Resurrected

DarkBeauty357

Guys, first off I wanna start by saying thank you. I want to thank everyone for the support, all the kind words, and comments I have received by all of you. Yet, I have some very bad news, but I am NOT deleting this book. I will continue with this book no matter what. I must point out that I have not updated in almost two weeks- and for that, I apologize.

I am going through a lot right now, and most nights I stay up trying to find a reason to stay alive and keep going. Since July, I tried to commit suicide once and I've self-harmed a couple times. I've been hospitalized, interrogated, harassed and lost many friends more times then I can count in my head. It seems like I have lost myself along the way, yet writing books is an outlet for me. I enjoy all the comments(except for the negative ones) I receive. I am not kidding when I say that my faithful readers are part of the reason I am alive. I live for you guys, along with other close people in my life. That might sound stupid but it's true.

I feel like I need to explain to you guys some of the stuff that is going on with me. I have a trial court date on the thirtieth, and I had a court date today. Basically, I am an alleged victim of a sexual assault case against someone that is close to my family. We were in a car together back in July 2018, and a policeman approached us. They pulled him out of the car for questioning, and he panicked and had a blackout. He can't remember anything he said, and ever since that day the my life has been miserable. They refuse to believe me when I tell them nothing happened. He does have a mental illness due to his service in the Army, he was deployed when the twin towers fell down to terrorist attacks. He has severe PTSD, and some brain trauma- but he can still drive and carry out normal functions.

The night that it all went down, my mom came to pick me up and the cops told her to take me to the hospital to get a rape kit test done. We got into this huge argument. I did take a rape kit test at the hospital and during the whole there my mom was yelling at me.

I've been really depressed since July. Everything is really messed up. CPS and social workers are involved and it's only making everything worse because they are trying to take custody away from my mom. I have three other younger siblings(the youngest is two) and my mom is trying her hardest not to lose our house because of bills and losing our main source of income. He helped with bills a lot, but mom had to kick him out because of CPS or she would lose us. So he is currently on the streets. I have childhood trauma as well due to my past, and since the night the incident went down I've been hearing and seeing things. It feels like I'm losing my mind.

I'm only 17(16 when all this happened) and I feel like my life is being ruined and ripped away in front of my eyes. Friends have turned against me calling me a slut and some family members have also turned their back on me. I live in a small town so everyone knows what happened because any criminal sexual offense is public knowledge. It's been hard to carry on with normal activities, hard to eat, hard to sleep, and hard to write. Also, I was almost sent away when I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt. I remember when I took a suicide evaluation by social workers at Mt school (before they made me go to the hospital) and anything over 20 was a high score, I scored a 38 out of 40.

I really apologize because I feel like I'm a lousy writer😭😢, but I feel like I need to focus on my own mental health. I will continue to update but I might update off schedule then what I usually do.

On another note, the reason why I'm so messed up mentally is because I have been abused in my life, sexually assaulted twice, and I've witnessed my biological dad abuse mom when I was young. That is something my brothers didn't have to witness, and I am glad. In my own way, I am a warrior and I have physical scars to prove it. I was sexually abused by my own grandfather from the age of 5 to 12. I was terrified out of my own mind because if I refused, he could casually mention the gun he had. I was forced to watch porn with him, I was forced to do many things that I didn't even realize what was really happening to me. I was groomed into paralyzing fear.

When I was young that's when my biological dad started to abuse my mom because they were both on drugs.

I've seen things that i don't want to admit.

I attempted to care for my two younger brothers at the time when I was only 5-7 trying to feed them, bouncing between babysitters and grandparent's house was common.

My mom eventually got her life straight from being a drug addict, but my father struggled with that till the day he died. However, I do love my father to the day he died, because drugs can make you a different person and he was my father after all. It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time, but I don't hate him. He was just a sweet soul whose life was destroyed by drugs and I wish I could have taken away all of his pain.

With that being said, I have recently got a lot of negative comments about how I should do "research" about the attempted rape and domestic abuse scenes in my book. My research is my experience. I've seen domestic abuse, I been abused, and almost raped. I get sick and tired of people saying how my first book offends them and comments starting like "I've been abused or raped before and I'm offended as a woman that this book is on here because I want to read something different. You should do research on those topics." - No one forces you to read my book. Put it down and go read a fairytale bc this ain't it.

😐 Thanks. Those comments really want to make me delete this book. There are no comments about that stuff in my second book but there is a lot of it in my first book. I'm not trying to sound like a major bitch, but it's just those comments that intentionally put me down saying I don't know anything about the stuff I write is uncalled for, and they completely don't understand me. I know a lot more than what a regular kid should know because I had no childhood. Now listen, I don't mind the comments that say Alec is an asshole or a dick, because let's be honest- sometimes he's a major dick asshole bitch of a baby. I don't mind the comments saying Leah should tell him about being a Witch or that she should leave him(in the first book) because you are right. She is being a little bitch when she isn't honest with him, and in the first book she should have left him but she didn't. It takes a lot of courage to leave someone even if they are abusive. Now that is facts! And the sad thing is there are so many abusive relationships in the world that you DONT EVEN KNOW ABOUT because these are NORMAL people. Your neighbors, bosses, friends, family- do you even know how many of them are being abused on a daily bases?

Honestly with all the hate comments and everything wrong with my life I just want to warn everyone that my updates might take a while but they are surely coming. I refuse to let my readers down and I'm going to try my best to give ya'll what you want. That's the main point.

Thank you so much for everything. I appreciate every one of my readers.

I apologize for any spelling mistakes.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

~Extra Love