Satan's Hunger

Kaitlyn woke feeling so hot she was burning. The sun was high and glaring through the curtains. It was quiet. It was still. Hard to believe she’d just been chased down hell’s halls by a monster. She didn’t dare move, unwilling to wake Jacob.

And he was asleep. For the first time ever, he was actually asleep. He’d rolled over and his big body was curved around hers, Kaitlyn’s face pressed into the warmth of his strong neck. He was breathing slowly and rhythmically and she could feel the heat of his breaths brushing through her hair. His arm was lying across her waist. His hips were pressed up against hers.

And his wing … it was surprisingly heavy as it draped over her like a living blanket. His feathers were so soft against her hot skin. So warm.

Her head felt heavy—doubtless because she’d slept too much. But that was hardly the worst thing. A sickening knot sat heavily in the bottom of her belly. Kaitlyn tried to accept Zeke’s words: You are the Dark One’s vessel and it’s time you accept it. But it was hard. And would Jacob accept it now that they were together? What if he hated her for it? Jacob doesn’t get angry, Zeke had once told her. But he has and he did—she’d seen it.

Her hip was aching against the mattress and she was forced to shift. She grimaced at the sticky feeling between her legs. It felt worse than usual. More than just her usual discharge. It was almost as though she’d just had sex.

Real sex.

Her eyes widened. Slowly, she eased open her legs and reluctantly reached down between them. Not only was her underwear soaked but there was a wet patch on the bed. There was a wet patch on the bed. Satan had made her bleed before. He’d bruised and cut her. Was it impossible to think that … other things could transfer between realities?

No. No! She was wrong. She was panicking, that was all. It was just leftover from Jacob’s lovemaking last night. It had to be. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be.

Kaitlyn bit her lip. She tried to be quiet but couldn’t stop the choking sob from rising up her throat.

‘Kaitlyn?’ came Jacob’s voice. Instantly alert, he half sat up, his eyes darting between her and the rest of the room, searching for danger.

Kaitlyn clenched her knees together so he wouldn’t see.

‘I’m fine,’ she croaked.

His brow creased. ‘It’s him, isn’t it? Did he hurt you?’ He looked down the length of her body.

Kaitlyn shook her head. ‘Not this time.’

’You’re flushed and I can hear you’re upset. What did he do?’

‘Nothing.’

He frowned. ‘Kaitlyn.’

’I told you he didn’t do anything! He doesn’t always do things to me.’

Jacob raised his eyebrows.

Kaitlyn took a deep breath and released it slowly as she tried to control her rising panic. She forced a smile. ‘I’m just stressed after all that’s happened, that’s all. Could we just leave it for now? I don’t—I don’t want to talk about it.’

He looked at her hard and Kaitlyn was forced to lower her eyes.

‘I know you’re angry,’ she continued. ’I know you’re worried. Just … please.’

He sighed. ‘Okay. If that’s what you want.’ Lying back down, he pulled her in close, tightening his arm around her waist. Brushing the tip of his nose against hers, he kissed her lightly on the lips. It made her break out into goose bumps. Her fingertips tingled. He smelled so good. He felt even better. If only Satan could leave her alone to enjoy him without guilt, without secrets and lies.

‘You can tell me anything, remember?’ he said. ‘There’s no need to keep secrets from me.’

‘I know.’

He tucked her head under his chin.

It wasn’t long before he fell sleep again. Kaitlyn’s lips were pressed into his collarbone. At every breath, his wing rose and fell against her shoulder, his feathers tickling her arm.

Kaitlyn shut her eyes. Though she wasn’t tired anymore and the last thing she wanted to do was fall back asleep, she couldn’t leave yet, not when he could still find the evidence. The knot in her stomach squirmed as she rubbed her knee into the sheet’s stickiness, soaking it up in the thick fabric of her nightie. It felt gross but what else could she do?

There was no way she could tell Jacob. It was so personal. It was too embarrassing. It could be relationship ruining. Kaitlyn didn’t care what he’d said about not needing to keep secrets from him.

Sometimes there was a need.

Minute by minute it grew hotter and brighter. Frequently, she tested the wetness of the sheet until it had finally turned hard and dry and she didn’t have to worry so much anymore. But would it be enough? If she got up, he might still see the stain.

No. She had to stay.

Impatiently, she waited for Jacob to wake. She didn’t dare shift position and her body was aching. It was getting late. As much as she’d like to spend the day wrapped in his arms, this was not that time. Not when so much hung in the balance. She was hungry too and the urge to go to the toilet was getting pretty fierce. But most of all, she needed him to get up so she could fix these damn sheets!

Finally, his eyelids twitched. Kaitlyn shut her eyes before he could see that she was awake. He lay still for several minutes. Kaitlyn squeezed her eyes more tightly shut at the feel of his gaze. Then he carefully slid out of bed. She heard his footsteps. She heard a rustle as he slipped something on. And then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him.

