SWNOVELS Chapter 18 ~ By Candlelight
Falling back on the bed, I let out a groan. My knees still ached from being cramped in the car, my neck hurt from staring down at laptop screens, and my ears rang from listening repeatedly to the importance of me staying far away from humans as possible for the foreseeable future. I hadn’t fed today either, and my body was still recovering from being bloody shot.
My fingers went to the still tender flesh, prodding gently against the dull ache. I’d need to find out how Titus planned on everyone feeding because my stomach had been growling all evening. If I wasn’t allowed to hunt, it would make it rather difficult. Not that I could think about asking my mate. It didn’t seem important after the reaction Atanas had to the news Airell might genuinely have a lead on Leyla’s possible resting place. He’d exploded with such vehemence, even the hardened ancients at his side had cowered.
I sat up when a floorboard near the door creaked, and cocked my head at the sight of my mate lingering in the dark.
“Atanas?"
Glowing blues moved across the floor before focussing on something near my feet. “I didn’t mean to frighten you earlier.”
“What?”
Stepping into the flickering candle light, he motioned towards the door. “You’ve been quiet ever since I lost my temper in the hall.”
That’s what he was worried about?
“You’ve done worse than bash a table in front of me,” I teased, but it didn’t get rid of the crease between his brow. In fact the lines around his eyes and mouth only deepened. My sarcasm wasn’t what he needed right now.
Brushing away the craving to close my eyes and rest, I gave him my full attention. His eyes never met mine, staring past my shoulder as his hands clenched and unclenched by his side.
“If it was anger that made you lash out, I might be upset with you right now. But it wasn’t. Something is worrying you, scaring you even. Don’t look at me like that, Atanas.” Jutting my chin out, I stared down his glare before he could utter a denial. Of course questioning his bravery would be the thing that got him to finally meet my gaze “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of myths about ghoulies lurking in some caves that humans have probably searched every inch of and found nothing?”
“This very fort is proof humans can search and not see what is right in front of them,” he said lowly.
“I’ve never caught sight of or heard substantial rumours about demons or gollums or uilebheistean,” I countered, searching his expression when my words made his back straighten. “And I promise you, I can see perfectly fine.”
He stared at me for a moment longer, eyes glazed over as he debated something with himself before he crept a little closer. Full lips drew up onto a seductive smile as midnight eyes raked up the length of me.
“I know what I’d like to see right now.”
Oh, I knew this game.
Was he too proud to admit, even to me, that there were things out there that even kings could be afraid of?
Sliding off the bed with catlike grace Zena would be proud of, my fingers trailed along the blanket as I slunk towards my mate. Whatever I did differently worked better than my usual attempts to be even slightly sexy. He stiffened at my brazenness, eyes narrowing accusingly as I slid my fingers beneath his shirt to caress cool skin. Muscles twitched beneath my touch, his lips parting as his breathing quickened until my hand splayed over his chest. The beat of his heart pulsed beneath my palm and I hummed at the spice of arousal in his scent.
He moved easily when I pushed him back against the wall, darkening blue eyes completely entranced as I went up on tiptoe so I could see his face more clearly.
“How about a deal?” I murmured, my lips nearly brushing against his as I spoke, enough to tempt him to lean forward but I pulled away, smirking at his frustrated.
His hands gripped my ass to prevent further escape, fingers kneading through my jeans.
Leaning in close, I purred by his ear, “Tell me what you’re hiding, and I’ll show you whatever you want.”
Immediately the tension between us changed. Warmth disappeared to be replaced by a stab of cold, Atanas removing his touch completely to glare down at me.
“I won’t spill my secrets at your first good attempt at seduction, Shylah.”
He cringed as soon as he said it but my hand had already fallen away and inner armour lifted into place. Anger and hurt battered inside me, trapping a breath that I forced out in a splutter.
“Well I’m sorry my seduction skills aren’t up to par after you’ve practically had a goddess in your bed.”
