Reckless Faith

Elle’s heart gave a funny little twist. Jace had been coming into the café at the visitors center every day, and every day she had to fight a million emotions inside her. But now, with him sitting on the couch, saying sweet things like that…how was she supposed to remain immune to him?

The phone stopped ringing only to immediately start again. She sighed and leaned over to answer it. “Hello?”

There was a short pause before Cody spoke. “Elle?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Jace is here.”

“I’m gonna kill that guy. He just ran out on me. Want me to come get him?”

“Tell him to leave me alone,” Jace groaned, head falling back onto the couch once more.

Elle’s lips twitched. “I’ll look after him.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks, Elle. I’ll call off Eastern.”

The phone wasn’t on speaker, but Jace clearly heard, because he scoffed. “I woulda given him the slip too.”

Cody chuckled. “Okay, call if you need anything.”

“I will.”

She hung up and moved into the kitchen to pour some coconut water into a glass. When she gave it to Jace, his fingers brushed hers, causing a tingle to run up her arm.

“Thanks.” He took a sip and made a face. “What the hell kinda water is this?”

“It’s coconut water, and it’s hydrating, something you need right now.” She cocked her head. “Why are you drunk, Jace?”

He gave her a lopsided grin. “Because drunk looks good on me.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t use humor to conceal the truth. Not with me. You never get drunk. Not since Lawson died.”

Lawson had been Jace’s high school best friend. He’d been killed by a drunk driver running a red light while Jace had been in the car, and it had affected Jace on a deep level.

The smile slipped from his face.

She leaned forward. “You can talk to me. Why are you drunk?”

“Because sometimes it hurts to breathe, and tonight I got this delusion that alcohol would help.”

The air halted in her chest. He’d never revealed anything so heavy to her before. “Why does it hurt to breathe?”

“Because I lose people. It’s what I do. Sometimes I feel like poison.”

This time the air didn’t just halt. It cut off completely, refusing to let another breath in.

She shifted closer, setting a hand on his leg. “Stop talking like that. You don’t lose people, and you’re definitely not poison.”

“I lost my mom. Then I lost Lawson.”

“Your mom had cancer, and some drunken idiot ran a red light. Neither of those are things you could have changed.”

“Then my dad died. I knew he was dying, and I barely came back to say goodbye.”

She swallowed. “He was sick for months and you were in the military. Your job wasn’t like most. You couldn’t just take time off to be with him for months on end.”

“And then there was Dean.”

She frowned. “Who’s Dean?”

“He had his whole fucking life ahead of him.”

She tightened her fingers around his leg. “Jace. Who’s Dean?”

“He was the newest member of our team. He was so damn excited to be there. And he looked up to the rest of us, me especially. No fucking idea why. He started to feel like a little brother. We should have protected him. I should have protected him.”

A sick feeling began to churn in her belly. “What happened?”

He ran a finger over the back of her hand. “It was a sneak attack we didn’t see coming. We weren’t prepared.”

When he paused, Elle’s skin chilled, knowing what was coming.

“He was right next to me,” Jace said, a frown etched deeply into his brow. “I took my eyes off him for a second to engage with someone coming at me from the other direction. A single fucking second, and someone took him out.”

Her heart fractured. Not just at his words, but at the pain in his tone. The way the pain was a part of him, leaching into his expression…his voice.

Leaning forward, she whispered, “That doesn’t sound like it was your fault. You and the rest of your team were fighting for your lives.”

“He trusted me to have his back. To look after him. Instead, I watched him die.”

“Don’t.” She shook her head. “Don’t take on that blame.”

He leaned his head back, eyes closing again. “I couldn’t even go to the funeral. I couldn’t face his family. It hurt too much. I wrote a letter and gave it to a teammate to pass on like a fucking coward.”

“What did the letter say?”

“Everything. That I was sorry. That I wanted to do more. That I should have done more.” Again, he turned to look at her, the pain in his eyes almost cutting straight through her heart. “He had a big family. A family who loved him. A brother and sister. Nieces and nephews. He talked about wanting kids…and about his cute fucking chihuahua he’d left with his parents.”

She turned her hand over and slipped her fingers through his. “That was a tragedy, Jace, and I’m so sorry you were a part of it. That you lost someone you cared about. But he didn’t die because of you. None of the people you’ve lost have been because of you.”

“You were.”

Her heart slammed into her ribs. “What?”

“I lost you because I stopped calling. I stopped telling you when I was in town. I just…stopped. And out of all my losses, you hurt the most.”

Her lungs seized as every word suddenly died on her lips.

“Did it hit you as hard as it hit me?” he asked.

Emotions welled in her chest. Emotions she had no idea how to handle. A part of her wanted to lie. To tell him that his absence hadn’t shaded every part of her life. But she couldn’t. Not to him. So she said nothing.

He leaned forward. “If I left again, would you miss me?”

