Remembering You

I talked about you today. How I lost you. How I remember going over to your house. How you walked me home. The first time we kissed. How I miss your lips against mine. The smell of you left on me after we hugged. How I missed your voice. But most of all how I miss the presence of you in my life.

I talked about you today. In hopes that you will just show up again and this would be a sick joke. I talked about our memories. Like the first time we met. Like the time in third grade you pulled my chair out from under me and I punched you in the face. Like the first time you walked me home. Like the first time you called me to bring you back to reality. The first time I ever said I love you.

I talked about you like you were still here. Saying wow, I cannot wait to meet him in a different time and in a different person. How you used to laugh at the way I would dance around my house and run into things. How you used to kiss me when I was singing and missing those notes. I talked about you like you were not gone. You were still here telling me everything is okay.

But then I come back to reality, and that is when the tears started to fall. That is when the words I love you forever and always and no one can ever change that started running through my head. Like you were saying them to me right in that moment for the very first time.

I talked about you today. Like it was the first-time telling mom that I lost the one guy I truly loved. Like it was the first-time telling people why I was in so much pain. Why I left high school. Why I shut people out. It was like the first time I ever lost you.

I talked about why I still love you. Why after almost three years you are the only guy I want to be with. I talked about why you were coming down that day. What happened when that truck hit you. I talked about how I felt like my bones were crushed. I talked about how I told you to let go, because everything will eventually be okay. I talked about how I told you I love you forever and always and no one can ever change that. I talked about hearing the flatline in the background and my soul being ripped apart.

Today, I talked about you. And I cried when I was told something. Because a baby boy was just born into this world and named Dylan. Today I felt happiness, pain, and love. Today I felt you here with me once again.

Today I talked about you. And I just wanted to say, I think about you every single day. This heart of mine is forever yours. Because I love you. Forever and always. And no one can ever change that. One day I will see you again, but until then I will think about you every single day.

Today I talked about you, and it became clear that you were meant to leave.