A thunk reverberated through the wooden timbers as Atanas slumped against the wall. Lips fluttering, I waited for an angry retort, but instead he turned his head away, clenching his jaw so hard a muscle in his cheek jumped. It was a clear signal to stop. To back off and go to bed so we could discuss this tomorrow after we’d both had some rest.
But I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t let this lie between us even for one day.
“You’re scared of Leyla coming back, is that it? Why? Because you worry she’ll be able to wrap you around her little finger again?"
“Enough, Shylah. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growled, straightening up with warning clear in his eyes. But I wasn’t one of his subjects. I didn’t exist to bow to him. And I definitely wasn’t afraid of him.
“The control she had over you, that’s why you hate her isn’t it? Noticing some parallels between my time with Airell and your time with Leyla?”
Stalking forward until it was I pressed against the opposite wall, Atanas caged me in with his hands pressed either side of my head. He blocked out the light from the nearby candles, shrouding us in shadows. “I hear shades of green in your voice, Libertas Mea.” Inhaling deeply at the crook of my neck, his accent thickened as he declared, “I can smell it too.”
My hiss sliced through the air, fangs lowering before I could stop the reaction. Atanas merely dropped his arms at my outrage, blue eyes annoyingly calm and piercing as if it was I in the wrong.
He took a few steps back when I remained silent and glaring, running a hand through tousled black hair as if he didn’t know what to do. And Atanas always knew what to do, what to say. He was deflecting even if he didn’t realise it himself.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t entirely wrong either.
“Of course I’m jealous.” I imploded, marching back towards him so he couldn’t escape. I’d never stood up to him like this before, never dared growl and flash fangs as if I stood a chance of challenging him. I’d never needed to, but His Highness needed a serious reality check. “How could I not be? She spent thousands of years with you. She created you. You loved and admired her. She had times of peace with you!
“We’ve been in danger since the day we met and now we’re about to march into some caves filled with gods know what, bound in magic from fuck knows what! We could be unleashing anything into a world already beginning to notice too much. And my fucking face is everywhere, Atanas. No matter what anyone says, there’s no way of erasing that even if we defeat Airell. So if you’re going to stand there and tell me you’re not frightened like the rest of us, then I question how much you really care about any of us.”
He soaked in what I said quietly. Then sniffed, expression unreadable. “That’s an unfair assessment. And please watch your language.”
I growled again, shoving at his chest just to get a reaction. “How about this assessment? Sometimes you play the part of ancient, out of touch vampire, too well.”
He flinched, taking a step back as if I’d physically hit him again. Now we’d both said something we couldn’t take back.
It hung in the air between us, blooming tension that was thick to breath through.
“I didn’t mean-“
“Yes,” he interrupted quietly. “You did. And you’re right. Forgive me if I sometimes slip into old patterns; I have my unhealthy ways of coping as much as you have yours.”
That put me quickly back in my place
“I’ve been trying to be better, Shylah. You know that. I have been doing better...for you.”
I hated the way my cheeks tingled at his words, my lips tugging up at the corners even though I tried to fight it. I had to look away and fold my arms to keep hold of my simmering anger. So instead of acknowledging that his words were true, that I’d seen how he’d changed for me, I returned to our original argument.
“Just tell me what you know about the caves. I know there’s more than you told everyone downstairs.”
Realising he hadn’t managed to dissuade me from my line of questioning, weariness took over his expression. “Trust me, Libertas Mea, you don’t want to hear it.”
“I do,” I insisted. “I’m your mate, Atanas. Your Queen. Whatever burdens you, I want to help you carry it.”
“You have enough to carry yourself.”
“You don’t get to decide that! I do.” My fist hit my chest, sparks of magic flying out. Wonder glittered in his eyes as he followed the flickering silver lights that danced up towards the roof before blinking out, like embers from a fire.
“Very well.”
Perhaps the show of magic reminded him I was no ordinary vampire, that I’d went up against more than most and come out stronger. All fight drained from him, shoulders slumping, eyes drifting shut as he let out slow a breath through his nose.
