River

Dalila

I awaken to find Ayola missing, again, and know that she has gone to join Gregor, to enjoy the strange attachment that they have with each other one more time before we leave. I peer out the window of the room, overlooking the river, and see them together below, in the garden, holding hands and walking through the vegetable plants. He has to bend far over to reach her little hand.

It is incredibly sweet.

I do not understand Gregor, or any of these people in this house, but I feel a deep affection for them all. At Ellis Cliffs, I understood more than I do here. I understood that my position, as a slave, was fraught with risk, even though most of the Ellis family was kind to me. It was not surprising to me to be accosted by the Master, both repeatedly in the night, and then violently on my last morning there, because I understood that to be the risk that I always faced. It was terrible but not shocking.

The kindness and love I feel here is far more surprising. I am shocked by it, by the acceptance of my basic humanity, by the way that they obviously see me and Ayola as actual human beings, not property.

I will miss it very much. I know that Margaret and her Stephen are unlikely to be abusive, but I also know that their view of me as property will always color their treatment of me.

Not so Gregor and his little family here in this house, this retreat. Here I am a person, as much so as every other person.

Especially to the hired man, Moses. It has taken some doing to incorporate into my thinking the fact that he is not a slave, that he is a free person, earning his living by working here. He comes here voluntarily, deliberately, even joyfully, to perform his work.

I think I will miss him the most of all. He has gotten under my skin, permeated my thoughts, distracted me from my troubles. I wish I did not have to leave him.

I go down the stairs to find Moses and Nadine already in the kitchen. He is just coming in the door from the garden, two heavy buckets of water held in his strong hands. He smiles at me and heads into the little back room to dump the water.

Gregor and Ayola follow him in the door from the garden, and Ayola toddles straight over to me. She lifts her hands into the air to request that I pick her up, and I cuddle her to me.

Gregor says, “We will be leaving in an hour or so, after you have some breakfast and get ready. Nadine will help you.”

I don’t know what she might need to help me with. He smiles. “She’ll show you.”

I kiss Ayola’s head, confused, and she smiles at me, apparently understanding whatever I don’t. Moses has come back in with two more buckets of water.

He goes back out after he dumps them. Gregor takes Ayola back from me, and carries her out of the room as well. I turn around and look at Nadine in confusion. She is standing by the large cast iron stove with a smile on her face.

“I thought you might like to have a bath before you go.”

A bath? Me? I am astonished.

“Have you never had a real bath before?” she asks me.

“No, ma’am,” I tell her. Of course I have not. Who would ever prepare a bath for a slave? We just wipe ourselves with water as best we can.

“Well,” she says, “this one is all ready for you. Just needs this last pot of hot water. Come on.”

She lifts a pot from the stove, and I follow her into the back room, utterly confounded. She pours the steaming water into the large tub, then sets down the pot and turns to me. I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing. She doesn’t expect me to clamber into that tub, does she?

She smiles, in a motherly way, and I feel a rush of emotion. It is the way my own mother used to smile at me, so long ago. “Come along, dear, let’s get that gown off you, and in you go.” She approaches me, and helps me pull the gown over my head. It has stopped hurting when I lift my arms. I glance out the little door. “Don’t worry,” she assures me, “nobody else will come in.”

She holds my arm by the elbow and steadies me as I lift a leg from the floor and put it down into the water in the tub, then the other leg. I stand there, feeling the amazing warmth of the water against my feet. “That’s right,” she says encouragingly. “Now down, sit right there in the water.”

I obey, more because I have been instructed to do it than because I want to. This seems incredibly bizarre.

But.

Oh.

When I feel the warmth of the water enveloping my body, all the way up to my chest, a lovely feeling comes over me. It reminds me of the warm healing that I felt when Ayola was hugging me while I was recovering.

This feels so good. Oh my. I feel my eyes closing involuntarily, my head leaning back upon a folded sheet draped against the slanted edge of the tub.

I hear her chuckle. “There you go! It feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Mm-hmmm,” is all I can say. It is like I can feel the stress seeping out of my body into the warm water, and the last vestiges of the injuries I suffered being washed away.

She allows me to soak in a leisurely way, before handing me a sponge with soap to wash myself, all over, from head to toes. I have never felt so clean before. It is quite remarkable.

Finally, the water is cooling, and she helps me climb back out. She hands me a large cotton sheet to dry off with. I feel wonderful.

I turn to retrieve the plain cotton shift that I have been wearing to put it back on, but she says, “No, I have something else for you.” She reaches over to the shelf near the tub and pulls off some fabric, shakes it out, and shows me a light green dress. “This is for you. Gregor wanted me to get you a new dress from the mercantile.”

Tears come to my eyes. I have not felt so cared for since before I was stolen from my home. I cannot speak. She helps me on with the dress. It fits me just fine, the fabric feeling so new and crisp. She even gives me a new undergarment, and shows me how to put it on. I am glad my bleeding has stopped, so that I don’t sully the clean white cloth.

“I have your old dress, too,” she tells me, showing a little bundle wrapped up to the side. “I mended it for you. Gregor thought I should throw it away, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt for you to have it as a spare dress just in case you want to keep it.”

Oh. That dress. “Thank you,” I whisper, but I don’t know if I will ever want to put that on again. I am so happy with this new green one. The fabric is far finer than I have felt against my skin before. I hope it is not seen as too fine for a slave.

She leaves me by myself in the kitchen after bringing some breakfast to the table for me. I am grateful to be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes. I know that this part of my life is almost over, a new part is about to begin. I can only hope that at Homochitto, Ayola and I will be safe, and happy.

Soon enough, it is time. Gregor and Rosalind are both going to be coming to deliver us to Homochitto. Moses has gone to the stables to rent a carriage and bring it to the house, since Gregor’s carriage is still being used by his friend Samuel. Moses will be driving the carriage today. I am glad that I will not have to say goodbye to him quite yet.

Gregor, in his oddly considerate way, gives me the choice of where I would like to sit during the ride to Homochitto. “Would you like to sit inside the cab with Rosalind?” he asks me. “Or would you rather ride up on top with Moses, so you can see the view along the way?”

“Up on top, sir,” I tell him. Not to see the view, though. I suspect that he knows that, when he smiles and climbs into the cab, taking Ayola off my hands so she can sit inside with him and his wife.

Moses looks at me with a strange gleam in his eye, and offers me his hand to help me climb up onto the seat, then takes his place next to me. He takes the reins to start the carriage moving forward, away from here, towards the unknown.