Reflections

My Julianne was like clock work. Exactly at nine o'clock the blinds would open up, shedding light to the mysterious fourth window. It was a simple ballet room with wooden floors, mirrored walls and a bar use for them to stretch.

This had always been Julianne's sanctuary. I could still remember that bright sunny day....

My hand tucked a few clover field flower's into her braided hair as we sat on the park's ground. I asked, "Are you done with pictures?"

Julianne smiled looking down at her simple ballet costume, "I hope so. I just want to enjoy this sunny day now."

Laying back on the grass, I asked with another occurring thought, "Do you really like this?" I tried to joke, "Wink twice if this is a crazy mom's pressured dream?"

Julianne laughed and said, "I started when I was four and not even when I become the age of twelve I didn't appreciate and understand the beauty of ballet. It was just boring drills and a place where I could keep in shape."

A small smile crossed her face, "It wasn't until I auditioned for an Atlanta Area Company and I got my first part as the sugarplum fairy that everything changed."

Her eyes widen with excitement as she explained, "Then I felt the magic of it. I wasn't just doing a routine with steps, but my whole being had become one with the music. My movement was possessed by something much bigger than me."

Julianne peeked over at me and said, "Okay you can laugh now. I know it sounds silly."

I placed my hand over hers and said, "It's not silly. At least you've answered my question."

"What questioned?" She was trying to recall before going on tangent.

"You fell in love with ballet slowly over time, Jules." I said with pride, "Julliard is your calling."

She blushed tremendously, "I highly doubt they want me."

Raising her chin up to me, I said confidently, "It's destine to be. Julianne belongs in Julliard."

As she began to practice again, I couldn't help admire her grace, hard work and elegance. Julianne dropped down in a split and my face winced.

How flexible she could get without hurting herself.

Another memory flooded my mind and I remembered Jules handing me tickets to see her perform.

"Here," she said with nervousness. "It's at seven."

Shaking my head, I responded, "I'll see you then."

Her eyes lit up and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I walked back to my truck while Julianne got ready for her recital.

Fuck, my mind said as I hit my head on the steering wheel. This was going to be so boring and girly. This sucked.

Yes, those were the thoughts I had until I finally saw her. Floating around the stage on her tip toes, I was mesmerized by her fluid movements and the somber orchestra music. I could recall the sudden chills up my spine at watching my baby with pride.

She was magnificent.

But these past few days of watching her practice, something was missing, like a disconnection. Yes, I realized Jules was just going through the motions, but the inner fire was gone.

Twirling around flawlessly, her eyes stared directly at me making my heart almost stop.

Would she see me?

Again and again they found me and yet there was no acknowledgment.

"Excuse me?"

Julianne almost fell from her sudden broke of concentration. Staring at the floor, I watch her mind come back to reality and she responded clipped, "Yes?"

The woman said while handing her a letter, "It came for you yesterday."

Julianne's eyes lighted up a bit and she softly whispered, "Thanks."

The room was now hers again when the door closed and Julianne sat on the floor. My head tried moving around as if I could peek a closer view.

Who would have sent her a letter? My curiosity was getting the better of me.

I observed Julianne's lip part open in shock and thankfully she mouth the words as she read the letter.

"Dear Julianne,

Congratulations! It gives me tremendous pleasure to inform you that the Julliard Dance Faculty and the Committee on Admissions have granted you admission to the Classical Ballet-Bachelor of Dance Program at the Julliard...."

"Holy shit Jules!" I was bubbling with joy for her, "I told you!!! You made it to Juillaird baby!!"

Why wasn't she jumping for joy like I was? This was her dream.

Her lips pulled down and crumbled the paper into a small ball in her fist. The tighter she held it, the faster tears slide down her cheek.

Wiping her face quickly, I watched Julianne throw her happiness away in that trash can and left.