Redeemed (Dirty Air Series Book 4)

The chair tumbles behind Matteo as he jumps backward. “What?”

Nothing could have prepared me for the absolute look of horror on his face. It tears my insides apart like a paper shredder.

I expected anything else. Shock, sadness, surprise. Anything but horror and outrage.

“There is a mistake. A big, big mistake.” He steps backward and trips over his chair.

Oh my God. I move to help him, but he puts up his shaky hands.

“Stop.” He grips onto the base of the chair with a shaky hand and stands.

“Please, let me explain.”

“There is nothing to explain. There must’ve been a mix-up in the test. I’m not your father.”

The man I spent the whole summer working with side by side is gone. His grimace remains permanently etched onto his face, along with a sheen of sweat building across his brow.

My body is on autopilot, unable to let him go without getting a chance to explain what happened. I didn’t go through all my shitty circumstances to back down at the first sign of trouble. “I assure you there isn’t.” I step toward him.

He prowls like a caged animal, inching closer toward the hall that leads to the main door. “You’re not my child. There is absolutely no way.”

“When you visited New York all those years ago…you slept with my mother. I’m not sure if you remember her but…well…she found out she was pregnant with me…” My voice drifts off. I let out a raspy laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.

Based on the way Matteo’s eyes widen, I would say it didn’t go as intended. It’s as if I’m a ghost, haunting him with the truth. “We…I—I need to get to the bottom of this. This is a mistake. A big fucking mistake.”

“Just listen to me. Maybe if I told you about my mother, you’d remember her—”

“I don’t know who the fuck your mother is, but you are not my child,” he bites out.

I shrink back.

He rubs his trembling palms across his face. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Just…let me figure out what is going on.” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond. His retreating form is the last thing I see before the door opening and closing echoes in the distance.

With shaky legs, I slide down the wall and sit on the marble floor, curling into a ball. Rejection settles deep into my bones. It fills me with a new sense of dread, erasing all the progress I made with Matteo.

It’s not as if I thought Matteo would accept me with open arms. But the look of disgust on his face haunts my thoughts, reminding me of how another parent doesn’t want me.

I forgot what it felt like to be abandoned. The cold feeling steals away my warmth, reminding me of past feelings about my mother. I was nothing but a hassle for her, and now I’m nothing but a regret for my dad. The product of an unmemorable one-night stand. Not even worth being listened to.

Tears run down my face as I swallow back my sobs. I place my forehead against my knees as I take a few deep breaths. I’m not sure how long I sit there, but it feels like hours before Santiago returns.

The usually calming thump of his iWalk does little to ease the emptiness inside my chest.

“Oh, Chloe.” His voice cracks.

I look up at him, wiping at my tear-stained cheeks.

His forehead scrunches as his eyes scan my face. “Come on.” He extends his hand out to me.

Not one grunt comes from him as I clutch onto it and stand.

Santiago pulls me into his body, basking me in his warmth. He doesn’t speak as he leads me toward the living room. I’m in a daze, falling onto his lap as he lands on the couch.

“What happened?” He pushes my hair out of my face.

“He didn’t take it well.”

He makes a noise in the back of his throat. His arms secure themselves around me, holding me tight to his body. The way he cradles me reminds me of a child. It fills me with the same kind of feeling—security in my moment of distress.

I hide my head against his chest, muffling my sniffles. “It ended up being the worst-case scenario. He literally tripped over himself to get out the door. And he didn’t even give me a chance to explain, let alone make sure he was okay.”

“Maybe he needs some time to come to terms with it. It’s a lot to take in, I’m sure.”

I shake my head. “You didn’t see his face. It was like I was this monster to him.”

Santiago runs his hand up and down my back. “You’re not a monster.”

“It’s hard not to feel that way when the people who should want me don’t.”

He pauses. “If they don’t want you, then they aren’t the people you need in your life, regardless if they’re your parent or not.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You have a family. You have people who want to help you and make sure you’re happy. I barely have anyone.” I laugh to myself. The sound is shrill and bitter, making my flesh pebble. “All I have is Brooke. And she’s not even here for me to vent to.”

“Chloe.” He tucks a finger under my chin and forces me to look at him.

His face catches me off guard, full of anguish as he stares me in the eyes. “You have me.”

“Yeah, for how long?”

“As long as you want me.” His arms tighten around me.

As long as you want me.

As long as you want me?! 

What does someone say to that? How does someone even feel about that?

Santiago cups my chin with the gentlest touch. “I don’t know why Matteo ran away. I can only assume he’s in shock, and that he will come around sooner rather than later to the idea of you. But I promise you that you’re not alone in this. You do have people who lov—care about you.” His cheeks flush. “I care. Brooke cares. So it’s not about the amount of people who do—but rather the quality of that care—that matters. I might be a bit biased, but whoever doesn’t care about you is crazy, because you are single-handedly one of the best people I know. And I’m not the least bit sorry if they run away, because that means I can keep you all to myself. Because with you, I like being selfish.”

