Reboot

“Citizens of America. This is President Mooney with your weekly address. I hope you’re doing well, hang in there, we’ve gone through the worst part. It can only get better from now on if we work together.

We have a few guidelines for you. They’re for your own good so please take them seriously.

Firstly, don’t kill feed animals until populations have been replenished. Killing an animal is now a serious offence. I’m sure you realize how important it will be to resupply our stocks.

Second. Wherever you are, plant something, anything. Crops are all important.

Third. Looters will be held accountable. We are re-organizing our law enforcement capabilities.

Fourth. Money is of course worthless. Don’t use it. We are working on rebuilding a basic financial structure and a police, but as you will understand, these things take time. We have to negotiate with other countries to rebuild our economy.

Fifth. Bees are important, people. If possible, try to protect existing beehives.

Sixth. Cover yourselves. The ozone layer is depleted and you have to protect your skin.

And lastly, soon, representatives from your government will come see you and help guide you to begin again.”

And then he went off script, to Ian Anderson’s horror.

“We are beset with enemies all around us who are just waiting to come and take what little we have left. We must keep America safe. We must keep from being overrun. I am working hard to protect you and no one can do it better than I, I am the best at that. Believe me. I know all about that stuff and we have the best people here. I am America’s best hope, but we will need your help.

President Mooney, signing off.

God Bless America.”