Kaitlyn sat up, then slid out of bed, throwing off the blanket. It was as clear as day—a now dried white patch on the bed. Just to be sure, she leaned over and sniffed it, pulling back with a wince. It was undeniable. Her heart jumped, then started to beat erratically. What did this mean?

Was Satan getting closer? To finding her himself? Did this mean he could pass between dreams on his own? Maybe one night she would wake up and find him standing in the shadows, waiting for her. It was enough to make her shiver.

But even worse than that …

Kaitlyn dropped a trembling hand to her pelvis. She arched back her head as tears threatened to well in her eyes. One of Jacob’s feathers was lying in the bed, beautiful, soft and pure. Quickly, she picked it up and tucked it into her pocket before pulling the sheets off the mattress and rolling them up into a pile so no one would see—and question.

Barefoot and still dressed in only her nightie, she hurried down to her room, looking over her shoulder for any sign of Jacob—or any of the other angels for that matter. When she reached her room, she shut the door. Back pressed up against the door, she leaned over and braced her hands on her knees, breathing deeply.

It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean anything. It was just another one of Satan’s tricks. She straightened with a shaky breath. She brushed her hair out, wiped the sleep from her eyes, then got changed, removing her sticky underwear and tossing them on the bed.

Next, she left her room and hurried over to Grace’s door. She hesitated, then knocked. Please be in. Please be in. Please be in. Kaitlyn felt a rush of relief when the door opened.

As usual, the young nun was dressed in her habit. Kaitlyn glimpsed her room behind her and saw the bible lying open on her pillow. The young nun opened the door wider as she looked Kaitlyn over. ‘Kaitlyn! Is something wrong?’

‘I-I need to do some washing. Who do I talk to about it?’

‘That’s not a problem. Just leave what you need washed on your bed. I’ll handle it.’

‘Thank you.’ Kaitlyn turned to leave.

‘You sure there’s not something wrong?’

Kaitlyn paused, biting her lip. She turned back, meeting the girl’s anxious eyes. ‘I just …’ She took a breath. ‘I just want this all to be over.’ And she burst into tears.

‘Oh, Kaitlyn!’ The girl reached out to her and Kaitlyn fell into her arms.

‘Why can’t he just leave me alone?’ she said, her voice muffled as she sobbed into the girl’s shoulder.

‘Who?’

‘S-S-S … no one.’ Kaitlyn pulled back and wiped at her face with an embarrassed smile. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to-to do this.’ She wiped her face again as she hiccoughed.

‘Does it have something to do with the angels?’ Grace asked.

‘No.’ Kaitlyn started to back away, waving her hands. ‘I’m sorry, Grace, but I can’t tell you why. It’s-it’s too dangerous.’

The girl opened her mouth to say something more but Kaitlyn fled before she could hear her. She felt the girl’s eyes on her back as she hurried down the hall back to Jacob’s room.

Thankfully she only passed one nun, who glanced at Kaitlyn briefly as Kaitlyn rushed by. Otherwise the hall was empty. No Jacob. No angels. Nothing to worry about. Nobody knew. Nobody was going to know. She would make sure of it.

Puffed and sweating, she grabbed onto Jacob’s doorframe. It should have been such a wonderful place—this little room with all its loving and tender memories. It should have given her good feelings, but all it did was tie up her belly in knots. The place smelled like sex—and lies.

As she stared at the rumpled bed, her heart beat hard in her temples. Nobody had told her that this could happen. Why hadn’t the angels spoken about it? Did they even know? Or would it be a surprise to them too?

Again, she lowered her hand to her womb. What if his semen worked? What if she was already pregnant? It would mean this “Reckoning” was well on its way to happening. Hell would become reality.

She grabbed at her abdomen as her stomach lurched sickeningly. Turning away, she raced back down the hall towards the bathroom. She’d barely dropped to her knees in front of the toilet before she vomited into the basin. Her shoulders heaved. She was trembling. She felt so hot. She couldn’t believe this was happening—and just when things were going so well with Jacob.

Jacob. Her heart twisted.

Slumping to her bottom, Kaitlyn closed the toilet lid and braced her forehead against it with a tearful gasp.

It was several minutes before she managed to regain control. Unsteadily, she stood, lifted the lid back up, dropped her underwear and sat down. Reaching between her legs, she touched herself, then lifted her fingers to her nose and sniffed. She smelled nothing.

Maybe she was just imagining things? In her panic, maybe she’d smelled wrong. Maybe the white patch had only been her stuff mixed in with a little of Jacob’s? Perhaps that was what she smelled.

It was possible. More than possible.

She started to feel better. It had been several hours since they’d made love but it was perfectly possible, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? She hoped. She prayed. Perhaps she was just overreacting. After everything that had happened, she wasn’t thinking clearly. That was all.

Shaking her head, she stood and flushed the toilet.

