Redeemed (Dirty Air Series Book 4)

I survived the red carpet of torture. My head throbs and my palms remain permanently sweaty as Chloe and I make our way through the crowds of people inside the ballroom.

Rather than focus on their obvious stares, I remain laser-focused on Chloe. It’s not a hard task in the slightest. I’m enchanted by her. Absolutely, utterly captivated by the brunette beauty who emanates warmth and confidence despite her fear of attention. I’d pay for a hundred more gowns if it meant I could see her dressed like this again. The material flows across her curves like water, changing colors depending on the light.

My attraction isn’t even about the dress she wears or the makeup she put on. It’s more than that. It’s her. Before her, I wasn’t interested in love, but damn if I’m willing to try it now. Our fake relationship has been fun and all, but I wonder if she wants to trade up for the real deal.

We approach Maya and Noah. Maya wraps her arms around Chloe and snatches her attention away from me.

“I didn’t say it before, but thanks for coming this weekend. It means a lot to us.” Noah pulls me in for a hug.

“I wouldn’t dare miss your Bandini send off before you head to the retirement home.”

He laughs as he pats me on the back and pulls away. “Relax. I still have a handful of races left.”

“The last few for the rest of your life. How does it feel?”

“I’m ready to spend the rest of my years with Maya and Marko, traveling and enjoying life. I can’t exactly take my money to my grave, so I might as well use it.”

My sister lucked out finding someone like Noah. He loves her in the way she deserves, and I can’t help feeling happy for her. There’s no better match for her and Marko.

“Are you ready to party?” Maya waggles her brows.

“You’ve watched Bad Moms too many times,” Noah grumbles.

“It’s one of my favorite movies.” She smiles at Chloe. “But come on, my mom is watching Marko tonight so we can have fun.”

“How about we start with one drink and see where the night takes us?” Chloe offers.

“Smart. Don’t let my sister trick you into shots. She’s more lightweight than a feather.” I grin.

“Stop ruining my fun.” Maya rolls her eyes. “Let’s go to the other bar. The line looks shorter.” My sister locks arms with Chloe and steers her toward the opposite end of the ballroom.

“They’re getting along well.” Noah nods in their direction.

“Great.” My throat closes up as I become distracted by everyone surrounding us.

Partygoers look in our direction and whisper to one another. A few of them inch closer, clearly wanting to interrupt. Their attention stifles me. Without Chloe, the weight of the situation hits me. I’m tempted to walk in the opposite direction of Noah because I’m sure he’s the reason behind everyone’s interest in us. Noah is a bright star who everyone wants five minutes with.

Noah laughs. “Why do you look like you’re about to throw up?”

A server walks by and I wave them down, grabbing two glasses of champagne. I chug the first before sipping from the second.

“Aw, you’re nervous. How cute.” Noah lays a hand on my shoulder.

“Call me cute again and I’ll punch you.”

He rolls his eyes. “No one will bother you unless you openly talk to them.”

“How do you know?”

“Because we’re surrounded by people who used to work by your side. These aren’t the same people who wrote those nasty articles about you. And if you want me to be real with you, the Bandini crew misses you. They don’t want to scare you away before they have a chance to win you over again.”

My lungs squeeze as I attempt to take in a few deep breaths. “You can’t know that.”

He shakes his head. “I do. Me retiring has stirred up quite the buzz. An open seat with Bandini again is a big deal.”

“The biggest.” I have a feeling I know where Noah wants to take this conversation.

“I want you to fight for it.”

Yup. Guessed it. I bring the rim of the champagne flute to my lips and down the rest of the contents in two chugs.

Noah continues. “This is your chance to come back. There’s no one else I want to take my spot but you. And there’s no one who deserves it more.”

I clutch onto the empty glass with a tight fist. “I can’t do it.”

“You can. You only need to get back in the car and try. It only takes one time to let the rush take over and erase your fears. People like us crave that kind of adrenaline, and it’ll never go away, no matter how hard you try. And I’ve helped create the technology to—”

“I love you like a brother for wanting to help me, but I can’t do it. You don’t understand.”

“Give me a reason why I should drop it. A good reason. Not the same bullshit you’ve been spewing for years.”

“Is there a bigger reason than the fact that I’m down a leg and shouldn’t be behind a wheel in the first place?”

“Don’t you miss it? Didn’t racing against me yesterday stir up anything in you?”

