Refusing my Alpha mate

Clair

I was slowly able to catch my breath, and my mind fell out of it from the moment of the attack, it was almost as if everything was a blur, from Arthur screaming my name, to me getting bitten, to him ripping the head off the wolf that attacked me in the most violent and animalistic way possible, until he carried me in his arms to the hospital. I knew my father and the other Alphas were around, but while I was with Arthur, it was like everything else was a blur and only his face was clear, it was like only he mattered.

When we arrived at the hospital, Dr. Paul and Dr. Keller were already waiting for me next to a stretcher. Dr. Paul took care of me since I was a girl, I remember my father taking me to him at the slightest scratch, I knew he had been involved in my birth. He always took care of me like a daughter, and I felt safe in his arms like one too, but not this time, Dr. Paul's touch as soon as I felt my back touch the hospital gurney, brought me pain, it was a pain burning, as if my whole body was burning. But only then did I understand that it wasn't his touch that caused me pain, it was Arthur's absence. At the same moment that Arthur laid me down, Dr. Paul and Dr. Keller touched me, and some nurses held Arthur, and the absence of his touch caused me pain, a sharp, agonizing pain, and then I felt scared again, even inside the hospital, the largest in the region, together with my trusted doctor.

I felt scared.

Arthur tried to come after me, but a nurse held him back and convinced him to stay, probably to clean himself up, and the look we exchanged before they pulled me into the hallway was desperate, that was the feeling of being away from him.

Despair

Dr. Paul attached a tourniquet to my arm while placing an IV, and at the same time Dr. Keller analyzed the tourniquet that Arthur made, then they poured some liquid on my wounds, and soon after medicating me, they started the sutures. I don't know exactly how much time passed, but soon my father was in the room next to me, and his Beta Jackson arrived too. Dr Keller was finishing the suture when my heart sank, I felt a heat in my chest and my face turned practically on its own to the left, and there he was, clean now, wearing scrubs, but the next movements I didn't imagine.

Arthur looked at me for two seconds, with tears in his eyes, and he took three long steps towards the stretcher, he ignored everyone there as he simply took me in his arms, wrapped his arms around my body, careful not to move my newly stitched leg, and his face rested on top of my head.

"Arthur, let me go," I said still reluctantly, with him hugging me in front of everyone.

"Let him, daughter." My father's words were like an order, an order I didn't dare question. Arthur sighed into my embrace.

Why would my father say that?

But I obeyed, I let Arthur hug me, and I paid attention to how my body reacted to it, it was peace, I felt protection and peace in his arms, and it felt good. I noticed his breathing was labored, slowly picking up pace, and after a few seconds, Arthur slowly released me.

"Did they stitch it up? You're better?" His questions were followed by a sweet, concerned look as he held my face with both hands.

"I wouldn't trust him too much, how will we know if he wasn't the one who orchestrated the attack?" Jackson's words cut me, it was like I felt pain, pain for him doubting Arthur.

Arthur didn't respond, he just closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Why the hell would I kill my mate? Orchestrate a wolf attack, warn her before a wolf arrives, take his head off, and run her here?" Arthur's pain and discomfort were visible with every word.

"I don't believe you can even distrust Arthur." My words came out sharp, and broken, but it was something that came from within.

I didn't know who did it, but it definitely wasn't him, and he saved my life.

"I know it wasn't Arthur, but who did this?" The question came from my father.

"Since the handsome guy here took his head off, we can't question him," Jackson said crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

"I'm sorry if I couldn't stop biting the son of a bitch's neck until I ripped his head off while he was trying to kill Clair." Arthur's last words came out like screams.

"It's okay, I'm fine now," I said, placing my hand on his, which was resting on the stretcher.

Arthur didn't expect it.

His gaze rose to meet mine and our eyes met, leaving me completely entranced.

I felt so wrapped up and safe around him, which was all I wanted after what I'd been through, and I wished we were alone to pull him close again, but a few words broke our trance.

"Were you the one who made the tourniquet?" Dr. Keller, ask to Arthur.

"Yes, I saw that the bleeding was very intense and needed to at least slow down," Arthur responded, looking at the Doctor, who greeted him with a smile.

"You saved her life." Dr Keller's words made a feeling grow inside me that I couldn't explain, it was something new and good.

"Twice." The compliment came from my father. "Thank you, Arthur."

"No need to thank me, I... I couldn't help it." He said and his eyes returned to mine, the feeling became stronger, and I felt flooded.

Was that what mates were? Was that the feeling?

Arthur looked at me with such devotion, it was admirable, it was as if I were his entire world, and his gaze lowered before he cleared his throat.

"Can I talk to Clair for a minute? Alone." He asked my father directly, and he just nodded yes and motioned for everyone to leave the room.

As soon as the door closed, Arthur's eyes turned to mine.

"Are you okay, do you feel any pain?" He asked as his hip rested on the side of the stretcher.

I just shook my head.

"No, but I actually think the dose of painkillers was quite high," I said and Arthur's eyes went to my leg, he lightly ran his fingers over the cut, and now the red tones of the wound were becoming just pink marks, he stared at the wound as if he was analyzing every inch.

