Robofootball: Doublespin

After week 10 the 6-4 Robocats were in a precarious position. Texas was the only team that had clinched a playoff berth along with the fact that they were the only unbeaten team in the league. Michigan had played them as tough as anyone. At 8-2 along with a perfect division record, New York was virtually guaranteed a spot, especially given that one their 2 final games would be played at home against lowly Daytona, every bit as bad as Arkansas. The 3 division cellar dwellers including Seattle, and maybe Wichita thrown in there too with the lot as the 4 teams that had basically given up. None had the vaunted Gen 3 quarterback or hardly any Gen 3 players at all; Arkansas and Daytona hadn’t invested in any and the others had theirs in the repair bays, waiting for parts that would never be ordered, much like a basket case car restoration project that never got off the blocks.

The Robocats were a game behind the Choppers in the Central, but still held the advantage of a better division record. Chicago had to play Texas in week 11 and the Robocats, after the Baltimore game, finished up with lowly Wichita, a team they had beaten 34-17 in week 4, the one that Jess had been taken out of with a busted colostomy bag back on October 11th. It seemed like a year ago to Reynolds. The game with the 7-3 Baltimore Blockheads was huge to understate it; hell, they were all big after his little powwow with Uncle Dano, the one where it was make the playoffs or else. A loss would not mathematically eliminate the Robocats, but for practical purposes, it would be over. Only 4 teams made the playoffs. A loss would put Texas, New York, and Baltimore permanently ahead as each of the 3 would have 8 or more wins, and the best the Robocats could do was 7. Chicago ended the season against Arkansas which guaranteed them an 8th win as well. In short, a loss to the Blockheads would be the same as hitting the iceberg, or more accurately, the sinking of the Robocat ship. Reynolds would be the last man on it, expected to go down with it as capo or captain. If his life was spared by the Verlucci’s, he’d be running numbers in the UP, the family’s version of Siberia where it was nearly as cold. He’d be lucky to pull down a G per month and would likely be cutting his own wood for heat.

There was one brilliant move that Reynolds had made however, and it was about to pay off satisfactorily against Baltimore. With Michigan’s dominance that once began with the automotive industry, the Verlucci Family had several interests in various parts making production facilities. Over the years, they had invested heavily into robotics with HAL, and especially the MIR headed by Yuri as the crown jewel in their manufacturing capabilities. Even the big boys like Texas and New York couldn’t find a shop that sported $2 million Mitsubishi laser cutters the size of dining rooms, not just the table. Added to that were the big CNC’s with enclosed computerized operations, the precision EDM wire cutters,, and even the latest water jets that shot water in a fine stream at 300 mph that cut 2 inch stainless steel like sharp scissors through paper, only more precise.

Teams were secretive, and unbeknownst to Reynolds, Baltimore’s Gen 3 quarterback had suffered the same shoulder problem in what had become a major flaw or weakness within the unit; furthermore, the Blockhead Gen 2 quarterback was out of service too after having most of its head taken off in a hard fought win against division rival Boston in week 10. Reynolds was nothing along the lines of genius like Dr. Hobson or Doc Holliday or Yuri, but he was no dummy either. He had exploited the weakness of the Gen 3 quarterback against Texas and he would repeat his $1,000 incentive to whatever controller disabled the Baltimore quarterback. Little did he know that it would be much easier against Baltimore given that the Blockheads were unable to obtain a replacement shoulder module for their key offensive player.

All Baltimore could do was solder and weld the bends in an attempt to straighten it out. The specialized miniature gears, joints, servos, and sensors, along with the software programming, were all closely guarded Japanese patents. Some of it could be violated in the name of repair for an individual, but not the complete unit as a whole. One didn’t take apart a Camry in a few days and then duplicate the parts in time for the next game. Reynolds’ unexpected brilliance was that his mechanical team of engineers led by Yuri and Holliday were able to do just that, reproduce key components from week to week. Holliday and Ichiro could put the running backs together at Kettering, and Yuri could rebuild the basic players with his staff of engineers, machinists, and software techs, completely in-house.

