Rush: Part One & Two (The Pitstop Series Book 3)

I’ve never turned to alcohol to solve anything because I know it won’t. I also know the consequences it will have on my body, but I don’t give a shit right now. It numbs the overwhelming feelings in my mind, not that I could accurately name any of them. Shock? Pain? Happiness? Fear?

Shock definitely describes what my body is experiencing, but I’m not sure about pain and happiness. I am afraid, of what this will mean, of whether or not I can get my shit together and finally call the woman I love.

Valentina has been patient, giving me the space I asked her for when in reality all I want is to be with her, but not like this. Not when I’m fucked up and all over the place.

I should be excited about this like my brother is. I should be happy about having a shot at getting more family, but I’m not. Why the hell am I not excited? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I have the same reaction as Jean?

I take another gulp of whatever alcohol I found in Nicolette’s liquor cabinet, barely feeling the burn as it slides down my throat. Tears fall from my face, staining my shirt and the carpet.

“Gabriel, would you like some food?” Domi asks through my bedroom door, and I swallow down the lump in my throat to speak.

“No, I’m fine,” I reply, my voice cracking because I haven’t heard it in days.

I’ve avoided everyone, loneliness camping in my chest now, unwilling to leave me alone.

“If you change your mind, I will leave a plate for you in the oven,” my wonderful aunt says before walking away again.

The urge to throw the bottle against my bookshelf is strong because it feels like my world has turned into one of those goddamn fiction novels that sit on there.

My phone vibrates, a message from Valentina lighting up the screen. I think about ignoring it because whatever she said will make me break down more than I already have. It’ll make me realize that, right now, I’m not the man she deserves.

I made a promise to Adrian and myself to always put her first, no matter what it means for my own feelings. I need her more than anything, but I’m a mess she doesn’t deserve to deal with after getting the news of a lifetime only a few days ago.

Fuck, she’s going to have everything she’s ever wanted, and I’ll drag her down. I’ll distract her from the most important thing in our lives: her career. I can’t do that. I won’t do that.

Another message appears on my phone, this time it’s one from Adrian. I know I can’t hide from reality forever, even if I should, at least until I figure out what’s going on in my head. My fingers tap my screen faster than my brain can react to stop them, and I read Valentina’s message first.

Valentina: Hi, mon soleil. I don’t mean to bother you, just checking in to see how you’re doing. It’s been a few days, and I wanted to remind you I’m a phone call away. You don’t have to go through this alone if you don’t want to. I know you don’t want to bring any sort of negativity into my life, but I’m here to dance in the rain with you. Let me be your sun for a little.

I love you.

My heart races by the time I finish the sweetest message I have ever received. I shift my attention to Adrian’s text, unable to let her words sink in completely yet.

Adrian: Hey, man. Just making sure you’re doing alright. Val told me what’s going on, and I want to let you know I’m here if you need anything. You can come vent to me anytime if you need to speak to someone that isn’t Val. Maybe you don’t want her to see you in a bad place or whatever, I don’t know. Just remember I’m here for you too, for anything.

I think about calling him, asking him what the hell I’m supposed to do with myself now. Then again, he won’t understand how I’m feeling nor will he tell me what I want to hear. I’d need him to assure me I can go look for my family and stay with Valentina. I’d need him to make me feel okay about being the wrong man for his sister as I fall apart, and that would never happen.

If he were here, he’d tell me I have to let her go to protect her, at least until I figure everything out again.

Valentina deserves someone who isn’t broken, who doesn’t fall apart from hearing they have a chance to have more family. But what is family? Is it blood? I used to think so, but after meeting Adrian and Val, I’ve realized family is whoever makes you feel whole.

Then why the fuck do I want to find Sierra?

The answer pops into my head before I can stop it.

Because Sierra and Carlos are my mother’s biological parents. I miss her more than anything, and if there is a chance I can feel connected to Mom again, I have to try.