Raulin's Oath

Present Day

It was really amazing the way a simple exercise like writing could open up the mind. Memories were coming in waves as Arietta sat at her computer, typing. It was hard to believe that she couldn’t remember Jerry’s name this morning when she began recording her memories. It was still fairly foggy, but that fog was beginning to lift. They had been through a lot during the time she spent in the hospital.

She stood, hearing the protesting creaks made by her body as she stretched her back. Although she wasn’t ready to quit just yet, today was grocery day. She would make her trip to the store, grab a quick bite to eat, and then sit back down this afternoon. She quickly dressed and let Cooper out again before heading to do her shopping.

The grocery store was not overly busy, so the shopping went very quickly, and she had only one item left. Arietta was in the process of picking the perfect loaf of bread when she felt someone watching her. She turned from the shelf full of bread and a tall, slender man dressed in black quickly darted his eyes to the shelf. He had been looking at her, so she approached him.

“Do I know you?” Arietta questioned the stranger.

When the man turned to look at her, Arietta stopped her approach. He had no hair on his face at all, including over his eyes. He wore a black hat that covered the top of his head and was pulled over his ears, which was odd, because it was a very warm day. His nose was thin with a sharp triangular shape, but the feature that most bothered Arietta was the emerald green eyes.

The man smiled, though there was nothing indicating genuine happiness in it, and said, “No, you don’t know me.”

Arietta’s chest tightened, and she said, “Sorry, my mistake.” She then turned, grabbed a loaf of bread, and hurried down the aisle toward the register. It was time to leave.

The man laughed and called after her, “I’ll see you around, Arietta.”

She turned when she heard her name but the aisle was empty. Arietta quickly looked around the store; there was no way that someone could have moved that quickly. He was in the middle of the aisle. She decided that it was time to go back home. She would lie down for a bit after putting away the groceries.

***

Arietta was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, mind racing. This had turned into one strange day. The experience in the grocery store caused her to doubt her safety again. Cooper was snuggled up against her, and she knew that the rottweiler would protect her, but there was something about that man that made her feel uneasy. She had tried to take a nap, but sleep wouldn’t come to her, so after an hour of lying down, she decided to get up.

She stood up slowly so that she wouldn’t get a head rush. For the first time in over forty years, there was a dull throb in her left hip. She then walked gingerly into the kitchen to get herself a glass of iced tea. Arietta needed to stop thinking about the encounter at the grocery store, and decided that writing would help to clear her mind. She hadn’t written professionally in over three years, and though this didn’t feel like a manuscript that she would be sending to her publisher, old habits died hard. The familiar fever began to build that always consumes her when working on a project. It started with a need to sit down and write. From there it grew to a burning desire to immerse herself in the world that her imagination created. She would spend days without any human interaction. This had really bothered Joey, the love of her life. He would bring her food when he felt that she should eat. She would drink a glass of wine when she got to a point where she felt she could spend a few precious minutes away from the computer. She had lost a lot of sleep writing in her younger years.

Joey had passed three years ago, though she still expected to see him sitting in his recliner watching the news before bed. Not a night went by that he wasn’t on her mind as she drifted off to sleep, only to dream of him until she woke the next morning. Yes, his passing created a void in her heart that would not be filled until she saw him again.

It was well past dinnertime, but she was definitely not ready to stop. She poured herself a glass of wine, took a couple of ibuprofens for her hip, and sat back down at her computer. Arietta enjoyed the sweet burn of the wine that made its way into her stomach to create the warmth that she clung to in times of loneliness. The way Grandpa Gus had never seemed willing to leave her side for more than a few hours at a time truly amazed her. If he only knew how much he had meant to her.

***

1972

Arietta had spent the past day retching. She had never felt so miserable as she did following her first chemo treatment. Grandpa Gus stayed by her side, holding her hair back so that she didn’t get any vomit in it. Though this was a horrible day, her pain was not as excruciating as before. The real question was whether it was the chemotherapy or the visit from Raulin that had reduced her pain. She decided that once she finished vomiting, she would ask Grandpa Gus for another trip to Equus. She really didn’t want to take any chances with her pain.

