Reboot

On a particularly soggy day, I took off after William with a few kids and we laid a trap for him. We’d planned it together, me and the kids, sort of like homework for a special class for the more deviously talented among the pupils. The kids were excited, it was like those war games you play in summer camp. We waited for the suitable moment while he was sitting alone in a clearing. He did that a lot so we’d spied him out and got to know his routine. He usually sat on a log and read a book or did some writing. Sometimes he just stared into space, but it was a regular thing, always after lunch. So we positioned ourselves before he showed up and at my signal, we bombarded him with cones.

I thought it would be a way to bring him into the fold. Maybe he’d start playing with the kids. He got along with them quite well anyway.

When the first cone hit him in the back of the head, he stood up, very smoothly, alert, knife out, ready for anything. Very fast. That knife came out of nowhere. It was just suddenly there. As if we’d awoken a tiger. Yikes. I worried that I’d misjudged him. Maybe he was more dangerous than I’d thought. But his face wasn’t showing any signs of anger. He looked perfectly calm, ready and waiting, but his stance was like a coiled snake.

Then, almost immediately, no more than a second or two later, he realized there was no threat, he smiled, the knife disappeared, and he turned his head slowly toward my direction and suddenly he came after me.

After me!

He knew exactly where I was hiding, he ignored the kids and went straight for me in long smooth strides. Like Tarzan.

SHIT!

Scared me damn it. I let out a girly scream. Like a squeak. I made a face that I’ll always be ashamed of and immediately turned around and ran away. The guy is huge; so I took off into the woods with him right behind me. I supposed he was right behind me, I couldn’t tell because I couldn’t hear him. He made no noise. I just tore through the jungle giggling nervously. “Ohshit-ohshit-ohshit!” The kids ran after William. They were immediately on his side, laughing and yelling, “Go get ’im William!”

Now I can move quite well, I’m quick, I ran through the underbrush as fast as you can imagine, light and fast, but he caught me in no time, tripped me up and sat on my chest. My eyes were wide open in fear. I was all wet with sweat and mud. I smiled a little to let him know I was just fooling around, but it must have looked ridiculous, more like a rictus than a smile, just showed some teeth. He slowly brought his face down very close to mine. The kids caught up with us and stood nearby, breathing hard, smiling. Annoyingly happy. They knew William and weren’t afraid of him. One kid, Josh, even put his arm on William’s shoulder and looked at me with a disappointed expression on his face, as if I’d failed an omelet. I didn’t know William; not really. So I mean who knows… I was a little afraid.

I managed, “Um, hi William. Nice day?”

“I realize what you’re endeavoring to do, Robert. I appreciate it, really,” he said with a tight smile, I was breathing hard, he wasn’t. “But please, don’t. At least for a bit longer? Ok? Thanks mate.” He almost whispered, confident and strong; not threatening, just serious.

He gave me a little meaty slap in the face, friendly-like, but jarring. Like being tapped with a big rubber hammer. His hand was as big as my head.

And then he was gone. My little friends helped me up.

“Boy did he kick your ass,” one of them said with an irritating laugh.

“MY ass? I’ll have you know he kicked our collective asses.”

Frustrating damn it. But I liked him, he seemed like a good guy to me, and I enjoyed the challenge. I’d try it again later, and maybe with a lot more help next time. Next thing I knew, I was alone. I looked around for my young allies and they were all gone.

They thought it was hilarious of course. They all left me there in the wet jungle and followed William. So maybe the ploy had worked after all. I heard them giggling for what seemed like a very long time.

_______

We were now three hundred strong. I’d been on the island for five months.

We had teachers, builders and architects, engineers, a doctor, a few farmers, mechanics, a lawyer or two. They were all people who had access to boats or were already on the water in their own boats. Boat people.

Boat people are often naturally self-reliant, organized, hard-working, able to work through problems to find solutions. People who buy a boat are people who like to take care of boats, and that’s always a lot of work. You can’t be lazy if you have your own boat. They also have to be ready to fix the thing when it breaks, sometimes under difficult situations. They have to like the water, which is an obvious plus when living on an island.

So in other words, I was with some very dependable people on a deserted island, and that was just fine.

There was the occasional disagreement, but nothing serious, nothing that required intervention. Not too many toes were stepped on. If you didn’t like someone, you could easily go days without seeing them. Anger comes from stress and fear. We had flashes of anger, but nothing like we used to see on TV, like road rage. I remembered how some angry people used to make the news because they had lost their minds on the highways and chased down some imagined insult or slight. People died because they failed to signal left.