“Leyla is either the first or one of the first of our kind, she never specified. Her power was strong and pure. Beautiful, but terrifying beyond what you could possibly fathom. She aided many human communities by bringing miles of forest to bloom, helping crops grow. She could even bring water to the driest of deserts.” It might have been awe that warmed his tone as he reminisced, but then blues darkened to midnight and his voice dropped low. “In a temper, she could sweep through entire cities, erase them from history and leave nothing but ash in her wake. I lost many I considered friends to her jealousy and paranoia, even my own fledglings.”
My heart panged for the pain that suddenly encompassed him. His loss battered against our bond, losses I could never comprehend. I’d never created a vampire, had promised myself not to, but in that moment, I realised what the loss of one’s blood felt like to a maker who cared. His grief was of a parent who’d lost his children.
How could I not have noticed before that the only vampire he’d named as having been changed by him was Airell? Of course he’d made others in his many centuries. And I’d never asked. Not once. He kept his past so hidden from me and I’d not pried; probably because I thought it better not to know.
“In her love, my creator could bestow gifts like no others; rare jewels and riches from the farthest reaches of the known world. Castles and temples, swathes of the most fertile land. We would dance with kings and queens as I did in my time as a mortal. There were great feasts, and times of peace of course. . .” He gave me a meaningful look, punctuating his next sentence. “We were never far from war with someone, Shylah. Leyla could never settle, always looking over her shoulder and then ahead to the next place in our path. I’m not proud of the man I was in the beginning. If I wanted something, I took it. If there was pleasure to be had and blood to be drunk, I would be found in the midst of it. Men, Women, it didn’t matter-“
“Okay,” I hissed, cheeks flaming. “You were right, I don’t want to hear anymore. I get it; you drank, fucked and killed your way across the world. Titus let slip enough already.”
The asshole had the audacity to smirk. “You asked, but I’ll move on. Leyla had a strong connection with the vampire’s she made, perhaps because of the magic in her veins. Airell can manipulate his bond with his fledglings so well because of how close his relation to her is. You think breaking Airell’s control over you was hard? Leyla could make me do as she wished with a simple thought if her blood was fresh in me. It took centuries to find my sense of self again, to rebuild free will, and when I did she only kept me all the closer. If Leyla hadn’t disappeared for whatever reason, if she hadn’t gotten pregnant - a mystery we are no closer to solving either by the way - there’s no telling what the world would look like today.”
The lump in my throat was hard to swallow and my arms slid around my middle as if to protect me from his story. No wonder he was so understanding of my struggle to keep Airell out of my head. He knew how it felt, that sticky feeling on the back of your mind that linked you to the one who blooded you.
“I’m sorry for those you lost.” My voice was soft as I spoke, anger melted away to be replaced by the pain I felt throbbing in my mate’s chest, “So she is crazy then. Tearing apart entire cities and enthralling anyone she comes into contact with isn’t something anyone will fail to notice these days.”
“You’re missing my point, Shylah,” he urged, gripping my shoulder tight and lowering his head so his eyes were level with mine. There was a desperate glint in their depths, one that sent a shot of fear to my belly before he even spoke. “Imagine a being that powerful, that unstoppable.”
And I did. Leyla was a terrifying creature to even mention in passing, nevermind really hear first hand the destruction she could cause.
“Now imagine what could possibly make that being scared enough to run and hide forever, to cover her tracks by bringing down entire empires. I’ve shared blood with my maker, her nightmares have played in my head while she slept. Whether Leyla is in those caves or not, I can’t say for certain, but if she is...”
“She might not be alone.” Why did those words feel gut sickeningly true. “Do you think Airell knows that?”
Atanas shrugged, rubbing a hand over his face as he spun around and began to pace, dust kicking up with every step. “I don’t know. But there’s someone who might. That’s a conversation for tomorrow amongst our council.”