That night, the nausea finally passed. She asked her grandfather to get the golden coin so that she could try to venture to Palidonaya for a second time. She wanted to see if Raulin would help her again.

The process went much more smoothly this time, as she knew what to expect. She squeezed the coin tight in her hand and said the words over and over again, “Please take me to Palidonaya. Let me smell the fresh grass and see the open plains of Equus.” She then focused on her hand heating up. The weightlessness associated with dreamwalking was unimaginable, and the ascension to the higher plain surrounded her being. The smell of sweet grass danced in her nose, and a gentle breeze ruffled her hair. The light of the surrounding area produced a glow visible through her eyelids. Arietta smiled at the herd that now surrounded her.

Raulin stepped forward, “Welcome. You seem to be stronger this time.”

Ari winced as the pain shot from her feet through to her shoulders. She gingerly stepped forward, flexing her toes atop the lush grass.

“No reason to pretend that the pain is gone.” Raulin leaned his head down, resting the point of his horn on Ari’s shoulder. Heat radiated from his horn, spreading through her body. The pain seemed to dissipate with the heat from his horn. Raulin closed his eyes and slumped in his stance.

“If this is hurting you, please don’t do it anymore. The new treatments have really helped my condition. I can take the pain that is left.”

Raulin regained his balance and stood proudly. “Nonsense. There is only a momentary lapse of balance. The gift of the Zeus herd is a gift that I give freely. I am glad that you seem stronger today.”

Arietta pressed her forehead against Raulin’s, closing her eyes, trying her best to convey her gratitude, yet knowing she would never be able to express such feelings to their full extent.

“You have no idea how much this does for me.” She stepped back, looking at the stallion with a frown.

“You will repay me a thousandfold.”

The words confused her, but she didn’t have time to consider them.

“Arietta, Arietta!” Corin cried as he galloped in her direction. Though he was faster than lightning, the colt looked clumsy, struggling with stick legs that were much too long. She couldn’t help but grin.

Arietta hurried forward and took the colt into her arms for a hug. “Corin, I’ve missed you! You look like you have already grown since the last time that I saw you.”

Corin whinnied, “I have grown. Check out my horn!” He turned his head so that she could see all of its glory.

Arietta stepped back, placing her hands on her hips. “Wow, it is magnificent!” She reached forward and ruffled his mane.

Corin stood tall and proud, prancing to show off for the visitor. Raulin smiled at the show that Corin was putting on. He enjoyed watching the way that Arietta showed extra attention to the foals of the herd. The two ran through the grass, laughing as Arietta tried to tag Corin. He bucked and whinnied as he dodged before finally allowing her to tag him so that he could be It.

Dimitri, Raulin’s son, approached him and spoke so only the Lead Stallion could hear. “Father, do you think that she is a Chosen One from the prophecy?” His muscles tensed as he waited for a response. His eyes darted frantically across the field, praying that no one else could sense his strained energy.

Raulin shook his head in thought. “The prophecy spoke of a dark time in our history. There have been whispers from the mountains, but nothing that leads me to believe that dark days await. I guess that time will tell.” He glanced at his son, a wave of pride overcoming him. He knew that Dimitri had no concern for himself, but rather had his herd in mind. One day, he would make a great Lead Stallion.

Arietta jogged over to Raulin, her game complete. “Thank you for helping me, Raulin. It is time for me to go back home.”

Raulin bowed his head. “Farewell, Arietta.”

***

Jerry was already sitting in his chair, hooked up and receiving his treatment when Arietta was wheeled into the room to get set up. He sat still, his head resting in his hands, without the slightest acknowledgement of Arietta or the nurse’s existence. His hair had become so thin that it appeared as if little gnats were orbiting his head. His skin was sallow, with an unhealthy sheen, and there was a sorrow that escaped from him. Arietta gulped a breath of air at the pitiful sight, and she chewed uneasily on her lower lip. As the nurse plugged the chemotherapy line into her port, Arietta risked a quick glance in Jerry’s direction, tears and sweat gleamed on his cheeks. She waited patiently until the nurse left the room and then asked a simple question.

