Savior Complex: An MM Age Gap Romance (Wild Heart Ranch Book 3)

We’re all staying in the bunkhouse because…I don’t know. None of us wants to miss out on anything. Bram and Nacho are staying in one of the guest rooms and, surprisingly, Erik is staying in another.

After lunch at the Broken Oak, we take Gael and Yaya on a drive around the Hill Country, showing them the sights.

When we get back to the ranch, we introduce them to the horses. Gael is a little timid around the big beasts, but Ant explains how he was also afraid of them at first, but I’d shown him how kind our horses are.

Ant saddles Luna and shows off some of the things he’s learned in the training arena. When he gets down and invites Gael to climb on, Gael hesitates. Ant is incredibly patient and walks him through his fears without pushing. Eventually, Gael gets up on the horse.

Watching them work together, Yaya comes up to my side and wraps her arm around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder. It’s familiar and welcome.

“I have never once been able to convince my son to get up on a horse. He is—and this is no exaggeration—deathly afraid of horses. I can’t believe he’s up there now.”

“I’m sure it helps to see that Ant felt the same way and was able to work through it.”

She nods. “He’s a good man, isn’t he?”

“He is. He’s complex, and he’ll need support, probably for the rest of his life, but that’s not a bad thing. He’s a fighter, and he wants good for the people in his life.”

“Javier says he goes after bad guys.”

I startle at the revelation, but she grins and holds up her hands.

“I approve. I think more than Javier does.”

“That’s not hard. He’s really scared for Ant.”

“Ant is taking his power back, though, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m grateful the people here are willing to teach him how to do it the right way.”

After an hour or so, Gael’s saddling up easily and getting Luna to follow some simple directions. By the end of the afternoon, we’re all dusty, sweaty, and smiling. Erik goes into town to go grab some pizzas while we wash up. We eat in the living room together, chatting and catching up.

After a day like today, I should be exhausted, but I can’t quite make my brain slow down enough to sleep. I know, philosophically, what we’re doing is a good thing. But as with most good things, you spend a lot of time going on faith before seeing any tangible effects. That’s what today was—proof of life for all our hard work.

I’ve never seen Ant smile so much or laugh so hard. Sure, he smiles and laughs with us, but there was a depth there today I haven’t seen with him. Frankly, I wasn’t sure he was capable of it.

He and Gael…I love his cousin so much for how he simply rolled with everything today. I know Luna and the other horses scared the shit out of him, but there was no way—no way—he was going to let fear stop him. He did it for the pride in Ant’s eyes, and it made me love his family that much more.

Anyway. I’m up, and everyone else is asleep. Leaving Javier’s warm bed, I walk into the kitchen, reaching for the chamomile mint tea to see if that’ll help. Once the tea is ready, I cozy up on the couch, pulling the softly knitted throw around me, staring off through the big windows overlooking the ranch. Pretty stars dot the horizon, and the weight of everything finally settles around me. A few tears fall as I sip the comforting brew.

“Couldn’t sleep, Lev?” Ant asks, coming to sit next to me.

I open my arm and envelop him with a hug and a warm blanket.

“This was one of the best days I’ve ever had in my life,” I admit. “I can’t seem to get myself to calm down.”

“Same,” he says, laying his head on my chest. “It’s like this whole new level of excitement I’ve never felt before. Even when good things would happen, I didn’t quite feel them. But today? I felt everything.”

“Amazing and so emotional.”

I offer him some of my tea, and he takes it in his small hands and enjoys a sip.

“Would you like me to make you a mug?”

Taking another sip, he grins. “Yes, please.”

I wrap him up in the blanket and pull down his favorite mug, setting the electric kettle to boil.

By the time I bring him back his tea, he’s settled into a pensive look. Once we’ve returned to the snuggly pose we had before, I lift my chin.

“What’s this look?”

He contemplates as he sips his tea, wrapping his hands around the warm mug. “I lost something, didn’t I?”

The therapist in me wants to ask him to clarify. Lost what? In what way? How does that make you feel? We both know, however, exactly what he means. So I go with the truth.

“Yes. You did. You lost something really important.”

“I thought it was only my childhood, but seeing Gael makes me think I lost a lot more.”

“The things you went through… Your mind did what it had to in order to survive. That changed things. Literally, your brain looks different than it would have had this never happened to you. The structure of your brain is different.”

“I’ll never be normal like him.”

“No. You will not. But if I may say so, what you have become is a fearsome, loyal, beautiful human being. It’s okay to be sad about the ways in which you have been changed, as long as you don’t ignore the ways in which you have become strong.”

