Redeeming (Red Lips & White Lies Book 2)

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you fitting me in today. This outfit is fierce. Really, it’s perfect, Caitlin.” Lilah holds the black garment bag up as I walk to Callen’s front door.

“I’m happy to do it. The clothes are already starting to not fit me, so at least one of us can get some use out of them.” I sigh, already longing to fit in my jeans again. I’ve only gained five pounds, but it’s definitely in my hips and belly. A tiny little bump, but there’s no way I’m buttoning them all the same.

“Come on, you don’t look like you’ve gained any weight at all.”

I lift my oversized cashmere sweater and turn sideways to show off the tiny little bump hiding under my black leggings.

Lilah’s face melts in the sweetest way. I guess she’s a baby person. The kind who goes all gooey every time they see an adorable baby. I wouldn’t exactly call myself a baby person. I fully expect to melt for my baby, and I love my friends and family’s babies. But I’m not going to stop someone on a plane to tell them their kid is cute. Lilah seems like she’d be a plane stalker.

“I still can’t believe you and Callen are having a baby. It’s so exciting.”

You and me both, sister.

You and me both.

“You’re coming to the game tonight, right?” When I don’t answer, she pops her hand on her slim hips. Ugh. I used to have slim hips too. “You’re coming. You have to. Today was Grandpa’s last treatment, and it’s the first game he’s going to since he announced his retirement. We’re all going to be there supporting him. Plus, it’s the playoffs,” she pleads. “If they win tonight, we’re going back to the Super Bowl. Don’t you want to tell little baby Beneventi-Sinclair they were there to watch their daddy cinch the Super Bowl bid?”

I hate that I can’t argue with anything she’s saying, so instead, I go with the easy mark. “You mean Sinclair-Beneventi?”

“Come on, Cait. At least come watch me sing in this outfit. I mean, you could wear a matching Sinclair jersey if you really wanted to,” she teases . . . at least, I think she’s teasing.

“Umm . . . No. I won’t be doing that. One of us wearing Callen’s jersey is enough. And it’s only acceptable because he’s your cousin, and it’s your grandfather’s former number too.” I’ve worn Callen’s jersey to the Kings’ games for years. A few of my cousins who are close with him and I have all worn his while the twins wore their dad’s. But it feels like me wearing it tonight would be different. It would mean something different.

“Think about it,” she adds, and I open the door, bracing for the cold.

“I’ll think about it,” I placate her with no intention of doing it. “I’ll see about the game. If I’m not there, I’ll be watching it on TV, cheering you on.” I hug Lilah and watch her walk to her car. But it’s not her car that has my attention. It’s my brother’s car pulling up next to hers that’s making me hesitate.

What the fuck?

I haven’t spoken to Maddox in months.

He tried at Christmas, but I never called him back.

And I don’t want to speak to him now.

I consider closing the door and locking it, but if he really wants in, the asshole will just pick the lock. Damn it.

I wait until he’s halfway to the door, then step outside in the cold. “Stop.”

“Get back inside, Cait. It’s fucking freezing out, and you don’t even have a coat on.” High-handed asshole.

He’s not wrong. It’s bitterly cold outside. But I will make Elsa look like a summer Sunday at the beach before I admit I’m cold. “What do you want, Maddox?”

“I want you to go inside and hear me out.” He blows on his hands, and I watch the cold air float off him before he shoves them into his peacoat. “Don’t be stubborn, Cait.”

“Don’t be a dick, Maddox.” I will outlast him if it’s the last damn thing I do. He hurt me. He hurt Callen. He could have been upset and handled it like an adult instead of throwing a temper tantrum. Yeah . . . I’m holding on to this grudge. “What do you want?”

“Fine. You want to do this out here?” He walks up the steps until we’re standing toe-to-toe on the porch. “We’ll do it out here. What do I need to do to fix this shit?”

“Not that,” I snap and go inside, letting the door slam shut behind me. But the asshole follows me in anyway. “I didn’t say you could come in.”

“Didn’t say I couldn’t either . . . What do you want to hear me say, Cait? That I’m sorry? I’m fucking sorry. Is that better?”

“No.” I spin on him, ready to scream, but that’s when I see it.

And damn him for letting me see it. He’s hurting too. Fucking asshole men.

