SWNOVELS Chapter 26
I wake, keeping my eyes closed, but I could sense the light filtering in through the floor-length curtains. The breeze from the open window made them billow inward as if greeting us with a good morning. The air was warm, making me smile to myself. Smelled like Hell's air. I lazily turned over, the duvet swaddling me and leaving me content.
The body next to me was warm, hard, and big. But something about it was familiar. I knew every inch of it, every peak and valley, every flaw and perfection. I snuggled closer, inhaling deeply. His spiced scent made something shoot through my chest. I froze as he groaned and stretched. He wrapped me tightly in his arms, making me feel small, which I was not. I knew I was safest in his arms, my sanctuary. "Jareth?"
My throat tightened and tears prickled at my eyes. They fell in big globs down my cheeks. I felt their wetness being wiped away with big, calloused hands. They covered the whole side of my face. He replaced my sweet sorrow with kisses, chasing them away with warmth, his lips leaving nothing but love in their wake.
"Open your eyes." His voice made my chest ache, a deep longing I forgot I was capable of. "Let me see those pretty eyes." I could hear the gentle smile in his tone. It teased a shattered sob from my throat. I raised my face towards his and slowly opened my eyes.
My apartment ceiling was the last thing I wanted to see when I opened my eyes. I had soaked my pillowcase, my cheeks cold with apathetic tears.
Balan, who had been at the foot of my bed, crawled on his stomach towards me. He stretched and rested his head on my stomach. I laid still, keeping my sobs on a tight leash. I smothered my cries and let my tears fall silently. I could feel my heartbeat in my temples, it would increase every time I held my breath against a sob. I held my breath for an extra second, allowing myself the control to exhale slowly and silently.
I closed my eyes at some point and was pulled under again.
"Come on Karau, you can do better than that. Don't let this dick show you up like that." Thalmol cleaned under his nails, his forked tongue flicking between his lips. A scar running through his bottom lip kept them from closing all the way, but he thought it added to his charm.
"Yeah, don't let me show you up like that." His cheeky grin was met with one of my own. Dusty's lower half was one of a bull, making him our tank. His huge hooves made the ground shake.
"Watch yourself, Dusty." He reached for the training knife at his hip, but I flicked my lioness tail and caught the back of his hand. Igoth, our sniper, raised her brow. Her dark hair, which looked like peacock feathers if it caught the light just right, was pulled back into a tight braid, her muddy horns poking through, reaching for the back of her head.
"Get on with it, I'm aging over here," she said.
"You can't rush greatness," I said. I smiled at Dusty and pushed off my back leg, and climbed him like a goddamn tree. I wrapped my legs as far as they would go around his midsection. I snagged his training knife, holding it to his thick throat. He grunted with his head back against my shoulder. My smile broadened and I bit his ear. I threw the knife to Tanodath, our strong silent team member. He didn't speak much, but he didn't have to.
His stark blonde hair was usually under protective headgear on the field, but on our off days, he likes to have the wind sweep through it. His face was modest and neutral, the only one of us who was a blank slate.
"Your turn, Tan." He caught the knife but had a whisper of a smile on his lips. I knew my mistake when I felt Dusty's hooves through the ground. I closed my eyes and braced for impact. He hit me like a wild beast, knocking the air from my lungs. We landed hard and I rolled with the momentum, using my tail to turn the tides in my favor. I ended up on top, straddling him with a triumphant smile. I braced against his knees to keep him from bucking me off and secured his hands beside his head.
I looked up at Tanodath, still panting, about to rip his a new one for not warning me. But when I saw his face, I stopped altogether. His face was...gone. There was a blurred, flat plane where his features used to be. It was only after I had looked up did I notice the deafening silence.
What was once an active training ground, was now a hushed place. The dirt and grime we shuffled had settled, the only movement being the dust in the warm air. I slowly looked down at Dusty, my Jareth, a cold fear coursing through me when I found the same nothing. The face I once looked forward to seeing in the morning, the face I wanted to see over me at night, the face that I needed, was gone. I could feel my face pale as I scrambled off of him. I crawled backward desperately trying to get away from the creatures that were no longer my family. "Jareth?" I rarely used his real name, it sounded panicked and heavy in the air.
