SWNOVELS Chapter 15: Your Gift
"Anyway... why are you here. I thought you were scared of me now.” It's a half joke, half real question, because it's been playing on my mind since the first couple of hours they locked me in this lifeless room, to listen to the house being mended and boarded up. It's also my attempt to bring us back from the intimacy that is now making me uncomfortable as I push a little more space between us. I don't even have a cell phone to keep me occupied as I have no friends and the orphanage wasn't going to pay for them. "Hmmm. Ha ha. Actually, it's sort of about that. Why I'm here I mean. About earlier and your moment of whatever the hell that was.” Colton’s face turns serious, those pretty eyes under black way too nice eyebrows, turning back to mine, and I can almost hear the gear switch of his brain as he focuses his mind on that topic. All tenderness fades away. "What about it? You came to tell me they all think I'm a freak and a threat and I'm getting moved to an isolation tank.” I say it so blankly like there's no feeling behind it, but honestly, it's had me worried to the pit of my stomach on and off for hours. Isolation tanks dampen gifts and make you unable to do anything much about it. If they think I'm some kind of freak of nature, I can totally see Juan using that as an excuse to contain me. It would solve the whole imprinting issue and his son being in danger. I would literally live in a steel box, forgotten in some basement below one of the Santo houses. I could live and rot until I die of age in there. Problem solved. “They're all too busy figuring out what we do about our lands before we're hit with another attack. This shit is just the beginning, Lorey. All these years wasted when we should have been preparing and building an army once more. Now they're calling on packs from the far reaches to consider uniting and mounting an offensive. No, you're low on the list of things they are worried about today... whereas I have a theory.” He smiles a little at that, a lightness hitting his expression, the look of smug knowledge spreading into those deepest darkest chocolate eye and that annoyingly sexy smile widening enough to bring out dimples and showcase very nice teeth. "Which is?" I sound as unconvinced as I feel, and he smiles all the more, making butterflies erupt low down in my body and I have to squirm to get them under control. I don't like the smug, twinkling, something in his eye. My instincts start to shift and suddenly I feel like wariness might be creeping in and the aura he’s giving off. “You have an absorption gift. And that's what you did. You absorbed the power of the weapon they used in the orphanage and for a short time you can throw it out there as your own. It's not a common gift, and usually they don't come across devices like the vampire hit you with. It makes sense. You haven't learned to contain your power and you were overwhelmed.” He sounds so convinced, actually pleased at how smart he is for figuring it all out in a logical and almost believable way. I've heard of this type of gift among wolves. Well heard stories and legends, like he said, it's not common. They absorb and can use other wolves’ gifts and some they even retain for more than days. They basically turn any enemies power back on them, and it makes them almost invincible. “Except .... that weapon, you're talking about .... it didn’t break anything, I didn’t turn it to protect me, and it didn't do any kind of anything outside the house and courtyard. Your father said I sent shockwaves for miles.” I raise a brow and then sigh at the fact I just disproved something that could have potentially made me feel better about what happened. “Maybe you can amplify it, make it more potent. Maybe that's part of your gift. We could test that out. Your gifts were dampened by the weapon because you haven't mastered them, and you didn't even know you could. Don't you see. If you have a powerful gift it could change things for us. My father might reconsider your place in our pack. We try and see what you can do.” Colton shifts so he’s no longer as close but half sits, and turns to tower over me, letting the candlelight illuminate his face once more so I can fully see him. He seems almost pleased, but the doubt and uneasiness inside of me only grows stronger. Picking up on weird, antsy, signals from him and my inner red alert is starting to pique, even though I don't know why. I push it aside and try to ignore it as nothing more than anxiety because of what he’s saying. "How? If I don't know how to harness it, or what to do, or even how to use it.” I query; not sure I'm into this, but he seems a little too keen. My head spinning with what he’s saying and trying not to dig too deeply into his father changing his mind on anything. Colton’s being stupid, and we both know my having a gift that's above average isn't going to change the fact I'm one of the shamed and will never be good enough for an alpha “I can trigger you. Absorb mine, see how much you can amplify it back at me. If you can, then his is huge, Lorey. It means you have a superior power and we might...Don’t you see? You might be a Santo yet, if you have it in you to become something amazing, a warrior for her people. If my father sees promise in you, then he might reconsider you enough to let you become one of my pack... and then...” He tails off, but I can see where his mind is heading, and it now makes sense why Carmen is not high on his priority list. Colton is looking for a way to claim me as his mate, even after everything he said in the forest. I guess the bond for the past weeks has made him as miserable as I've been, and that's why he can't stay away from me. It hurts at the same time as making me stupidly emotional. Bittersweet pain riling up in my stomach. Adoring him for looking for a way for us, for not really giving up on our bond, but