SWNOVELS Racing Hearts: Chapter 18
I didn’t know what I was supposed to do now.
It was already pretty obvious to me that I liked Carly. A lot. But waking up next to her only made it worse.
She had rolled over this morning to look at me, and I was convinced it ruined my life. Her perfect green eyes had gazed up at me with a look that made me want to make my entire world that color. Paint my walls, my car, make everything in my life that exact color green.
And then I realized I might have to if I wanted to keep seeing it forever.
We got up and quietly packed before heading down to the car. Both of us avoiding any conversation about what had happened.
As much as I loved driving, sitting in the backseat with Carly sounded better, so when they asked me yesterday, I had decided we would just ride with Kye and Scout, but that was before last night.
Now I had to sit in the backseat with her, and remind myself constantly to not reach out and touch her. She was leaving and falling for her now would only put me in the exact situation that I didn’t want to be in.
Kye started up the car, waiting for Scout as Fox and Ransom pulled out in their cars. We had to take the Jeep that Fox and Ash had bought since it was the only car we owned that Riot could comfortably fit in the back of. I had asked Kye to drive, giving Scout the front seat. I didn’t miss her knowing smirk as she got in and looked back at me.
Carly leaned over, reaching for her phone that had fallen, and her hair brushed against my arm, making me forget what I had been doing. All I wanted to do was pull her close and spend the entire ride with her right against me. Her hand grabbed onto my knee to brace herself, and I coughed, trying to hide my groan.
“Do you guys want music or a podcast?” Scout asked, pulling me out of my desperation.
Kye and Carly answered together, both agreeing on a podcast, but I sat quietly.
“Three against one Jax, we’re listening to true crime.”
I rolled my eyes. “Is that really a good idea after last night?”
“Yes, it’s a great idea.”
Kye smacked Scout’s arm. “I finally have someone to watch scary movies with.”
“I’m all for true crime. Scary movies? Not so much.” Scout said. “That one last night freaked me out.”
“Well, that makes two of you,” I said quietly enough that only Carly could hear me.
“I’ll watch scary movies whenever you want,” Carly said, glaring at me. I didn’t know if it was a challenge to show how independent she wanted to be or a hint that she wanted me to be there when she was scared, but I was hoping for the second option.
“You guys had to choose a slasher movie about people getting killed in a cabin in the woods. You’re seriously going to sit there and tell me that you won’t be freaked out again tonight?” I wanted to keep my voice light, but the strain of knowing I probably wouldn’t be next to her all night again was making my throat tight.
“Serious,” she said with a smirk. The eyeliner she had on today made her eyes look so cat-like that I couldn’t look away.
I couldn’t even care that she was lying with the way she was smirking at me.
“Carly, I —” I started, but Scout had turned around asking her about another scary movie that I had not seen.
Then they moved to the podcast, talking over whatever the crime was, but I didn’t want to join the conversation. I wanted to figure out what was going on with us and if we were drawing a firm ‘not going to happen’ line between roommates and anything more. But I couldn’t do anything but sit and watch.
I clicked my phone on, pulling up my book to tune them out, and try to focus on anything other than Carly. It worked for a while, the ride passing without a problem until my phone vibrated with a new text.
CARLY
What are you reading? More of your romance book?
JAX
I don’t think I should tell you.
CARLY
I know your secret, and I could already tell that it’s your book.
JAX
Snooping?
CARLY
Well, I had to do something. You seem mad.
JAX
Why would you think that?
CARLY
Because you’ve barely made one joke or ridiculous comment since we woke up.
I smiled down at my phone, but didn’t look at her.
JAX
I wasn’t sure what to say and didn’t want to fuck up more by saying the wrong thing
CARLY
Well, I don’t like it. Did you have anything you would like to say to me?
JAX
You don’t like me not talking? I thought that would be a relief for you.
And I always have things I want to say to you.
CARLY
Tell me.
