Rocalla's Saga: Arrival

23: In Hiding —

1054 Kyabalaka 5

We slam Mariyiybha’s door shut, and turn to see her standing by the table.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

I sink to the floor, my back against her door. “Everything,” I say quietly.

“What happened?” asks Mariyiybha.

“Someone shot Father Hafhmar,” I continue in a barely audible voice. “He dropped the orb and it broke. The whole market square was engulfed in magical flame. Dozens of people were burned to death. Dozens more were injured in the panic that followed. And all the people know is that it was caused by magic.”

“Those poor, innocent people,” says Mariyiybha. She sits in a nearby chair and bows her head in prayer.

“What have I done?” I murmur to myself.

“Rocalla?” Dierdra asks.

“What was I thinking? In my arrogance I have brought forth destruction.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Because of me, those people are dead. Because of me, the Circle Cultists will be hunted like rats.” I speak louder now, full of conviction as hot tears stream down my face. “Because of me, you are an outlaw. I was taught to be a neutral observer, charged with a mission to come to Mandelbroggen and observe and record, not interfere and destroy.”

“But Rocalla, it’s not your fault,” Dierdra says.

“It is my fault! I should have kept outside of events. Instead, I led you into the castle. I stole the orbs. I gave one to the church. I am responsible!” I scream, and then sink further to the floor, convulsing in sobs.

“Rocalla, we did it together,” Dierdra says.

My eyes are so full of tears that I cannot even see if she is looking at me. I bury my head in my hands. “I led you,” I say.

“And I want you to keep leading me,” Dierdra says.

“No, I can’t. I have to stop. I have to stop before I do any more damage.”

“What do you mean?” Dierdra asks, distress in her voice.

“I have to turn myself in.” I look up at her, although I cannot see her face. “I’ll take all the blame.”

“Rocalla, no!” Dierdra says. “No!”

“It’s my fault! I will not let you be harmed because of me.”

“Rocalla,” Mariyiybha says from her chair. “Did you shoot Father Hafhmar?”

“No,” I mumble.

“Did you tell the church what to do? Do you honestly think that any of the church leaders did anything today because of what you think?”

“No.”

“Then how can you possibly find fault with yourself?”

“I set all of this in motion. I stepped beyond my boundaries.”

“And you are a better woman for it. I only wish that I had the courage to do what you have done,” Mariyiybha says.

“That’s easy for you to say. You have no blood on your hands.”

“Are you certain of that? How many people have died because I stood by and didn’t take any action? Maybe if I had sought the truth years ago, today’s events would not have happened.”

Mariyiybha pauses. “Neither one of us has taken an innocent man’s life. All you have done is bring a piece of truth to light. The blame for the deaths rests on those who kill to keep those truths hidden.”

“Well, I guess that the memory of my life will not vanish with the morning fog. Today’s disaster will not be easily forgotten, nor will the part I played in it be overlooked.”

“You are a participant in the life and history of this world.”

“But look at what I have done, and I wasn’t even trying to take action. How can you suggest that I should continue?”

Dierdra speaks up. “Rocalla, did you believe that what you were doing was right?”

“It may have seemed right at the time, but…”

“Do you still believe it?” she asks. I have stopped sobbing, but tears are still flowing in streams down my face.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Looking back, were any of the choices that you made wrong? If you faced the same situations again, would you answer them any differently?”

Wiping the tears from my face, I murmur, “No, I guess not.”

Dierdra kneels down on the floor in front of me and takes my hands. “Do you still believe in the truth?” Her bluish tan eyes look deeply into my own. I nod my head slightly. “Then decide what we need to do next.

“I don’t regret a single decision that you have made,” she says. “You have taken me places I would never have been able to go by myself. I am with you, and I trust you.”

“Dierdra, how can you say that?” I ask. “Look at what I have done to your life.”

“You have made it worth living,” she says. “I know I am a brash woman, without real thoughts of the future, without a vision beyond knowing that I do not fit into the role that society expects of me. You at least have your faith to guide you. I will follow you anywhere.” She leans over and reaches toward me. As she embraces me in a heartfelt hug, I extend my arms around her and hold her tightly. When I pull back, tears are streaking down her face.

Just then a knock shakes the door behind me. “They’re here!” I say, jumping up in panic. “Mariyiybha, I’ve endangered you as well.”

“Hush, child,” Mariyiybha says as she gets up and walks over to the door. She opens it enough to see outside and says, “Peace to you. May I help you?”

“Is Rocalla here?” a voice asks.

“Clavius?” I say, turning around to face the door. “Mariyiybha, this is Clavius Valerian, a friend of ours.”

“Enter, Clavius,” Mariyiybha says. “I am pleased to come into your presence.”

“It is good to meet you,” he says, entering the room.

“How did you find us?” I ask.

“I saw what happened at the town square, and I followed you here,” he says. “I’ve come to ask if you have made a decision.”

“We’re leaving,” I say. “We’re leaving Mandelbroggen.”

“When?”

“Right now. No, I mean we need to get our stuff, and gather the others. We’ll leave the day after tomorrow, at dawn.”

“Where do we meet?”

“The first cross street outside the wall, on the road leading from South Gate,” Dierdra says.

“I’ll be there. Here’s your dagger.”

“My dagger?”

“The one you had to leave at The Warrior’s Den. Take it.”

“Thank you,” I say as he presses the dagger into my hand.

“I’ve got to go now,” Clavius says. “I need to gather a few things and prepare for the wilderness. I will see you at dawn the day after tomorrow.”

“We’ll see you,” I say.

“Go in peace,” Mariyiybha says as he walks out the door.

“What about you? Are you ready to face the wilderness?” Mariyiybha asks us.

“We’re all packed,” Dierdra says. “We only need to get our things from the inn.”

“And make arrangements to add a few more people to our group. Mariyiybha, do you know where Pol the Outfitter is? I understand his shop is near the market square.”

“Yes, it’s on one of the back streets a block off the square, northeast side.”

“Okay, we should probably go take care of that. And if possible, I’d like to borrow some of your journals. You know, the ones you wrote during your stay on the Duradh Plateau.”

“That’s not a problem, Rocalla.”

“I don’t know when, if ever, I’ll get them back to you.”

“Don’t worry. When did you say you were leaving?”

“In just under two days.”

“Where are you going to spend the next two nights?” Mariyiybha asks.

“I honestly don’t know.”

“Stay here with me. Both of you.”

“I can’t do that to you, Mariyiybha. I can’t risk putting you in danger as well.”

“You’ll never get out of the inner city tonight. Go take care of your business, then come back here. I’ll fix us dinner, and then you and Dierdra can spend the night. It won’t be comfortable, you’ll have to stay up in the loft, but you’ll be off the street.”

“Okay,” I say. With that Dierdra and I leave the house and walk to the town square. A light breeze is blowing toward us, and as we approach the center of the city, the sickening odor of burnt flesh greets us. Several people are there, wrapping the dead in blankets and carrying them away. A squad of soldiers oversees the scene, probably to prevent looting. We skirt the center of the square and head to the northeast side.

It takes us ten minutes to find Pol the Outfitter. Xerxes is not there, so we leave a message requesting that he meet us at the Prancing Pig tomorrow at noon. It’s a large tavern, not far from the square.

Not knowing what else to do, we return to Mariyiybha’s for the night.