being the realist and shoving hope out like it's trash. It sounds ludicrously simple, except for one little problem. Colton is an alpha with all the gifts that go with that. He's aggressive, dominant, strong, fast, ruthless, when he needs to be. Can command with a mental link and get no resistance, can jump at insanely high levels. I mean Colton can scale a house of many floors in just a leap. I can't even make it over a brick wall without catching on. I've no idea how he's going to expose me to any of that and then make me somehow use it on him. Triggering me might do nothing, or he might maim me in the process without meaning to. I don’t want to do that; I would never be able to hold my own in a battle with him. He would annihilate me even without wanting or meaning to. “I wouldn't even know how to, and you're making no sense. Your father isn't going to do a U turn because I have a rare gift... my name and bloodline are what he despises, not my abilities.” I sit up, pushing myself back against the headboard and slide my butt back until I'm fully nestled, and gaze down on him. “Abilities are everything! Don't be so sure. I'm guessing I have to do something near you, or to you, using one of my gifts so that you instinctively defend yourself. That's how it should work in theory. Instinct taking over and no room to think.” Colton looks away from me, a small muscle in his jawline clenching that reveals his rarely seen dimples again and I get a tiny surge of uncertainty. He's thinking about something, analyzing, worrying, doubting his own decisions and I blink at him a little apprehensively. I don't like the vibes he's giving off, that have all my senses tingling, and now I'm starting to wonder in what way he might make me want to defend myself. "So, what you're saying is... you don't have any idea either, how to actually do this, right?” I point out, rolling my eyes and playfully shove him in the shoulder in a bid to kill the tension and to get him to drop this stupid direction of thought. He's making me nervous and I don't like it. “Hey... don't question the man with the brains. Of course, I know what I'm doing, and I have a full proof, well, almost full proof, plan. You just need to not hate me after this.... Or kill me because that would be counterproductive.” He may sound like he’s joking with me, but there's a U turn in his mood and a seriousness clouding over it that doesn't reach his smile. A severe tingle of apprehension hits me in the gut as I pick up again on an undertone between us. An inkling of something hitting out at me that's subtly under the surface of his jokey manner and fast smirks. I can't put my finger on it, but catching him looking me over with a slightly vacant gaze, the tiniest of wrinkles between those brows of his and the hint of muscle twinge in his jaw, my stomach sinks and nerves seem to overwhelm me instantly. I tense and become aware of the fact, that for the first time since we bonded, I feel like I shouldn't trust him at all. “Don’t hold back.” He breathes it out and doesn't give me a chance to respond to that weird command. I frown, mouth opening to say “What? but he grabs me by my hips, yanks me down the bed and jumps on top of me in under a second, using hyper speed and insane reflexes so I haven't even time for a breath, or a blink. I yelp with the surprise of the maneuver, winded with his sudden weight on top of me, aggressively heavy, his body fitting snugly against mine in every way so he's literally nose to nose with me and I can't move an inch. My hands pinned to the cushions beside my head by his, and ankles shoved apart by his feet, viciously. Stunned and suddenly feeling all kinds of things that conflict and collide, I gawp at him, heart rate pounding up to insane levels and start to squirm in his harsh grip. "What are you doing? Colton, get off of me.” I whisper huskily against him, panic flashing that this doesn't feel right, or like that first time we started to mark but he has me completely immobile. I'm instantly a little too hot, and internally pulsing, for my liking, as the bond need for sex begins to boil up inside of me instinctively, misinterpreting our body contact, but somehow it's not the same, and it dies when I realize it's not radiating back at me at all. This isn't lust driven and consensual. This isn't seduction and a willingness to mate with me to seal our bond at all. He hasn't even attempted to kiss me and he’s avoiding looking me in the eye properly. Colton turns off all of his emotions and our link so that he completely shuts me out internally and I feel it go black almost the second he does, bringing my frenzied fear further to the surface. His face somber, a wall coming up between us as his eyes glow amber but not how they should between mates. For a second, I catch a fleeting second where he seems like he isn't sure, and I swear there's a sweep of regret. My internal self-preservation mode tries to reach out and warn me to get out of this now, but it's too late. I can't move. “Forcing your hand. I'm sorry in advance, but we got to try. Don't hate me for this. I won't hold back either.” It's barley above a whisper and I blanche at him. "Wha....?" I don't get the question out, because Colton is all over me in a flash, his touch from tight to harsh, his eyes glowing amber at ridiculous levels of fire and brightness and illuminate between us terrifyingly. Using his speed and strength to lasso me within his body, he flips me over to my stomach, so I'm almost smothered by the pillows on the bed and lose sight of everything, pinning me down, forcing my wrists together over my head with one hand, his feet kicking my legs apart and pushing my clothes down with his now free hand. It all happens so fast that at first, I'm caught frozen, unable to catch a breath and absorb what he’s doing until the overwhelming terror hits me hard in the