SWNOVELS Saving Hailey: Chapter 17
The moment Hailey’s shower stops running, I head over there, clutching a water bottle in one hand and a first aid kit in the other, tension winding my muscles tighter with every step.
I enter the bedroom, finding her in the middle of the room, cheeks red hot, myhoodie hugging her frame.
My heart swells like a fucking balloon.
She loved hiding in my hoodies at Lakeside, so I brought them all here and ran in to leave one on the bed for her after she thought I’d gone downstairs. I didn’t expect that she’d wear it, her apprehension’s visible whenever our eyes lock, but here she is, shrugging the sleeves lower to cover her dainty fingers.
She still seeks comfort in me. I don’t know if it’s my scent or her wearing my clothes. Whatever it is, it works miracles on her mental state. She’s not pale anymore. Doesn’t look half as frightened as she tugs the collar higher, hiding her chin.
“The hoodie’s yours,” I say, crossing the room. “But you need to take it off for a minute so I can change your dressing.”
She gives me a slow, heated once-over, her pupils growing, swallowing the blue irises as she takes me in. There’s a hunger inside her. Longing that closely matches mine. The atmosphere morphs into pure fucking lust when our eyes lock and her attention drops to my lips.
And before I react, before a single thought enters my mind, she steps forward, crashing into me like a tiny wrecking ball and her perfect, plump lips catch mine. Our height difference means she has to rise on her toes to make it work, both hands curling around my neck as her hot tongue thrusts into my mouth.
Everything inside me boils to unbearable levels. I’ve missed her so fucking much there’s no way I could ever put it into words. I’ve missed her sweet scent, her petite body pressed against me, the taste of her lips, and the titillating sounds she makes.
My mind ignites, consumed by a primitive, feral need to drive myself deep inside her and remind us both who she belongs to.
I meet her kiss with equal fervor, drowning in the high of my own bad fucking drug. My hands slide down from her waist to cup her ass and I haul her up, my blood running a fever. I carry her across the room, beyond ready to claim her back.
She lands on the dove-gray sheets with a bounce, pulling me down with her, both hands clawing my shoulderblades so I’ll crush her into the mattress the way she loves most.
“I missed you so much,” she chants, whipping her legs around my back to hold me in place.
My lips part, but Hailey lifts her head off the pillow, shutting me up with another demanding, hot kiss.
We’re done talking for the night. We’re both driven by pure lust and undeniable feelings, wanting to show more than tell.
There’s so much I should say. So much she should hear, but the fire scorching my veins cremates my words before they ever have a chance for life.
I have her. She’s back in my arms and as desperate to feel me as I am to feel her, so I push the questions aside, drowning in the moment. I need the high only Hailey can ignite.
My tongue skims her bottom lip, teeth grazing the soft flesh. My hands fill with her hips, and that fucking kiss is more than our reunion. It’s a battle, a showcase of who craves who more.
I think I’m winning when the softest moan flies past Hailey’s lips into mine.
I think I’m the king of the world as I grip the hem of her hoodie, pulling it over her head.
I’m fucking shaking as I dive back for her lips.
“Whose are you?” I whisper, palming her ass.
She’s wearing a night dress, if this flimsy piece of spaghetti-strapped silk can warrant the name. Her skin is on fire against mine, blown pupils almost completely swallowing that gorgeous shade of blue, her body trembling softly in anticipation.
“Yours, Nash,” she whispers, weaving her fingers through my hair to keep me in place when I try kissing a line between her perky breasts, her nipples so hard they’d cut glass. “As long as you’ll have me.”
Instead of the expected adrenaline rush those words should ignite, a cold chill zaps my spine. It’s not just Nash that hits me like a slap. It’s her tone that doubles it down, the resigned, uncertain note I catch there.
That’s not how she sounded when she said she was mine at Lakeside. Back then, she was certain I was hers too. She knew we were both swallowed by the same intense feelings. She knew I was hers as much as she was mine.
It’s different now. That certainty has been replaced with resignation, worry, and hurt. So much hurt.
She’s mine for the taking but… I’m no longer hers.