I don’t yell. I take a few calming breaths and walk closer to the fireplace I’ve been loving this winter and control my voice. “It’s not better because you don’t mean it. For sorry to mean anything, you have to mean it. And you don’t think you did anything wrong.”

“No. I don’t. I think I was protecting my sister⁠—”

“Fuck you, Maddox. I don’t need protecting. Everyone assumes I’m some weak damsel in distress, but I was raised in the same house as you by the same parents. If you’d stop treating me like glass, you might realize I’m not as breakable as you think.” I close my eyes and try very, very, very fucking hard to take a calming breath. “What did you think you were protecting me from? Callen?”

Maddox’s shoulders tighten, and his jaw clenches.

Oh yeah, that’s it.

Callen.

“You’re my kid sister, Cait. The first memory I have of you is Dad telling me it was my job as your big brother to take care of you.” Maddox impressively manages not to raise his voice either. Look at us, acting like adults. Still an asshole. He pounds his fist against his chest. “My job.”

I hate this.

I hate everything about this.

Everything.

“I was never not safe, Maddox. The only person in the world I ever thought I could be safe with outside of our family was Callen.” I rub my side, and Maddox’s eyes catch the move.

“Was?”

My brother never misses a thing.

Damn him.

“It still is, smart-ass,” and I hate him a little for making me admit that. “It’s more complicated now, but I still know I’m safe with him.”

My heart might not be safe, but my life is.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, Cait.” And this time when he says it, I believe him.

But it’s still too little, too late.

“He was your best friend, Maddox,” I argue because he might be sorry for how he treated me, but it’s not enough. “He’s Callen, and he was going through hell. And you hit him.”

“Caitie—”

“No.” I shake my head. “Don’t you dare Caitie me. He deserved better than that, Maddox. Shame on you for not thinking more of Callen. Shame on you for not trusting him. For thinking he’d do something like fuck your sister like she was trash.”

“Caitlin,” he bites out, angry again.

“No, Maddox. You came here to make it better. Well, I’m telling you what you need to do to make it better,” I yell, no longer giving a shit that my voice is raised. “I need you to hear me, big brother. To really listen to what I’m telling you because, honest to God, it matters.”

“Fine. What are you telling me?” He looks annoyed, but he knows he’s lost the high ground here. I’m pregnant and stubborn, and I’m winning this battle. “Spell it out for me.”

“I’m telling you that if you want to fix anything with me . . . if you want to be involved in your niece’s life, you’re going to make things right with Callen. Because until you do that, there is no relationship between you and me to save.” Shit. That felt good. Empowering.

“You’ve got to be kidding me . . .” He shoves his hand through his hair, and I manage not to laugh in his face because this asshole is so mad at Callen, but I swear to God, they’re two sides of the same coin.

“Nope. Fix it. Apologize for being an insensitive prick who didn’t trust his best friend. Because that man respected you and me. If he’d had his way, he would have called you the very first day we got together. It’s only because I begged him to wait until you came home that he even considered waiting.” I hate that I’m defending Callen almost as much as I hate the idea of Maddox thinking he has a right to be mad at him. “Callen didn’t do anything wrong. If you fix it with him, then it’ll be fixed with me.”

The most annoying smile I’ve ever laid eyes on slides in place on Maddox’s face. “Then how come I hear you’re still barely talking to him?”

“Check your sources. We’re talking.” I don’t share that we’re barely talking. He doesn’t need to know that.

“I don’t care what he says or what you say. It was wrong, Cait. We’re going to have to agree to disagree. Could I have handled it better? Maybe. But do you even remember the rest of the hell of that day? You almost died. We could have lost you and the baby, and we had only just found out about her. You threw us all for a fucking loop.”

Maddox’s dark eyes beg me to listen to him, and it pisses me off to think I actually understand what he’s saying. I don’t want any piece of him to be even in the vicinity of being right.

It’s easier to be indignant when you think you have the higher ground.

If he has a point, I lose that ground.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but seriously, Caitlin, put yourself in his shoes. If Dad tells you being with someone is dangerous for that person . . . If Dad said you being with someone was going to put their life at risk, wouldn’t you do anything to keep them safe?”