stomach. He's yanking my clothes down and up to expose my naked body and follows with cruel grabbing and nipping of my skin with his semi elongated teeth. Dominating me horribly, in a way that mates don't. I gasp at first, in shock, as I try to fight him off, wriggling, bucking, squirming as much as I can, internal panic consuming me as he exposes enough of my body to make it clear what he’s going to do to me. My ass upwards, his groin in behind me as he completely uncovers my lower body and gives himself access to fuck me from behind. Stop it! what're you doing? Let me go, Colton... You're hurting me. You're scaring me. Please don't, not like this! Colton, please!! I wail and beg, sobs and tears adding to the suffocation as I turn my head from side to side to be able to breathe. I can't get loose at all. My mind manic, but it's like bouncing words off a brick wall, because he's closed the link and is trying his hardest to keep me shut out. He pushes a hand on the back of my head and forces my face down, back into the pillows to quieten me and keep me submissive as he yanks his own clothes off, binding me still with sheer strength and keeping me imprisoned in the position he wants as he gets naked. He's gone inside himself, locking down with determination and suddenly I don't feel like I know him at all. Our bond is momentarily meaningless and what he intends to do will change forever what we are. Colton turns increasingly hostile, as though sensing my fear goads him on, using aggression, his brute force, to apply pressure and pain on me, like he wants to push me into turning more than he’s doing already. Somewhere in the back of my brain, sense and logic is trying to claw something back to the forefront but I'm too lost in hysteria to think straight. His commanding strength which is easily overpowering me is more than enough to keep me this way. His whole mood and manner changing, his body bristling, as he half turns to beast and I physically feel it oozing from him as smooth skin furs up around me. Stupidly, I wonder if it's even allowed, to rape a femme in human form, while turned to wolf. Surely that kind of damage will kill me. I don't think sex between the two are allowed even consensually, given wolves are four times a human in size and I'm sure that goes for genitals too. His non concern for how much he’s hurting me tells me I'm his prey and he isn't going to stop for anything and doesn't seem to care that I'm human and not willing at all. I start to struggle again, sobbing crazily, gasping painfully, heart pounding erratically, hating how useless I am against this, but he rips my top open and sinks his head down instantly, letting his teeth extend as he brutally drags them across my spine, leaving extreme pain and blood in his wake. I wail in agony, writhing under him, trying to haul my legs closed but he wedges a knee between them, to force me to stay open. My skin stings and burns to instant welts as fabric rips across my shoulders, and he drags what's left of my coverings off, burning and marking me with the assault of their removal. His claws rakes over my body as it makes its way over my ass, thigh, roughly scraping my skin as he circles under and heads for my core with very obvious intent. “No, no, NOOOO!!!” I scream so loud, my voice cracks and my throat burns with searing agony. He has me held taut, stretched out and fully accessible to do whatever he wants to do to me. Imprinted or not. Destined mates or not. It always has to be consensual and no matter how hot you are for your chosen, force is never an option. It's a cardinal sin to take your mate without her say so, without her willingness. Femmes are to be treasured by their dominant, respected, cared for. Rape is a crime in our lands that could get him hung. Only the scum and outcasts would so such an awful thing, even to my kind. I can't believe Colton would rape me.... I can't believe I was ever bonded to someone who could do this to me. Or why? This isn't him; this isn’t who I felt him to be when we imprinted. My head is trying to make sense of this, something nagging in the depths, but terror takes over and logic dies a death. I buck, I close my eyes as his claws inch between my legs, getting closer to defiling me and taking from me what is no longer his to take. Twisting and turning my body in useless defense and trying to push him from between my thighs to no avail. Trying to bite, even though my face is crushed to the soft plushness of the bed cushions, aware my teeth are extending, but he has my head all but wedged between my arms, unable to get free anymore. His voice ricochets inside my head painfully, making my brain shudder as he reopens the link suddenly. Instantly assaulting my senses with the extreme loudness of his booming tone, his dominant gift, to further control me and I know I'm completely powerless against him. STOP FIGHTING ME AND LET ME TAKE YOU. I WANT WHATS MINE! Like before my body and voice is momentarily lost, outraged, hating him with every ounce of my soul, clawing back with a need to save myself from what he intends to do but it sparks something inside of me. That sudden surge of anger, rage, and power, fighting him with everything I have, to break free and defy him, for ever thinking he could do this to me. I'm not a possession or an object. I'm not trash, to be used as he pleases and commanded by his will. I “m a heart and soul and a body which deserves to be treated as any other. I'm not nothing! ... I'm a Whyte, and once upon a time, our kind was respected, loved, and accepted. He can't reject me then think I'm his to abuse or ruin for any other mate. I'm worthy and HE is NOT! HOW DARE HE THINK HE CAN BRUTALISE ME THIS WAY!!! I combust, like an inner mind implosion all over again, and everything goes black this time, as my brain gives out completely.
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