I rise on my elbows, searching her pretty face, my heart pounding, my cock so hard it’s not far off bursting through the zipper. I want her. All of her… mine. Always mine.
But something is very fucking wrong.
“Hailey, look—”
The words die on my tongue when my gaze involuntarily roves her body, devouring every soft inch of her.
I memorized every line of that milky skin, every mark on her body, and this is new.
“What the fuck is that?” I grit out, peeling myself off her.
I sit back on my calves, my mind in riot mode, every muscle battle-ready. There’s a bruise curling around her right collarbone, stretching over her back to disappear under the night dress. My temper flares in an instant. It sweeps over me like wildfire, propelling me upright.
“Turn around,” I demand, cuffing her wrist to help her out of bed. I’m not thinking clearly. Every fiber in me is consumed by pure wrath. The anger gunning through me is so potent it almost kicks my legs from under me. “Now, Hailey. Turn around.”
She shakes her head, fear clouding her eyes. “I’m fine. I promise, that’s nothi—” She bites her lip, leaving the rest of the sentence unspoken. “Don’t push me away.”
“Turn around,” I seethe, barely keeping from manhandling her so I can follow the bruise’s path.
She shakes her head again but her shoulders sag and she forfeits before the battle properly starts.
Clever girl.
She knows there’s no fucking way I’ll back down.
With visible reluctance, she turns, and I stumble back.
Literally stumble when she reveals her injuries. Pure, scorching wrath burns my veins, skyrocketing my pulse. It’s ravenous, this need to kill. To slowly, painfully torture whoever hurt my girl.
Every inch of her skin that’s on display is bruised in various shades of green and yellow with pale purple lines running every which way as if… as if…
Fuck… my mind soars, heartbeat intensifying so fast it knocks the breath clean from my chest. It feels like an armored gauntlet punched my stomach. Words get lost, tangled somewhere on the way out and… I can’t fucking think.
My chest decompresses as a gush of air rushes from my lips.
“What happened?” I step forward, gently spin her around and look into her blue eyes. “Who did this to you? How?” My voice shakes with fury. “Hailey…” I curl my fingers under her chin, dying to hide her in my arms and kiss every bruised inch of her. “Tell me what happened.”
Tears dance in her eyes as she inhales deeply, biting her bottom lip. “I… it doesn’t matter. Can you pass me the hoodie, please?”
Her voice is so small, so broken, so fragile… just like her.
She’s a strong girl. Has been since the moment we met, juggling grief, amnesia, her father’s paranoia, and her feelings for me, never once complaining. New environment, new people, a life she couldn’t remember, and yet she had the strength to dig deep into her memories for answers.
Now that strength is wilting away.
Too much has happened recently. She looks on the brink of overloading, but somehow, she keeps herself together.
“Let me help,” I say, wondering how much she’s hurting, and hating myself for dropping her on the bed without a care.
I want to touch her, hold her, kiss her. I want the one thing that has the power to numb my mindless anger: her closeness. The feel of her warm body in my arms.
“Help?” she asks in an incredulous, hurt tone, gently shaking her head. “You lied for weeks and now you want to help? You don’t get to act like everything is okay without a lick of explanation. You pretended to care about me—”
“I lied but I never pretended. You have no idea how fucking much I care.”
“All you care about is the evidence,” she spits out, injecting a vial of venom into her words. It’s a front to hide her hurt. “You’re just like Alex,” she adds, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “But this time I know how it ends and I decide how much I give you.”
That hits me even fucking harder than her bruises. Maybe because I realize that, on some level, she’s not wrong. I spent so much time hating that fucker because he used my sister for personal gain that I didn’t realize I was doing the exact same thing to Hailey… but there’s one distinct difference between Alex and me.
“I never hurt you.”
She scoffs, the sound artificially angry while the fire hisses out of her. “You did.”
I have no words. I can’t stand the sadness painting her face. It guts me because I did that to her… I have no line of defense.
A minute passes while I try and think of one, staring into her tear-stained face.
