Resisting the Alpha Triplets by Cara Anderson

Ch. 20 Please Don’t Cry

Mallory’s POV

“Goddess damn it!” I cursed, punching my pillow as I turned onto my stomach, trying, and failing miserable, to find a comfortable position.

I’d been lying in bed for the last hour since my one-sided conversation with Clay, and sleep still eluded me. One- sided, because apparently I’d been struck dumb by his nearness, shaking like a shy school-girl standing too close to her first crush. What a colossal fucking disaster!

What was it about those three men that got under my skin and so obstinately refused to be evicted? It had literally been less than an hour since I’d left Nathan, having professed my undying love and promised to be faithful. Then I came home to find them in my house and not only did I not throw them out forcefully, but I kissed one of them. Again!

“Fuck!” I screamed into my pillow, angry with myself for being so weak.

If I could manage to control my traitorous body, I might have a chance of resisting them. But the moment they got close to me, my body responded without my permission and they took advantage of it, knowing I couldn’t deny my desire for them. I couldn’t even blame it on my horny wolf since I didn’t have one yet.

If I was being honest with myself, the draw I felt to them was nothing new. Even as a child, their presence seemed to calm a restlessness I couldn’t rid myself of otherwise. It was a strange paradox, the constant annoyance I felt toward them, the pain and anger they stirred in me, yet the underlying peace I had, as if knowing I belonged wherever they were somehow.

Despite the way they’d taunted me yet again at my sixteenth birthday party, I nearly had a panic attack when my mother agreed to send me away for two years. It had taken me a full year at the academy before the anxiety of being so far away had started to settle. In fact, it wasn’t until Nathan entered my life that I started to feel whole again.

“Goddess! Nathan!” I repented out loud.

I just couldn’t seem to stop myself from making choices that would hurt him. It wasn’t fair to him, to keep betraying his trust then apologizing for it later. As much as it pained me, I knew what I had to do. And at that admission, the tears I’d been holding back all night fell freely.

Memories flashed through my mind like a movie reel, scenes alternating between my worst days and my best. Cary asking me to a party in front of his friends only to laugh at me when I eagerly accepted. Then Nathan asking me on a date in front of the whole training class then swinging me around in his arms when I finally agreed to go. Clay constantly reminding me I was ” just an omega” and unworthy to be anyone’s Luna. Then Nathan telling me my rank should never define me and I could do anything I put my mind to. Colton ignoring me, acting as if I was beneath his notice. Then Nathan’s constant calls and texts, taking every opportunity to spend time with me.

How could I break Nathan’s heart when he’d been the one to heal mine? The thought alone tore me to shreds, ripping painful sobs from my chest. But it was nothing more than I deserved.

Because no matter how gut-wrenching it would be to let him go, he deserved better than my constant betrayal. Until I could get my head on straight, be sure I wouldn’t hurt him again, it would be selfish to keep him bound to me.

As my weeping turned to small shudders and sniffles, a tap on my window had me on high alert. At first I assumed it was just the wind blowing a nearby branch against the glass but as the sound grew more insistent, I kicked the covers away and shoved out of bed to investigate.

“Cary! What the fuck are you doing?” I shrieked, throwing the window open, and watching in astonishment as he climbed through it.

His huge frame seemed to take up all the space in my little room and the heat radiating from his shirtless form immediately dissipated the chill seeping in through the open window.

“Have you been crying? What’s wrong, darling?” I quickly wiped my face with the back of my hands to remove the tears still leaking out.

The last thing I wanted was to let Cary Collins see me cry. I’d prided myself on never shedding a tear in front of any of the triplets growing up and didn’t want to start now. But his careful scrutiny of my puffy, red eyes and stained cheeks told me there’d be no fooling him, even if a small mewl hadn’t escaped.

“Hey! Shh!” He cooed to me, pulling me close with one large hand behind my head, holding me to his chest. ” Everything’s going to be okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Treasonous cries bubbled to the surface and spilled over in the form of tears. I reached up to wipe the warm liquid from his chest when my hand was met with skin. Smooth skin, pulled taut over bulging muscles that reminded me I was cuddled up to a nearly naked man.

“Where are your clothes?” I pushed back from his chest, searching his eyes for a suitable answer. “Why are you standing here, nearly naked, in my room?”

“Nearly naked?” He snorted. “We’re wolves, Mal. Be thankful I’m wearing shorts. I let Roan out. We ran here.”

“But-, but why?” He still hadn’t explained what he was even doing here and why he came through the window instead of the door.