JAX
They don’t fall under the ‘keeping our distance’ or ‘let’s be friends’ category, so I can’t.
I heard her sharp intake of breath, but still only looked down at my phone, worried that I wouldn’t be able to resist touching her when I did look at her again.
CARLY
Tell me anyway.
JAX
Why the sudden interest? I thought we agreed on you being right that we should keep our distance.
CARLY
Maybe that agreement only applies to when we are living together. Maybe it doesn’t need to count when we are on a vacation.
I groaned, kicking my legs out more and finally looking at her. She caught my eye before quickly looking away.
JAX
I like the sound of that. What did you have in mind?
CARLY
I told you that I wanted to hear your thoughts.
JAX
You’ve obviously been thinking about this. What is it that you want?
You look ready to kill me half the time. Why get shy about your feelings now?
Her lips pursed, and she texted back fast before looking back out the window.
CARLY
Because I don’t want to say something and you reject it.
JAX
I don’t know what I have done to make you think I would reject anything you say, but that’s almost impossible. If you want it, I’ll give it to you.
And I stand by giving you literally anything you want, but I might need a written list of your wild kinks just in case I have to google anything.
She looked over at me, biting at her lip and looking at mine, and I was suddenly mad I hadn’t driven so we could be alone.
CARLY
I was only hoping that we could pick up where we left off. I didn’t prepare a list.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Now I was pissed off that we hadn’t taken my car.
JAX
Tell me more.
CARLY
How much more?
JAX
Every damn detail you will give me.
CARLY
Serious?
I laughed, for how confident she was about other things, she seemed so shy about sending a few dirty texts, but I had no problem getting this started.
JAX
You can tell me how wet you are thinking of me. You could tell me how much better you would feel if I slid over there and got you off. I guess you could also tell me to fuck off.
Her eyes went wide as she bit at her lip again.
JAX
I need that damn lip between my teeth
CARLY
Oh.
I would like all of that.
This really had to be the first time she’s done this.
JAX
Would you? I’m going to need to see the words.
CARLY
Can I tell you to fuck off but also have you keep texting me these things? My brain can’t function enough after reading that to come up with a response.
She was almost laughing, but kept quiet.
JAX
I will happily take control of this, but you have to be good and do what I say.
CARLY
No.
JAX
Brat.
Then you better speak up and say what you want.
She groaned, and I winked when she looked over. She looked away fast, her cheeks red and eyes glued to her phone again.
CARLY
But I want more
JAX
Fuck, you’re cute when you’re all shy and sweet.
CARLY
And when I’m not shy and sweet? What about when I’m mean?
JAX
Hot. So fucking hot.
CARLY
So you don’t mind if I’m mean to you?
JAX
Not the way that you do it. You’re hot when you’re telling me off and calling me out. I’d let you take charge of me any day.
CARLY
So if I said that I wanted your tongue after your hand, what would you say?
I adjusted myself again, trying to not make it glaringly obvious that I was already hard.
JAX
Sweetheart, if you asked for that, I would already be on my knees spreading your legs before you even finished the sentence.
CARLY
So it’s kind of like you will do my sexual bidding.
I made sure I hid my laugh and looked at her with a smile
JAX
I think that’s pretty much exactly what it means. Wouldn’t any guy, though?
CARLY
I think saying any guy would be a stretch.
JAX
Not at all. Not that it matters, I would prefer to think that backtalk and pent up anger were only for me.
I could see her eyes roll as she furiously texted back.
CARLY
Most guys are not going for girls like me.
I laughed, looking over at her. I was expecting a smile back, but her eyebrows were furrowed hard and she looked pissed.
JAX
Maybe that cute angry face is scaring them off. Which is probably for the better. Who wants a guy that you’re going to scare off that easily?
CARLY
You know that’s not what I mean. Please don’t act like I look like the typical girl you go for. You wouldn’t look twice at me if we met any other way.
JAX
What? Why would you think that?