“I wanted to tell you.” I sit beside her, so close and yet so fucking far. “I should’ve, but—”
“It doesn’t matter,” she cuts in, disappointment clear in her tone. “What’s done is done. I know why you came for me. You want the evidence. If I help you find it… will I be allowed to walk away?”
No is the first thing that springs to mind. I can’t imagine my life without her. She’s mine. She can’t leave. She doesn’t really want to leave… she just hasn’t realized yet.
I broke her trust. It’s too fragile to reconstruct in a day, but I’ll make it work. I’ll make us work.
As bad as it sounds, the hurt and disappointment shadowing her pretty face mean she cares about me.
“How do you know about the evidence?” I ask.
“Blaze told me… unlike everyone else in my life, he didn’t lie. He answered every question I had.”
My jaw clamps shut, working in small circles as I swallow the bitter pill. She sounds like she respects that piece of shit. Like she’d rather be in his mansion right now than safe here with me.
“You think he was protecting you, Hailey? He’d kill you as soon as you told him where the evidence is. And I doubt he told you everything. He doesn’t know half of it.”
“Details,” she scoffs.
Her attitude drives me fucking feral for two different reasons. I hate that she thinks I’m the enemy but I also love those claws on her. I love that she’s fighting, determined to come out on top.
I don’t necessarily love how hard her attitude makes me, but there’s little I can do about my aching cock. I doubt it’ll catch a break anytime soon.
“Details are important,” I insist. “Tell me what you know.”
She shifts, jutting her chin higher, every next word like a bullet spinning from the barrel. “I know Alex worked as an undercover spy within your father’s ranks. He was in love with your sister who took her life when she found out about me. I know everyone thinks Alex told me where he hid the evidence. I also know you work for Dante Carrow, and you want the evidence to keep your father out of jail.”
“That was true when I arrived at Lakeside. It’s not anymore. I don’t need to keep Rhett out of jail.”
She lifts her eyes to me, a hint of cold curiosity in those steel-blue irises. “Fine. Tell me your version.”
“When Rhett told me Aalyiah was dead and explained why, I wanted you dead.” I rise to my feet, annoyed for two different reasons: Hailey’s attitude, and the shit it’s forcing me to relive and confess. “You’re the only woman I ever considered hurting.”
By the look of her, she didn’t expect thattocome out of my mouth. I bet she thought I’d start with apologies or declarations of love, but buttering her up won’t win me any points.
I’ve been lying to her for weeks. The least she deserves is the truth, no matter how brutal. No matter how fucking ashamed I am that I ever considered hurting her.
“I blamed you and Alex equally,” I continue, every word pushed past clenched teeth. “When I enrolled at Lakeside, my task wasn’t finding the evidence. It was making sure you’d never remember where it was, Hailey. I was supposed to break you by any means necessary.”
She’s all ears now that this story isn’t going the way she must’ve assumed. “Why didn’t you?”
“Because instead of a self-centered mean girl, I met a girl full of hurt. I took one look at you in the cafeteria, and knew there was more to the story than Rhett had told me. You didn’t match the boyfriend-stealing bitch I’d envisioned.”
“I didn’t steal Alex from your sister,” she snaps, her defenses shooting up and taking my temper along for the ride. “She took him from me.”
“That worked out fucking great for her, didn’t it? You both got the short end of the stick with that scum.”
Hailey pinches her lips. She can’t argue, so she pivots. “So what?” She mocks. “You decided to let me live until I remember where the evidence is?”
It’s like she doesn’t hear what I say. She clings to whatever Blaze told her, focuses on my lies, and everything else I say flies over her head. It doesn’t stop her wanton eyes following my every move like she wants to rip my clothes off, though.
I can relate. My cock’s still hard, the desire so potent it pulses across my nerve endings.
“Yes,” I grit out. “I still need the evidence. Now more than ever, because once I have it, you’re safe. Whatever Alex has gathered won’t be about Rhett alone. It’ll implicate a lot of other people. Everyone who ever dealt with Rhett is after you now, so until you remember where Alex hid the files, we’re staying here.”