“I was worried about you. You seemed really upset earlier. I wanted to make sure you were okay and my wolf wasn’t going to let me sleep until he saw for himself that you were fine. Which you’re clearly not.” He led me over to the bed and tugged me down beside him. “So tell me what all those tears are for, darling.”

“Why would your wolf care if I’m upset?” I deflected, but at the moment it seemed far more interesting than my little meltdown.

“I told you, my wolf is head over heels for you. He’s Team Mallory all the way.” Cary angled his body towards me, looking deep into my eyes like he was speaking straight to my soul. And I could swear I felt tiny sparks where he held my hands in his, rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs.

“I think it’s more likely he’s horny like his human and senses a challenge.” I accused, rolling my eyes at him. ”

Animals like to stalk their prey after all. He must get bored with all the girls who just drop to their knees for you because you looked in their direction.”

“Sure, we’re both horny. But only for you.” He shrugged it off, pointedly ignoring the last part of my observation before moving on. “Now quit stalling and talk, Mal!”

“Just telling myself some hard truths. Self-reflection can be a bitch when you don’t like what’s staring back at you.” I confessed the truth without revealing the specifics.

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Cary responded cryptically. “But what could you possibly see in yourself that would cause so much sadness? You’re beautiful, Mal. Inside and out.”

“Okay, now I know I’ve entered an alternate universe.” I pulled my hands free, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back for effect, raising my eyebrows at him.

“Why? Don’t you see yourself that way?” He quizzed me, prying my arms loose and reclaiming my hands and lacing our fingers together.

“Maybe. Maybe not. But that’s not the point, Carrington. You don’t truly see me that way and you know it.”

“Don’t call me that! You know I hate it. And don’t tell me how I do or don’t see you!” He snapped irritably.

“I’m not telling you! You told me! Nearly every day for the last ten years! Let’s see, there was ‘Of course you can’t come to the party, Mallory. You’re too ugly. No one wants to be seen with you.’ or ‘Did all your brain cells die in the accident along with your memory? I’ve never met anyone as dumb as you.’ and then there’s my particular favorite ‘who would ever want you for a mate? There’s nothing to love about you.’ I may not remember my past, but I remember everything since the day I met you, Carrington Collins!”

Fat tears rolled down my cheeks again as I ended my rant. I hated myself for showing weakness in front of him but was powerless to stop it. Cary gathered me in his arms and tucked my head into his neck, hushing me softly.

“Please don’t cry, darling. I can’t take it. I was a fucking idiot. All of us were. We don’t deserve your tears.” He owned, continuing to stroke my hair comfortingly.

It took me a minute to contain my silent, shaking cries enough to speak but as soon as I could, I set him straight.

“You’re still an idiot if you think I’m crying over you. I’m crying because I’m angry at myself. Nathan helped me see past all your bullshit. He’s the only man who has ever treated me with kindness and loved me for who I am. And all I do is keep hurting him because of you. What’s wrong with me?”

Cary was silent for a minute, taking in my words as he rubbed my back and rocked me gently. When he released a deep sigh, I knew he was pained by what he was about to say.

“I understand how you feel. It sucks to realize you’ve hurt someone who never deserved it, especially when you care deeply for that person.” HIs words were laden with so much sincerity and hinted at something deeper than just acknowledging my feelings. “You’re wrong about one thing though. He’s not the only one who ever loved you just the way you are.”

I gasped at his confession. Was Cary trying to tell me he loved me? No, definitely not. I must be going mad.

“Well, It’s late. I should let you get to sleep.” He said when I didn’t respond to his remark.

“I don’t think sleep is in the cards for me tonight. But you’re right, it’s late. You should definitely get some sleep.” I told him.

“I can’t have you dragging through training tomorrow. It will set a bad example for the pack. Come on, climb in.” He ordered, peeling the covers back for me.

I obeyed, too weary to argue. But if I expected him to tuck me in and go, I was sorely mistaken. Cary climbed in behind me and snuggled into my back. He slipped one arm under my waist and slinked the other over my shoulders, pulling me in tight against him.

“Cary, what are you doing?” I hissed. ” You can’t be in my bed!”

“Really? Present circumstances seem to disprove that theory.” He teased, but when he received nothing but a rueful snort from me, he grew serious. “Come on, Mal. My wolf is agitated knowing you’re upset and you’ll sleep better with my warmth to lull you to sleep. I promise not to do anything ungentlemanly.. unless you ask me to.”

“Mmkay.” I was already drifting and he chuckled at my mumbled response.

“Goodnight, darling.” he murmured.

“G’night.” I slurred back.

Cary burying his nose in my hair and sighing contentedly as he took in deep lungfuls of my scent was the last thing I remembered before slipping into dreamland.