“I don’t know. If it meant breaking someone’s heart⁠—”

“Don’t even try to finish that sentence, Cait. You’d do the same thing he did. He didn’t have a choice. We’ve grown up with Dad, and neither of us has ever stood up to him until that day. We’ve never had to because he’s always been the one in control.” He doesn’t look remotely happy about it, but my brother stands here, defending Callen’s motives even though they haven’t spoken in months.

“There’s more to it than that,” I try to tell him.

“There’s not. If that’s why you’re putting him through hell—Mom’s words, not mine— then there really isn’t. Maybe try taking a spoonful of your own medicine, little sister.” He raises his brow and waits for my answer.

One he’s not getting. He doesn’t deserve it. Hasn’t earned it.

“There’s more to it than that,” I try to tell him.

And I hate that he’s not wrong.

I’ve lived in Sam Beneventi’s world for twenty-four years.

I know not to ask questions and not to expect answers.

I know how intimidating my father can be, just by opening his mouth.

But I still hate what Callen did, no matter how much I wish I didn’t.

The weird flutter comes back again, and I push my hand against my stomach.

“Are you okay?” Maddox moves toward me, and I take a step back, not wanting his hands on me. Not now. Not when I’m all up in my stupid, hormonal feelings.

“I’m fine.” I shoo him away. “I’m just tired, and I want to take a nap before the game tonight.”

“You’re going?” he asks as his eyes stay zeroed in on my hand.

“Well, I guess so.”

But I’m still not wearing his jersey.

The Sinclairs have never watched a Kings game from our family’s suite. Coach has always been on the sidelines, and Katherine is typically with the rest of their family in their own suite. But tonight, they’re both in our family’s suite, waiting for the national anthem and kickoff. It’s a strategic media move to show that Coach has the Kingston family’s full support. He already knew he did. He’s been like family for as long as I can remember. But now the media will know it too.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised when he stands next to me at one of the high-top tables and wraps his arm around me. “Hey, kiddo, how are you feeling?”

I’m not a hugger, but something about seeing him here, knowing what the past six months have been like for him, has me stepping into his hug.

“I’m okay, Coach. How are you? I heard today was your last treatment.” I pull back and am immediately struck by the shadows under his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Treatment day is never the bad day. It’s the day after that isn’t the best. But I’m done. Now it’s wait and see. I get another scan in a few weeks. But enough about that. You want to tell me how my grandbaby is doing?” His eyes soften and warm at the mention of the baby. “Have you guys settled on a name yet?”

“No.” I smile. “Not even close. Callen keeps shooting down every one I like.”

Coach grins at the mention of Callen. “He’s always been stubborn. Gets it from his mother.”

“I’m sure he does,” I laugh. “Has Callen shown you the ultrasound yet? We had an appointment yesterday, and they did one of those 4-D ones.” I open my purse and pull out the copy I kept in there. “She’s got his big head.”

I hand him the image and hold back my own tears as I watch his pool in his blue eyes. “Oh wow, Caitie. She might have his big head, but she’s beautiful. I’ll bet she looks just like you.”

He runs a finger over the scan. “I’m not going to pretend I know what’s going on between the two of you, and I hope I’m not overstepping when I say this, but I hope you guys can work this out. Not for the sake of the baby. You’re two mature adults. If it’s not meant to be, this beautiful baby girl will be better off with two happy parents who aren’t together than she ever will be with two unhappy parents who stayed together for her sake. But if you guys care about each other as much as I think you do . . . as much as you need to get through the ups and downs of life, I hope you both put in the work to fix it. There’s nothing greater in this world than having a partner who’s willing to stand by your side and fight your fight when you’re too tired to do it yourself. I didn’t have that with my first wife. I have it with Katherine. It makes all the difference, Caitie.”

My words get caught in my throat.

Strangled by the pain.

“What if I’m not sure whether we have that, Coach? I don’t know if he’ll stay and fight. He left last time,” I finally admit, hoping no one is close enough to hear.

“Sweetheart, did you ever consider that walking away when you love someone is the hardest thing he could have ever done? If he was strong enough to not be selfish and stay, maybe he’s the guy who will fight your fights with you.”

He kisses my forehead the same way his son does, and I somehow manage to keep it together until we get a warning that the cameras are going to zoom in on Coach.

I step back, and Katherine walks into his arms, but he holds onto the sonogram as he waves.

And he looks at me and winks.

That’s when my first tear falls.