“I’ve only had one small flashback since Lakeside. What if that’s it? What if I don’t get anything else back? Are you going to hold me hostage forever?”
That tips the scales on my temper-marshaling skills the wrong way. My fist connects with the wall, pain screaming through my arm.
“You’re not a hostage.” I turn to face her, the fear in her eyes quelling the anger scorching my veins. “I know you don’t trust me, but don’t act like you’d rather be with Noretto.”
I take a few deep breaths, re-establishing control over myself while she chews her cheek, little torches swimming in her eyes.
The lack of flashbacks doesn’t bode well, but there could be plenty of reasons for her history staying put.
“Maybe your mind was focused on surviving the present, rather than remembering the past. Give it a few days. Once your subconscious accepts you’re safe, I’m sure your memories will start coming back.”
“What if they don’t? What if this is it? What if I don’t remember anything else?”
“Then I’ll find another way to keep you safe.”
Her lips part and her eyes widen. That battle-ready posture melts away, revealing the feelings beneath. She’s torn. It’s fucking clear in her every gesture. Half of her wants to climb me like a tree while the other half holds back.
I can see the battle raging within her; there’s a similar one raging within me. I’m itching to pull her into me, kiss her head, lips, then latch onto her pussy and bask in her moans. I want her on me, under me, beside me. I want to hold her and never let go, but she needs time to process and realize I’m in way over my head with her. That I’d rather open a fucking vein than lose her.
“What else do you want to know? Ask me anything, Hailey.”
She rolls her eyes and this time, doesn’t shy away. She knows exactly what it does to me, and she’s using it as punishment.
My hands ball into fists to stop me grabbing her by the throat and kissing that attitude out of her.
“What’s the point of questions when you’ll just lie your way out of them?” she asks.
“I won’t lie to you again.”
That’s a gamble. My lies kept her safe… right up until they didn’t. There are things I want to protect her from: things she doesn’t need to hear, but she deserves better than what she’s had from all the men in her life.
She deserves better from me, so better is what she’ll get. I’ll rip the stars from the sky if she asks. I’ll steal the fucking moon. I’ll spend the rest of my life atoning for using her.
“Let’s test that, shall we?” she starts, every word clipped. “That night you came back with bruised knuckles and said your car broke down… where were you?”
Fuck… maybe lies aren’t that bad.
“I was in the forest.”
“Doing what?”
“Keeping you safe.”
With an exasperated exhale, she drums her fingers over her thigh. “Is Jensen missing because of you?”
“Jensen’s not missing, pretty girl. He’s dead.”
She goes rigid beside me, still for a heartbeat before she cautiously turns to face me, eyes wide, lips parted. “Did you kill him?”
“Technically, no.” That’s not a lie. He was alive when I left him in the woods. It’s not my fault he was such a weak fucking pussy. “We had a… chat.I left him strapped to a chair, so he’d think long and hard about whether threatening your safety was wise. When I came back three days later, he was dead.”
She jumps to her feet, pacing a path between the window and the door. “He was harmless! Clingy, sure, but harmless! You can’t kill people because they like me!”
I can and I will.
“He wasn’t harmless.” I get to my feet, crowding her by the window, the bulk of my body cutting off her escape route.
She doesn’t cower. If anything, her defiance shines brighter. My cock stretches my zipper, my balls so fucking full they’re painful. I want to rip her clothes off, drop her on the bed and remind her how good she feels with me… how well we fit together. She wants it too. Her eyes shine, lips part to let out a shaky breath, and cheeks flush a delicious shade of pink.
I barely keep from hooking my fingers under her chin, tilting her head back, and taking her mouth. I kissed her half an hour ago… that’s thirty minutes too long. Especially now there’s a Grand-Canyon-sized distance gaping between us because she doesn’t trust me.
“What did I tell you at Lakeside?” I grit out, flexing my fingers into tight fists. “I keep you safe. I decide how. I toldyou everyone who comes near you will end up dead. I don’t kill for sport, but if your safety is threatened, I won’t think twice.”
