Reckless Faith

Fifteen Years Ago

Elle Marshal stared at the scatter of stars in the dark night sky. They were beautiful. Like small drops of silver on a black canvas. There was no moon tonight, but there didn’t need to be. The stars cast a dim glow over her as she sat on a log in the forest.

The dull thud of music vibrated the ground beneath her, the distant sound of laughter and shouting cutting through the quiet.

Why was she here? She should be at home, tucked into bed with a book or a movie. She never enjoyed these parties. They were loud and messy and full of drunken idiots.

A set of beautiful blue eyes flashed in her mind.

Him. He was the reason. He was the reason she always came to these things. Every time she told him she wasn’t coming, he’d step close, maybe touch her arm as his ocean-blue eyes bore into her, claiming he needed her to come. That he needed his best friend.

She shook her head. And silly her, she always said yes, even when she knew girls would paw all over him and she’d quickly be forgotten. Beautiful girls with perfect hair and makeup and hourglass figures…basically her exact opposite.

She tugged the sides of her cardigan together, hating that she continued to compare herself to girls she’d never look like. Hating that for the millionth time, she didn’t feel good enough.

A rustling noise sounded behind her, causing her back to straighten and hope to seize her chest. Was it him? Had Jace seen her slip away and come to find her?

The hope died as a very drunk, very unstable-looking Casper stepped out of the tree line. Or maybe he wasn’t drunk. Maybe he’d taken something. It wouldn’t be the first time. He and his friends were all the same—idiots who took drugs and acted like assholes.

“What do you want, Casper?”

“Jeez, way to be friendly, Marshal.”

She rolled her eyes and looked away. He was a jock. A jock who was rarely kind to anyone unless he had something to gain. “Go back to the party.”

He dropped onto the log beside her. “Or…I could keep you company.”

“And why would you do that?”

He lifted a shoulder. “Because I’m a nice guy. Some would even call me charming.”

She snorted. It was the least ladylike sound she’d ever made, and she absolutely didn’t care. “No one has ever called you charming.”

His brows slashed together. “You know, you’re a real a bitch sometimes.”

Anyone else, and she might have been offended. Casper? No. “Why are you sitting with me then?”

He lifted a shoulder. “I wasn’t looking for you. But now that I’m here, you can tell me what Walker sees in you.”

Something hard kicked in Elle’s belly at the mention of Jace. “We’re friends.”

He scoffed. “Yeah right. He may have his arm around Alana right now, but he’s always with you. You follow him around like a puppy dog, and he lets you.”

Pain skittered through her veins. Was that how people saw it? Like she was the pathetic, lovesick girl who followed Jace around?

Casper squinted at her like he was looking for something. “You’re friends with benefits, yeah? You give him what he wants, whenever he wants it…”

“Argh. You’re disgusting!” She tried to rise, but he grabbed her arm and tugged her back down so her butt hit the wood.

“Come on, everyone wants to know. Just tell me why someone like him would want to spend so much time with someone like you.”

His words hit like a physical blow. She shouldn’t let what he said affect her. But weren’t they the same words that whispered in her head every day?

Someone like her…someone plain and chubby and unremarkable. Probably why her mother had left her and, a couple years later, her father. Jace was the only person who seemed to stick around…for now.

She forced her features to remain blank. “Get your hand off me, Casper. I’m leaving.”

“Just tell me. You good in bed? You good at—”

“Now.”

His eyes narrowed, and instead of releasing her arm, he yanked her closer. “If you’re gonna be a bitch, I—”

“You fucking deaf, White?”

A shudder coursed down Elle’s spine at the sound of Jace’s voice. At the rage that slid through every word.

Both she and Casper turned their heads to see Jace storming toward them from the break in the trees. Even though it was dark, there was no missing the fury in his gaze. It made his blue eyes look almost black.

“Get your hand the fuck off her,” he growled. “Unless you want a broken fucking nose.”

Casper unclasped her wrist and stumbled to his feet, almost falling backward. The jerk was scared. Because even though he played a tough game, he wasn’t stupid. Jace was bigger than him. Stronger.

Casper lifted his hands. “I—”

Jace shoved him. “You what? Couldn’t understand plain fucking English?”

Elle’s pulse sped up. Jace may only be seventeen, but she’d seen him hit a bag. He was fierce, and she didn’t want him to get in trouble for her.

“Come on, Walker,” Casper tried. “Elle and I were just having a conversation.”

Jace took a threatening step forward. “Didn’t look that way.”

“Jace.” Elle kept her voice soft, even though fear filled her. Fear that Jace would hurt Casper. He deserved it, but she didn’t want Jace to do something he’d regret.

A beat of silence passed before—finally—Jace looked down at her.

“It’s fine,” she whispered.

For a moment, his intense gaze just held hers, making her heart pound that bit faster and her skin tingle. It was only when he looked back to Casper that she realized she hadn’t taken a single breath.

“Go,” Jace said in a low, dangerous voice.

Casper did. He ran back toward the party like something was chasing him.

For a few seconds, Jace watched him go, as if daring the guy to come back. Then his jaw clenched, and he once again turned his gaze to her as he lowered to the log. He sat so close that his warmth soaked into her side, causing a tingling sensation to run through every limb.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, some of the anger still there. “Because if you’re not, I’ll go back and pound the fucker. Hell, I want to pound him anyway just for touching you.”

