Race to the Next World

Sirus was angry, very angry. And I won’t be able to control him this time.

He had stopped the elevator that was taking us to dispatch, jamming the red button, then he grabbed me by the collar of my suit and pressed me against the wall. I saw how angry he was, if anything, he was just about to tear me apart.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he asked me.

“I-”

“You don’t fucking listen, Aurora. You never fucking listen. I told you to stay away, what the hell were you trying to do?” he growled through his teeth.

I was scared to respond to him since he might bite my head off. “I just wanted to help-”

“Don’t you understand anything could have happened? You’re the one who over thinks yet you couldn’t stop the mindless shit you were about to do.”

“Sirus-”

“No.” his grip tightened as he pressed me harder against the wall. “You’re lucky no one found out you were hiding. You’re lucky Jupiter didn’t find you. Do you know how hard it would be to defend you?” he asked.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly.

He let go of me but it made him so much angrier to hear me apologize. He turned away from me and took a large breath, not able to calm down.

“Do you think sorry is going to fix anything?” he asked, and he was really trying to keep to himself but it was not working.

“I just-”

“You just wanted to help. That’s what you always say. I told you not to do anything stupid for your own damn safety.” he was about to start yelling again.

I don't understand why he's so upset.

“I can handle myself, Sirus. I’m not a child,” I can defend myself, too. He doesn't have to get mad and yell at me.

What's the big deal?

“You’re so lucky I didn’t drag you out.” he threatened. Why is he so mad at me? I didn’t think I did anything wrong.

“I’m sorry, Sirus. I didn’t mean to-”

“Save it. I’m done.” He said, turning away from me again. He didn’t even try to talk to me any more. “Computer. Get me out of this damn elevator.” He said angrily. The elevator moved again, despite how Sirus destroyed the emergency button just so we couldn’t move.

I know how Sirus can get, but this was different. This isn't his usual anger. He yells at me a lot, but this was...he was really yelling at me. It was worse than him wanting me to feel bad. He was stressed out.

He didn’t speak to me after that.

We got off the elevator and I watched Sirus walk away. His fists were clenched tight, and I saw him grinding his teeth before.

He doesn't do that.

I would love to prove myself to Sirus. Now wasn't the time, and I knew better than to ask him what his problem was.

We had work to do.

We’ve hit an asteroid belt so Flyers are out there protecting the Mother ship from damage.

I walked over to one of the rooms where the Coordinators were sitting. I took my place next to Taurus and sat down quietly. I turned everything on, but after that, I didn't do anything.

“Aurora, what’s wrong?" Taurus asked me. "You’re always in a terrible mood when I see you.” she said. I just shook my head as I put my head set on.

I didn't want to talk about it.

Neither did Sirus.

The only thing I’m responsible for is giving a couple ships access to some of the missiles. That’s it. After that, I have to talk to Donri about finding a place to be tonight because I know I won’t be able to stay around Sirus.

Ten ship codes loaded on my screen, showing their statuses and conditions. All of them were perfect so it was fine for them to go out there. They’ll be out there protecting the ship from the asteroid. Africa's forces are combined with ours right now. We're going to be fine.

I don't think I need to be here.

“Did something happen, Aurora?” Taurus whispered to me.

“I’m just... I’m just not in the mood to talk.” I said, looking away from her.

“You can talk to me.” she said. I know I can, its just that I don’t want to talk about it.

I can’t just tell her I found out who Xalton was working with but apparently, it led to my life being in "danger", only to have Sirus yell furiously at me because I was so close but not close enough.

He's the one that knows her. He could end this.

“I’ll talk later.” I said and bit the inside of my lip.

But I probably won’t.

I barely paid attention to anything. All I had to do was put in access codes, but I decided to stay just in case anything went wrong. We were in the clear for twenty minutes, nothing happening that should make me worried.

“Cadets. There’s been a slight change of plans.” Carsus said loudly.

Great, now I really need to be here.

“Japanese fleets have come into our range but they aren’t here to fight. Warn your Flyers not to attack them.” he instructed us.

The first thing I did was take the head set and pass it on to Taurus. I was serious when I said I didn’t want to talk right now.

She handled what I didn’t want to.

Honestly, I would be worried about Japan being so close right now. Why would they want to come near us?

Japan probably has the same system Africa has because it would have shown a red warning sign on the screen as the Computer went off detecting it.

I stared at my screen for a while, then sighed because I was unhappy. I was anxious and jittery, and might end up leaving if I really do need to.

“How often do you and your partner fight?” I asked Taurus. She looked at me, finally relieved that I decided to talk.