“Hi, Jerry, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m great, can’t you tell?” With that, he shook his head and looked away from her. “Ari, do you ever think about dying?”

She knew that she had to choose her words carefully, as Jerry appeared to be in a very fragile state both physically and mentally. “Yeah, it’s hard not to think about it when you’re stuck here.”

“I think about it all the time. I just wish I wasn’t here anymore.”

“Jerry, you can’t talk like that! You have people here who really care about you.” She was honestly at a loss for words, scrambling to give him hope, while frightened to say the wrong thing.

“Ari, have you seen how many people have visited me? One! My mother and no one else. I just can’t take this for much longer. I am tired and I hurt all over. Oh, then I get to look forward to vomiting my guts up all night. You know what, that really dulls the pain when your whole body is retching. I am just done.” With that, Jerry closed his eyes tightly, tears streaming down his face. Though she wasn’t sure what to say, she grabbed his hand without thought. It was clammy, but intertwining fingers with him felt right.

“Jerry.” She fidgeted, collecting her thoughts for a moment. “Maybe your other friends aren’t visiting you, but I need you. I can’t go through this without you.” The room smelled of despair, and they shared a long look. He studied her as if it were the last time he would see her, and a feeling of gratitude enveloped him.

Ari decided then and there what she would do. Grandpa Gus had told her to keep it a secret, but if he knew how bad Jerry was, he would make an exception to the rule as well. She would ask again tonight for the coin. She had to see where he kept the talisman.

***

She recently had noticed a marked improvement in her pain, though she knew it wasn’t due to the chemotherapy. Arietta’s hair had begun to thin out, as she was losing it in chunks whenever she ran a brush through it. The pain that she had felt throughout her body was not as intense, although her hip still ached. She was able to walk down to what she and Jerry called “the chemo room” for her treatment this morning. As the nurse set her up, she let her mind wander, as it was her turn to tell a story. She wanted to make this one great, as Jerry hasn’t looked too good the past couple of times and she knew that he was in a lot of pain.

Jerry’s nurse wheeled him in and set him up beside Ari, as was the custom once they had become friends. “Hey kid, how ya doin’?” Jerry’s voice was barely above a whisper. He smiled weakly at her as the nurse finished plugging the tube into his port to begin treatment. “I believe that it is your turn to entertain me. Will it be another tale of Palidonaya? What type of adventure will the herds of Zeus have today?” He ended the sentence with a dry cough.

Once they were set up, the nurse left the room. She once again reminded them that if they needed anything, they could push the call button. Ari waited until they were alone and then slipped the coin out of her pocket.

“Jerry, I want to try something. I don’t know if it will work, but you have to try your best whether you think it is stupid or not. Okay?”

“Sure, sounds like fun,” he said in a dry, sarcastic tone. Arietta frowned, but didn’t comment. She knew he was tired.

“Okay, I want you to hold onto my hand.” Ari put the coin in her hand and reached over to take Jerry’s hand, and Jerry lifted his brows. “Now close your eyes and concentrate. Focus on Palidonaya and the pastures that I have told you about in Equus.”

Jerry wasn’t sure what to make of this, but he was interested to see where this was going. He closed his eyes and imagined the lush green plains that Ari had described in detail to him. He began whispering to himself the words that he could hear Ari whispering. Jerry tried to stay serious, but he felt really silly, and before he knew it, he was full-on giggling.

“Jerry, could you please try to take one thing seriously?” Arietta rolled her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I just feel so silly, like we’re having a seance or something. Hang on, give me a second.” Jerry covered his face with both hands before breaking into another giggling fit. Arietta couldn’t help but giggle a little herself.

“Jerry, please try this, for me.” Arietta looked into Jerry’s eyes.