Their body language showed confusion, looking at me with their eyeless faces. The sweat that was rolling down my scalp from training turned cold, my heart hurt deep in my chest. I looked to Igoth and Thalmol, hoping to find something. Their faces had faded just like the rest. They craned their necks towards me, leaning down as if to ask me what was wrong.
The closer they all got, in their frigid silence. My erratic breathing was the only sound in my world. It enveloped me and made me lightheaded. I became disoriented, the panic set in. I brought my hand back to brace on the ground, trying to find something solid.
My palm sank through the ground, my heart dropped into my stomach as I fell back. The soil ate me, swallowing me whole, plunging me into the deepest darkness imaginable.
I woke with a sore throat, panting, and disoriented. I felt the sheets around me, felt the heat from Balan, who was awake, staring at me. He yawned, a dog's way of trying to release stress, he had adopted their ways since inhabiting its form.
"What–?" I furiously wiped the tears that wouldn't stop. Balan leaned his muzzle in, with the intention of licking them away. But, I held my hand up to stop him. I didn't want anything near my face. I didn't want anything near me. Everything was too much, my chest tightened painfully, the tension not releasing. I held my fist to my chest, trying to breathe. I saw black dots dance in front of my eyes as I stumbled out of bed, falling to the floor. "Fuck."
My bedroom door burst open, Alec standing in my doorway, looking for danger. He looked to my bed, finding nothing but twisted sheets. He took another step, looking to me on the floor, shaking.
I felt like there was something behind me, the image of a faceless figure flashed behind my tightly closed eyes. I kicked my legs out until my back hit the wall, but my sides were vulnerable. I positioned myself into the corner, unable to control the tremors.
Alec took a sudden step towards me, pulling a growl that sounded more like a pained groan from my throat. I tried to pinpoint where I had put my gun within my apartment, all the possible locations running through my head faster than I could register them. I held my head between my shaky hands, trying to slow everything down. It felt like I was trapped in a whirlwind, it stole my breath right from my lungs. I inhaled repeatedly, unable to exhale, I couldn't relax my chest. It felt like I was drowning on land.
"Kara," Alec said. His tone was cautious, he knelt in front of me slowly. He held his hand out as one would towards a frightened dog. I stared through wide, unrecognizing eyes. "Karau."
My name.
My language.
That voice. I knew it.
I looked at him and my breathing started to slow. My body, which held all the tension all at once, started to relax, one part at a time. I could feel the flood gates inching open as the tension left my body. I was slipping. I felt my face contort, I couldn't stop the tremble in my lip. I inhaled shakily, pressing my palms to my eyes.
His arms wrapped around me, bringing me to his chest. He started rocking gently. His body temperature started to rise, making me feel like I was in front of a fireplace. I couldn't hold it anymore. I wept, I wept for my family, for my Jareth, for myself.
"I can't remember their faces." I could barely get the sentence out. It brought a whole new wave of tears. "I can't remember–" I hiccuped, my breathing unsteady. "–I can't–" Alec hushed me like I was a child. He held my head to his chest, I closed my mouth, focusing on controlling my breathing.
After everything was quiet once again, my body was devoid of strength. I could feel Alec look down at me, his arms loosening. He held his hand out, palm up and slightly cupped, in front of my tired face. A small flame danced between his fingers, wrapping around the digits. It nestled into his cradling palm and I was somehow jealous of it. It was nurtured and it grew.
I reached for it, letting it dance around my fingertips. I was entranced by its movement. Fire was something I could watch for hours and never get bored. It lived and breathed, just like all of us. I eased my hand into the flame and I found Alec's hand under it.
I grabbed it, grounding myself by holding something solid. His fire wrapped around our joined hands, our fingers intertwined. I felt calm, my senses coming back to me. I got comfortable in his lap, his long legs extended, my own curled on top of them.
"Sleep. Rest."
I did as I was told.