Redeeming (Red Lips & White Lies Book 2)

Until I deliver this baby, I have two brains to work with, Callen. You have one. Don’t argue with me.

Not sure that’s how this works, kitten.

The fact you’re dumb enough to argue with me is proof enough.

—Argument between Caitlin and Callen.

“Callen—” Caitlin reaches out for me as they lay her on her left side, and a nurse rushes out of the room. “I’m scared.”

I clasp her hand in mine and press my forehead to hers. “Don’t be scared, Caitie. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Try to relax, sweetheart. Your blood pressure is really high. That’s all.”

“It’s more, Callen. I feel funny.” Cait’s voice shakes and breaks my fucking heart before she presses on her stomach and winces. “It hurts. This isn’t right. Something is wrong.”

“What the hell is going on?” I yell as the nurse changes one of the drips in her IV.

Kenzie walks in with her tablet in her hands, and the nurse who ran out moments ago is by her side, filling her in on what’s going on, while Caitlin cries and squeezes my hand.

“Kenzie. What the hell is happening? This just started. She was joking around one minute, then crying the next,” I yell at her, desperate for an answer.

Kenzie must see something she doesn’t like because her face changes before she says something to the nurse, and the nurse rushes out of the room.

“Okay, guys. It looks like it’s time to meet your baby girl.” Kenzie, my friend, is gone, and our doctor is out in full force. The change is instant, and I’d be impressed if I wasn’t scared for my fucking life.

“What?” Caitlin cries. “It’s too early. You said you were shooting for seven days with the steroids. We’ve only had five. We need to give her two more days.”

I lean over and kiss Cait’s head. “It’s going to be fine, Caitie. She’s impatient like you,” I try to comfort her but stare in horror as the color drains from her face. “Kenz⁠—”

Kenzie hits a button on the wall and ignores me as everything happens all at once and somehow in slow-motion.

“Somebody get him out of here,” she yells, but I refuse to let go of Caitlin’s hand.

“No way. I’m staying,” I argue with a nurse half my size before Kenzie gives me one look, and my heart sinks. “Kenz . . .” my voice breaks.

“You can’t be in here, Callen. Go. Let me do my job.” She turns away, dismissing me, and an orderly forces me out.

Someone yells, “I need a crash C-section!” before I’m escorted out into the hall, and the door is shut behind me.

We’re not even in an operating room.

Families are milling about the corridor as I lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, staring in horror at everyone going on about their day while my whole world spirals in the room behind me.

What the hell just happened, and how did it go so wrong so fast?

“Callen?” Amelia asks as she walks my way with a tray of coffees in her hands. “What’s happening?”

More yelling comes from the room behind us. Amelia looks at my face and drops the tray of coffee to the floor. The liquid splashes at her feet and mine, but I don’t stand, afraid my legs might give out beneath me.

Seconds later, I have no choice but to get up as we’re escorted through the corridor to the private waiting room our parents have turned into their space over the last few days. Sam stands when we walk in, but I can’t focus on him or Amelia.

“Somebody better tell me what’s happening,” I argue with the orderly, as angry as I am petrified.

“I don’t have any information for you yet, Mr. Sinclair. Someone will be in soon to update you. Please wait here.” He turns and walks away, like that’s supposed to make it okay.

Like there’s anything that can make this okay.

“What happened?” Amelia asks as she steps into Sam’s arms, shaking.

“She was fine an hour ago. Her blood pressure was high when she woke up this morning, but not that much higher than yesterday. She was arguing with me about eating. She wasn’t hungry, and I wanted her to try to eat.” I scrub a hand down my face, trying to remember what went wrong. How she went from smiling, because she loves arguing with me, to scared and crying. “Then her blood pressure spiked, and the machine started beeping. Cait said her head hurt, and a nurse rushed in to check on her. One minute, she was okay, and the next, she was in pain, and they were laying her on her side and rushing to get the doctor.” I can’t get the scared look on her beautiful face out of my mind. The way she said my name . . . “It all happened at once.”