Of course it did. The race had me feeling buzzed to the point of feeling drunk without touching an ounce of alcohol. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it, but I accomplished my fear with Chloe by my side. It reminded me how I miss it more than anything in the world. But missing something I can never achieve again doesn’t serve a purpose.

Wishing for the impossible is stupid. Chloe would kill me for saying it, but it doesn’t make my words any less true. Wishes lead to disappointment, and disappointment leads to depression, and I’m done battling that darkness. It’s exhausting fighting an invisible war inside of my head.

“I don’t think I can ever race with F1 again.”

He nods his head, looking away. “I can manage that.”

“What?” I rear back.

“You said ‘you don’t think.’ You’ve spent years saying you won’t, but this is the first time you’re uncertain. That you hesitate when I ask. All I have to do is convince you otherwise.”

I shake my head from side to side. “You can’t.”

“Maybe I can’t, but now you have someone worth pushing yourself for. Maybe you want to show her and yourself that you can be the man she deserves. The guy who would go through hell to walk out on the other end victorious. And that’s enough to get you back behind the wheel. I know it.”

I don’t try to correct him. It’s not like I can reveal that my whole relationship is a farce. And most of all, I don’t know if Noah is entirely wrong. I’ve already accomplished more in the small time I’ve known Chloe than I have in the past few years. But while she makes me feel good, I can’t ignore the feelings growing inside of me.

A hand smacking again my shoulders steals away my attention. I’m spun around, coming face-to-face with James Mitchell. He looks the same since the day I left the racing world. His graying hair is slicked back, and his suit remains as pristine as ever.

“Look who it is!” His green eyes lighten as his smile widens.

“Hey, James.”

“It’s good to have you back.”

My posture goes rigid. “For the weekend.”

His smile doesn’t falter. “Even better. My old age means I can only handle one of you assholes at a time.” He winks.

Noah laughs beside me. My shoulders drop, and I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. I don’t know why I expected James to push me on the subject, but he remains relaxed.

James wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him. “Relax. We’re happy to have you even if it’s just for a weekend.”

I nod my head and return his hug. After being gone for as long as I have, I didn’t realize how much I missed James. I’ve neglected this part of my life for too long.

He releases me. “How do you feel about saying hi to some of the old crew? They’ve been wanting to say hi, but they didn’t want to cross any boundaries.”

Since when have I become an intimidating piece of shit? That was always Noah’s job. I look over at my brother-in-law, wondering how I became the grumpy asshole out of the two of us.

Noah lifts a brow in a silent response.

Right.

Is this how I want to be remembered? Even after Noah retires and I never have to show my face at a racetrack again, I’ll go down in history as the recluse who let my circumstances ruin me. And no one wants to be remembered as the loser in history.

I nod my head, solidifying my decision. Fuck the consequences. I’m going to say hi, even if a bit of my dignity shrivels up and dies.

James leads us toward some old coworkers. I spend the next ten minutes answering easy questions and listening to stories from the guys working in the pit. Everyone remains friendly and approachable, and no one asks me about the one subject I hate the most.

I hate to admit it, but Noah was right. It really does seem like these guys miss me. It’s obvious in their smiles and the way they share stories about race days with Noah. They rag on him, making me laugh at all the times Noah messes up, which isn’t very often. No one tries to reminisce about my old days. Instead, they focus on asking me what I’ve been up to lately.

Something releases inside of me. I don’t know what happens, but it’s as if something I’ve kept locked up finally makes its way to the surface. Honesty pours out of me, describing my time babysitting Marko and all the disasters that happened. I share details about the different cars I’ve restored and how I’ve finally started enjoying living in Lake Como. Everyone remains interested, and the questions they ask make the conversation easier.

Something sparkling in the corner of my eye catches my attention. Everything fades away as Chloe steps into my eyesight with her beaming smile and halo of positivity. Everyone’s eyes snap in her direction as she knocks her head back and laughs at something Maya says. We’re all helpless moths seeking her light.

The sight has me frozen in place. My chest tightens as I take her in, letting her breathe a new life into me with nothing more than her presence.

Maybe I should make a wish after all because women like Chloe Carter don’t come around often. And damn, she has me wishing for more than driving again or escaping the prison I created for myself. She makes me want to wish for love, and that’s the most dangerous thing for someone like me. Not because I don’t want it, but because I desire it to the point where I’m willing to do anything to make it happen.

Absolutely anything. Sacrifices be damned.