“I barely ever see him. We do different things so I guess we never had the chances to disagree and fight.” she said. They barely see each other, huh. “Why?” she cocked her head to the side as she looked at me.

“I’m just curious.” I said.

“Are you and Sirus okay?” she asked.

I was about to blurt out everything that I should but instead, I kept it to myself because its no use in going off about it.

“Yeah, we’re um... we’re fine.” I lied to her. We’re never fine, that never happens.

“Then what’s wrong?” she asked.

“If... if you knew you could do something, would you?” I asked.

“It depends on what it is, who’s involved, if I could get hurt...” she said and kept going. I forgot who I’m talking to. She has to know everything before she does anything.

That’s how it is.

Lately, I haven’t been thinking that way when I should.

I shouldn’t be so upset. So what Sirus yelled at me? Well he looked pretty aggravated to be honest, but I shouldn’t care. I should be able to do what I think is necessary and I will. He can’t stop me just because he thinks I "might" get killed.

I know he’s having a hard time adjusting to what’s going on and all but I didn’t think he cared so much.

My face was getting hot as I stared at the screen.

What have I done?

I wanted to leave and go somewhere else. I watched the screen, feeling my brain trying to implode.

So many errors, so many corrections. If I didn’t leave my tracker on. If I didn’t even show up there. I should have listened to him.

“Aurora?” Taurus snapped me out of my distraction.

“I have to go somewhere for a little bit," I said abruptly and got up. "Could you cover me?”

“Yeah, but-" She agreed but I didn't let her finish.

I left.

I need to be alone for a while.

I wasn't feeling very well and I wanted to get away from the environment for a few hours. I could lay in bed, but I would still feel stressed. It was odd, the way I had this pain in my chest.

I don't like being yelled at but today was different.

The way Sirus yelled at me today actually made me wish I hadn't thought it was okay to sneak around. I don't know what would've happened...but maybe I shouldn't go sneaking around for a while.

I kept walking down one of the hallways quietly. It was just me. Others had things to do, either maintenance repairs or helping with the asteroid belt. It was silent down the hallways. I waited till the lights changed, till walls became just the metal parts the ship was made from.

It felt like forever till I reached a big door.

The one that keeps us from being civilians.

Someone was already there before me. She had white hair and was in a black suit. What really gave away that it was Alara was the way she looked back to make sure no one was watching and we locked eyes.

She knows she's not supposed to go out there.

I walked up to her and placed my hand on the scanner that was to the side. The doors opened.

We walked through together.

"What's wrong, Aurora? You seem distant." she noticed and held on to my arm.

"Tired." I answered.

Mentally and physically.

"I thought you were supposed to be helping with the asteroid belt," she said.

"I was." I said. "Aren't you?"

"Still doing training and all that. They're trying to stabilize the ranks." She said.

Right, there's always times in the year where the ranks change, when the new recruits are finally a part of a unit, and exams. I forgot things are about to shift.

Then again, the first hundred never really changes.

I think Alara might be up there, though.

"There's something bothering you." She was looking up at me. "You aren't usually this upset," she looked concerned when I glanced at her.

"I'm just having a hard time with something." I said, still thinking.

"Mom will make you tell." she said finally as she looked straight ahead.

Mom would make me pull out of the service and come back to the civilian deck. Its been years since we've had the conversation but I know she's thinking about it. She said I had more options, if I wanted to be an engineer there were other jobs I could test for.

I just...didn't want to.

"We can't stay long, Alara, we'll get in trouble-"

"Its fine." she blew it off. We'll get in trouble because of her.

It's been a while since I've seen our parents. I'm not up on the Civilian Deck often, when I do show up, it's to see Alara. It's been years since I've lived here. I left when I was a young age, and back then I was so excited to do what I'm doing now.

I wished my parents tried harder to keep me home.

I wished that I stayed.

Now I'm always tired and stressed. I know what I wanted out of what I'm doing. No one will stop me from being Commander, but once in a while it can't hurt to have a break.

Alara tried to remember where we were supposed to go. I wasn't going to be any help. I couldn't remember which way was where. She's the one who was just here. She's supposed to have this memorized. After a while of wandering, she figured it out and we had to go a different way.

I had all these memories of my childhood rush up to me when we were close.

Things changed so much.

I don't know what to tell my parents.

The second we walked inside where we used to live, our parents came over to us hugging us tightly and not letting go. Well, Mom wasn't letting go. She kept her arms around me, holding on to me because she hasn't seen me in a long while.

"Look at my grown children in their suits." Mom said and finally let go of me, taking a step back to look at us.