She folds her arms over her chest, fighting to keep up the outrage. It doesn’t work, her anger’s corrupted with fear, arousal, and awe… that’s a dangerous mixture.
I think she’s scared of the things I’m capable of, and, moreover, she’s scared because she secretly loves the fact I’ll cross every line for her. My uncontrollable jealousy and territoriality deepen her feelings and that’s why she’s my perfect bad drug.
I live for the high she creates when she fuels my psychotic side. It’s a disturbing balance, one that shouldn’t exist at all, but it works so fucking well with us.
“Will you kill everyone who touches me?” she asks, her voice thick with emotions.
She doesn’t want to love this… she’s a good girl and, on the face of it, my ways are glaringly wrong. Murder is fucking wrong, but Hailey’s been neglected for so long that my particular brand of crazy sounds appealing. She wants to be someone’s priority.
And that someone will always be me.
“Everyone who does it with bad intent,” I agree. “Jensen didn’t die because he touched you.”
My restraint was admirable. Not killing him the moment he laid his hands on Hailey was excruciating.
I reach out, brushing a few blonde locks behind her ear. “He died because he was planning to get you drunk and make sure you were incapable of saying no while he fucked you.”
She leans into my hand, gravitating toward my touch. She’s as starved for me as I am for her.
“Now…” I say, desperate to change the topic before I do something I might regret. “If you don’t have any other questions, tell me where those bruises on your back came from.”
She snaps out of her trance, jerking back. The alluring pinkness of her cheeks fades, leaving no proof it was ever there. “It’s the middle of the night. This can wait until morning.”
“Hailey—”
“No,” she cuts in. “Don’t force me.”
That’s the last thing I’d ever do.
“Fine, but…” I motion at her bandaged arm, soaked from the shower. “I need to change the dressing. It won’t take long.”
I gently tug her hand until she sits on the bed, shaking softly. The room is warm but she’s exhausted.
She stares straight ahead while I work, doing my best not to look directly at the bruises on her back but it’s impossible. I chew my teeth to stop myself asking how it happened. What did they do to my girl? Who did it? Have I killed them tonight or do I need to go back and skin the fuckers?
But I don’t ask questions, giving her the time she wants.
Once done, I help her back into my hoodie, then lift the comforter, watching her curl into a ball, her eyes searching mine with an unreadable expression.
“Whatever’s going through your head, put it on hold.”
“I’ll sleep in the next room,” I say.
“Why? You can stay with me, Nash.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “That’s not my name. You know that, don’t you?”
She exhales, resignation flooding her features. “I know.”
“Then why do you keep calling me Nash, pretty girl?”
Her lips pinch into a thin line as her gaze drops from my face. “Nash made me happy.”
The bullet I took earlier has nothing onhow much it hurts when the meaning of her words sinks.
“I made you happy,” I insist. “Nash was just a name. Carter and Nash are the same person, Hailey.”
She’s normally so strong, so resilient… She proved it just a few minutes ago, but right now she looks so fucking sad. I hate that look. I hate that it’s my fault.
“I’m sorry. I won’t call you Nash again.” She pats the empty, and so so tempting, side of the bed.
No matter how much I want to cave, I can’t. Not while she’s this vulnerable, this fucking confused, and uncertain about both my feelings and, apparently, my identity.
“You don’t trust me, but you want to sleep with me?”
“I don’t have to trust you to want you,” she counters.
“You’re right but you can’t have me unless you trust me.”
She looks torn, a war raging within her fragile mind. I half expect her to wave the white flag, admitting defeat, but, in the next breath, her determination takes the victory.
“Okay. Goodnight.”
I could push. I could sway her flaking resolve. It wouldn’t take much, but she needs time. Even though it breaks me clean in two, I don’t try to change her mind.
She needs to realize I’m still the guy who made her happy at Lakeside. That I wasn’t pretending.
She’s here. She’s safe but…
I haven’t got her back.
Summoning a shred of self-control, I rise to my feet. “I’m right behind the wall if you need me, pretty girl.”
“Goodnight,” she whispers, letting me know I should go.
And, with a heavy heart, I do just that.