My vision blurs. Something in the way Santiago looks at me has something in my chest coiling around my lungs, squeezing the oxygen straight out of me.

Santiago is everything I didn’t realize I was missing in my life. Security. Friendship. Love. The tiny voice in my head whispers.

I’m growing dependent on a person and I can’t deny the fear I have toward that. And cravings are bad. Cravings lead to destruction and heartache, and I’m not sure I can kick a bad habit like him. Everything about him sings to the broken part of my heart that desperately wants to be cared for. To be loved and cherished because I matter. To love someone else fully, and not let a day go by that they don’t know it.

“I like you a lot,” I whisper. It’s not a declaration of love, but it’s the most I can do for now.

He presses a soft kiss at the corner of my lips. “I like you a lot too. I like you a lot more than anyone else.”

He runs his hand through my hair. It soothes me, easing the ache in my chest.

“When do you know if you like versus love someone?” My hoarse voice breaks the silence between us.

“I can only speak from personal experience, but I think I can tell when it takes all my self-control not to stomp across my neighbor’s yard and knock him out for making my girl cry.”

Everything stops. My heart. My breathing. Santiago’s hand brushing through my hair.

I blink up at him. “Personal experience?”

He nods.

“You love me?”

“I’d be insane not to.”

I can’t think, let alone speak. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his lips to mine. Tears trickle down my cheeks, but I ignore them. Santiago kisses me back. It’s a battle of tongues clashing and lips smashing together. I’m intoxicated, getting drunk on breathing in his life.

He pulls away. “I love you, Chloe. I love you so damn much, sometimes I ask myself if it’s normal to have an uncomfortable feeling in my chest whenever you’re not around.”

“I don’t even know what loving someone else feels like, let alone how to accept it from someone.” I frown, hating how true the words are.

“Will you let me show you?”

His simple question steals my breath away. I nod my head, desperate to replace the ugliness Matteo left behind. There’s nothing I want more than Santiago’s love. I want to know what it feels like to be the center of someone’s world, even if it’s for a few hours.

Santiago rises from the couch and places me on my feet. He grabs my hand and drags me through the house toward his bedroom.

My pulse point throbs as he throws me on the bed. Heavy breaths leave my mouth, covering the clicking noises of Santiago removing his iWalk. A steady buzz takes over my body. My skin grows hot beneath my clothes, and I rip off all obstructions.

Santiago crawls over my body, chuckling. “You want to know what love feels like?” He cups the area begging for him. A single finger traces my arousal, spreading it.

“Yes.” I nod my head up and down. Do I ever. How can someone ever say no to him? He looks at me in a way I’ve never recognized before.

“Loving you feels like I found a life raft in the middle of a raging ocean.”

“Is that supposed to be romantic?” I tease.

He tugs on my hair, forcing me to arch my back. His lips trail down my neck before sucking on my nipple. Eager hands touch every inch of my skin as if he needs to commit my body to memory.

I groan as he inserts a finger and presses his thumb against my clit. His touch is electric. Thrilling. Adoring.

This is what love is. Being cherished and revered because the person wants to, not because they have to.

He leaves behind a faint kiss at my pulse point. “Loving you is like being stranded in a desert without food or water. Like I’m half delusional, wondering if this whole damn thing is a mirage, because nothing should feel or look this good.” His slow torture takes a turn as he increases his tempo and inserts another finger inside of me.

His expert touch ignites every cell inside of me. Heat rushes across my skin as he strokes my most sensitive spot, forcing my back to arch off the mattress. All too soon, he leaves me panting as he makes quick work of the condom.

He returns, lining himself at my entrance. “And most of all, loving you is realizing heaven isn’t a place, but a person.”

I clutch onto his back as he slides into me. Waves of heat roll across my skin as I take every inch of him. The feeling is unlike anything I’ve experienced before, with a surge of emotions hitting me all at once. Santiago’s words seep into the crushed part of me, reviving something I forgot existed in the first place. The part my mother broke. The part I hid from the world after years of anger and disappointment.

Tears leak out of my eyes, soaking the pillow underneath me. The way Santiago looks at me sets me ablaze from the inside out. I feel like a phoenix begging to rise again.

His thumb wipes away one of my tears. “I love you, Chloe. And it’s okay if you don’t know what it means to be loved by someone, let alone love someone else because I promise to love you enough for the two of us. To love you every day to make up for everyone else who failed miserably.”

He really does love me. Deeply. Madly. Unconditionally.

I tighten my legs around his waist, pulling him as close as possible to my body. “I want that kind of love.”

His lips clash against mine like lightning clapping through the stormy sky. It feeds the hunger building inside of me. His love surrounds us, healing me in the process.

He pulls me back into the moment, kissing me into a mindlessness. Together, we find our release.

This is bliss.

This is love.

This is us.