Alara flashed a large smile her way; this is what she was so excited about, finally being able to wear one of those slick black suits that make everyone look good.

"It seems like just yesterday we lost this one." Dad said, patting Alara's head as Mom came back and hugged me.

"Aurora, its been so long, how are you? Are you being fed well? Are you treated nicely? No one is hurting you, right?" Mom bombarded me with all these questions and I wouldn't be able to answer all of them.

"I'm fine, Mom. You don't have to worry about me." I assured her.

"What an understatement. Aurora is considered the top Coordinator in service Mom, you should see him and his partner. Its so cool." Alara said, excited.

"Well well, that's my son alright." Dad said, ruffling my hair.

"Don't tell me you wanted to leave us because of Aurora, Alara." Mom said and glanced at her sharply. They've been fighting on the issue for months. I'm really surprised that she was able to leave.

"I hated being in a stuffy classroom." she complained loudly. "It was so lame. I like what I'm doing now." She was excited.

"Are you sure you don't want to come back?" Mom urged.

"What about me?" I asked.

"I already lost you years ago. Do you know how hard it would be to lose you again?" She asked, almost heart broken.

"I'm still here. I don't go anywhere." I didn't want her to think that I won't come back once in a while.

Nothing is going to happen to me.

"So what kind of attacks are we under?" Dad asked, curious.

"Well we just made a treaty with Africa but its only temporary so I'm sure that we'll blow their ship up in no time." Alara said which made me stare at her.

That's not gossip.

She shouldn't be saying anything of that to anyone. What happens there shouldn't be talked about with civilians. We're getting in trouble for sure.

"They would never tell us anything up here. The government has finally kept us out of everything " Dad said.

Right. The government and the figure head. I wasn't going to talk about the truth I learned. Alara better not say anything either.

"How long can you two stay? I was making dinner but I'm sure I can add more for you." Mom said as she pushed me forward. I didn't realize that I was hungry until she said that.

"We have time." I said. I know I told her we shouldn't stay long, but I missed being here. And it's stress free.

Maybe I can get away from the unhappiness by being here. Alara was happy and I was too. She has friends up here that she wants to see and hang out with later so I don't know about that. I thought about taking a nap, but I know I would get way too comfortable if I got in my bed.

We shouldn't stay long.

Maybe tomorrow would be nice, we can come back tomorrow.

We spent a long while with our parents. Its so warm, nice, and loving. I haven’t been in such a caring environment in years. I know what I signed up for so I can't be surprised that I left a good place. I wanted to stay forever.

Mom had all these questions for me, and I was trying to answer them all, but she kept going and going. Alara was telling Dad about all the cool things she gets to do now, and she’s never been this happy before.

Its just that there’s important things that we should be doing, or something could have happened.

That's when my panic set in.

I didn't want to get in trouble.

“I’m gonna head back, Alara. Don’t get in trouble.” I said as I got up.

“You’re leaving so soon, Aurora?” Mom asked. It's been four hours, I'm surprised she thought it was so soon.

“Well we’re sort of in a crisis so I can’t turn up missing.” I glanced at Alara who seemed as comfortable as if she never left. I know she was going to stay, that’s why I told her to not get in trouble. I’m not going to drag her back, I can go myself.

“See you around, Aurora” Alara waved to me.

I know I had to go back.

I sighed quietly to myself. The anxiety of going back was starting to get to me. My hands were shaking.

The civilian deck is so lively all the time. I miss growing up here. I lost so much when I decided I wanted to be a Coordinator. It makes me wish that I could come back here; I guess I’m feeling that way because everything isn’t so well for me. Everyone looks so happy here, they don’t even have to worry about everything, while we’re down below protecting this Mother Ship from threatening attacks that can kill everyone.

I can’t get scared away just because I got yelled at.

But I do have to admit that Sirus yelling at me did make me upset.

I wasn’t sure why I was doing this anymore. Its a dramatic thought but I had to think deep because I forgot. I lost sight of most things I wanted out of this. I just have to get over my problems. The end goal is to be Commander.

It was a quiet trip back, a long and lonely walk. My thoughts were quiet, too, which was funny since my hands were shaking. I was tapping my finger on the glass as I turned my tracker on. The Computer was already set to take me where I needed to go so I said nothing.

The lights were dimming and I knew I was getting back to where all the serious stuff happens. All this down here is real life, everything up there is just relaxing and comforting.

No one knows what's going on.

I’m barely making it.

I stared at my tracker. Sirus was nearby.

My heart began to race. Sirus isn't afraid of confrontation. He's not afraid to tell people off. He's not afraid of a fight.