I can’t lose them.

Neither of them.

Amelia takes my hand in hers and squeezes. “Our girl is a fighter. She’s going to be fine.”

“Girls,” I correct her. “Our girls. My whole world is in that room.”

“Mr. Sinclair . . .” An older woman in pale pink scrubs walks into the room, and my heart sinks. She’s not smiling.

“That’s me.” I rush toward her. “What’s happening? Is Caitlin okay? The baby? What the hell is going on in there?”

“Caitlin developed what’s called HELLP syndrome. Her organs are failing. Dr. Hayes is performing an emergency C-section. It’s the only treatment. Unfortunately, with HELLP, there are other complications as well. Your wife’s platelets are low, which unfortunately can complicate surgery because her blood will not clot properly.”

I don’t correct her. I don’t say she’s not my wife. Not yet. She should be. She already is in every way that matters to me. And she’s scared, and I’m not in there holding her hand. Keeping her safe.

I’ve never felt so fucking helpless in my life.

“So what do you do for that? Do you need blood? I can give blood,” I tell her, and Amelia takes my hand in hers. “We can get the family here. We can all give blood.”

“Caitlin is O negative. So am I. I can donate,” she tells the nurse while Sam stands behind her, silent.

“Thank you. We never turn away donors and can get that set up for you. I’ll be back as soon as we have more information.”

“Wait—” I stop her. “Is she going to be okay? Caitlin? The baby? They’re going to be okay, right? They have to be okay.”

“We’re doing everything we can, Mr. Sinclair.”

And as she walks away, I feel my world fall out from beneath my feet.

That wasn’t an answer.

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve felt true fear in my life, but I’ve never felt fear like this before.

Within twenty minutes, half of both our families are crammed into the waiting room while we wait for Amelia’s sister-in-law and Kenzie’s partner at the practice, Dr. Wren Davenport, to get us more information.

My parents and siblings are all around me, trying to give support.

To give strength.

Everyone wants to be here for Caitlin.

But I don’t want them here. We wanted it to be us. Her and me and our baby.

We didn’t want a crowd. Not for this. And now I’m part of that crowd instead of being with her.

I’m supposed to be back there, not in this fucking room while she’s fighting by herself.

I need to be with her.

With my daughter.

A different nurse, a slightly older one in darker pink scrubs, enters the room, and my heart stops beating as she looks hesitantly around at the massive amount of people filling the room. “I’m looking for Caitlin Beneventi’s family . . .” she calls out, and Sam, Amelia, and I all stand.

I don’t care that they’re her parents.

That’s my family.

I move in front of them. “That’s me. That’s my family. What the hell is happening?”

“Dr. Hayes will be out as soon as she can to fill you in on everything. But I can take you back now to meet your daughter.”

Someone could have hit me with a ten-ton anvil, and it would have hurt less.

I sway on my feet and feel the vomit crawl up my throat.

“What about Caitlin?” The room stands still. “Where’s Caitlin?” My voice shakes as it booms in the otherwise quiet room, but I can’t stop it. “I need to see her,” I plead.

“She’s still in with Dr. Hayes. I can’t take you in there. But I can introduce you to your daughter.”

“No—” I answer immediately. “We’re supposed to meet her together.”

The tears gather in my eyes.

Any man who says they don’t cry has never been faced with the possibility of losing the love of their life. They’ve never been unable to save them, forced to stand by, useless.

My mom puts her hand on my back. “Sweetheart, Caitlin doesn’t want you to leave Anastasia alone. Go. Stay with your daughter until you can introduce her to her mother. You’ll be the first person they come to, no matter where you are.”

My heart sinks. “Is she okay? My daughter . . . Are her lungs okay?”

The nurse nods. “Her APGAR scores were strong, and she came into the world screaming.” She looks around the room behind me and smiles. “Your little girl wanted everyone in the room to know she’d arrived.”