"Thank you for saving me," I said, wrapping my hands around his arm.

But instead of saying something he sighed, his gaze was down, and it was as if he couldn't look at me.

"I never felt that." He said, and it was a confession. "I've never been so afraid of losing someone like that, Clair." Now his eyes met mine, and my lips opened in amazement, I didn't even know what to say.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I..." I almost didn't recognize myself when I spoke to Arthur, I never apologized to anyone, but it was the second time for him.

"You're not supposed to apologize, are you..." Arthur smiled, and as if some thought was born in his head in the middle of it all, he furrowed his eyebrows. "Did you hear me calling you?"

"I heard, of course." Only after responding, did I remember that we were in the form of wolves. So how we were going to communicate? He couldn't have screamed, but I heard, his voice calling my name. "But we were like wolves, how did you manage to call me?"

"That's why I asked to speak to you alone, I really don't know how to answer you. In the middle of the race, there were flashes of my nightmare with you being hit by an arrow and dying, my wolf went into despair and almost without thinking about I called you, I screamed loudly inside my thoughts, and somehow you heard me." Arthur said, speaking slowly as if his every sentence was trying to organize his thoughts.

"And you saved my life," I said and a smile appeared easily on my lips, one of the feelings I had was gratitude, I was immensely grateful for not only saving me but for his existing.

"And I would do it as many times as necessary," Arthur said, placing a strand of hair behind my ear. "I am your mate, Clair, keeping you safe is not a choice, it is my obligation." He said it with such certainty and such truth that my heart ached. It hurt to think that even though I rejected him, in front of everyone, he still felt responsible for me, and that hurt, it hurt me for making him suffer, it hurt me because rejecting him would be even more difficult.

"You took his head off, and..." My gaze shifted as I remembered the image, I was used to blood and battlefields, but that, that was pure horror and violence.

"I'm sorry if I scared you. But I just couldn't stop until the entire threat to you was over." Arthur confessed with a sigh. "I don't know who's plotting this against you, Clair, but you need to be careful." He now raised his gaze to meet mine and cupped my chin. "Though I think the Moon cares for you too, and maybe She's using me for that." He smiled, analyzing my face.

I pushed my hips forward, closing the distance between us, but our foreheads touched and I stayed there for a while, in silence.

I wanted to kiss him, but that wouldn't make it any harder.

Wouldn't it be easier if I just hurt him, lie, send him away, and reject him again?

But I couldn't, not after he saved my life.

I opened my eyes and sighed, so close to Arthur that our breathing was the same, the tension was so great that I felt an aura between us, Arthur's breathing was a series of gasps, and as much as it was visible that he wanted to just close the distance between us, was like he was scared, scared that any movement would make me flinch, I opened my lips, moved an inch closer, and then the door opened it, making me jump back on the bed.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I need to remove your stitches otherwise you'll have some scars." Dr Paul entered the room, followed by my father. "Alpha Arthur, your father was admitted here too, he felt discomfort in his chest and..."

Dr. Paul couldn't even finish speaking, Arthur jumped out of bed, and he who always had calculated steps, firm and precise movements, now stood on the stretcher next to me, his eyes dancing between the door and me, without knowing what to do.

"Go see your father, Arthur, I'm fine," I said to him while nodding my head.

"You're going to be okay, aren't you?" He asked me once again.

"Yes, I will" I replied. "You've done enough for today." I smiled at him, and he tried to smile back, but the concern on his face prevented him from doing so.

Arthur just kissed the top of my head and I felt him suck in air, as if he was trying to register my scent in his memory, and he gave a short nod to my father before rushing out the door.

My leg had already healed almost completely, due to our wolf's ability to heal much faster, Dr. Paul without saying anything else, positioned himself in front of me as he began to remove the stitches from my leg, my father and I were so close and so used to him, it was almost as if he wasn't there.

"Why did you ask me to let him hug me?" I asked my father, who took Arthur's place sitting next to me on the stretcher, looking closely at Dr. Paul removing the stitches.

"Your mother wasn't in much danger, you know? She was an administrative Luna, and I'm sure we would have constant fights because you lived in the guard and on the battlefield. I had never feared for her life until you were born." I saw Dr. Paul swallow hard, he had been there, and the atmosphere of tension became so great that I was afraid to move. "And when I knew that her life was hanging by a thread, that perhaps I had failed in the mission of protecting my most precious asset, until then. All I wanted was to hug her and give my life for hers. I remember still holding her in my arms when she took her last breath." My father didn't talk about her, there were layers and layers of pain and suffering with each speech, I built the idea of my mother through the stories I heard from other people, not from him, and in all the stories the last sentence was always the same: he suffered a lot after she died, and was never the same. He now quickly got up from the stretcher and I saw him drag the back of his hands over his face, wiping away a probable tear. "So from the state he attacked that wolf, and the chaotic state he was in, I knew he needed to hug you."

I absorbed my father's words, trying to make my mind understand that, I always knew that the mate bond was different between men and women, and maybe there, my father understood Arthur much more than I did.

Longest chapter today, I hope you liked it, but I couldn't share it. Many emotions and many more to come.