He said things like that a lot. And sometimes she allowed herself to buy into the fantasy that it was because he cared about her, not as a friend but as more.

Images of him with Alana tonight flashed in her mind, and she dropped her gaze to the dirt in front of her. “I’m fine. He was just being stupid. He was clearly on something.”

“He is stupid. Doesn’t give him the right to touch you though.”

Another clench of her heart. “Where’s Alana?”

He lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. I saw you were missing and came to find you.”

Why did he have to say things like that? Things that gave her just a bit of hope, when in reality, she knew there wasn’t any.

She loved him. It was a secret that lived deep inside her. A secret she would never, not if she lived a hundred years, release into the world. How could she when it was so one-sided?

He cleared his throat. “What are you doing out here by yourself?”

“Getting away from the noise and watching the stars. Dreaming about being back in my bed.”

His lips twitched. “Liar.”

“I’m not a liar.”

“Yeah, you are. You like the noise because your home is too quiet.”

It was true. Usually, she did find her house too quiet, something only he knew. Exactly why the second she’d turned sixteen and gotten her driver’s license, she’d spent so many nights driving to his place and spending her evenings with him. His family was big and loud and fun…and he was there.

“Fine, I like being out of the house. But I don’t like this party.”

“Me neither. Fuck, I can’t wait to get out of this town.”

His words cut into her flesh. Was this the last party they’d attend together? They were about to graduate high school, and he’d already been accepted into the Air Force. She wouldn’t see him every day anymore. She wouldn’t hear his voice or be able to sneak into his room when her aunt became too much.

It shouldn’t affect her the way it did. She shouldn’t need him the way she did. She’d always known he’d leave. He was the youngest of six siblings, four of them brothers, and all the older boys had already left for the military. It was always going to happen.

The letter she’d written for him burned a hole in her pocket. She’d had it with her every day for the last month, never knowing the right time to give it to him.

Was it now?

“Is it really so bad here?” she asked quietly.

Jace Walker let the question sit in the air for a moment. It should be a simple one, right? Was life here in Misty Peak so bad?

If anyone else had asked, he’d make a joke so they didn’t see the complex layers beneath his surface. The ones he tried to keep hidden.

“It’s not that it’s bad…just that there’s this thing inside me that needs to get out. To make something of myself like my brothers have.” He’d never said those words out loud before, but fuck, they were true.

At Elle’s silence, he looked at her to see the small pinch in her brow. She was so damn cute when she did that. It meant she was thinking. Pulling little pieces of him together in her head to figure him out in a way no one else did.

“This isn’t about Lawson, is it?” she asked.

The thought of his former best friend felt like a dagger to his chest. It took every ounce of strength to not hunch over and let the heaviness of that name suffocate him.

“Because his death wasn’t your fault,” she whispered.

She’d whispered those words to him so many times, he almost believed them…almost. “I wanted to go out that night. And he paid the price for that.”

Elle gripped his arm, and he had no choice but to turn to her. To let the gray shades of her eyes sear into him like they always did. “A drunk driver ran a red light. Lawson’s death is not on you.”

Then why did the weight of his death feel so heavy? Why did every breath feel like a battle? Every second feel like he was fighting an enemy he couldn’t see?

“You couldn’t have saved him,” she said softly.

Her voice slipped inside him, making the part of him that had hurt for so long almost feel normal. For a moment, he ached to touch her. To let himself buy into the idea that had toyed with his mind for so long…that he could have her. That they could have each other.

But they couldn’t. Because he needed to get out of here. Away from the memory of his friend’s death. His mother’s death. He needed to become more.

He clenched his fists, forcing his usual half grin to his face. “You gonna be okay without me, Tink?”

There was a flash of disappointment in her eyes. She hated when he defaulted to humor, but it was what he did. “Of course, because we’ll stay friends, right?”

“Yeah, we’ll stay friends. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Promise me.”

His brows flickered—and for some reason, he didn’t want to. He didn’t know what his life was going to be like once he left Misty Peak. But her eyes…fuck, those perfect grays…they bore into him, and he couldn’t say no.

“I promise, Tink.”

“Good.” She slowly reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. The edges were slightly worn, and his name was written on the front in her usual neat handwriting. “This is for you.”

“What is it?”

“A letter. Don’t read it now. Read it when you’re leaving Misty Peak, on the plane or something.”

He slipped the note from her fingers, every part of him wanting to open it and read it there and then.

“I’m going to go back to the party.” She squeezed his leg before rising and moving away.

Just like every other time she left him, his legs twitched to go after her, even if it was just to be near her.

He didn’t. His gaze shifted down to the piece of paper in his hand. Though small, it felt heavy and important.

Screw it.

He unfolded the paper, and the second he did, he let her words weave into his soul. Words about how proud she was of him, dedicating his life to saving others. Of how much she’d miss him, but that she understood he needed to go.

It was the last line, though, that had him pausing. Had him reading again and again.

You’re too loved to lose.

Loved. The word almost hurt to read.

Because he didn’t feel worthy of her love. Not yet.