I nodded my understanding, too unsettled to speak. I couldn’t help but feel like there were eyes watching us from the dark corners as I imagined just what could frighten a near goddess. Surely these were just more stories, rumours. But no matter how I tried to convince myself we were being silly for even talking about it.
If there truly was a creature more powerful than Leyla, surely it would have caught her? Nobody could run for so long; I knew that all too well. Yet, she’d stopped running. Disappeared. That was how we’d all arrived at this point. Had it caught her? Or did she realise to survive she would have to drop off the face of the earth? Was that why she left her child amongst mortals, to keep them safe and hidden? Would the creature want me too?
“I shouldn’t have told you.” Atanas watched me carefully, noting the way I fidgeted and rubbed my face, fighting off the urge to find a bottle of alcohol to drown my thoughts in.
“No, I’m glad you told me. Now we can work something out together.”
He gave me a stiff nod, returning to his pacing. With a sigh, I left my mate to his brooding and leaned against the square hole in the wall that might once have been a window. No glass distorted the view or provided any cover, so thankfully the breeze was warm and gentle as it ruffled short hair against my cheeks. Resting my elbows on the ledge, I propped my head on my hands and stared down the steep green hill towards the rolling sea.
The white reflection of the moon danced on top of the waves that I could crashing against the shore, and the smell of salt filled my every breath. It was beautiful, the dark sky dotted with stars in such a serene part of Italy. But it didn’t capture me like Cala-phort did. In fact, I hated this place. Maybe because I knew we’d find no real rest here, or maybe because I knew what lay ahead when we left and feared the chances of us coming back.
If it was all true, how could we hope to win?
Arms encircled my waist, a hard chest pressing flush against my back. My head fell to one side on instinct, and Atanas wasted no time accepting what I offered, nipping greedily over the pulse point on my neck.
A soft moan slipped from my lips. “I still haven’t forgiven you for what you said.”
My mate chuckled, and the way the sound vibrated through me sent my heart skipping a beat.
“It did not come out the way I meant it,” he rumbled, sliding his hands down to grip my hips as his lips brushed over my shoulder.
“Oh, I’m sure it came out exactly the way you meant it.” Turning in his grip, I peered up at him. “I say hurtful things when I’m scared too.”
This time he didn’t deny it but his lips pressed into a thin line and blue eyes narrowed. To prove I didn’t want another fight, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my cheek against his chest. He remained stiff for a few seconds, and I realised this was probably the first time I’d ever offered comfort for him in this way.
Slowly, he slid his hands up to my waist before returning my embrace, crushing me against him so his every breath rocked me back and forth. He propped his chin on top of my head, and somehow I knew he was watching the sea as I had been, allowing the rhythmic sound of the waves to calm his thoughts.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood like that. Eyes squeezed shut, nose to his shirt so his spiced scent filled my senses. It could have been hours before Atanas took a sudden deep breath and tightened his arms around me so I felt more trapped than safe.
“I want to send you back to Edinburgh.”
“No.” Stiffening against him, I felt him smile into my hair.
“Listen to my reasoning, quietly.” He squeezed my hip when I inhaled to refuse again. “Listening, does not require speech, Libertas Mea. Really think about what I say, and once you have, if you’re answer is still no, I won’t bring it up again. Deal?”
It was the desperate edge he tried to conceal in gentler touches that stopped me from just saying ‘no' again then and there. While I knew my answer wasn’t likely to change no matter his reasoning, I could at least hear him out.
“Okay. Deal.”
Tipping my chin up with a finger, he smiled when I met his gaze, thumb rubbing over my bottom lip. I couldn’t help the warmth that spread through me as he took pleasure in my being obedient. For once.
“Kincaid pointed out it’ll be harder to travel, especially through cities, with a face as famous as yours is now. It means we have to worry about mortals spotting us as well as Airell’s people. In Edinburgh, you can hide out until we find a way to fix it, or clear your name.”
