Realm of Wings

At the Conclave:

“You know why I’m here, don’t you?” I asked Sister Margaret as we had entered her office at the back of the basement.

“Yes, but you know I can’t give you any more information, as that is what is instructed to us.” She replied, as she had done so, each time I had asked her about it.

“And yet, the one that had been instructing you, isn’t around anymore.” I snipped in return. “For quite some time, I assume.” I continued, at which she sighed, moving her black habit back into place as it had been shifted right under her chin.

“I don’t know. But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in his story and the way he wants to protect you-

“I don’t need no fucking protection! All I need is to know the truth!” I interrupted her, shocking her with my language and ferocity as I slammed both my hands down on the desk that was in between us. Her earlier statement of her not wanting to tolerate my behaviour, sunk in her shoes as I continued my anger. “I have been living for over a hundred and sixty years, waiting for you to finally let me in on something that might calm my freaking mind! I have given up on searching the planet, to find me something that could explain as to why I can do the things I can, just because I know you have more information!” I continued to shout, while I could hear Neil stepping into the office.

“Miss Jade, the others can hear you.” Neil suddenly said as he nodded towards the glass walls of the office.

I looked behind me and saw all the warrior nuns gaping towards me. They had stopped their activities, to see who could have been wanting to raise their voice against Mother Superior. “Great! Just, great!” I shouted defeated as I let myself drop into the chair again.

Sister Margaret knew that I wouldn’t hurt a hair on her head, but even so, she had to gather her bearings again before she could speak to me. “Jade, I get that you are frustrated.” Sister Margaret started, at which I scoffed. “But to be honest, I don’t have much to tell you at all.” She admitted while getting her breathing back to normal.

This was the first time she ever mentioned something about her knowledge of my roots. And even though it was still nothing, as she hadn’t revealed a single thing yet, it was still relieving me a little to know that she was maybe, finally, ready to tell me more.

But before she wanted to start her explanation, the screen of Sister Margaret’s laptop turned on, showing her to have received a new e-mail which was indicating some sort of danger. She clicked a few times and her eyes began to grow in surprise as she watched something on her screen.

“Werewolves or vampires?” I asked her, getting up to get ready to kill some of them.

“Neither, the Tibetan Conclave just send me some footage which shows something rather familiar. You haven’t been to Shigatse, recently, right?” She asked me as I furrowed my brows, at which she turned her laptop to me and clicked on ‘play’ to start the short movie again.

It was a dark green film, taken through the night-vision goggles of some soldier. It showed how a shadowy figure jumped in the air, using some sort of things that he carried on his back, and then shot a bright ball of light towards the filming soldier, knocking him out and crashing the camera. Abruptly the video ended there, making me press the play button again to clarify my mind as to what I just saw.

Never in my entire life, had I seen another person that threw a ball of light, just as I could. Of course, we had been troubled by werewolves and vampires that roamed our planet, the things that I had been killing for decades already, but even though we had these paranormal creatures, I had never seen one similar to me.

This was the first-ever lead, that could guide me to anything close to what I wanted to know about my roots. “Neil, get the plane ready to depart.” I commanded of him, at which he replied by standing up and do exactly that, without question.

“Sister, I am going there, no matter what you want to tell me or not. But it might help me to get a better understanding of my position. Not knowing anything, might contradict your beliefs about keeping me safe, and could actually become my undoing. So please, I humbly ask you, nearly beg of you, to tell me something.” I asked her, truly meaningful and hopeful that she would finally tell me what I wanted to know of her.

Her lips thinned to a straight line, heavily thinking about what she would let me in on or not. But I didn’t have the time to wait, which she knew, so she sighed and lowered her head. “Fine, it’s not like I have a choice right now, but I do hope that it won’t mean your death.” She said and my heart started to go faster in anticipation.

She stood up from her chair and walked over towards a picture of Sister Anselma and took it from the wall. Behind it, there was a small black safe, secured between the stones of the old structure. She used the tumbler to get to the right code and opened the door to take out a big brown envelope.

Nearly shaking it between her hands, her fingers trembled to give the contents of the envelope to me. I stretched out my arms and took over the leather-bound notebook, that was closed by the leather straps that were knotted around it.

“Open this when you are on the plane.” She said with a small smile while putting her hands on top of mine. She was letting me know that this was her most valuable item in this whole cathedral, yet somehow was relieved that she was no longer burdened to keep it safe. “Now go.” She nudged towards the door, for me to get outside.

“Thank you.” I said to her and quickly walked outside where Neil was waiting inside the car.

When the plane, we just took our seats in, was being taxied over the tarmac, Neil was shifting in his seat uncomfortably. “Miss Jade, I’m just wondering…” He stammered, using a rather easy-to-read facial expression of something that I was thinking about too.

“Yeah, I know, the timing of the video is remarkably convenient to us, isn’t it?” I finished his question at which he nodded.

Even though I wasn’t going to let this chance slip away from underneath me, it was indeed rather peculiar that the footage was sent to Sister Margaret exactly when I had arrived back at this place. I mean, over the past thirty years that I hadn’t been here, the person that shot a ball of light could have revealed himself any other time. Which would then allow Sister Margaret to keep it a secret, other than the fact that she was forced to respond to me now.

