Reckless

Exhaustion weighs my bones, and I sink deeper into the couch. Next to me, Cody snuggles on Tori’s lap, and I smile to myself as I watch him gingerly stroke the tendrils that cascade over her shoulder. He’s obsessed with her hair. Like father, like son.

I reach over and grab a long lock from her other shoulder and twist it in my fingers. So soft.

She smiles at me from under those thick lashes, and even though I got up at four this morning and baked all day outside in ninety-five-degree Texas heat, that one glance gives me a kick of adrenaline.

I can’t stop thinking about what we did in the barn last weekend. How she let me take her hard and desperate, like a goddamn animal rutting away to release. I’ve never been that rough with a woman before, and as soon as we were done, I felt a pang of shame for not being more delicate with her. Even more shocking, though, was the playful look in her eyes when she told me how much she enjoyed it. How she likes it “feral” and wild. If the scratches on my back from last night are any indication, she’s not lying.

That I have any energy at all to do more than fall face first into bed each night is a miracle, but Tori seems to give me superpowers.

“Daddy, can I have one more?” Mila is kneeling in front of the coffee table, reaching for the last slice of pizza.

“Sure thing.”

I probably shouldn’t be ordering pizza for dinner—I should be counting every penny and praying the judge doesn’t dismantle my ranch this week—but with how hard Tori’s been working alongside me this week, I couldn’t let her cook one more meal, and I barely had the energy to drag myself in from the barn.

She’s been a lifesaver. An angel. But the girl is running herself ragged, looking after the kids, helping me with the office, cooking for us. You’d think she’d be cranky as fuck—I am—but she does it all with the sweetest smile. Makes me want to lavish her with love and affection.

“Daddy?”

“Hmm?”

“Is Tori your girlfriend?”

Alarmed, I look at my daughter, whose attention is darting between me and Tori, and I realize we’re sitting side by side on the couch, with Tori in a corner and me right next to her even though there’s a good three feet on my right side. And some time in the last few minutes, I put my arm around her shoulders.

Sitting up and resting my elbows on my knees, I rub the scruff on my chin, wishing I had planned for how I was gonna explain this new development in our lives. Because I know whatever happens between me and Tori affects Mila and Cody too.

A quick glance to Tori tells me she’s worried about how this will go down, and she gently shakes her head at me, which I know is because we’ve already agreed to keep things quiet for a few months. To see where things go. To ease the kids through the divorce. But I don’t need more time to know what I want. I had years with my ex-wife and couldn’t get a good reading about where we were headed sometimes, but with Tori, it’s clear as day. I want this to last. I want something permanent, and I’m ready to invest my heart and soul into making our relationship work.

As for the divorce, I’ve been honest with Mila from the beginning, and I don’t want to backtrack now. I’m not sure where she’s learned about girlfriends and dating, but my guess is Logan talks too much about his social life.

“Honey, how would you feel if I said I liked Tori and wanted her to be my girlfriend?” No need to tell her she already is. Anything I can do to ease her shock is worth stretching the truth a bit.

The huge smile on her Mila’s face is an instant relief. “I’d say YAY!” She jumps around like I just told her Santa was about to shoot his happy ass down our chimney.

I chuckle and pull my daughter onto my lap where I give her a big hug. “Listen. Tori and I are really good friends, okay? That’s where this starts, being boyfriend and girlfriend. This summer, she’s become my best friend. I like having her around. She makes me smile, and I think she makes you and your brother happy too, right?”

My daughter is nodding emphatically, the excitement and joy in her face so sweet to see after I’d worried she might have a difficult time with this transition. But nope. She’s as happy as a clam. All of this makes sense. Since Tori came to the ranch, Mila’s nightmares have almost disappeared.

A sniffle next to me makes me turn my head in time to catch Tori wiping a tear. Man, she kills me. “Come here.” I pull my two girls close, with my son giggling in the middle of our group hug. Squeezing them tight, I press a kiss to the top of Mila’s head.

But my son steals the show because he wiggles and squirms in Tori’s lap, a gleeful smile spreading on his face as he points to his crotch. “I go pee pee, Daa-deee! Yay! Pee pee!”

We choke back laughter and high-five my boy like he hit a grand slam. Tori’s been talking to him about letting her know when he has to go, so she can get him to the john in time. At the very least, she wants him to gain an awareness of it to set the groundwork for potty training. Just one more thing I’ve been too busy to think about.

It’s a small victory at the end of a very long day. I’ll take it.