He sighs, and I feel it in my soul. “Do I have to be okay with that right away though? Can I just be sad that they fucked me up?”

I pull away, needing to see his expression. “Of course. I’m sorry, Ant. As good as today was, I’m incredibly upset about the things you lost. You, more than anyone, have every right to be upset and not okay. Every lost thing must be mourned in its own way.”

His voice is soft as he answers. “Then I don’t want to hear about the ways in which I am strong. Not today.”

Silently acknowledging his words, I wrap the blanket around us a little more. After a few moments, I share more of my truth with him.

“To see how wonderful your family is and to know you were told lies? I’m beginning to understand why you would want to hurt the people who do this. You know that asshole driver who cut in front of my parents and caused their deaths? For so many years, I wished he would die.”

“Did he?”

I shake my head. “When he was arrested, we found out that his wife had gone into early labor, and he was racing to get to her. His son was born while he was in jail. He destroyed my family and terribly injured another, but I have to forgive him because he was trying to protect his family. Most of the time, I can get there. Like, I feel that I can forgive.”

“Really? I don’t…even with his wife going into labor, I can’t…I would have a very hard time with that.”

“Oh, believe me. There are times when I don’t feel very forgiving at all, and I wish for terrible things to happen to his family so he can feel the way we feel. I don’t really want anyone else to be hurt, but…yeah. The people who hurt you have no such excuses. You’re allowed to be angry—very angry—at what was taken from you.”

“Hey.”

Javier’s gentle voice fills the space.

Ant opens the blanket, and Javier joins us, grabbing the other blanket as he does. We both sneak our arms around Ant’s slim shoulders, setting our foreheads to his temples.

“What are y’all talking about?”

“Levy said it’s okay for me to hate the people who did this to me and that killing the bad guys is really the best course of action.”

I glare down at him. “Oh really? Is that actually what I said?”

He shrugs, grinning up at me. “More or less.”

Javier chuckles and leans across Ant to kiss my forehead.

“Oh, gross. You’re being romantic with each other.”

Javier kisses his forehead as well. “My guys look sad. Of course I’m going to show affection.”

I decide to torture Ant a little and lean across him to give Javier a big smack on his lips. “Okay, now we’re being gross and romantic.”

“This is child abuse.”

“I thought you were an adult?” Javier asks, popping his brows.

“You two are the worst.”

Javier smiles at us, then quickly goes quiet. After a moment, he asks softly, “The problem with good days is they often provide a contrast to the worst days, no?”

Ant bobs his head, taking another sip of tea. “Yeah. I was telling Levy that I actually felt the good things today, but…”

“You also feel the bad things a little more now too, right?” Javier asks, pushing Ant’s hair off his forehead.

Ant usually dislikes displays of affection that might be considered childish, but he leans into his uncle’s touch.

“Yeah. I guess that’s supposed to be the payoff. I’m not numb anymore, but…I can’t hide my feelings as much. Or ignore them.”

“Ain’t life a son of a bitch,” I say, hugging him near.

“Can I get in on this?” Gael asks, padding softly into the living room. We all chuckle, and Javier moves to the end of the sofa, making space in the middle for Gael. He climbs in next to Ant and pulls him into a hug as Javier wraps the blankets around us again.

“Were we too loud?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I haven’t been able to sleep. What are you talking about?”

“How you and I are a before and after of child trafficking,” Ant jokes, and I smack his shoulder. Ant grimaces and his eyes go to his lap. “Sorry.”

Gael chuckles, as though trying to make it better, but then his face crumples. “Sorry,” he says, holding up his hand. “I’m so emotio—”

He can’t quite get the words out, and Ant pulls him close. Gael buries his face in Ant’s neck, saying through broken tears, “I would have taken your place. I would have done anything to protect you from this.”

Javier and I look over the boys at each other with tears in our eyes.

“I would never let you take my place for that, but thank you. It’s good to know that this side of my family really loves me this much.”

“Even if I am the more handsome one?” Gael asks, sniffing loudly.

Ant playfully pushes him away, then brings him back in for a hard hug. “Whatever. You don’t have my cool haircut.”

“Thank God for that.”

We all lose it at that point, laughing and snot-crying, and soon we’re joined by the rest of the house. We rearrange on the couch so I’m next to Javier, Gael is in the middle, and Yaya takes up the other end, pulling Ant onto her lap. I’m surprised when he not only lets her but lays his head on her shoulder.

As much as he protests being treated like a kid, we all know that this level of familial affection and bonding is necessary on a cellular level.