The complex shoulder module of a Gen 3 quarterback ordinarily took several weeks to produce by hand in Japan, even longer if they did not have the special tool grade alloy of titanium, magnesium and stainless steel on hand, which they did not. No one stockpiled much in the way of parts and resources any longer, it was an era of on-demand parts only and it proved to be unworthy from a cost standpoint to do so. It would take the Japanese another 2-3 weeks just to obtain the necessary metals from their Brazilian supplier, at least that amount of time for actual fabrication, and the neven more to ship it from there.

The Japanese also were not cranking out millions of Gen 3 quarterbacks like an Accord; therefore, extensive factory tooling for mass production was never developed. They were made more like a very exclusive Ferrari or Lamborghini model that few had ever heard of, and cost more too. In fact, only 8 Gen 3 quarterbacks were made over the past year and Texas had purchased the initial prototype midway through the 2019 season. The shoulder module alone was a $25,000 assembly, and the Japanese producer only had one available in early December. That’s when the bidding war began. All the top teams needed it and since the Cosmic Bowl was only 5 weeks away, there would be no more available before that time. The Baltimore Blockheads offered $100,000 for it since they were thick in the hunt for a playoff berth, but they lost. New York, with scruples matching those of Texas, or lack thereof, learned of Baltimore’s bid from their own Japanese insider, and promptly offered $150,000. Not to be outdone, Texas poured so much money into the Japanese economy that it would’ve taken nearly another Spindletop gusher to pay off the debt, and if there was one solid trait of the Japanese, it was loyalty, rarely in the world were a people so intensely nationalistic and loyal to their own causes, especially when it came to financial matters, or in short, greed. Texas was informed that they had a standing offer for $200,000 for the module, a slight exaggeration from what New York had actually offered. Texas bought it for a cool quarter mil leaving the others out in the cold.

To Reynolds’ delight, he didn’t even know which controller to pay off. On some nice pass plays mostly between Jess and Antwan, combined with Ichiro dipping and bobbing like a roadrunner being chased by a coyote, the Robocats put 7 points on the board in the first 4 minutes of the game after the touchback from the opening kickoff. Jess had recovered nicely despite his continued bout with amnesia; it certainly did not affect his football ability. On Baltimore’s 1st possession, one of their receivers slipped and the quarterback held the ball too long. The fallen receiver was the only one the play had been called for, and with a $1,000 dead or alive reward on its head, preferably dead, on the line, which could buy a lot of beer and pizza and a college text or two, there was a relentless surge for the quarterback.

It was no holds barred as Reynolds had even authorized late hit penalties. No need however for any illegal stuff as the defensive end and the middle linebacker from the 4-3 D setup crushed the quarterback while keying in on the shoulder. The end got the QB from the rear along its blind side, propelling it forward right smack into the linebacker. The controller for the linebacker drove his head into the vulnerable shoulder busting all repair welds and solders with one nice clean hit.

Reynolds was elated, found the 2 guys, one a Kettering student, the other a controller left over from the 2019 season who had made the team, and dropped five $100 bills on each of their control board platform tops. On second thought, he added an extra Franklin to each and said, “Good work boys!” The Kettering student was all of 21 years of age while the experienced controller was only 3 years older. Youth and reflexes Reynolds thought to himself. The 24 year old looked soft, pasty, and pudgy with flabby jelly-like arms. Reynolds thought for a moment, “Damn, where do they get these idiots?” But he kept his thoughts to himself. There was a whole new generation of these video game players who began a few short years after birth, locked themselves away in dark rooms with the curtains drawn and the shades down, straining their eyes but not their muscles. “It’s liked dude, couldn’t you get a girl or something? Maybe one of those chubby sweaty ugly mutts like yourself?” Reynolds grinned but held that thought to himself too, maybe they never would discover that girls could be more fun than a video game.