“I can keep myself hidden,” I argued. “Besides, nobody will be looking for me outside of Rome, definitely not heading for Romania anyway. . .Do you doubt me?” Disappointment crept in. “I know I’m not as strong a fighter as you or Kincaid or even Titus, but I’m sure I’m better than most others here.”
He shook his head, drawing me closer. “You’re my mate, my equal. My Queen. I know you’re a more than capable warrior. It’s not just about keeping you out of sight, or how skilled you are with a blade. We don’t know what we’ll face in Romania and our people will need a leader if things don’t go to plan. One of us needs to be safe.”
“Then maybe you should go back to Edinburgh.”
“Shylah.” He gave me that look, cocking his head with a lift of his brow as if he was scolding a combative teenager. “You promised to listen.”
“I am listening! If one of us needs to be alive, it’s you. I’m not a leader, Atanas. At least, I’m still learning how to be. Magic aside, being your mate aside, I have no sway over anyone. Vampires didn’t flock to our side for me, they came for you. It’s you they follow.”
His lips parted as if to argue but it was just a gentle sigh that slipped out. Blue eyes considered me with a small glint of frustration. “Nothing I say will convince you to go, will it?”
Now he was getting it.
I patted his cheek sympathetically and tried not laugh at the unamused expression he bore. “No. I’m staying. If only to make sure your ass makes it out alive.”
“I should have known, really. Padraig suggested knocking you out and sending you back anyway.”
My lips pursed. “I suggest you stop listening to Kincaid and Padraig where it concerns me.”
He laughed again, a rich sound of joy I so rarely heard from him but found I wanted to hear again. Pulling me against his chest once more, my back prickled, an preternatural warning bell ringing in my head. Without looking I knew the sun was beginning to creep above the horizon. Good. I could finally sleep. Although even that might not happen if the way my mate’s fingers crept slowly and steadily beneath the waistband of my jeans was anything to go by, leaving a trail of pleasurable tingles in their wake.
Patting my rump with his other hand, Atanas took a step back and jerked his head towards the bed with a predatory smile, fangs pressing against his bottom lip.
“To bed with you, my mate.”
Liquid heat flooded through my veins and I found myself doing as he said, forgetting all about wish for sleep. He watched until I hit the mattress, turning to throw a heavy piece of fabric over the wooden beam above the window to keep the sun from frying us in our sleep.
The room darkened, only lit by the few flickering candles that cast an orange glow all around.
Excitement grew, my thighs pressing together to ease the ache as I watched my mate and king slowly walk to each candle to blow it out. He leaned over the last one, eyes reflecting the flame as his hungry gaze found mine. Whatever he saw made him change his mind. Instead of blowing the last candle out, he lifted it up and stalked towards me.
My eyes moved warily from dripping cream coloured wax, to a dark and watchful Atanas. He crouched in front of me and took my hand, tightening his grip as I tried to yank it away when he brought the candle in close. I knew the sting of fire well, could hear in my memories the sound of my skin sizzling. I squeezed my eyes shut.
What the fuck was he thinking?
The heat came closer, but before I could shove him away, I felt the first zing of pain. Eyes flying open on a gasp, I realised the burn got no worse, a mere tingle really. I frowned at the hardening glob of wax on my skin, shoulders slumping in relief and confusion while my mate chuckled, voice gritty with desire.
“That wasn’t so bad, right?”
“No,” I answered slowly, watching him stand again.
He smirked. “Good. Trust me, Libertas Mea, you’re going to enjoy this.”
My imagination went wild for the second time that night as I imagined all the things he could do with that candle.
Breathing deeply, his arousal flavoured the air perhaps more than my own. Shoulders pulled back and gaze sharp, he waited for permission to start. As always, gauging what limits I might place.
I understood and tried not to giggle. If my mate wanted to prove he was still King and in charge, to put me in my place after challenging him, I’d let him. The chance of forgetting the horrors around us by getting lost in the pleasure my mate offered was one I couldn’t pass up.