After attempting to fix up her face in the mirror, she hurried back to Jacob’s room. She stood in the doorway, staring at the bed. It was a bright room and the warmth of the sun beat hotly against her face. If she truly believed that it was nothing, then she should just leave the sheets and be content.

But what if …?

Sweeping them up, she took them back to her own room where she bundled them all up in a pile. Grace would deal with it.

Kaitlyn took a moment to calm herself before going to the bathroom for a shower.

Though she hadn’t eaten all morning, by the time she entered the refectory for lunch, she was hardly hungry, her stomach feeling like lead. Nevertheless, she forced herself to sit at the table with the nuns.

As usual, it was quiet down the length of the table, but there was something different about it. There was a heaviness to it, even a coldness, which made Kaitlyn feel awkward and uncomfortable. She glanced around to find several faces looking at her sidelong. Kaitlyn frowned down at her plate.

Beneath the table she gripped onto her knees. It was starting to feel like school. She could feel the judgement. She felt the whispers. There was no doubt they’d been talking about her. She searched for Grace and found her sitting down the end of the table, her face turned away, as though deliberately avoiding her.

Kaitlyn tried to ignore her paranoia as she struggled through her lunch. She was the first to leave, having only finished half before she was done. She felt eyes following her as she walked away. When she reached the doorway, she paused to look back. A dozen or so heads ducked down to their plates.

Kaitlyn twisted her mouth as she left.

There was only one place she wanted to go, that she needed to go. The only place she could find any comfort right now with Jacob mysteriously missing again. She didn’t mind that he was gone. In fact, she was glad. She couldn’t look at him. The very thought twisted her up inside until she felt ill.

Other than the main church, there were several other rooms devoted to private prayer. She chose one of the smaller ones where she was more likely to be alone with her thoughts, where she wouldn’t have to deal with the judgemental eyes of the nuns. What was happening? Did they know who she was now? Perhaps they’d heard about what had happened at Bowdie. Perhaps they’d finally put two and two together.

Little wonder there were whispers. Satan’s bride. Satan’s whore. Right here in their abbey.

A terrible thought.

And yet, how did they know?

Kaitlyn stood before the altar, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. There was a small crucifix on the back wall. A small window let the midday light in, making Christ’s tortured eyes gleam. It had been a long time since she’d done this. She couldn’t believe she was doing it now. But what else could she do? She had to divulge her troubles to someone. And who better to listen than God?

Kneeling, Kaitlyn clasped her hands together and bowed her head.

She was lucky enough to have the room to herself for as long as she needed. She didn’t know how long she’d been praying for before she finally stood, knees sore, back aching. A headache was building behind her eyes. But she did feel a little better. She studied the crucifix, then turned to leave.

She froze. She wasn’t alone, after all. There was someone sitting on the bench at the back of the room. They’d been so quiet she hadn’t heard them enter. They were wearing a long cloak with a hood pulled over the top of their head. Kaitlyn’s heart flipped over. Man? Woman? Angel? Demon?

Then he spoke, ‘I’m glad to see you’re speaking with God again.’

Kaitlyn relaxed. ’Jacob.’

He pulled back his hood to reveal his smiling face. Kaitlyn tried to smile back but it fell flat. His aura was gone. God’s light was gone. His power. She remembered how he’d asked her to stay in his room, to touch and comfort him. His eyes had been wet.

His very human hazel eyes weren’t tearful now as they flicked between hers searchingly, but it didn’t make her feel any better. It didn’t change the fact that she’d taken something from him.

‘Sorry if I scared you. I didn’t want to disturb you,’ he said.

Kaitlyn lowered her eyes to the floor. ‘Do you feel better? Are you well?’ She bit her lip, unable to keep the guilt out of her voice.

’I am well. Very well. I had something to eat for the first time in my long life.’

She looked up at him in surprise. ‘You did? What?’

‘The sisters handed me a bowl of onion soup. It was … strange but exactly what I needed.’ Patting his stomach, he smacked his perfect lips. ‘I can still taste it.’

Kaitlyn couldn’t help but smile. ‘Strange is putting it nicely. It tastes terrible.’

He laughed. ‘Really?’ He touched his lips. ‘So that’s what I was tasting—terrible.’ He laughed again, and it echoed around the little room. ‘I wasn’t sure. And yet, I think I like it.’ Still smiling, he stood. ‘Where are you off to now? May I join you?’

Kaitlyn pursed her lips, then looked away. He seemed to fill the room, so big now because of the wings bulging at his back. She remembered their soft touch, the gentleness of his hands as he’d made love to her.

‘Or maybe not,’ he said in a low voice.

Kaitlyn jerked her head up. He was frowning, that little patch of skin between his eyes puckered.

‘It’s not that I don’t want to, Jacob,’ Kaitlyn said. ‘I-I definitely want to. It’s just I have so much on my mind right now.’

‘Like what?’ His sharp eyes darted over her face. ‘What’s troubling you?’

‘Nothing.’

’Kaitlyn.’

‘I-I have to go.’

And she hurried away before he could stop her.