You don’t get road rage on an island.

When we got angry now, it was like when you stub your toe on a coffee table. It went away fast.

______

We had no stress about mortgages or losing your job or your wife getting mad at you because you didn’t make enough money or didn’t fix the trampoline in the backyard. No more pressure about social engagements you didn’t want to go to, or having to lie every day about liking your boss or your wife’s friends. No more unwanted competition. No more crappy mind numbing jobs like telemarketer or salesman, factory worker. No more deadlines. No more slavery. No more homework.

When your life depends on your job, you spend most of your life worried about losing your job. We worked, and used the money we made to build our cocoons and buy toys made by people who had crappier jobs than us. But once we figured out that that wasn’t the best way for humans to live, it was too late.

But now we could reboot. Start again and try a different tack.

______

Bob, Mack, Stan and I put together different official committees. We had a group in charge of food. Oliver and Caroline were in that one. They got along famously. Within that group were people in charge of hunting and gathering. Their job was crucial. They had to carefully monitor available stocks and manage them. They corralled the pigs and determined how many we could eat and when. Mr. Dunham, who is a loner, found his place there. He loved to take care of the pigs.

They planted gardens and dealt with the seed situation. Mr. Rogers, one of our lawyers was in charge of the compost. I know… Odd, but he loved it. He kept trying to get everyone to smell his compost. The man had been in charge of high-class mergers and acquisitions, but what he really wanted to do all his life was to take care of a garden.

“You smell that? Earthy-Mulchy right? Smells like life. That’s what you want. That’s what you’re looking for.”

We had the defense committee, which had four lead members and many helpers. In fact everybody helped them because we all knew how important it was to defend our home. Francois and Evelyne’s story had scared everyone into motion. Some were digging holes that we’d then camouflage, others were concocting wildly intricate booby traps, for example poisonous fish in hidden water holes, or heavy spiked wooden armaments pummeling unsuspecting invaders when they walked on a spring. It was a test of creativity and intelligence. Most involved spikes and holes dug into the ground. Some were instigated by pulling a string or lighting up a fire pit or trench. They defended the top of the hill with trees that could roll down and rolling balls of hay that could be lit on fire. Medieval, but really not too bad if we were given a chance to hightail it up there. My thinking however was that we might not be given that chance. People who would come here to cause us harm, would certainly be very careful and stealthy.

They organized a couple of watchtowers with regular shifts. Everyone had to stay up there once in a while.

We had the building committee headed by Mack of course. He had help from our architect Francois and many other people who liked to build stuff. They had a list of priorities and attacked each project with aplomb. Martin, our engineer from Canada, was also glad to be part of that group and his team was busy building generators and other useful items, like sun powered smoking ovens, pumps and a waste disposal system. Martin was in high demand and he enjoyed that very much.

We had the alcohol committee where Stiller reigned supreme. They weren’t just in charge of making the stuff, but also of enforcing strict quotas so no one got too involved with it. That stuff was dangerous. They made yeast and ethanol also.

There was the education committee, where Mable and a few others planned the curriculum and dealt with the students. There were no age requirements. Kids learned at their own pace. Mable said, “All children love to learn, but not all of them in the same manner. So we adapt to them, not the other way around.” I thought, where were you when I was in school?

There was the entertainment committee. That was mine. I organized the BBQ’s and social events, music, sports and games.

Soon we would have a justice and policing committee, and a church. I’d already approached our lawyer with the idea and asked him to start to think about it. No hurry. I let the church people organize themselves. I made sure that we all agreed immediately that we would respect various denominations, but that there would be no “marketing”. Keep it in your home, was my strict counsel. If people wanted to join or were curious, they’d go see by themselves. It could be taught in our school, but then ALL religions had to be taught. I also thought it would only be fair to have a balance when it came to God or gods. In other words, there should be a church of atheists to counter-balance religious doctrine. It was reluctantly accepted.

We slowly started to build a routine based around food, education and entertainment. We had plenty of room and lots of projects to keep everyone busy. If you didn’t want to take part, you didn’t have to. But everyone wanted to help out at some point. Mr. Dunham for example, didn’t want to do any physical labor. He didn’t help with building huts. He enjoyed being alone and sleeping on his boat. We offered help and company but we were always graciously turned down with a smile. He said not to worry about him, he was ok. So fine. He took good care of our pigs and he was perfectly happy to do that alone.