The Blockheads were interesting to look at as their unique head gear was a little more squared off to give them the appearance of their namesake along with Hollywood’s version of a square-headed robot, kind of like those in that old Rock’em Sock’em game. By week 11 however, many of their head corners were chipped off giving them a bit of a worn down appearance. The constant crashing and bashing was taking its toll and the Gen 3 QB shoulder module might have been one of the most desired replacement parts, but it wasn’t the only part shortage. Joints were one of the most important areas as they were most vulnerable to injury. Like the Gen 3 QB throwing shoulder module, the ankles, knees, hips, elbows, shoulders, and even the sensitive hand pads for those who needed to grasp the ball all suffered damage. The Gen 2 was still the prevalent model on most teams, and the Baltimore Gen 2 quarterback had a knee problem too that was jury rigged like the Gen 3 shoulder awaiting parts.

Reynolds didn’t know it, but with momentum going his way, he still had 5 C-notes in his wallet and flaunted them emphatically at his defensive coordinators like a Geisha fanning her hair to take out the opposing Gen 2 QB. He ended up paying the same fat 24-year old that controlled the left defensive end. Reynolds could see why the 24 year old had beaten out the Kettering kids to keep his job; this was a single man for sure who had dedicated his life to video game play. Reynolds just shook his head and paid. Reynolds hadn’t noticed that the player guarding the left end was a bulky slow Gen 1 backup that the pudgy kid ran circles around. The injury bug was plaguing Baltimore like something interesting out of the Bible, fascinating only if it happened to the bad guys like those pesky Egyptian slave masters. After 2 consecutive sacks by the Robocat left defensive end, the Baltimore Gen 2 QB backup attempted to sit up, but the weak knee joint gave out as it crumpled to the ground. Sweeper time.

As a result, Baltimore managed nothing more than a field goal in the first half while the Robocats put 3 TD’s on the board. With both of their quarterbacks down, the game got much easier for Michigan in the 2nd half. In fact, Reynolds sent Jess and Antwan to the locker room after one possession in the 3rd quarter that resulted in a field goal for the Robocats. With a 24-3 lead, Reynolds ordered the team into time-kill mode. The Blockheads simply could not move the ball on offense. The Gen 1 QB 3rd stringer couldn’t hit the long side of a hip roof barn with a softball from 5 yards out. Dino called 8 and even 9 guys to the box as if they were goal line stands to effectively stop the run. Baltimore did much the same on defense as the Robocats did little but run with their backups. Even Ichiro’s freshly overhauled #22 running back was benched in favor of the Gen 1 backup while his #21 was still in the repair bay back at the MIR. The 2nd half turned out to be nothing more than a punt fest and the final score would remain 24-3.

Reynolds was in high spirits and they rose even higher when he learned that Texas had knocked off Chicago leaving both the Robocats and the Choppers tied for the Central Division lead at 7-4. Michigan would blowout Wichita as expected the following week on December 13, 2020 by a score of 45-10, the last game of the regular season. Chicago beat Arkansas too, no surprise there, but the Robocats claimed the division based on a better division record within the Central, 5-1 compared to Chicago’s 4-2. Both teams made the playoffs with 8-4 records, but Chicago would go in as the wild card, forcing them to play the Texas Tin Cans in the semifinals in Dallas, Texas.

SEMIFINALS December 27, 2020

Michigan at New York

Chicago at Texas

The Robocats would have to go on the road to New York, a team that had beaten them 42-31 back on October 18th, the 5th game of the season. The Baltimore Blockheads had also finished 8-4, but they were the odd team out by virtue of their 3-3 division record. Michigan had beaten them head-to-head but that was a moot point since Michigan had won their division. The Blockheads had not played the Choppers. The 2nd tiebreaker after the head-to-head matchup was the division record, and the Choppers finished 4-2 in the Central. The 3rd tiebreaker was total points scored and Chicago would have nudged Baltimore there as well, especially after the Robocats held the Blockheads to just 3 points in game 11.

If there was one disadvantage for Reynolds, it was the fact that there was a week off before the playoffs, and then another week off between the semis and the Cosmic Bowl. The Robocats were relatively healthy while the other teams were not, including Texas; nevertheless, although it cost them dearly, the Tin Cans were getting more parts than New York and Chicago combined, but not quite enough to fix all of their players.

“Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.”

Newsman Francis Pharcellus, New York’s Sun, September 21, 1897