It might be funny on a different day, but right now, I just want both my girls in my arms. I’ll laugh when Caitlin is with us.

I’m guided through the swinging doors, and my knees nearly give out when the nurse walks me down the hall, past the room Cait and I were in not thirty minutes ago.

Bloody rags are discarded on the floor, and Caitlin’s bed is gone.

“Where is she?” I ask, more fucking scared than I’ve ever been in my life.

“Caitlin was taken to the operating room.” She opens the door of a private room and steps aside for me to enter. A different nurse stands next to a tiny clear plastic bed on wheels, and a sob claws its way from deep in my chest at the first sight of my daughter and the reality that her mother isn’t here with me for this moment.

This isn’t how any of this was supposed to happen.

The nurse picks up my tiny baby girl, and it’s like a sucker punch to the gut.

Her mother is supposed to be holding her.

Anastasia is wrapped like a baby burrito in a tiny white hospital blanket and a stretchy pink hat and matching big bow.

“Would you like to sit first?” she asks, and I nod, words failing me as I get lost looking at our beautiful baby girl.

I sit without answering and wait for her to place Anastasia in my arms.

Love and fear thickening each breath I take.

She’s perfect and beautiful and looks so much like her mother, it hurts.

Tiny red lips purse, and I swear Caitie has given me that look before.

“Hi, baby girl,” I whisper right before she opens her big blue eyes. “We’ve been waiting to meet you.”

Caitlin

Everything hurts when I crack my eyes and open my mouth to call out for Callen.

But as my eyes adjust, I find him right here, next to me.

He’s sitting in a chair, as close to me and the bed as he can be, and he’s holding her.

Oh my God. She’s here, and it all comes rushing back to me.

“Is she okay?” I cry as he turns to show me Anastasia’s sleeping face.

“She’s perfect, baby. You did so good.” His voice is hoarse, and stress covers every beautiful line of his face as he gently grazes his lips over mine, then kisses away the hot tears I hadn’t even realized were falling. “Kenzie said she’s perfect. Her lungs are perfect. Her sugar is good, coloring is good. All the things they warned us could be wrong are fine. You did that, baby. You kept her safe. You protected her and got her here.”

He kisses me again with tears in his own eyes. “You scared the shit out of me, Caitlin. You can’t do that again, baby.”

“I’ll try,” I whisper.

“You’re gonna feel pretty crappy for another day or so. Kenzie said you’ve got to stay on a magnesium drip for at least twenty-four hours, but your blood pressure has already started coming down, beautiful.”

“I want to hold her, Callen,” I demand through my tears, even though my arms and legs feel heavy, like they’re encased in cement.

“You lost a lot of blood, Caitie.” He slowly stands. “How about I sit next to you and get her situated on your chest? You feel up to that?”

“Give me my baby, Callen,” I cry, and he does exactly as he said and gets situated next to me. His big body moves so very carefully, when in reality, him just being here next to me gives me strength. Then so gently—and if I wasn’t already madly in love with him, I would be now—Callen lays Anastasia against my chest and wraps an arm around me. Holding us both close.

“Hi, sweet girl,” I say softly to our baby, so completely in love, it washes away all the fear and pain. “We’re so excited to meet you. Mommy and Daddy love you so much already.” I tug off her little beanie and smile at the crazy puff of black hair shooting in every direction, then notice the pink polka-dot blanket she’s wrapped in. “You remembered?”

“The second they gave her to me in the itchy hospital blanket, I grabbed the one you packed and asked the nurses to teach me the baby-burrito trick. I knew you wanted her to be in the soft blanket you picked out for her.”

I close my eyes for a second, trying to gain at least an ounce of composure.

“You scared me, Caitie,” he admits with his head resting next to mine. “So damn bad.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper and open my eyes to watch our daughter sleep, falling more in love by the second. With her and with him. “I scared me too, Callen.”

“Never leave me, Caitlin. I don’t think I’d know how to live without you,” he admits quietly.

“I promise.”