Runaway (The Knight Society #1)

After the first sparing session with Uncle John we took a short half hour break and picked back up again only this time without the blindfold. As the fight progressed another batch of people began to trickle onto the balcony to watch the show and again when I managed to defeat Uncle John they clapped and applauded. This pattern continued on another three times until we were both starving and exhausted. After slipping on some proper clothes we silently made our way to the Commons Room. I willed the newest batch of H-toxin I had just injected to begin working its magic sooner. Without the miracle serum I would have been covered from head to toe in black and blue by the time we reached the Commons Room. Instead I bounced inside bursting with energy, a nice perk of using so much H-toxin in such a small time frame. It was better than crack but the eventual crash I would get after I finally stopped using it would be hell itself.

Loading my plate up with food I took the free seat next to Avery. He smiled up at me and I felt myself subconsciously returning the gesture. I listened as he and Ed discussed the latest gossip which thankfully didn’t revolve around me for a change.

“Daniel told me that there has never before been a record of mongrels actually entering an Institute like that.” Ed said. My brain quickly made the connection to the six mongrels I had killed yesterday.

“Yeah Trisha was telling me that some of the higher up’s are getting nervous. They don’t know what’s going on and you know how much they hate that.” Avery remarked and they fell into a contemplative silence. I brushed aside the conversation, instead focused upon my impending battle with my parents. I took another bite of the world’s most delicious sandwich all the while humming to myself. Ed glanced at me in bemusement.

“I don’t know how you do it.” He said and I paused mid bite.

“Do what?” Avery and Ed traded a look.

“You have just fought – and won - against a Master Knight five times and you don’t seem even the least bit tired. It’s incredible!” I shrugged off the compliment.

“I’m used to training this hard. And it’s the H-toxin. Won’t last much longer though.” I said. Avery snorted.

“It’s bloody amazing is what it is. I guess feeling inadequate is something that I’m going to have to get used to as your friend.” Ed nodded in agreement. My sandwich hovered before my lips, my jaw slack.

Friend.

It was a term that I had only ever applied to Thomas. Making new friends never even occurred to me and in the back of my mind a little voice whispered that I was betraying Thomas by even considering moving on without him. The guilt warred against a warm feeling that spread across my chest at the thought of finally having a friend again. Someone to talk to and confide in. Someone to end the dreaded loneliness that Thomas’ death had plunged me into. The guilt of course won, just like it always did and my throat dried. Putting down my sandwich I took a sip of water and glanced away hoping they would accept my silence as an answer. They did not disappoint and moved onto the more mundane topic of sword maintenance. I stuffed the remainder of my lunch quickly into my mouth and tried to locate Uncle John so we could get back to sparing.

We spent the rest of the day in the training room and by the time night settled in we were reduced to sweating, heaving blobs. Lying on the training room mat I stared up at the ceiling wishing for some kind of divine intervention to prevent my parents’ arrival. It was silly but there was still a small part of me. The tiniest, most innocent part that somehow survived all the shit I had been put through, that wanted to see my parents. Hoped that when they finally saw me after two long years their faces would light up with joy and relief. That they would come over, hug me and tell me they understood why I ran, that they were sorry for all they put me through… The likeliness of that happening was practically non-existent but still a tiny, stupid part of me hoped it would. My bitter laugh filled the room. Maybe I was more messed up than I thought. Uncle John glanced over at me in question but said nothing.

If you ever want to get somebody to talk one of the best tactics to use is to just wait it out. Let them spill it all on their own because if you push them they’ll clam up so fast you won’t even get their name out of them. Uncle John was an expert at this and it only took another minute of heavy silence for me to crack.

“Is it weird that part of me hopes they’ll be glad to see me?” I turned my head to find him watching me with a drawn brow. “And I don’t mean as their prodigal creation but as their only child.” I studied his expression, waiting for the mocking laugh or derisive snort. But this was Uncle John I was talking to and he gave me a sad smile instead.

“No it’s not weird. It’s natural to want to be loved by ones parents.” He said. “You grew up in a household where you never experienced parental love. My sister and her husband raised you with a cool offhandedness that still makes me want to slap the both of them.” He gave me a small wink and not for the first time I wondered how this kind, gentle man could ever be related to the absolute terror that was my mother. “When you were younger you used to follow them around looking like a lost puppy. You weren’t a needy child, in fact you were probably the most self-sufficient one I’ve ever met but you tried your absolute hardest to gain your parents attention and love.” I looked back up at the ceiling as memories flashed through my mind. The first time I had managed to win in a sword fight I had been eight, my opponent twice my age. I had been so proud I had rushed over to my parents who were standing on the sidelines and grinned up at them. I had expected a pat on the back, perhaps even some words of praise. Any of the endearments I had seen the other children receiving from their parents. Instead I received a sentence that remained with me to this day.

“You may have improved slightly but you still aren’t good enough yet. Don’t get arrogant or you’ll get yourself killed.”

Somehow I had managed to hide the crushing disappointment and dragged my arse back onto the training mat. I fought against another sixteen year-old and won again but still I received nothing but frosty stares from the people I called Mum and Dad. Uncle John’s voice dragged me back to the present.

“It was hard for your Aunt and I to watch that innocent need to be loved slowly harden over time. But, and now I know this may sound cynical, at least now when you meet your parents again you won’t be so starry-eyed.” He didn’t say it exactly but I knew what he meant. At least now I know there is nothing I could ever do that would make my parents love me. What a horribly depressing thought. However bleak though, it gave me a desperately needed edge over my parents. For once in my life I wouldn’t waste all my time trying to earn my parents love. How this theory would hold up in their presence would be anyone’s guess.

“I’m not sure I can resist them though.” I whispered at the ceiling. “I’ve spent so much of my life jumping when they say jump I’m not sure I won’t just fall back into the same old routine again.” My whispered confession was greeted by yet more silence. My stomach pitched at the idea of being the same person I was before. Pushing as much conviction into my voice as possible, I sat up and glared at the wall in front of me. “But if I do, I swear I’m running again. I’m running so far and so fast that they’ll never be able to catch me and this time I’m not coming back.” Glancing over my shoulder I surveyed Uncle John’s reaction to my comment. Slowly he pushed himself into a seated position and met my determined gaze. For a beat he did nothing but stare at me until finally he let out a sigh and glanced away.

“Alright. You want out, come and tell me and I’ll help you leave, but Jack” he gave me a pointed look “you’ve got to try.” He stared at me, eyes intent with meaning. Tugging on a strand of hair I mumbled some sort of agreement. “Good.” Standing up he stretched his arms. “Well I think that is more than enough training for today so if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go and take a nice long, hot shower.” And with a quick pat on the head he strode out of the Training Room leaving me alone with my thoughts.

The world’s worst companion.