“Jace, I’ve spent years missing you. The pain has just become a part of me.”

His eyes darkened, and when he cupped her cheek, she knew she should pull away. He was drunk, and as the sober person, she needed to put space between them. But she just…couldn’t.

He leaned forward, and she remained so perfectly still that her lungs didn’t even fill with air. For a moment, she thought he might kiss her, and she had no idea what she’d do if he tried. But then his temple touched hers, he closed his eyes, and he just seemed to breathe her in.

“Sometimes I can almost forget the time we’ve spent apart…almost.”

She closed her eyes and for a few seconds just let the touch of his temple, the feel of his hand on her cheek, seep into her. But she had to get up. She couldn’t take advantage of his drunken state, no matter how good his skin felt against hers.

“I’ll get you a blanket.”

He shook his head. “No. Lie with me. Just for a few minutes. Please?”

She should say no. She knew she should. But then he was rearranging them, tugging her down onto the couch so that her back was pressed to his front, and he slipped an arm around her waist, and suddenly she couldn’t move.

She couldn’t do anything but close her eyes and let herself imagine, just for a moment, that she was his.

A sweet floral scent filled the air around Jace, causing his nose to twitch. It was a familiar scent. A scent he’d dreamed about for far too long. Her scent.

His eyes flicked open to see a living room. Beige and pale pink shades—definitely not his living room. The lights were still on, but one glance at the wall clock told him it was three in the morning.

His night came back to him. The bar. The beers. Showing up at Elle’s apartment.

Fuck, he’d fallen asleep. Not a huge surprise. He shouldn’t have drunk so much.

Stupid. So stupid. And the things he’d said to Elle, the things he’d revealed…he wanted to hit his damn head against a wall. She didn’t need to know about Dean. About the guilt that plagued him day in, day out.

But at the same time, telling her felt good. Like a weight lifted from his chest.

Elle’s soft breaths whispered through the quiet. It reminded him of the times she’d slept over at his place when they were younger, usually because she’d needed a break from her eccentric aunt.

His arm was tucked around her waist as she lay on her side. It was the way he’d tugged her down before falling asleep, and it looked like neither of them had moved an inch.

He hadn’t slept this deeply since… Well, in a long time.

He wanted to stay. Keep her wrapped in his arms and allow them both to fall back to sleep.

He didn’t. Instead, he crept out from behind her. A gentle hum sounded from her lips, and it was almost his undoing. But he forced the ache in his chest to dull as he stood. Then, bending down, he slipped his arms under her back and legs and lifted her slowly.

Another moan released from her lips before she nuzzled into his chest. His heart beat so fast that for a moment, he didn’t move. He just held her. Felt her. Let all that was Elle, all he’d been missing, put the fractured parts of him back together.

Why did she have to be so…everything?

I’ve spent years missing you. The pain’s just become a part of me.

Her words killed him. But wasn’t that the same for him? And wasn’t that a huge reason he was home?

With gritted teeth, he forced himself to step around the coffee table and into the first room off the hall. Her bedroom. He didn’t need her confirmation to know. The pale pink sheets gave her away.

He crossed the space between the door and her bed and laid her down. She wore yoga pants and a T-shirt, which would be comfortable enough to sleep in. He’d just pulled the sheet and blanket over her when five whispered words released from her lips.

“Jace…don’t leave me again.”

Her words gutted him. Tore the insides right out of his stomach.

Unable to stop himself, he lowered his head and touched a light kiss to her temple. “I already left you once, and it was the hardest thing I ever did. I don’t have the strength to do it again.”

Another sweet moan from her, and she snuggled into her bedding. For a second, he felt rooted to the spot. Unable to leave her. Unable to shift closer. He was just…stuck.

Without thinking, he reached under his shirt and traced the tattoo. Traced her handwriting. Her words. He didn’t need to look at it to know exactly where every letter sat; he’d looked at it every day for the last ten years, since he’d had it inked onto his skin.

A few more minutes passed, and he finally forced himself to turn toward the door and walk out of the room. He grabbed his phone before stepping into the hallway. He waited until he was halfway down the hall to call Cody.

Even though he was sure his brother was asleep, Cody answered on the second ring. “Jace? You okay?”

“Yeah, can you come get me and drive me home?” Even if Cody didn’t have his keys, there was no way he’d drive himself when there was a chance the alcohol was still in his system. He didn’t do reckless shit like that.

“Of course. You still at Elle’s apartment building?”

“Yeah, but I’ll walk back to the bar. See you in ten.” He hung up before his brother could respond, because he knew Cody would offer to pick him up from Elle’s. He didn’t want that. He needed the ten minutes of fresh air to get his head on straight.

He’d told himself he’d come back to Misty Peak because this was home. But every day that passed made that glaring lie more obvious. He’d come back for her. Only her. And now he needed to figure out what he was going to do about it.