He came looking for me. Why? To set me straight? I can't fight him, not when I actually feel bad. I wanted to avoid him, but once these doors open, it's going to be war. Sirus was mad before, now he let it sink in. He had time to process everything.

And when he does that, it gets worse.

I prayed to whatever higher being that Sirus would let this blow over.

But I wasn't so lucky.

When the doors opened, I saw Sirus standing there, waiting on me. He had his tracker in his hand. I should have kept mine off. I didn’t say anything to him when I saw his face.

He was not happy.

“Where the hell were you?” he asked as I stepped out of the elevator.

He likes confrontation. He hates that I avoid my problems.

I tried walking by him without answering. I wanted to make it seem like he couldn't bother me. But with Sirus, that's not how things happen. He grabbed me and pinned me against the wall, making sure I wouldn’t be able to get away from him.

Sirus knows I won’t talk to him when he’s upset. He got aggressive with me before, does he think I’ll try to talk this time? I can’t do it. Usually, I make him more upset. But not talking did that, too. His black eyes burned, as if I just entered hell. He’s more pissed off than he was before.

“Do you really think running away is going to get you anywhere?” he asked me. That was it, that was the question.

“I’m just not interested in talking to you right now,” I couldn't move to push him away.

“You can't run from everything, Aurora.” he said. I looked away. “You do know you can’t do that, right? You fucked up, you need to own that.” he was serious.

I don't understand why he's so pissed

"You need to stop treating me like I can't handle myself, Sirus!" I shoved against him, and he finally let go. "It's not my fault that Flyers are awful. And I saw you walking with her, what's the big deal-"

"You have a big mouth, Aurora!" he shouted over me. "You would've called her out on her shit and we would've both been dead."

"I can handle myself!" I wanted him to understand that he can't shield me from everything. "You should've made yourself useful and found something about her that I could use."

Sirus stared at me, this expression on his face like...he couldn't believe I said that to him. He wasn't surprised. He was...stunned, almost upset. He was about to say something, when he got himself together, he was going to say something to truly hurt me. I could see it. I know when he's going to do it.

“Stop running from your bullshit, Aurora." he warned me instead.

I need a break from him.

I can't do this.

I hid somewhere and sat by myself. I stared out the glass and looked at space. There was nothing there, like usual. Its always dark. Its a void. I could see my reflection in the glass. I looked worn out and tired.

Things aren’t going that well for me.

One day, something will change.

I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. Most of the time, I’m not, but now if I think that things will get better, I won’t sulk so much. I pretended that there was nothing wrong, and I stared at my reflection in the glass.

I don't like when Sirus yells at me. I don't like he gets rough with me. He knows this, yet he doesn't control his temper. He can talk to me without raising his voice. I get that I pissed him off, but he doesn't have to treat me the way he does.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I wanted to get over it, but that's easier said than done.

I needed to keep my mind occupied with something else for a little while. It'd be better for my mood.

Then I had a thought that made me change everything.

I got up quickly and walked down the hallway.

I know how I can find out Jupiter's credentials and get her locked up with Xalton without getting "killed". And I can do it in a day.

I can get in trouble for what I'm thinking of, but no one can touch me. There's no punishment for what I have planned.

There are certain laws that don’t apply for civilians because they can’t get down here. They aren't authorized. Some areas just won't open for them. I think it's a stupid idea to not have enforcement for civilians who might end up down here, but for now I was going to use that in my favor.

I found Carsus and Dias walking through the halls. I stopped in front of them when they saw me. Carsus narrowed his eyes at me because I hadn’t moved out of their way.

“What is it, Aurora?” Carsus asked.

“I would like to go on temporary leave.” I said.

The two of them looked at each other, a bit shocked that I would ask for time off. I'm the one that barely ever takes a break. They'd have to fight me to get sleep. But to ask for a day off, they might actually give it to me.

Temporary leave is just a few days.

“Is there a reason you need time off?" Carsus was surprised.

“Well, I have a family member that's sick and we don't think they're going to make so..." I played with my fingers as I looked around. "I'd like to be there." I wasn't sure if I was a smooth liar.

But he bought it.

"Oh...okay then." he looked at Dias again. Then he held his hand out when he looked at me. I took off my tracker and handed it to him. "Effective immediately." he said as he deactivated my tracker.

I'm not an active Coordinator at the moment. I can't use my codes or numbers.

I only need twenty-four hours.

Maybe if Xalton was smarter, he might've actually gotten away with what he did. I just want to rub this in his face. It's that petty nature in me that was coming out.

Since I'm already causing trouble, I might as well go above and beyond. I should be able to get into the Captain's room to be able to use the Computer again.