That was all that it took to shut Jerry up. He stared back, knowing that no matter what she asked him to do, he would do it.

The two held hands once again, and this time, Jerry took it seriously. When she looked at him like that, he really had no choice.

“Please, take me to Palidonaya.” they whispered in unison.

An unnatural heat radiated from their connected hands. The coin was heating up. A bright light overwhelmed his vision, and as he felt an intense pull of acceleration, he thought to himself, “What did they put in my chemo today?”

The first thing he detected with his senses was a fresh smell reminding him of the waning summer days outside; next was the awareness of grass against his feet. Following those lovely sensations was the pain that he carried with him. Peeling his eyes open, he followed Ari, watching her dash off across the open fields toward a group of large horses--scratch that, unicorns?

“Jerry.” Arietta summoned him forward to a fiery red stallion. “This is Raulin. This land is what I wanted to show you, and I think it will be able to help you.”

“Really?” Jerry was dazed, a foggy gloss over his mind. This was the land from Arietta’s stories. The unicorn tipped its proud head, resting about a two-foot horn atop his head. Jerry closed his eyes, unsure of what else to do. After about a minute of waiting, a sniffle from the horse interrupted the gentle quiet of the surrounding fields, and the stallion spoke once more.

“I’m sorry. Arietta, something is interfering with the healing. I cannot help your friend.”

“Why isn’t it working? Is there another way?” Arietta’s voice was passionate and held a mix of emotion, and upon hearing this, a wave of confusion washed over Jerry.

Why did she care? The sunlight danced over her golden hair creating the image of an angel. Fierce passion held her gaze, and her irises swirled seafoam green and baby blue. The ever-present warm breeze swept back her hair, and the sun shone onto her, turning her hair into fiery golden embers. Wow, he thought, and while he searched through his memories, he couldn’t find another with equal beauty, let alone equal spirit as her.

“I… I’m confused, and to be frank, a little scared, but it’s okay. Being here is enough,” Jerry croaked, his voice a touch gravelly.

“No,” Arietta insisted. “No, it isn’t. We’re going to figure this out.” She focused her gaze on him, that intense fire searing into him, and he found it difficult to breathe.

The sun was high in a bright blue sky, and there was green grass as far as the eye could see. On the horizon, there was a mountain range dotted with white peaks. The air was the cleanest that he had ever breathed. How was this, in itself, not enough? Did she realize that she had given him everything he could aspire for? Had she realized how desperately he longed to smell something other than his own vomit and the stinging alcohol that the hospital reeked of? Could she ever understand what this meant to him?

“Am I dreaming?” he asked breathlessly, as it was the only thing he could say.

A small foal galloped towards them and circled Arietta. “Hi, Ari, I missed you! Who is your friend?”

Dazed, Jerry’s eyes turned to the lively foal, which also could talk.

Arietta smiled and turned to him. “Jerry, I would like for you to meet a very special friend of mine. This is Corin.”

Jerry stepped forward and bowed. “I’m pleased to meet you, Corin.” He quickly realized that bowing was not a great idea, as pain shot up his spine. Jerry winced and eased himself into a sitting position in the grass before lying back and gazing into the bright blue sky. The talking animals had really thrown him for a loop.

Arietta smiled at him, then walked over to Raulin and motioned for him to walk with her. When they were far enough away from Jerry, she asked, “Why were you not able to help Jerry?”

Raulin shook his head. “I am not certain, but there are other sources of healing within these lands.”

Arietta looked hopeful. “What do we need to do?”

Raulin sighed. “I have heard of others with healing powers, though they are not of Equus.”

Arietta frowned in frustration and headed back to Jerry, who was smiling at Corin. The colt was prancing and obviously showing off for Jerry. Arietta smiled and said, “Well, Jerry, are you ready to go back to the hospital?”