Still clutching the old leather notebook, I was postponing to open it, somewhat feared of what I might discover in there. Yet, my curiosity took the lead, so I untied the knot of the leather straps that were surrounding it and opened the notebook on the first page.

“Jade has turned six today, and only because of what happened this day, I’m writing this journal.” It said in German, written in the handwriting of that of Sister Anselma.

I’m very well aware of what she had seen that day, as I myself could very clearly remember what I had done then. The confusion and fear I had caused to every nun that was in the training room with me, was something that I will never forget. Some had worshipped me, thinking that I had been an angel in their presence; others had flinched backwards, thinking that my power on Earth should be something that could destroy lives; but Sister Anselma acted rather different, as she was nor frightened, nor excited. I never knew what was truly going on inside her mind, but I could almost say for certain that my actions had been something that she was expecting, yet, how could she?

It’s not like it’s normal to be able to burst a ball of light from out of your centre core, using your hands to make it choose a path. In fact, up till this morning, I thought I had been the only one that was capable of something like it.

“Six years ago, she had been brought to me by a very old man. He had explained and proven to me, that Jade was going to inherit some amazing, powerful, but also very dangerous abilities. Not that Jade was going to be a dangerous person on her own, just that people, like himself and Jade, would try to come and find her.” It continued, and I had grown curious about how he had ’proven’ it to her, and how many more like me are there?

“Dear Jade, should you ever find this journal, please know that all that we have done, was to keep you safe. Feeding and raising you were not our only intents, as it became clear very soon that you needed guidance differently as well. Your father, as that was the man that left you with us, knew what the Conclave’s goal was somehow, and because of our rules and will to never want to kill anyone, he had decided that it would be the best place for you to grow up. To be trained in between our ranks and fully become one of us.”

The old man who took me to the Conclave was my father? Couldn’t he have protected me himself? And if I’m not going to die anytime soon, could he still be alive then?

I kept on reading, page after page, where Sister Anselma kept a weekly journal up to date, where sometimes she had written something with plenty of emotion, letting through some love, devotion or simple frustration as I had been hard to handle now and then. But there had also been moments where the things she had written were cold, firmly stated or just simply pointed out with bullet points, as if she had just realized she shouldn’t build up a bond with me. As if she knew more.

She also mentioned the deaths of several other nuns, ones that I had befriended even though Sister Anselma had told me not to get any friends. But because she was mentioning only the ones I cared about, she knew that I had cared for them. I still do, that’s why I was crying now, that was why Sister Anselma didn’t want me to have friends, because she knew I would out-live them.

But even though I was crying, I had to keep reading.

When I had gone out of line, when new powers popped up, when I had saved other nuns, when my first solo mission occurred, on and on it went. Even about my first kill, which happened right before my eighteenth birthday, which resulted in me having to leave the Conclave, was written in the fair handwriting of my surrogate mother.

After then, only sporadically things were written, as I only visited the Conclave every few months, and Sister Anselma’s handwriting became harder to read with each new part of the journal. Year after year, the comments became shorter until a few weeks before her death, a page full had been filled with shaky letters.

“Jade is about seventy years old now, yet she has never aged a day older than twenty-five. It burdens me to know why that is, even though I have promised to not tell her. She has grown into a beautiful woman, scarred, both physically and mentally, but still, the things she told me she did, are a justification of her warm heart. I can only hope that she will once see it herself too, as for now her mind is clouded by anger.”

I kept on reading, knowing that this was her last comment in the journal. It continued after her death though, and I dried my tears as the cold-hearted Sister Schmitt couldn’t say a single nice thing about me. For thirty years, where she had been Mother Superior, I only had visited twice and she had made clear to me that she wasn’t understanding my situation. I had been an abomination, a creature that had to be killed just like the vampires and werewolves that roamed around. But luckily, she didn’t stay Mother Superior for that long after, as it turned out that she herself had done some killing.

Then, as if she couldn’t be more opposite, Sister Margaret with her solid mind and kind heart had taken over and kept her writing up to date with a monthly report, even though I hadn’t been there every time. She had kept in touch with my former companion and knew what I had been doing. For a moment I was angry that I hadn’t foreseen the fact that Lysander and now Neil, had been informing her of my whereabouts and actions, but as I kept on reading, I could tell that she had good intentions with it.

All this reading, made me remind myself from where I had come from as a rather disobedient child to the woman that I have become now. And even though I couldn’t really see yet that I had a warm heart, as Sister Anselma had described, I knew that my actions were justified. Even though some of my actions caused dozens of creatures to be mercilessly killed by me.

But as I turned to the last few pages of the journal, my brows furrowed as to what it was that Sister Margaret had written.

“Jade has tried multiple times to ask me about her roots, and knowing that she is torn by the unawareness of it, not knowing where she actually came from, makes my heart cringe.” The dot at the end of that sentence was enlarged, as if the pen from which the words had come from, had lingered longer than was intended. It was a hesitation, a thought that she wanted to scream, but couldn’t write down.

“Jade,” It started, suddenly directed to me, instead of towards the journal itself. “this journal is only about the things that you have accomplished and endured, but it does not tell you anything about your origin. If you ever come to read this journal, as only then it will be the right time, call me, and I will tell you what you are.”