CARLY
Because I’m sure you’re going for perfect, sweet girls who don’t look like me, and aren’t mean to you.
I set my phone down and slid next to her, not caring what Kye and Scout had to say about this now. She stiffened as I put my arm around her, but I pulled her close anyway.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I whispered, the podcast up loud enough to drown out my voice.
“Exactly what I said.” She crossed her arms, trying to not look at me.
“I don’t know why you are suddenly worried about this. Did I say something that made you think that there was a problem?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then why the sudden concern?”
“It’s not sudden for me. It’s a constant concern in my mind.”
“Oh, well, I didn’t realize that. You haven’t really made it seem like it was an issue for you.”
“How could it not be?”
“Because you’re beautiful? I guess I was assuming you knew that. Although, I guess you have made comments that I should have picked up on better.”
“I mean, I don’t think I’m ugly, but you can’t tell me that the girls you usually go for aren’t smaller than me.”
I shrugged, thinking back. “I don’t know how that matters. Are the guys you usually go for racers that like romantic things? Do they look like me? Act like me? I highly doubt it.” I leaned back, the jealousy at other guys she’s been with washing over me, and my own insecurities about who I was rearing up. “Forget it. Maybe I do get it,” I said, watching her eyebrows furrow as she looked over at me. “I mean, I get the ‘comparing yourself to other people like that’ part. Not your exact problem.”
I sat quietly for a second before pushing my own insecurities aside. Hers were different from mine, but I could understand wanting to be accepted for who you are and only that. Not what you could be. Not what someone hoped you would be.
I held her tighter, bringing my focus back to her and only her. I moved back down towards her neck, kissing it once and making my way up to her ear. When she didn’t pull away, I moved again, biting at her neck until her head dropped, giving me more access.
“I have thought about you and your perfect body since the moment we met,” I whispered. “I spent the first week trying not to stare because every time I looked at you, I was losing my mind. I honestly thought I was being way too obvious about it.”
“No. I didn’t know that. Why didn’t you say something?”
“Because if I had come up to you and said hey Carly, I know you’ve only been here a few days but I’m already having dreams that you come into my room and do ridiculously dirty things to me so let’s make that happen, you would have kicked me in the balls and I would have never seen you again.”
That made her smile, and I reveled in the small laugh that escaped her. “Okay, fair, I would have probably done exactly that.”
“But can I tell you now?”
“As long as you don’t expect me to talk,” she said, pursing her lips in a small, cute smile.
I leaned in, my lips against her ear as I spoke, so there wasn’t a chance of someone else hearing me. “I’ve wanted you laid out underneath me without an inch of these clothes on and panting my name as I give you orgasm after orgasm until you are begging me to stop. I want to bend you over, lay you down, have you on top of me. I want to see your face as you come and I want you so lost in pleasure that all you can do is hold on to me. I even want your demands and commands, telling me what you want, how you want it, making me do whatever you need to make you feel good. I can sit here all night, giving you detail after detail of how badly I want you. Not any girl, you.”
She was quiet for a second as her eyes went wide. “Oh.”
“Oh, you’re still into this, or oh, you’re going to kick me when we get out of the car?” I asked, only half joking.
She looked up front to Kye and Scout, who were ignoring us now. Hopefully they got the hint that they should continue ignoring us, even though I knew damn well Scout probably already texted the girls, and Fox, how close we were back here.
Carly turned to face me, her lips inches from mine, and when I thought she was going to finally pull back, she leaned in, kissing me.The only thing better than kissing Carly was having her lean in to kiss me first. Her tongue ran along my lip, searching for more, and for the hundredth time since we got in, I was kicking myself for not driving.
I pulled her harder against me, kissing her a few seconds longer before breaking apart.
She tilted her head, her lips at my ear. “Alright, now I really need more.”
The car turned, pulling us down a long driveway to the cabin.
“And you’re about to get it as soon as we stop.”