When the two awoke back in the hospital, they took no notice of a third person sitting in the corner of the chemo room. Novalee was a shy girl, and social interaction made her nervous. She watched them in silence, wondering what she had just witnessed. When she came in for her treatment, the nurse tried to set her up beside the two that had fallen asleep, but she insisted that she take a spot in the corner away from them. She held her breath as they woke up and began talking. They chattered in hushed tones, though she could hear every word. Yes, it was an odd thing to do, but she was entertained by them. She tucked her black curls behind an ear, revealing a dazzling blue eye, which many took in with awe, as it contrasted the deep brown of her other eye. Maybe one day she’d summon the courage to talk to them, but a dreamer could only dream.

***

Arietta returned the coin to Grandpa Gus’ bag when he made a trip to the restroom. It had been four days since Grandpa Gus had shown her the way to Palidonaya. He had stayed with her every day so that her parents didn’t have to miss too much work. They came each evening, ate dinner with her, and stayed until visiting hours were over. That night, when they left, Grandpa Gus made his way into the room and gingerly sat in the chair between her bed and the one he had moved into the room for himself.

She turned to him and said, “I’m getting worse again. I really thought that I would be getting better each day.” She showed what she felt was the right amount of anger at the regression. She needed to find out why Raulin couldn’t help Jerry. Arietta tightened her hands into fists, then let out a sigh as if the pain wracked her body.

“I think that you need another trip to Palidonaya. I didn’t think that you would have to keep going. I really want you to be careful, as it may be beautiful, but it is also a very dangerous place.” He was tired too, though he would never admit it to Arietta. He was disappointed, he was angry, but those feelings were irrelevant. He needed to be there for his Ari, and to submit to such negative emotions was like playing with fire.

“I have been many times, but I don’t remember anything that seemed dangerous.”

“I fell in love with Palidonaya the first time that I went there. I didn’t sense the danger either; however, there are some rules that I need for you to follow to keep you safe. Rule 1: Only go when you absolutely have to. Rule 2: When you do, don’t leave Equus. Rule 3: Don’t tell anyone about Palidonaya. As long as you follow those three rules, you shouldn’t run into any trouble. Now, remember to focus on the coin first, then focus on Palidonaya.” Arietta cringed internally at the last rule, doing her best to maintain her poker face.

“What is so dangerous about Palidonaya?” Having a set of rules to restrict her path to healing didn’t make sense. The lands of Palidonaya were a haven, and she couldn’t conjure a picture where they were anything but blissful.

“It doesn’t matter, what matters is that you stay safe. Now, please repeat the three rules.”

“Rule one was don’t go unless I have to. Rule two, don’t leave Equus. Rule three, it’s a big secret. There, does that make you happy?”

Gustoff’s brows furrowed at her tone, but he let go of his frustrations. “You have to swear that you will follow those rules no matter what.”

Arietta hesitated, hating to swear to a set of rules that she’d already broken, yet also not wanting to get in trouble. “Okay… I swear!” Guilt roiled in her stomach, but she’d already said the words; it was too late.

Gus took the coin out of his bag and placed it in her palm as she closed her fingers around it. He had already placed her medication under his chair in case she couldn’t make the trip. He didn’t understand why his stomach was turning over as she closed her eyes and began the process that she had been through every night over the past four days.

Ari focused on the coin and began the simple chant in her mind: Palidonaya, please, take me there. Please help me. The heat slowly built up in her hand. She pinched her eyes closed until it felt like her eyelids were overlapping. A single tear ran down her temple towards her ear. She doubled her focus. Palidonaya, Palidonaya, green pastures, clean air, blue skies. Palidonaya.

Finally a pinpoint of light appeared in front of her closed eyes. The light grew until it enveloped her. She felt weightless, like she was floating in the air. She risked a quick peek to see the top of Grandpa Gus’ head before a pull of acceleration tugged at her core.

“Oh no, I should have kept my eyes closed!” Ari exclaimed as she was whisked away. She closed her eyes as the light shined brighter. She would not make the mistake of opening them again. The light reached its apex and then faded. She smelled fresh grass lingering on a warm breeze.