Nacho sits on Bram’s lap in one of the overstuffed armchairs, and even Erik joins us, sorta. He’s hanging out near the entrance to the guest hallway, leaning his shoulder against the wall as he sends worried glances to Ant, who’s still vacillating between tears and laughter.

I make tea for everyone who wants it and catch Erik’s eye, gesturing with my chin over to the other armchair. He shrugs, but as far as attempts to appear unaffected go, it’s pretty weak. He quickly takes a seat and grabs his hot tea.

I snuggle into Javier’s side and enjoy his arm around my shoulders.

Gael grabs Ant’s hand. “Can I ask you a question? We don’t want to make you relive the bad things, but…”

Ant nods. “You can ask me anything, and unless it’s something I need to keep secret, I’ll tell you. Just know that you can’t unhear the answer, so be careful with what you ask.”

Chewing his bottom lip, Gael considers his words. Finally, he takes a deep breath and goes in.

“How did you survive? I don’t mean how did you not die. You’re a very different person than who you would’ve been, but there is still the spark of who you always were inside of you. How did that part survive?”

Tears immediately well up in my eyes. What a beautiful question.

Ant wipes a tear from his cheek. “I think seeing you today changes my answer. It’s like being around you reminds me of who I am. I mean…you’ve asked the question, and maybe you are the answer. It’s like you carried that part of me with you this whole time and now you’ve given it back to me.”

Yaya pulls both boys into her arms and hugs them while the emotions play out. Ant takes a few thoughtful, calming breaths, then continues, “Another thing that helped is realizing they didn’t want me. They wanted a caricature. It was… Bram, you used the word avatar, right?”

Bram nods.

“One of my friends taught me to give them only the mask, only the candy-coated shell, but never me. So I made damn sure they never got anything real.”

“But we get the real you?”

“Yes. I may not tell you everything, but what you get from me will always be authentic. The people I love…I can’t pretend with them,” he says, looking between Bram and me before sharing a quick glance with Erik, whose brows meet in the middle.

“I have a question too. If you don’t mind,” Erik says softly.

“Okay.”

“That night we found you—you went with Charlie willingly. What made you trust him?”

“I didn’t trust him.” Ant pauses, biting his inner lip, thinking through his answer. “Charlie was cuter and seemed nicer than the guy I was with, so if he was lying about his intentions, at least he was more handsome.”

“He was the less-terrible option,” Yaya says gravely.

Ant gives a small shrug, and a sound like grief gets stuck in Erik’s throat. He coughs and looks off to the side before continuing, “So you didn’t feel safe when you went with him?”

“Well…he beat the shit out of the guy who bought me, which I really appreciated. There was this look in Charlie’s eye like maybe he was kind of horrified by how I presented myself, but impressed.”

I notice he doesn’t actually answer Erik’s question.

Yaya rubs his arm. “You are very impressive, my nephew. Very.”

Ant doesn’t seem to know how to take the compliment, and I make a note to talk to Hedy about that.

“Charlie once told me that if I hadn’t chosen to go with him, he would’ve taken me anyway and let time and circumstance convince me I was okay. He thought it would be better if I could maybe choose on my own. Choice isn’t something we get a lot of in trafficlandia.”

Javier kisses his temple.

Erik leans forward. “What was it like to be given a choice in that moment?”

Ant’s eyes go a bit unfocused, like he’s remembering the night all over again. “It kinda broke the mask. It was like suddenly, I couldn’t pretend for a second longer. I started changing out of those damned clothes and scrubbing off that fucking makeup, and he gave me the time to do it. After, when we met you in the truck, you had the same look. Disturbed and impressed. You were so big that I thought, well, if they’re not lying, nobody will ever touch me again.”

“Damn fucking right,” he responds, his voice a dark growl.

Yaya, whose demeanor remains calm despite the tears in her eyes, shakes her head. “You must’ve been terrified.”

Another shrug. “You kind of get used to it. Being afraid. Maybe Gael is right though. I still had that little part of me that was me, and even though I couldn’t fully trust Erik and Charlie in the moment, I had to give myself a shot. I had to give myself a chance to get away.”

“Bravest damn thing I ever saw,” Erik says, emotion touching his words.

The room goes uncomfortably quiet. At the same time, we all take a few deep breaths.

“None of this is easy,” Bram says, finally breaking the silence. “But all of it is worth it.”

We all tighten our holds on one another, nodding in agreement. After that, and long into the dark night, the conversation lightens and continues. Tears and laughter are exchanged in equal measure, and by the end, none of us really wants to leave each other.

One by one, we drop off, leaning against one another, sleeping through the break of dawn.