it for a little while longer, can’t I?”
“Absolutely. And every time you need reassurance, I’ll be here to give it to you.”
“I swear, I won’t get annoying. I just…I’ve never felt this way. It’s so intense, and I’m so worried. Worried about losing you, worried about you getting bored or frustrated with me.”
Oh, baby.
“I’ve never met a more interesting man in my life,” I promise, running my fingers through his hair and tracing the various tattoos on his shoulders, neck, and face. “And I’m sure with your big fancy degree, you’ll have a problem with what I’m about to say next, but every time you need me to reassure you, I savor it. I need your neediness. Maybe not for always, but after a lifetime of feeling like I’m no one special, like I’ve let my family down, like I couldn’t accomplish the one thing I set out to do, someone needing me is the biggest reassurance you could ever give me.”
He wrinkles his nose, then smiles. “It’s a tiny bit of a red flag, but you’re not creating scenarios in which you make me feel needy. The circumstances do it to me, and you have always reassured me without making me feel stupid. We’re probably using the word needy in the wrong way, actually. We just need validation from each other. Maybe a little more than most because of the things we’ve been through. I think that’s okay. I think, as a therapist, I would call that an adjustment. A modification.”
“I like it. Think that’s the only modification I can ask for?” I ask, grinning.
He playfully narrows his eyes. “What other kind of modification do you need?”
“I’d like to modify your guts with my big cock,” I joke, popping my brows.
He falls back, laughing so hard it almost hurts my feelings. After a few moments, he rolls back into me, kissing me before whispering in my ear, “I think I would like that very much.”
After an afternoon of tumbling around naked and talking about the deep things, we join the crew at Rebel Sky for Sunday dinner. Levy and I no longer sit across the table from each other but right next to each other, side by side.
When Warwick asks if we’d like to join him and his guys one of these nights, Levy’s ears go red, and he shakes his head. “I’m a one-man kind of guy.”
Warwick winks at us. “Respect. If you ever change your mind…”
“We know where you are,” I say, hugging Levy close.
Anders comes up with Omar, giving me a back-pounding bro-hug. “We’ve got your temporary documentation squared. It’ll take a little while longer to push through everything else, but you are no longer in the country illegally.”
Levy tightens his hold on me. I know it reassures him that I won’t be taken from him in the middle of the night.
Anders sees Levy’s reaction, and his expression softens. “So you two are pretty serious about each other then.”
Levy nods, smiling shyly. “We’re going to have his things sent up here. He’s moving in with me.”
“Are you leaving Ant alone at the bunkhouse?”
“I’m not alone,” Ant says, walking up with a grin.
“No?”
Ant shakes his head. “I’ve got Bunny, and Charlie’s asked Erik to sell the trailer. He says it’s an eyesore now that everything is in place and we have plenty of room at the bunkhouse.”
Anders adopts a shrewd look. “That’s smart. No need to run multiple households. Though I can’t believe you called that poor beast of a dog Bunny.”
“He has floppy ears and an underbite. How could I not?”
Ant winks and then goes to greet Sam and Desi with open arms. Anders wanders off with Omar, and Levy and I find ourselves alone on the couch.
“Do you think Charlie is up to something by making Erik move into the bunkhouse?” Levy asks, kissing my jaw.
I think about it and shake my head. “Erik’s been at the bunkhouse for days now. He hasn’t once made a move to go back to his trailer. I wonder if Charlie’s trying to make it easier for Erik to do the thing he wants to do.”
Levy hums to himself. “What do you think he wants to do?”
“When he knows, we’ll know.”
Levy grins and, looking around the room, hikes his knee over my thighs, straddling me. “Guess that makes me lucky.”
“Yeah, how?” I ask, my hands landing on his luscious ass.
He grins proudly. “I already know exactly what—and who—I want in my life.”
Me? I mouth, pointing to myself.
“You,” he says, absolute certainty in his words. “Always.”