SWNOVELS Ruthless Knight: Chapter 42
The shutters of my old bedroom windows shiver from the strong gust of wind, rattling like they’re talking to each other.
The oncoming storm is a reflection of the heaviness in my soul.
Another day has passed with the sun rising and setting, watching me in this state of flux.
I’m sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall like I did when Mom died and the world felt like it was ending.
At the time, I was still at college, but my childhood bedroom, with its shell-pink walls, pine wood furniture, and countless bookshelves, was my place and space of solace. I’m grateful my parents kept the room the same over the years.
These four walls have seen so much. And here I am again. Trapped in my thoughts once more for a different reason this time, but my heart still aches the same. Maybe that’s just what happens with all types of loss.
Loss in life, and loss in death.
I’ve practically lived in here for the last few days, watching the scenery unravel from perfect sunny days to the dark stormy night tonight will be.
The last two days have been particularly bad because Knight’s phone calls have stopped. So have his messages.
I’m mad as hell at him, but at least his efforts to speak to me meant he was trying.
Now I don’t know what’s worse, hearing from him or knowing he’s stopped and is probably in the process of moving on with one of his many admiring fans.
Both prospects have shoved me into a state of confliction that I don’t know how to handle.
The other night, Dad told me Knight took care of Bastian, so we don’t have to worry about him anymore. That should have been good news considering the gravity of the destructive information Bastian was in possession of, but I couldn’t see past Knight’s part in this mess. I couldn’t stop thinking that if he hadn’t unearthed secrets that could get Dad in serious trouble, we wouldn’t need to worry about Bastian.
I’m fully aware the said mess was created by my father, and I haven’t excused his guilt, but at least I understand his actions were driven from Mom’s death.
Knight isn’t the same.
Everything he did was borne out of selfishness.
That’s why I’m so deeply hurt.
I can’t even cushion the blow with all the good things he did for me, like sorting out my Rachel problem.
There would have been several points during our relationship when he would have felt he should come clean, but he didn’t.
I understand that he wanted the empire because of the awful feud with his father and Bastian, and I understand the devastation he must have suffered after losing Giselle so tragically.
I still care enough about him to consider that his life couldn’t have been easy to go through so much.
But what about me?
Everything he did was just so ruthless and cold hearted there was never any regard for me, or how I might feel after losing everything.
If Bastian hadn’t told me what was going on, I would never know. Or rather, I’d find out about Sunset Cove once the place was sold. Then what?
I hate that Knight did so much shit to me, and I truly hate the position he put Dad and me in. I hate that he ruined the beautiful relationship he and I had.
But what I hate the most of all is the fact that I can’t seem to hate him.
My heart won’t turn away from him the way it did when I found out about Scott’s treachery. The moment the news hit me that Scott was married with kids, and I was just his side piece, I hated him straight away.
Knight has done so much more to me and my father.
This should be easier.
So, why can’t I hate him?
Every time I try to, I keep hearing him say those words that hooked me.
I want always with you.
Like some magical spell, those words captured my heart and fused him to my soul. I wouldn’t know where to begin unraveling Knight Grayson from my being.
My door creaks open, and Madison walks in, pulling me from my thoughts.
I roll my head to the side to acknowledge her. She offers me the same look of sympathy I’ve seen so many times before that if I went blind, I’d still be able to see it.
She knows everything that’s happened, and this moment could be a déjà vu of several others over the last decade when my best friend came to my rescue.
“Hey there, how are you feeling?” She walks toward me, her heels clicking against the hardwood floor.
“The same.” My lips barely move as I speak.
Although Madison is wearing a beautiful blue cocktail dress, she gets down on the floor next to me, leaning against the wall too.
Now that she’s here, I vaguely remember her saying she had a date with Chad. I wasn’t expecting to see her tonight in any event, but like the dutiful friend, here she is.
Her engagement party is in two weeks. I hope by then I can summon the
strength to shake this dismal mood from my system.
“Did anything happen today?” She brushes my shoulder with hers.
“No.”
“Your dad said you haven’t left the house since the other day, and you’ve barely eaten.”
“I can’t help it.” My barely there words come out on the edge of a sigh.
“Don’t you think that you should probably go to Sunset Cove?” A little smile dances across her lips. “I’ll stay with you all day tomorrow.”
“No,” I rasp, shaking my head. “It’s best I don’t go anywhere near that place ever again.”
“Aurora.” She frowns and swallows hard. “Regardless of what’s happening to it, I don’t think you should do that.”
“I can’t be there knowing it’s going to be sold. Who knows, my office may already be cleaned out and everything thrown away.”
“I don’t think Knight would do that to you.”
I give her a deadpan stare. “You were there that morning when he came with his team of contractors to work on the place. He didn’t tell me about that, and he didn’t tell me he was selling the place. So, why wouldn’t he clean out my office and throw my things away?”
“I just don’t think he would do that to you, given what’s happened.”
“Well, I do. I won’t give Knight Grayson the benefit of any doubt and end up looking like a bigger fool. My heart can’t take any more.”
She pulls in a deep breath and rests her hand on top of mine. “I think you should talk to him. I really do.”
I shake my head. “We have nothing to say to each other, and he’s stopped calling. So … it’s over.” Hearing those words outside my head hurts my heart the same as if I’d ripped it from my chest. “The next time I hear from him, it will be with divorce papers. Or he might get his lawyers or someone to serve them to me.”
That shouldn’t be too far away now. We’re heading into our fourth month of marriage. In another few weeks, the six months will be up, and he can complete the sale of Sunset Cove.
Madison stares at me long and hard, the way you would when you’re waiting for some sort of reaction from someone.
“What?” I mutter after the silence becomes tense.
“Do you want a divorce, Aurora? Is that what you really want?”
“What kind of question is that?” I know why she’s asking, but I feel like I’m trying to convince myself of what I’m supposed to want. “Of course, I should want a divorce. Look at everything he did.”
“You said should.” Her tone is reflective and fervent, a soft hush that speaks to my heart.
I stare back at her and take a breath to clear my head. It doesn’t work.
“This is so hard and painful.” I press my hands into the floor as if it can absorb all my rage and pain.
“Because it’s real. That’s how you know it’s real.” She taps my hand and leans in closer. “I will never condone what Knight has done. I mostly want to skin him alive, but I watched you change and fall in love with him. I watched him love you back.”
“Maybe you just saw what you wanted to see.”
“No. I saw what was happening right in front of me, and you know I’m right because you felt it too. I watched the two of you on your wedding day. There was nothing fake about you. Not a damn thing. It was always real, Aurora.” She nods again. “That’s why you love him.”
I open my mouth to protest, but I can’t.
“If you can’t unlove him, the way to fix this is to either forgive him or forget about him.” She holds my gaze as if she’s cradling my pain. “The choice is yours, Aurora.”
I think about those fate-driven choices.
Forgive Knight or forget him?
Both options seem like the hardest things in the world right now, but I know there will come a point when I’ll have to choose.
The problem is, forgetting Knight Grayson was never something I could do.
He hooked me from the moment I first saw him.